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Feeling ignored because of my weight

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Old 07-10-2013, 09:27 AM   #1
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Default Feeling ignored because of my weight

Do you ever get the sense that people are ignoring you or pretending like you're not even there? Or do you feel like people would take you more seriously if you were healthier? I was never skinny, but I did used to weigh less in college. I was pretty confident I'd say and I was one of those girls who always got asked out on dates and always had attention and got compliments. When I got married that lessened of course and since I had a baby 2yrs ago it completely vanished. I cannot even recall the last time someone flirted with me or even gave me a compliment.

I live in a city where I'm usually the biggest person in the room. People here are so.... thin and stylish! I like to be stylish too but it's hard at 200lbs to find cute clothes. Anyway, at work I always feel like nobody wants to talk to me, and other people's conversations are always about sports, the marathons they run, the soccer game they just played, the laps they just did, etc. I am actually pretty active myself - I play tennis 3x a week and exercise daily. But I'm too self conscious to take part in those conversations because I don't think anyone will take me seriously about it.

Anyway, just venting. And feeling like people don't want to be around me because I'm fat. It's a very lonely feeling, I almost feel like I'm offending people just by being fat.
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Old 07-10-2013, 10:18 AM   #2
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I used to feel the exact same way until I had an a-ha moment. The more you believe something, the more it becomes reality. If you believe in the thought that you are a wallflower because you are overweight, that is what will happen. So, try and smile some more. Smiling makes anyone beautiful. Oh, and every morning, say that to yourself - "I am beautiful." Soon, you'll actually FEEL beautiful.

Still, excess weight blocks movement and in many cases, it is unhealthy. Make "health concerns" the primary reason of your weight loss, not try to lose it because you think you're offending anyone. NOBODY is worthy of judging you, you are your own judge and guide.

Some belief in the fact that you're beautiful - WITH OR WITHOUT the excess weight - and you're good to go. How do I know all this? I am f-a-t and felt the exact same way for a while. It's the personality that counts - people that hate you now do not deserve being with you when you feel stunning.
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Old 07-10-2013, 10:58 AM   #3
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It's probably ridiculous to think anyone hates me because I'm fat and of course it's not playing through anyone's mind except my own. I'm lacking in confidence lately. I don't like to be shallow but its occupying my mind lately how much better my life would be if I weighed less.

Thanks, love your screen name!!
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Old 07-10-2013, 10:58 PM   #4
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Yeah, it's probably a self-confidence issue. Just keep remembering that you're beautiful. I know you are, everyone is, you just have to see yourself with a clearer vision. "I'm beautiful" is a good mantra.

If that's going to be of any help, I found myself more confident on stage (musician here). Acting, or performing on stage could be good options to boost your confidence. Yeah, acting classes is my advice here.

Thanks, by the way, for the kind words about my screen name.
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Old 07-10-2013, 11:25 PM   #5
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Well, I hate to confirm your suspicions, but I have totally had the same experience. I didn't notice it so much when I was heavier, but I have noticed the reverse happening as I lose. I notice it a lot more with strangers than with people that I know, but I'm a stay at home mom, so my situation may be quite a bit different. But not too long ago, I started noticing that strangers, like total strangers, started making eye contact. Like I'd cross the street and a guy stopped at the stop sign makes eye contact and smiles at me. Freaky. I notice it a lot more with men, but I don't think these men are interested (I'm still big, just not as big), but I've gotten into the realm of visibility again, I guess.
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Old 07-10-2013, 11:37 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rubidoux View Post
... (I'm still big, just not as big), but I've gotten into the realm of visibility again, I guess.
I've noticed this, too. People will look at me, now. When I was heavier, I used to stare people down just to see if they'd look at me as they passed, and so many people wouldn't! It got to be a game I played. Now, more often than not, unless they're teenagers, people will acknowledge my presence. Weird. There's less of me to see, and NOW they see me!

To the OP, I've taken photos of myself to try and "see" my progress. It's hard when you're just looking in the mirror every day. I always try to crop out my face/head, or put a piece of paper over it, and it helps to just look objectively at the body. Try it! You may be better able to see yourself as others see you.
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Old 07-10-2013, 11:51 PM   #7
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I have noticed this a lot as I lost weight. People in the stores try to sell me stuff now. Strangers nod as they walk past as if to say hello. A guy waiting next to me at Supercuts struck up a conversation and then asked me out! (I'm married but my wedding rings don't fit anymore!)

I feel like when I was heavier, many people saw it as a disability, even if they don't want to admit it to themselves. And they avoided looking at me because you wouldn't stare at a woman in a wheelchair or someone missing an arm when they walked by.
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Old 07-11-2013, 08:14 AM   #8
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I can see it's not just me that feels this way. In my area it's a rare occurrence to see someone morbidly obese, more than 300+ and when I do I admit that I look away, because I don't want him/her to think I'm staring. I wonder if that's why I'm feeling ignored as well.

I take pictures of myself when I'm buying new clothes in the dressing room. It's different than looking in the mirror, it helps me get a better idea of what looks good on me. Usually I'm pretty happy with what I see in the mirror, until someone much thinner walks up next to me and I look big in comparison.
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Old 07-11-2013, 08:17 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LucreziaBorgia View Post
I used to feel the exact same way until I had an a-ha moment. The more you believe something, the more it becomes reality. If you believe in the thought that you are a wallflower because you are overweight, that is what will happen. So, try and smile some more. Smiling makes anyone beautiful. Oh, and every morning, say that to yourself - "I am beautiful." Soon, you'll actually FEEL beautiful.

Still, excess weight blocks movement and in many cases, it is unhealthy. Make "health concerns" the primary reason of your weight loss, not try to lose it because you think you're offending anyone. NOBODY is worthy of judging you, you are your own judge and guide.

Some belief in the fact that you're beautiful - WITH OR WITHOUT the excess weight - and you're good to go. How do I know all this? I am f-a-t and felt the exact same way for a while. It's the personality that counts - people that hate you now do not deserve being with you when you feel stunning.
Tried pming you but couldn't. I'm a musician too
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Old 07-11-2013, 08:22 AM   #10
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I notice that I get more male attention now. I was never IGNORED but I definitely have more men going out of there way to be nice. Doors are held for me much more often, guys go out if their way to talk to me, I've gotten free stuff...didn't happen before!
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Old 07-11-2013, 01:41 PM   #11
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Totally felt that way for most of my life after puberty when I started to inflate every year by like 10lb.

Recently though, I've came to the conclusion that I still have to live my life regardless of the # on the scale. I've missed out on a lot of things because of this kind of thinking. I found certain clothing makes me feel confident in myself regardless of weight, and when I get that boost, I stop thinking about my weight.

It's something of work in progress, but what they say is true. Confidence is sexy and attractive, you just have to find a way to get to it regardless of size. Of course looking healthy is a plus and makes us feel more confident in ourselves.
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Old 07-11-2013, 11:00 PM   #12
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You better believe it. The bigger I was the more invisible I was. People practically ran into me. Seriously.
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Old 07-12-2013, 02:31 AM   #13
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You aren't alone! There are times (a lot of times!) when I used to feel this way. I used to live in Las Vegas and many of my friends were club promoters, and they would try to find the "hottest" people to bring into a club (it's how they would move up in work levels or something like that) but I was always so afraid to go, because of what people would think. I always felt that part of Vegas was so shallow, but I still went clubbing and had fun but it's definitely not my thing because of how they view people and just that atmosphere it's kinda gross to me now lol.

I've also had times where I've been that friend that goes out with ALL skinny girls and I stick out like a sore thumb. That was awful, and I remember one time all my friends had guys to talk to at the bar and I sat there, scrolling through my phone because I didn't know what else to do Oyy some awful times when I think about it now!

I have to say though, I feel like as I have lost I haven't gotten much attention. Like before I would get more guy attention (sleezy guy attention) but now it has stopped a lot, and I get more compliments from family.

It's just weird anyway, did mean to write so much! Just wanted to say I know where you're coming from!
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Old 07-12-2013, 02:46 AM   #14
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I'm actually using my weight loss now as an experiment to see if people will talk to me more if I'm slimmer. A few years back when I was a little slimmer than I am now, I used to get random comments on how pretty I was and people would talk to me. Since I've been bigger, I don't really get that. People are so shocked now when they hear I jog for 30 mins non-stop!

I think that this is a yes and no question. Yes, people are less inclined to talk to a larger person and take them seriously because of the stereotypes around overweight people being lazy and unhealthy. No, because it's all in the way you treat and approach your peers.
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Old 07-20-2013, 12:58 PM   #15
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When I was overweight, yes, I got ignored and my self esteem was low at the time anyway so that just made things worse. I avoided going out and stayed home mostly (I am a stay at home mom). Now that I am thin, I see guys checking me out, my self esteem is higher, though not as high as it should, and I don't avoid going out of the house. I just wish I had friends around here to go out with.
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