[Tara D]

A lot to say here. Need some advice/other experiences. I've been paying a lot of attention to what I've been eating for a while now. I know calorie counts for everything, and have become pretty much an expert on sight-estimation. My concern over what I am eating has become a major focus in my life. I plan my meals at home, I plan meals out, I plan for trips.

Today, I was thinking about past times like when I was in college, when I didn't really even give much thought to what I was eating. I almost never went terribly overboard, and was fairly conscious of what might be healthy, and what might not be, but overall, I pretty much ate what I wanted to eat. I wasn't eating french fries and ice cream every day or anything -- I've always been a bit of a picky eater (don't like chocolate, cream sauces, pork, and other broad categories), so that probably kept some things in check.

Now that this food thing has become such a focus, sometimes I reflect on the past, and think about what it would be like to be that relaxed about food again. I mean, I never really got extremely heavy during those times...I'm pretty sure my highest weight happened only a 3 years ago when I ate every meal out for 6 or 7 months, and definitely ate a bit more than I should have.

During college, I actually have no idea what I weighed because I wasn't really concerned about it. I even did an experiment during my senior year where I ate a Wendy's single and biggie fries or chicken salad on a croissant with a large apple fritter every day for a month for lunch because I had this theory that I probably had a setpoint where my body just wouldn't gain any more weight, and I wanted to see how much I would gain if I ate like that. Of course, I never weighed myself, so I have no idea whether/how much weight I gained during that time!

Of course, I just turned 30 today, so I have no idea whether eating the way I used to would lead to lots of weight gain, now that my metabolism might be different. I'm afraid to find out! It's weird because I think I eat quite a bit less now, and maintain on that. Then again, I could probably estimate that I weigh somewhere around 15 (?maybe 20?) pounds less than I did in college, so maybe I have a lower calorie requirement to stay at a lower weight.

Does anyone else sometimes pine for those more relaxed days before you started thinking about food so much? I know I could make a choice to go back if I really wanted to (and with my picky tendencies maybe the weight thing wouldn't get out of control), but it seems so complicated, and I feel like I've been changed mentally in a way, so maybe I can't go back. Maybe I would eat more than I used to because I now have all these ideas in my head. Maybe I can't go back.

[Glory87]

I may have been carefree about food, but I was always stressed about my weight. I agonized over bathing suits and finding dresses for parties (and not going to the company Christmas party for 5 years because I had nothing to wear) and jeans that didn't feel too tight. I didn't want anyone to see me naked. I felt hideous, quit taking care of my hair (letting it go long and uncolored). Quit shopping for clothes and wore the same jeans everyday. I fantasized everyday about being thin, about what I would do, how much happier I would be.

I don't know if I were carefree so much about food, as just deliberately blind to the calorie content. I knew a lot of the foods I ate were bad foods, I didn't want to know HOW BAD. I might have eaten anything I wanted, but there was a constant, low-level, back of the mind anxiety about WHAT I was doing to myself.

Worrying about meals and shopping and packing lunches seems like a fair trade to no longer worry about how I look in (and out of) clothes. I actually like the foods I eat, I like what I'm doing for my long term health.

[callystia]

I just wanted to pop in and say Happy Birthday, Tara!

[AnneWonders]

For me, carefree food days = fat Anne. Since puberty, and probably before. I fantasized about eating what I want and being thin, but it never happened. Ever. I write things down now. Pay attention to what I'm eating, both calorie and nutrient content. Things are much better now, in general. Well worth the trade-off.

I quit wishing it were so, and started making it so. I quit worrying about life not being fair, and started living the life I have. I don't miss before.

If I had the kind of time in my life that you had in college, I'd probably miss it, too. Sounds pretty great. But you've got what you've got now. Something got you to the weight you didn't want to be. Now you have to choose which is more important to you, carefree or thin.

Sorry if I sound bitter--I'm just insanely jealous.

Oh, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! 30 is a big one. Enjoy it!!

Anne

[lilybelle]

There are times that I wish I didn't have to pay such close attention to every bite of food but like Glory said, I feel it's a fair trade-off. I don't have to worry anymore that my clothes don't fit and that I am too embarassed to leave the house. My health is so much better now and I am a happier person to be around. I know very few adults that don't exercise and don't watch what they eat and maintain a reasonable/fit body. It is a lot easier to "get away with this" when we are young.

[CindyBGood]

Hello all - I haven't posted in quite some time, but I read here often and have been reading the 'Are you Moderate' thread with interest and this one really fits in the same vein.

I've never been terribly overweight - 15 pounds or so but it makes a big big difference in how I look and feel on me - I'm 5'6", but very small boned with narrow shoulders, waist, wrists.

Anyway I've just fought with my weight up and down 10 pounds all the time for decades - I read the Intuitive Eating book about 5 years ago for the first time and it really preaches to get out of the cycles and diet yo-yoing. It has taken me a lot of time to get there and I'm not going to swear I've totally arrived, but man gals I am so incredibly much happier I can't even tell you. It has taken me a number of periods of being into it then out of it - and I could slip again but I've been pretty much on for a full year now and it just feels so wonderful.

My mantra is 'Eat what you want, stop when you're full'. I repeat it to myself often often and it really does work. I have also found that what helps make it work is to get off sugar at least for the most part and especially in the morning or when I'm honestly hungry. I still enjoy dessert from time to time but as a treat after a meal.

And I'm not perfect all the time!

But I am really trim now and I exercise much more moderately than I used to when I was forever trying to fight the excess calories with exercise and it's so much more sustainable and I enjoy it more. I do think that what I'm doing isn't entirely 'carefree' - but I am honestly eating what I enjoy which is for the most part good stuff. But you know, I now totally enjoy potato chips with a sandwich or mashed potatoes with dinner. Totally and it all seems to work out.

I can hardly remember when I was totally carefree about eating - high school I think. By college I was into running and quickie diets to drop a few pounds.

I know that lots of people on this forum really don't believe in this approach and I am not sure it works for a lot, but for me it's been an absolute godsend and I feel like I am really living in my normal body now and so much less obsessed with food. You aren't going to undo bad patterns in a short time and I think it takes a number of attempts. And it's not really quite the same as carefree eating, but I gotta say it is almost starting to feel that way.

[carolr3639]

Another good book on intuitive eating is The Overfed Head by Rob Stevens. I think this really works but I have health problems and take prednisone so for the present I am trying to cut back on carbs because I can't seem to lose.

[carolr3639]

Cindy, There is and Intuitive Eating #2 here that I think you would enjoy.

[srmb60]

For a long time, I walked and ate 1200 calories waiting for the day it would all be over and I could go back to normal.
Then I used to worry over the obsession/dedication thing until I read a book by Ann M Fletcher called "Thin for Life" ... it took me a while to realise that in order to be different for the rest of my life, I'd have to be different for the rest of my life. Did that make sense?
It was easy to be a sloppy sendentary huffin and puffin 42 year old. It's harder to be a pretty good lookin 46 year old. That tweaks my heart some days.

[Meg]

Anne wrote my post for me.

There's never been a time in my life when I've been carefree with eating and maintained a normal weight. Unfortunately, when I eat intuitively, I weigh around 250 pounds. It doesn't really matter to me whether I have faulty internal eating cues or what the reason is, but that's the reality of my world. Carefree = fat. Disciplined = not fat.

What works for me is the opposite of intuitive eating. I eat thoughtfully, guided by my head and not my body. Sadly, if I ate when I was hungry and stopped when I was satisfied, I'd weigh 257 pounds again.

I completely agree that we're all different and that intuitive eating works for some people, especially ones who may not have struggled with life-long obesity. But some of us are just not wired correctly to be able to maintain a normal weight in a world of drive thrus and remote controls (of course, we would have been the survivors back in the days of hunting mastadons - small consolation! ) For me, intuitive eating makes about as much sense as handing me a credit card and inviting me to get out of debt with some intuitive spending. For me, maintaining a normal weight takes a LOT of thought and planning - and a LOT of saying 'no' to myself. But is it worth it? Oh yeah!

Do I wish for carefree eating? It's not a question that I ask myself, just like I never ask myself if I feel 'motivated' to go to the gym. Maybe no one else here feels this way ... but for me, keeping the weight off is like balancing on a tightrope over a bottomless black abyss. I HAVE to keep my eye on the prize to stay on that tightrope. When I let thoughts of carefree eating, cheat days, skipping exercise, whatever into my thought process, I'm afraid I'm going to lose my balance and fall into the pit. And I seriously fear I'd never be able to climb out again if I fell. This is just too important for me to screw up - I waited for my whole life to be thin and I'm not going to do anything to jeopardize it (I realize that I probably sound demented but I'm trying to get my feelings down the best I can )

[Glory87]

Originally Posted by Meg

This is just too important for me to screw up - I waited for my whole life to be thin and I'm not going to do anything to jeopardize it (I realize that I probably sound demented but I'm trying to get my feelings down the best I can )

No, I feel exactly the same way. I may not have been clear in my initial post - I have always been a heavy person. There were no carefree thin days where I ate whatever I wanted and never gained a pound. If I were carefree about eating, I was heavy and miserable about my weight.

After 20 years of lose/gain, I wake up amazed and delighted on a daily basis that I am a thin person. Shopping is a joyful adventure. My clothes are my friends, not my enemies.

Like Meg, I have waited my entire life to be thin. I have dreamed about it, wished for it, fantasized about it. Now that I'm living it, I would never trade it for my old daily muffin and venti latte habit. When I think of eating whatever I want, I am reminded of my old unhappiness.

[junebug41]

Glory and Meg, I just wrote a ridiculously boring and long winded blog about that very thing you speak of. Thank you for summing it up fantastically. There was nothing carefree about how I was living before, I was just actively oblivious. I know this sounds naive because so many people have tried and tried and lost and gained and I have lost exactly one time, but I don't think I could handle gaining back all of that weight, thus I work for it now. I enjoy being active and have an appetite for "good" foods so perhaps that is what makes it possible. Previously, I may have eaten without a care in the world, but it just made up for my otherwise completely nervous and self conscious and self hating state. These are of course issues that don't always pertain to weight, but it aleviated them and made it possible to deal with. I think I am more carefree now because of that.

[BattlingTheBulge]

Originally Posted by Meg

Maybe no one else here feels this way ... but for me, keeping the weight off is like balancing on a tightrope over a bottomless black abyss.

Oh, isn't that the truth! Meg, that was so well put. That is exactly how I feel every day of my (new) life.

Tara, I was one of those people who could eat ANYthing and EVERYthing and never ever have to worry about gaining an ounce. I was one of those girls that everyone hated because of it. That lasted all the way until I was 43 years old (I'm now 48 yrs old). So, it's been a real eye-opener for me and extremely difficult to accept the fact that I simply cannot eat anything that I want any time that I want anymore without gaining weight.

43 years is a long time and trying to teach oneself a whole new way of life after all that time (because let's face it, keeping the weight off affects every part of our lives) is no small feat. I'm having to learn to live life all over again and, yes, I really, really long for the old days when I never had to think about what I ate or if I got enough exercise or not. For me this is kind of like going through potty training all over again.

Also, I find myself facing seriously freaky psychological games that my mind plays on me. Rationally I know that I can never go back to my former easygoing life, but I still carry around the former me who is certain without-a-doubt that I'm NOT a person that needs to worry about gaining weight - ever. And so the two people inside my head are in constant battle with one another. Every s-i-n-g-l-e day.

Yes, I'm mad as **** and very resentful that I've had to stop being the old me and I struggle daily to accept the fact that I've had to change my life so drastically in order to maintain a decent weight and stay fit. And, on top of that, I know that I have to continue this new lifestyle for good. I mean, c'mon, "for good" is a long time! Argh!

So, the short answer to your question is "yes, I do miss those carefree days" and "yes, I do wish they were back again". But I know they never will be and so I go on struggling each day knowing that it will get a teeny weeny tiny bit better as each day goes by. I have faith in myself and so do you or you wouldn't be on this board in the first place.

Oh, and reading this board at least once a day is a definite "must". At least it is for me. Without these forums I honestly don't know if I could stay as tenacious, determined and motivated as I do. The women here are wonderful and no matter what sort of day I'm having I can always find a post or two or three that get me through those really tough times that we all come up against over and over again.

Keep moving forward and when you find yourself looking back slap yourself quickly and then give yourself a hug and move on. So far it's working for me.

[Heather]

It seems that whether you've been overweight your whole life (like me), or one of those people everyone was jealous of (BattlingtheBulge), losing the weight and keeping it off requires a "turn about" in thinking as well as eating.

Yes, I was carefree in my eating, which in itself would have been nice, but I was very fat, which really wasn't. Yes, some days I get a little woe-is-me, but that's not really very relevant, is it, if I want to be healthy.

I keep making analogies to money and spending. Most of us have to budget our money carefully, right? And if we are carefree spenders, we know it is going to catch up with us. I have always been good at sticking to a budget, and even when I had to pinch pennies, I did it. While it could be frustrating, and I WISHED to be carefree, I wasn't. I simply didn't want the consequences.

It's the same with eating and exercise. I COULD be carefree, but there are a lot of consequences, and I no longer want to suffer them. So I do sometimes get nostalgic for those days, but I'm more glad not to have that "debt" hanging on my belly any more.

[SlimLindy]

I have struggled with my weight (up and down) over the years and I've always eaten VERY healthy wholesome foods because of that battle. I've exercised a LOT because of the weight battle. (My weight gain has always been due to over-consumption, not so much an unhealthy diet).

My husband has always been thin/normal and never had to worry about what he ate or how much he exercised.

When we are 70 or 80, which one of us will feel better, fitter, stronger?

Thankfully, my husband has over the past year added in a lot more exercise and started making consciously healthy decisions about what he eats. Still, to me it seems the "carefree" days are not necessarily the best for our health in the long run. I think I'll choose to be thankful that I've never been able to be carefree.

Lindy