[lucky]

Anne, I LOVE your post. I too have come to the point that I my day to day routine is pretty ingrained. I think quite a bit about what is coming down the road and feel very strongly that doing so will serve me well. Flexibility will be key, of course, but I do think it is so important to consider in advance how we'll handle various obstacles along the way.

Sgrntangerine, I think what you have described IS normal. The people I know who have never had a weight problem have been recycling the same 5-7 pounds for YEARS. I think the only difference is that those few pounds don't have the same emotional ramifications for them.

My sister, who has always been thin, told me once, "When you feel your pants get a little snug just watch what you eat for a week or so until they fit right again." She made it sound so easy - and it is if we can begin seeing ourselves as "normal" and realize that this is how the thin world works. I don't want to be terrorized by weight anymore. I don't want a few pounds to induce resentment or panic and it is going to take a conscious effort on my part to make sure they don't.

[Airegrrrl]

Originally Posted by wndranne

I guess as a result of this thread, I'm starting to think about the long term implications of weight management lifestyles, how that may change over time, and how in some cases I'm going to have to learn to be flexible and others I'm not. Example: journaling my food is always a strategy that I'll need to have in place, but what I'm looking for in the journal could potentially change quite dramatically.

Anne

What a great thread this has been. I've found myself nodding in agreement at almost *everything* that has been said. Anne, however, really hit the nail on the head for me. I'm in the midst of a lifestyle-management change, and it almost did me in because I didn't really see it coming.

Nope, it wasn't menopause (I had a hysterectomy more than 10 years ago, and actually sailed right through it). In fact, it wasn't any one thing -- just a number of things catching up with me. The point is, I've had to change. I'm back on my version of clean eats again, and I'm journaling, and I'm trying to figure out what to do in terms of exercise. I don't know what the resolution is going to be, but I do know that I need to be very, very flexible as I work it out.

So, right on Anne! And right on everyone.

[howie6267]

Good thread here. I'm not at the maintain point just yet but I thought I would start watching this fourm and getting my mind set for maintaining. I have always said that maintaining will not be any different for me than losing the weight in the first place. I know that I will have to continue to count calories and write it all down. I might be able to have a few more calories but that's about the only difference I see. So I did not find your thread a bummer but just a conformation of whats to come. Thanks for sharing it.

[lessofsarahtolove]

Originally Posted by wndranne

It seems to me that the plans vary once you get past the basic eat less/better and move more, but the planning doesn't.

That is excellent, Anne. Great post. Great thread, really -- there's a world of wisdom contained within it, even as perspectives may vary.

[Ilene]

Originally Posted by jawsmom

My sister, who has always been thin, told me once, "When you feel your pants get a little snug just watch what you eat for a week or so until they fit right again." She made it sound so easy - and it is if we can begin seeing ourselves as "normal" and realize that this is how the thin world works. I don't want to be terrorized by weight anymore. I don't want a few pounds to induce resentment or panic and it is going to take a conscious effort on my part to make sure they don't.

My SIL , also very ''naturally'' thin, used to say that if her pants got snug she would for a week or so, eat only half of her usual portions... She too made it sound so easy ... We have an emotional bond with food that we have a difficult time letting go of, unfortunately... It does get easier with time though... For example last night I had the girls over and I ate a burger no bun with salad and had two servings of salad... They, in turn, ate 2 and 3 hot dogs AND a burger with the buns AND salad!! I was getting stuffed just watching them. But I truly was very full and content with what I had eaten. At one time I would have been right up there with them enjoying every morcel...

Emotions are a difficult thing to fight off because they are constantly there day in and day out ... Journaling is a life saver to me and coming here to 3FC ... What would I do without my 3FC sistahs !!

[Meg]

Beverly – sorry it took me so long to get back to your question! No, all Dr. Leibel said about the metabolic slowdown is that it happens after one loses 10% of their body weight and that it’s permanent. My humble opinion is that there is a lot more research to be done and I’m not convinced that’s the final answer. Clearly we need more understanding of weight loss maintenance – I’m always at a loss to understand why maintenance isn’t the highest priority in the obesity battle? If we all could just KEEP OFF the pounds that we lose, we’d all be so much better off!

To the rest of you -- wonderful and thoughtful responses! Especially everyone who pointed out that we’re all different in the ways that we’re different – which makes total sense to me. Would you all think it’s accurate to sum it up as: those of us who have lost weight (some of us a lot of weight) are different than people who have never been overweight – in different ways? Some of us are different in that we have to eat less – some need to exercise more – some both - some have to be careful about eating cues about satiety and hunger – of course there are all the age and gender and size differences … Anne is SO right when she said we’re all experiments of one.

I think that the bottom line coming through all the posts is that reaching goal doesn’t transform those of us who were overweight into normal, never been overweight people, ether physically or psychologically. Our histories as overweight/obese people will always be with us and affect us in countless unforeseen ways. And it’s better to be aware of and prepared to deal with our differences than ignoring them, with perhaps disastrous consequences.

As I kicked all these great posts around in my head this week, I started wondering if the abysmal statistics on weight regain – you know, the often–cited 95% regain lost weight – are due to the losers forgetting (or never acknowledging) that they’re different and taking the necessary steps to deal with the differences? If someone reaches goal and expects to live their life as a ‘normal’ person, without taking action or making a plan to deal with the differences that most of us seem to have, does it make it more likely for them to regain the lost weight? Does accepting the fact that we’re different make maintenance easier or more successful for us losers?

I can talk about my experiences - case in point: DH and I were out to dinner last night and of course I was checking out what people were eating. Since we were out, I was allowing myself more than I’d usually eat (though I knew that the scale would be up today and that I’d have to compensate with more exercise ). Just like a normal person, right? Except that I – who was indulging by my standards - was still eating and drinking far less than the normal weight people in the restaurant. I was still very aware of the choices I was making and not even remotely eating as much as I’d like to – in fact, I sincerely believe that I was eating less than anyone else within my eyesight. So was I behaving like a normal person?

Unfortunately, the fact is that I simply CAN’T eat and drink the way a normal person would, even for one night, without risking a huge weight gain. I understand that they can cut back for a few days and hit the gym a little harder and everything evens out, but my body just doesn’t work that way. Rats!

But really and truly, I’m OK with it! Like Karen said in her post, it all comes down to attitude. Crazy as it may sound, I’m comforted by realizing that I’m different. I think I’d be endlessly frustrated otherwise – because I’d either be living and eating like a normal person and gaining weight OR I’d feel cheated by reaching goal and still not being able to live ‘normally’. Instead - like many of you said - I don’t even bother to compare myself to normal people because it’s just not relevant. They’re not my peer group – YOU guys are my peer group! And even though we may be different in our differences, we all have SO very much in common.

Thank you all for the great discussion - let's keep it going - and thank you all for being here.

[boiaby]

Meg, I firmly believe that acceptance is one of the most crucial parts to successful weight loss and maintenance. I have truly accepted that I am different from naturally thin people or those who do not have issues with food. I have accepted that I will always be different and, therefore, will always have to behave differently, and that this is the way it will be for the rest of my life. By accepting it, I am ok with it, and in turn, it has freed me to live the way I know I need to. Sure, a little resentment creeps in on me now and then, but there isn't a damn thing I can do about it anyway, so what's the point of dwelling on it, right? And I agree, there is so much more research that needs to be done here. I feel like society has focused so much on losing the weight that we've really dropped the ball on what to do afterwards. No wonder the regain rate is so high, once we've actually lost the weight there's no support or guide to what we're supposed to do now. I remember feeling very lost after I hit my goal, I didn't feel like I fit in anymore because my main focus was no longer on losing weight like everyone else. Thank goodness you approached me about this maintainers forum because just knowing that others are going through and feeling the same things is such a huge comfort, it's invaluable.

Beverly

[Reg4242]

These post are what keep me going time after time. It is so important that we have these shared and different opinions. I know for me realizing that my needs are going to be long term has helped me accept them. I will always need to monitor a bit more of my food intake and exercise output. But once we have the information for our bodies it is at least an even playing field. The most fustrating part is feel like its your fault that the scale rises so easy. That has lead to more damage for me than I can count.
Keep on keeping on.

[Diamonda]

What a great thread. It was just what I needed tonight, as I searched for a bit of inspiration on a otherwise-uninspiring evening. I am not a regular poster here, but I always come away with valuable insights when I do stop by.

Two things came to mind as I read:

First, like a previous poster, I had a brilliant first year of maintenance before it started getting hard. That first year I was on fire and I could do no wrong. I even continued to lose weight. It was just about one year later that the real challenges began. Mental challenges, that is - it's all a mind game for me now.

Second, I also take comfort, somewhat, in being different. But sometimes I wonder if I take a little too much comfort. I based so much of my self-worth, during the past five years, on losing the weight and becoming fit and thin that I worry, sometimes, if I am fetishizing the whole experience in an unhealthy way. By now, many if not most of the people who know me at work and in my persona life never knew me when I was fat. SOmetimes I find myself wanting to tell a new person "I used to be morbidly obese! Look how good I did! So cut me a little more slack, will you!" This applies a lot in dating situations, where I am still a few years behind the regular learning curve and always feel like I need to tell a new person about the weight loss in order to "excuse" whatever shortcomings I fear he'll perceive in me.

Anyway, not to over-psychoanalyze, but it's a very interesting process. I do think that us long-time maintainers ARE different, and I loved the insight from the person who noted that the KEY to maintenance is acceptance. You really have to accept that you'll always have to live this way and begin to love it - that is so true. It isn't a burden for me, though I still obsess endlessly about the 10 pounds I'd like to lose, just like any "normal" woman. I love the exercise, the feeling I get from eating healthy, and the satisfaction that I am no longer that tired, obese, unattractive, unhealthy person I used to be. Everything about is great, really - right down to the "corrections" that have to be made from time to time (those hard-core weeks when you pay for a weekend trip or restaurant outings).

Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts!

[funniegrrl]

Originally Posted by Diamonda

I based so much of my self-worth, during the past five years, on losing the weight and becoming fit and thin that I worry, sometimes, if I am fetishizing the whole experience in an unhealthy way. By now, many if not most of the people who know me at work and in my persona life never knew me when I was fat. SOmetimes I find myself wanting to tell a new person "I used to be morbidly obese! Look how good I did! So cut me a little more slack, will you!"

Amen! Same with me ... The folks where I work now have only see me lose the last 30 pounds, and to them that seems amazing. They have NO idea about the previous 140 pounds. Even when I tell them, it's not as remarkable to them as it is to me.

This applies a lot in dating situations, where I am still a few years behind the regular learning curve and always feel like I need to tell a new person about the weight loss in order to "excuse" whatever shortcomings I fear he'll perceive in me.

Double Amen! On the other hand, I NEVER tell dates for fear he'll be repulsed and run screaming from the room. If things ever progressed to a serious stage (which hasn't happened yet) I would naturally tell him, but in the getting-to-know-you phase I just think it's TMI.

[Sheila53]

Originally Posted by Diamonda

SOmetimes I find myself wanting to tell a new person "I used to be morbidly obese! Look how good I did!"

I really had to smile because I find myself actually doing this, although maybe a little more subtly. I've moved since I've lost the majority of my weight, and people see me now as the person who has a bit over 20 lbs. to lose, not the person who had 100 lbs. to lose. I find myself wanting them to know about what I consider my major life accomplishment in the past couple of years. Nobody believes that I have lost that much so sometimes I have to whip out the before picture (proudly! ). It's good to know that others have done this, and that at some point, I'll get beyond this and realize that I have a lot more in my life to be proud of than just my weight loss.