[lessismore]

Well, here is another post I always come back to and enjoy reading. Today, I'm not enjoying it because I'm eating really cruddily, but I *think* I know why. I used to be a big time binger - lots of overeating - I'd say daily or even more than once/day. It still happens, but for the past 2+ years it's been under control, it'll happen maybe once a month or even less. But LATELY, I've been stuck in an annoying pattern of "High and Low."

For instance, yesterday I was happy because the scale was down, my pants were almost loose & we were off to the city to see a show and have dinner. But at dinner I lost it again & ate too much & had dessert, the whole bit. It's school vacation week and subconsciously I felt I "deserved" the meal. Felt horrible all the way home, was totally bloated this a.m. and jeans were tight!! BTW, does this happen to others -- where one day you feel like Cindy Crawford and the very next day you feel like 300 lbs???? I've been on a roll for a few weeks and the past few days have been awful. Rather than recover and get back on track, my frustration takes over and I just feel hopeless, like I'll never really get back to where I want to be, so who cares?

So, beyond strategies for recovering from a binge, how do you recover from a rocky period where you've just been feeling hopeless one day and on top of the world the next? My gosh, it's ridiculous. I have so many triggers -- being on school vacation, eating out, going into the city...I am having a pity party. Why can't I function like a normal person?

I guess I need to break the chain as Anne suggests and just stay home and stay in my routine for a while.

Any advice would be much appreciated.
Lessismore - Anne

[Mel]

Anne(Leeismore),

I suspect we've all been in that position at some point in our journeys. I can't remember which chapter it is in "Thin for Life", but if you go into the other section of the Maintainters forum and read the chapter notes entitled "Nip it in the Bud", I think you'll get some ideas about how others and a lot of us deal with the lapse vs. relapse problem. Or was that an entirely separate chapter?

You are going through a lot of emotional ups and downs right now...new relationship, sounds like the end of one degree program and hopefully the start of a new program, vacation, plus trying to maintain fairly new eating and health patterns. I don't think you need or want to hole up until you get your eating under control. Real life isn't like that. You need to be able to fit eating into your life, not visa versa. Upset or frustrated? Have a healthy meal, then go to the gym. I've been in the rec centers in Boulder; some of them have amazing climbing walls, gorgeous pools, etc. Do you have a bike or roller-blades? There are miles of paved trails through Boulder. Take a hike up Boulder Canyon Rd. The trail starts from behind the library or the police station. Use my suggestion to Lawshark and go buy some cheap foam noodles and whack the #$^& out of a couch. Then eat a healthy meal. You'll feel like a tired Cindy Crawford.

Don't let a lapse turn into a relapse. Yup, one meal can make my jeans tight, my abs painfully swollen, and my hands puffy. Two days of good eating and exercising will undo it. A week of daily lapses takes me nearly a month to undo. At this point, I know it and I know it's NOT worth it to me. Think about what it's worth to you. Going out for a treat meal isn't a failure! That's an enjoyment, something you plan for. Falling into a bag of Doritos when you are upset because your jeans are tight is another story. Sorry- tough love, but find an alternative activity.

Mel

[lawshark]

Lessismore - I know just what you mean. I can show an actual loss on the scale but still feel that my clothes are tighter than the day before. The logical part of my brain knows that I didn't gain, but I still feel like a cow and panic because I feel like my clothes are getting tight. Then the next day, they'll feel fine. While sometimes the clothes get tighter because of water retention, swelling, etc., I believe that sometimes it's just the games our mind plays with us.

I went through that rocky period all last week. And I wasn't "up and down" - my emotions just kept going down, down, down. I over ate on a couple of days and then kicked myself in the butt and refused to beat myself up over it. This week, I'm fine and back on track. And, even though I'm not trying to, I lost 2 more lbs! Go figure. Must have been the extra activity I did to try and vent my frustrations.

Don't let this get you down. Even if you slip up on occasion, just go right back to the healthy eating routine. Don't let your mind's negative talk trick you. Keep it positive and you'll do fine.

[Mel]

Oops- I don't know why I thought you were in Boulder. I see that's CourageousinColorado! Sorry, Anne. I'm sure wherever you are there are plenty of good indoor or outdoor activities that you could find.

Elaine is right- it's all a headgame. Hang in there!

Mel

[lessismore]

Hi Mel:

Thank you - you're right & I know it. I'll stop the pity party. I had to laugh because I don't live in Boulder & I'm not a student, but a teacher. It's OK...it just was funny because you made the right assumptions based on my post. I think the problem is I was "on track" and squeaky clean for such a long time & now that I'm struggling I feel like a failure - back to all or nothing thinking. I've read Thin for Life at least 3 times, I know the strategies, I need to put them to work. I'll get to that!! Thanks.

Anne

[Meg]

Hi Anne and all! Something Anne just said really struck a chord with me:

I think the problem is I was "on track" and squeaky clean for such a long time & now that I'm struggling I feel like a failure - back to all or nothing thinking.

I often have to fight that 'feel like a failure' thinking too. It's the darndest thing - something relatively minor, like a small food lapse or the scale going up one pound or one of those look in the mirror and think FAT days - can make me feel as if I was right back where I started. All those same horrible feelings of sadness and worthlessness and hopelessness come rushing back. It doesn't make any sense at all but I think I know exactly how you feel!

For me, I have to do some Serious Talking to myself to get my perspective back. You know, reminding myself where I was and where I am today. That one slip isn't going to automatically put me back where I started and that it would take a whole series of lapses to become a relapse. To the rest of the world, I don't think I look like a failure so why should I beat myself up and inflict all those awful feelings on myself?

Scratch the surface on just about any of us and I'll bet you'll find a perfectionist. We want to be perfect dieters and perfect maintainers. Sometimes we want to fit into the smallest sizes out there just because they're the smallest (that's me; isn't that the stupidest thing ever? - although I think I just want to get as far away from fat as possible, if that's any justification). So on the one hand, we want to be perfect and always in perfect control. And then on the other hand, we have the reality of LIFE, which isn't perfect at all most of the time. Big collision, eh?

Anne, don't beat yourself up for not functioning like a 'normal person'. In fact, don't beat yourself up for anything, please! The roller coaster of emotions that you talk about is something that I'm guessing all of us here at Maintainers experience. Our reality is going to be a little different than 'normal' people's ... how we eat, feel, think, and live is always going to be special, as they say . Within each of us is the heart of an overweight woman who struggled and struggled with her weight and finally won. My opinion is that our inner overweight woman never goes away - she's part of who we are today and affects how we think and react.

I don't know if any of this makes ANY sense at all (not enough sleep lately) but what I'm trying to say is that there's nothing at all wrong with how you're feeling. Like Mel said, we've all been there. In MY world, that emotional roller coaster is totally normal. Of course, the question is who wants to live in MY world ...