Also, for what it's worth, Loki once again bit one of my sons (not hard enough to draw blood, but hard enough to hurt) when he approached too close to DH while the dog was lying next to DH on the couch. After much heartache and discussion, we have decided he needs to go, and I am now looking for a new home for him without children. Since he's never been a problem with adults, I don't think we actually have to put him down, but at age 6, he may not be adoptable :>(
I don't know if you're willing to work with him if you find it hard to rehome him (here's hoping that's not the case!), but this sounds like resource guarding, which can sometimes be a fixable problem. One of the ways to deal with this is using the nothing in life is free (NILIF) program. I had success with a resource guarding dog, but it can be pretty time consuming, which is difficult when you have work, family, etc. I definitely understand the heartache that goes into these decisions.
I don't know if you're willing to work with him if you find it hard to rehome him (here's hoping that's not the case!), but this sounds like resource guarding, which can sometimes be a fixable problem. One of the ways to deal with this is using the nothing in life is free (NILIF) program. I had success with a resource guarding dog, but it can be pretty time consuming, which is difficult when you have work, family, etc. I definitely understand the heartache that goes into these decisions.
Could also be dominance due to no firm leadership so Loki is assuming the beta role- adults in the family are alphas so he's not biting them but is biting the subordinate (in his mind) children. Also quite fixable but takes time and work and co-operation from the whole family.
IMO it's always a good idea to think about the dog's training before getting the dog, rather than as an afterthought. Many dogs would be happier were their humans clearly in charge and giving them rules and boundaries to follow.
I've had to be the lone voice in the wilderness about not getting a dog, for the very reasons Dagmar cites. Absolutely dogs are marvelous companions and family members ... however, they require almost the same dedication as a child and there's multiple very good reasons I stopped at one kid.
I'm going to do something drastic tonight. I have been neglecting the pool and swimming since the state meet (last weekend in April). Tonight the team is doing a one-hour swim for distance. I committed to going.
Update on Carter -- we met with the vet and had a very frank conversation with him. He said the behaviors Carter is exhibiting are classic separation anxiety and aggression behaviors. The outcome is that he gave us a two-week trial of an antidepressant to help reduce Carter's anxiety to see how much it can help. If it is a big improvement, then we can talk about long-term management of the situation. If it doesn't help at all, we will likely have to euthanize him as he is not adoptable. I'm hoping for the best right now. We gave him the first dose last night and this morning he came over to my side of the bed as soon as I woke up, which he used to do every morning but hasn't done in months. I know it's probably wishful thinking and meds don't act quite that quickly, but I feel like there is hope. FWIW the vet said he thought it was definitely worth a shot to try medication and that he wouldn't want to euthanize without at least trying this first.
In any case we will be checking in with the vet in about a week to update on how and if Carter's behavior changes. He was pretty candid about the fact that the medication may not help and because everyone responds differently to medication, it may make things worse instead of better, so we are keeping a very close eye on Carter when the babies are out and about.
In other news DH was planning to take the girls to a playdate with our twins club today. Hopefully it goes okay! They have been a handful the past few days since they're teething again. Somehow they went a whole year with no teeth and are now getting ALL of their teeth at once.
But, back to my story... I took a morning class and there was a new woman in class (several newbies actually)-- I noticed her as being very underweight and I wondered what her story was. After class she stopped me and we had a long conversation. She told me she's pretty much addicted to cardio-- doing cardio and running at least 1.5 hours a day. She said her body hurts and she feels like she's doing damage to it. She told me my body/figure was amazing and I was a "freak of nature" at yoga. It was humbling to hear that from a stranger. I tried to assure her that yoga is an all around great workout (cardio, strength training, etc) and I think/hope she's going to back off the gym and give it a try. I also talked to my yoga friend Sunday night-- we went to see Cee Lo Greene and Lionel Richie in concert!! She is quite thin and I know she does bikram most days plus runs. She also told me that she has body/food/exercise issues and we talked a lot about it. I guess I need to remind myself that no matter what someone looks like (thin, heavy, etc), I really don't know them internally and I should never ever think I do.
I can relate to this woman, as it's been a struggle with me to cut back on cardio from a non-negotiable hour daily to as little as 15 minutes on lifting days. Now my addiction is to exercise in general. I don't seem to acknowledge walking all day as "counting," either.
Watch that woman, Michele, as it's possible to become addicted to Bikram yoga, and for me, anyway, I just seem to replace one addiction or compulsion with another. Once, it was food -- now it's getting in exercise.
Yesterday I had a revelation and I'm going to try it: I'm going to give myself permission to be average, ordinary, to fail and fall short. My goal is to remove the "better than" from the "feeling less than so must be better than to be equal to."
Jessica, I think your vet's idea is a good one to try. Sometimes anxiety just needs to be dealt with with medication. I hope it works!
saef (whose name I must always type twice because autocorrect wants it to be "safe"), there is a lot to be said for being average and ordinary.
Back in the mid-1980s, a friend of mine held the opinion that equal rights for women was a silly campaign, because really good women could and did get to the top. She mentioned Marie Curie.
I told her, "We're not talking about geniuses getting ahead. There are always a few exceptional people one can point to. What we're talking about is your average, everyday, run-of-the-mill female engineer. Your typical, ordinary female chemist. Where are they?"
At that time and earlier, they were rare. Meanwhile, the guys who got Bs and Cs had good paying jobs in technical fields.
Society has advanced to where women are much more represented in scientific and technical jobs, as well as in medicine, research, and business. But I always keep in mind that women shouldn't have to be "exceptional" to get there.
I have noticed that my feeling of "less than," on those rare occasions when it comes up, have to do with my being female. No matter how well I perform, how much more work I do, how much I achieve, that is always going to be there. But really, it's only one more story in this make-believe world we live in.
Jessica, good to hear that you at least have something to try for Carter. Will keep my fingers crossed. Andrea - maybe Loki could try that too?
saef, that sounds sane. I used to try to be the best at everything I did - I'm finding that trying instead to be the happiest at everything is working far, far better. In some areas of my life, getting happy has brought far more "success" than extra effort ever did. Fave quote: "Success is having what you want. Happiness is wanting what you have." It's a worthy pursuit, IMHO. I'm also finding that there's a darn fine middle ground called "contented" that's working quite nicely.
Watch that woman, Michele, as it's possible to become addicted to Bikram yoga, and for me, anyway, I just seem to replace one addiction or compulsion with another. Once, it was food -- now it's getting in exercise.
I thought of that too-- I hope she doesn't ADD bikram to what she's already doing.
Jessica-- I'm praying the doggie meds work wonders for Carter!!
Becky I found that middle ground of "contented" years ago, after being either super over-achieving or a total slacker at various things. It's totally good to be satisfied with life. I don't constantly have to strive to be better, thinner, somewhere else, etc. nor do I have to beat myself up for not being good enough or trying hard enough.
Becky, alas, I've already been down the medication road- our Vet tried Loki with Prozac last summer. It just made him sleep more but didn't change the resource-guarding. No, I've been talking to the Lansing Animal Placement Bureau- a volunteer-run dog rescue operation in our area that is an alternative to the local humane society shelter. The woman thinks she's identified a foster placement for Loki in another town, and if it works out, he'll be moving out on Sunday. I haven't told the kids yet since it may not happen. I know my middle son will be devastated (he's the only one in the family who's still super-attached to the dog).
Saef, I really respect you for working on that. Another way to put it, I think, is that you are going to work on accepting yourself as you are, not as who you should be, or wish to be, or others think you are. This is a very good goal. Have you ever read Geneen Roth? Her teachings may resonate with you.
Jessica, hope it works! My DD got all her teeth around 1 also. My DS got them way before that age.
Saef, I can relate to trading one addiction for another. I'm addicted to my walking DVDs at the moment, feeling stressed when I go to monterey that I won't be able to do them. My DD said "mom! Why would you want to exercise inside when the weather here is so perfect?" Ummm because I love my routine!
Totally non food/diet/health related question but need y'alls opinions.
If you were invited to a baby shower at a restaurant, would you assume the host(s) were paying for your meal? I'm totally unsure of the etiquette. One of my parent volunteers/friends is PG and another parent volunteer/friend and I are planning a baby shower for her. We have been debating a tea room (high tea) or at my friend's house (and we cook and/or cater). At first PG friend said it would just be herself and her two daughters so we thought we'd do the tea room. Yesterday, we started talking about booking it and she is now thinking there'd be about 12 people there. The cost of the tea is $25 (not including gratuity, etc) per person. I'm thinking the hosts are still responsible for the cost?
Michele, I would assume the hosts were paying unless I was specifically told otherwise. If I go to a baby shower at someone's house, the host typically provides food, so I would expect a restaurant to be the same. That said, if they asked me to pay, I wouldn't be offended or anything (though I might be less likely to attend).
