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-   -   Skinny-shaming (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/living-maintenance/292701-skinny-shaming.html)

ggbsy 02-11-2014 04:28 PM

(Is this the right place for this topic? I apologize if it isn't!)

Skinny-shaming. I just learned this term today. Has anyone heard it?

I have always suspected something in other people's attitudes makes me lose my goal weight. It's like, I get there (like twice a year), to that magic number and physique which I love, and suddenly the comments come pouring in. Comments of how skinny I look, how envious they are, how I should stop dieting immediately, how I should not lose another pound, how what I am doing is dangerous, how they don't know how in the world I manage, etc. Comments that would normally make other people happy make me miserable. Like, really really miserable. I feel "less-than", I feel shunned, ostracized, I feel like I have done something wrong.

For the last decade or so, I knew the moment the "compliments" started to come that I would somehow lose my hard-earned rewards. I started to freeze at the word skinny. I thought something must be wrong with me, that either dark magic was at place (I kid you not) or that I sabotaged myself.

Turns out... I do sabotage myself. I hate the attention my "skinny-self" gets, it feels negative and it hurts. When I speak of this, nobody understands. How dare I complain when I have what others would kill for? How dare I complain that someone called me skinny when to them it would be the best thing you could tell them. They just don't get it. And today I learn there is an actual term for how I feel: SKINNY-SHAMING. And so today I feel validated and powerful. I am no longer "crazy". There are others out there like me!!! And this negative feeling, this shaming me for my body, it is an actual thing. It is REAL.

Has anyone felt this? Can anyone here relate?

Today I am happy. Maybe this realization and knowledge will help me hang on to my ideal weigh, will help me not lose it time and again.

Thanks for listening!

PS. to ask, if you have felt like I have, how did you overcome it?

bargoo 02-11-2014 04:59 PM

Welcome ggsby, You are always welcome here.

ggbsy 02-11-2014 05:08 PM

Thank you bargoo :D

Mad Donnelly 02-11-2014 06:27 PM

Here's the bad news: You can't change what other people say.

Here's the good news: You know what other people are going to say, so you CAN change how you react to it.

I wish I had realized this a long time ago. I should never have let comments get into my head but they did and I can still remember them.

Try remembering that it has NOTHING to do with you. I know it seems like it does since you are the one they're commenting on but it's really ABOUT THEM. Hopefully, you've done it the right way and you should know that so don't let someone tell you you haven't. You don't know everything that other people do or eat anymore than they know everything you do so just remember that.

And eventually, you and everybody else will just get used to the "skinny" you and it won't be a thing anymore if you don't let it be by gaining it back

"Skinny" shouldn't be any more of a bad word than "fat" is. Maybe keep repeating it over and over to yourself till it sort of loses the meaning you're attaching to it so it's just a word? Just a thought.

Radiojane 02-11-2014 06:34 PM

We attach too much venom to both "fat" and "skinny", and it's screwed us up as a culture immensely.

It sounds like you have trouble getting comfortable once you've lost your "shell". People are always going to comment on your appearance - when you're thin they think it's acceptable - but what is most important is you can accept yourself as the different person you become.

Palestrina 02-13-2014 09:05 AM

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with this.

For dealing with strangers and acquaintances you may have to suck it up and stand up for yourself. You don't have to be rude about it but I would practice this response at home in the mirror a few times and then take it out for a spin. "I'm sorry Sheila, I don't mean to be rude but my personal appearance/weight loss/nutrition (or whatever Sheila is talking about) is not something I want to talk about" smile and then change the subject. If they stammer, apologize or go on about it come back with "I know you're only trying to compliment me but I feel uncomfortable discussing my body with anyone." Hopefully this will make them realize that their line of conversation is inappropriate and none of their business.

If it's coming from loved ones that you know very well then these conversations can be taken a little further. It's ok to tell someone that the conversation is making your uncomfortable. It's probably the only way to make it stop. And loved ones don't want to hurt you and hopefully they will come to understand. After all, when someone makes your body the topic of conversation how is that any different than someone touching you inappropriately? I'm sorry to compare it like that but nobody wants to be scrutinized like that.

pixelllate 02-13-2014 10:34 AM

All the time. Esp when I was still on speaking terms with my narcissist family. But then at the same time, I see the same people gripe about their own weight, so then I think "I'd rather be approaching goal than feeling so dark that I need to shame others for being 'toofat' or 'toothin' (in a pure vanity - whatlooksgood sort of way"

Fortunately not everyone is like that and now that I am in a new workplace, people don't seem to be like that. People that body shame are usually annoying in general - its just part of who they are.

I choose to no longer speak to those people, but I'm not quite sure what I would do if I were in a situation where I can't help but be around them all day every day like my last job that I left. Sure we can speak up, but don't beat yourself up if they still bug you about it as they shouldn't act so immature in the first place, esp if they are in a situation of power and HR is a total joke.

Looking at magazines and feeling closer to the women featured on them than in the past makes me feel pretty awesome lol. You may want to check out the Featherweights forum, many people have experienced that there.

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