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Maintainers Weekly Chat December 9 - December 15

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Old 12-09-2013, 06:14 AM   #1
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Default Maintainers Weekly Chat December 9 - December 15

This is easy for me; I despise housework. The only good part about it is that I despise it all equally - so I'm just as willing to scrub the toilets as dust the lampshades.

That said, when we had kids and had one of those marital discussions, I accepted the share that "we" allocated to me. This didn't last long. Much to no one's surprise, I found myself willing to pay a person to do cleaning once every two weeks. This arrangement over some 30 years has probably saved the marriage.

We face the cold, snow that our Midwestern friends have survived. Not a happy thought.
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Old 12-09-2013, 07:11 AM   #2
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Bill I too found it so much easier and less combatative to pay someone to clean the house every 2 weeks.

Our dinner party went well - except that my cousin's wife can't eat beans. She had a lot of chips ans salsa, bread and butter, and fruit. Otherwise people seemed to have a good time.

I figured something out last night too. If I am the host, running around doing stuff, I don't eat much of the appetizers or coffee. I had a piece of cake and one glass of wine (later while we were doing the dishes) to calm down but other than that was pretty much OP. I will have to remember this when sitting around as a guest. Boredom/shyness does not equal overeating when I am invited out.

Dagmar
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Old 12-09-2013, 08:05 AM   #3
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Bill, good luck with the snow! It wasn't bad here, only about 4 inches or so. We took the girls outside long enough to put their hands in the snow and watch them make funny faces.

Dagmar, glad the dinner party went well! I take it your DH got his act together to make your dips?

I am again annoyed at my MIL. Not sure how much if it is the usual annoyances vs. how much is impending TOM (which came back with a vengeance last month, making me realize how nice it was to not have for over a year). I asked my DH to talk with her about the language she uses to describe her visits with the girls, which makes me feel like she is constantly judging me. She often says things like, "Will Jessica allow us to see the girls this weekend?" and "Thank you for letting us come see them." Like as if I'm prohibiting her from seeing them enough. She's here three days a week! That's far more than enough in my book. Then she asked DH if they should come over on Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. He said Friday or Sunday would be fine. Then she replied back and said, "Okay, we'll see you Friday AND Sunday." Other minor annoyances are things like how she feels like she has to get me a gift if she's getting other people gifts, even though she is clueless about what I like/want, so when they came over with Hanukkah presents for the girls and DH she brought me two pairs of socks. Which is fine, except that they're size large and I'm only 5'4" with proportionally small feet, so I'm pretty sure that she had bought them for herself and just had them laying around (she is 5'10"). Also we have to pretty much boot them out the door whenever they come over. You would think the fact that we're getting the girls ready for their nap would be a hint if they've already been at our house for two hours, but no, I had to tell them, "Why don't you get your stuff together, we have to put the girls down now." Then also she insists on buying random used equipment from garage sales and jerryrigging it back together to make it functional, which is totally unsafe for babies and kind of ridiculous because she has a lot of cash to spare so there's no reason for her to buy cheap old things. To combat this I put together an amazon wish list with equipment we actually need and want and said, "If you want to buy stuff for the girls, please buy something from this list and do not buy used due to safety concerns." (Regarding the cash to spare, this is a woman who needed a new stove so went to the store and said, "What's the most expensive stove you sell?" Not even joking, that's exactly what she did.)

Sigh. I know that they want to see their grandkids, but I really need them to be out of my hair during the few hours a week I get to be home with my babies. I like my in-laws but I liked them a lot better when I saw them once or twice a month. I don't even like seeing my OWN parents multiple times a week. I certainly never saw my grandparents more than once a week when I was a kid, if even that often.

Sorry for the ranting! I am just looking forward to my holiday vacation. I'm taking two weeks off work so I can hang around at home and my mom will be in town too, plus my sister and SIL are coming into town for a couple days.
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Old 12-09-2013, 08:05 AM   #4
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Very glad it went well, Dagmar.

Housework - we adults share it equally. That's just how it is. We also read a lot and often don't notice dust. It's lucky we both have the same threshold, I suppose. It might be nice to have somebody to clean for us but it's not in our stars at present.
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Old 12-09-2013, 08:07 AM   #5
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Rant on, Jessica, as much as you like. And then rant more and more. We understand.
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Old 12-09-2013, 09:39 AM   #6
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Morning all,

My choral concerts went very well over the weekend. Our Saturday concert was in the next town over. My book club had been planning dinner over there at a restaurant we love already, so the girls came to see the concert first and then we hung out. I missed them over the last few months of play rehearsals! I have always enjoyed singing, but at the same time am sort of happy it's over so I can spend more time holiday shopping online in the evenings since I've pretty much been ignoring the impending holiday. That's what I do, lol, I get involved in something and enjoy it but am happy to have a bit more free time when it's over. I have fairly good ideas what to buy folks but need to pick out specific items. My sister and BIL both want clothes but I hate to order things online bc I don't get a good sense of fabrics that way. I might try to squeeze in a trip to the city on Sunday.

Allison or anyone else who golfs, my mom mentioned that my dad has been golfing more often (has done it on and off his whole life, now his work has a membership to a club and their newly purchased retirement home is by a course) so I wonder if you have any golf-oriented suggestions for gifts for him. He has a set of clubs, a bag and a wheelie cart thing for it, and is set in his clothing ways so a golf outfit wouldn't be a good idea. Are there any nice golfing accessories or items that complement the basic stuff?

We have a pretty clear division of labor in our house, but I'm good with it most of the time as long as BF helps w dishes sometimes. He does trash, yard, cars, fix-it and all "outside" stuff and I do more of the inside cleaning and cooking. We even have our doggie division of labor. I take care of long exercise walks and morning outings, he is in charge of tug of warring and nighttime outings.

Jessica, sorry about your MIL. Before you had the girls, how was your relationship? My mom would also buy lots of garage sale stuff for my nieces but after many adamant refusals from my sister learned what was ok and what wasn't. My sis just had to be consistently firm for a year or two and got the message across. (Of course that was my sis to her own mother, so slightly different situation.) GL and rant anytime. When does your vacation start?

Dagmar, I'm glad your dinner party went so well. It's nice to play hostess sometimes. I find that at others parties offering the host a helping hand can keep me out of the food and is usually a welcome help for them, too. Even going to the kitchen and doing a few dishes is really appreciated.

Bill, and everyone else up there, stay warm!

Have a good week all.
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Old 12-09-2013, 09:46 AM   #7
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Jessica. That is frustrating. Too much of anything is bad, even when it is a good thing. I hope you get some distance during your vacation.

I would love to pay someone to clean my house. Seriously. But then I'd have to clean before they got there, because I can't let them see xyz whatever I had messed up. LOL

Megan - I know nothing about golf, but my brother plays. If Allison doesn't have a suggestion I'll ask him about it.

Dagmar - glad the party went well.
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Old 12-09-2013, 10:35 AM   #8
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Dagmar-- glad it went well. Yes, as the hostess you are often too busy to sit and eat.

Jessica-- wow! That is too much in the visiting department. Hmmm... can you and dh discuss a schedule for them to visit so they don't visit so often? I'm sure the more they visit, the more you're irritated and it's a vicious cycle. And used gifts?! I wouldn't dare do that for my grandkids (when I have some).

We just recently started having the house cleaned every 2 weeks. Dh is grumbling about the cost and how he doesn't think they do a great job-- I'm just thrilled that someone is cleaning the house!

Dh comes home Sunday and will be home the rest of the year. I spent my last weekend alone for awhile. I spent it exercising-- probably too much as my back is grouchy after having been much better-- cooking, shopping, etc. We had family portraits done over Thanksgiving (first time in many, many years) so I (and dh remotely) had to choose the photos to order. That was challenging!

Still freezing cold here (to me anyway). Supposed to warm up some later in the week.

Hi to everyone else!!!
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Old 12-09-2013, 10:50 AM   #9
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We also have a cleaning crew every two weeks. Without it, we quickly live in squalor. Neither of us claims that we hate housework, it's just we both always find something better to do.
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Old 12-09-2013, 12:25 PM   #10
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I forgot to report back on my mail order clothes experiment. I ordered a number of things and have a higher than 50% failure rate, but I found some things that really worked and a couple of more that I'm going to try at a different size. So, good enough to consider successful.

My favorite was a skirt and top in the same fabric. They look like a dress worn together, but (and here's the cool part) the top is a size 10 and the bottom is size 14. Best-fitting dress I've ever had!
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Old 12-09-2013, 12:44 PM   #11
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Joy, the dress sounds good! That's the kind of thing I should think about doing as my top and bottom halves are quite different sizes. Did you try a number of mail order places or just one?
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Old 12-09-2013, 12:45 PM   #12
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Jessica - I'm sorry you're having MIL issues, but I'm hoping you have a blast with your own family in town

Megan - yay on the concerts going smoothly!

Michele - I detest picking photos, even as I like having them. It is such a headache. I hope they turned out beautifully for you, though.

Joy - mail ordering clothing is tricky. I have to do it with my bras, due to my size, and tend to order a lot of things like tops and skirts as well. My method involves having favorite brands and zeroing in on my size in them. Then the shopping becomes much, much easier in future orders. I'm a Lands End Medium/10 in skirts/10-12 in pants, depending on the cut. My favorite bra company, Ewa Michalak, has me at a 34H (my normal size in this country is a 32I).

By having favorite retailers and having done the returning-clothes dance a few times, I can now order almost anything I think is cute from the above retailers and have it fit great. There's a few exceptions, by and large, but it's made ordering clothes easier. Everything else I find easier to either have tailored for me or buy locally.


Most of my daily update is below on my blog. But my task for today is shuttling the kids around to a meeting (it's only the baby I'm worried about, the older three will do fine), my piano lesson, lunch quickly and then the makeup piano lessons for the two older girls. Their lessons on Thursday were cancelled by me, since the roads were awful with frozen ground and a layer of ice on top of them. But our teacher is patient and was very sweet to fit us in today while we are all in town (it is a 45 minute drive to her place). So now all three of is have piano today, but I have to try and juggle lunch in the car and naps for my infant and toddler in the midst of this. I'm enlisting my husband to babysit for my piano lesson and lunch, then dropping him back at work, as I think this is the only way to get four hours of errands done with four kids (the oldest of whom is only 6 years old, eek!).

So that's my day - fun and stress, but hopefully I'll come out the other side with sanity intact.
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Old 12-09-2013, 12:48 PM   #13
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Oh, and no cleaning crew for me. Before we married my husband and I agreed I'd stay at home and manage it. He is a great help and does outside jobs, home repair, and brings our diaper pails down for washing (good man!), and I do the cleaning, scheduling, cooking, homeschooling, organizing, etc. We have a great labor breakdown, and my help is in the form of teaching and training the children in helping around the house, as well as cultivating a skill for gracefully overlooking dust and some soap scum here and there, because it's just too much to manage a spotless house that we live in 24/7. I'd live to pay a mommy's helper or house cleaner, but it's not doable for us.

Oh well
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Old 12-09-2013, 01:26 PM   #14
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Hi Maintainers!

Great weekend for the most part. Helped parents trim the tree (i.e. carried heavy pieces of it down the stairs for my mom), got some Christmas shopping done, made some extra $ yesterday selling cookies for a bakery in town (paid in cash, yesssss), and watched "Home Alone" with BF in the evening - it's shocking how dated that movie seems in 2013 but I guess it is 23 years old... O_O

I was chatting on FB with a friend who I've felt tension with for years now - we just don't see eye to eye on pretty much anything besides food/liking to eat food. He's really corporate career-oriented and materialistic, and we do not share common definitions of happiness and success. I mentioned to him how I worked at the event yesterday and he said he felt sorry for me and suggested I make more money. Yeah thanks for that. I took it as an insult and was really seethingly angry about it, but now I realize on his planet he thinks that's being helpful. Still annoyed though. I will continue to surround myself with more like-minded people.

Weight-wise, I'm carrying around a couple holiday pounds and can't be bothered to care too much. Exercise is still consistent and food is good though I need to be mindful of protein intake and probably would feel better if I had fewer cookies on an average day.

Cleaning-wise, my roommate and I still live like bachelors. The cats keep the sink/dishes situation spotless (they'll lick dirty dishes) but also provide challenges as far as fur, stray bits of cardboard from their PetFusion Scratcher Lounge, and wreaking havoc on the Christmas tree.

So far the only Christmas card I've gotten has been from my cousin and her daughter in Fairbanks
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Old 12-09-2013, 02:07 PM   #15
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When DH and I moved in together my conditions were that I never would do dishes and never would clean toilets. Everything else was up for negotiation!!

I had a housecleaner come in for the first time last spring. It was glorious, but I am just wayyyyyyyy too cheap to pay for it on a regular basis. I am trying to get better about doing a little bit frequently rather then waiting until a room is an utter disaster and then cleaning like mad for hours.

I have no idea what's going on with me today. I have had tremendous anxiety all morning - like near panic attack mode - thinking of all I have to do before Xmas. It's ridiculous because I know I have plenty of time, but I'm seriously driving myself nuts. I even got up in the middle of the night last night to check on how much quinoa we have for a side dish I am making - how fricking crazy is that??

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