Thanks
Andrea. I am going to take DH's advice and take the high road where my father is concerned.
I kinda previewed what I'll say to my cousin, whom I'll address on Sunday "in public" ie with the rest of whatever little family we have. He emailed me about funeral arrangements - I guess he's a little worried I won't even bother to get the old boy cremated
- and I sent him a shorter version of the little speech I'll give. I imagine he's still seeing me as the crazy drunk who'll yell and scream
about how badly my father treated me.
Dagmar (much like Fat Megan) still exists but she doesn't come out any more at all, or at least her brief appearances are limited to one evening alone @ home.
I am going to be calm and polite and say this, with people's names at the appropriate places:
"Family is a very important thing. It gives us comfort, support, understanding, love. Unfortunately my father and I were unable to give each other this during our adult years. I'm so glad, as I saw by your continuing support of my father this past difficult year and by your daughter's Fb tribute to him, that dad was able to find family with you and your wife and kids. Thank you for that and thank you for giving us this opportunity to remember him."
My other cousin's wife will have to get a preview and an explanation. She thinks we're going in there to eviscerate everyone with steak knives. There are, as with most families, long standing grudges
between her and the older cousin's wife. if she decides to get out her knife I will try to stay neutral but, if pushed, will side with her. SIGH. My dad is dead but he's still going to provoke war it seems.
Dagmar