Chris - I have such deep admiration for anyone that has the courage to run their own business. I have a fantasy to own my own business, but I don't have either the courage or drive to go for it. I can't imagine how personally devastating this is - but I think you're little voice is right - everything is going to be okay.

Saef - I hope that you're enjoying the heck out of your vacation! You are such a hard worker and you deserve some down time - enjoy your spa day!!

I find myself in a weird position. I weighed in this morning at 115.7. That is the lowest I have ever been (except artificially after a long run) and is at my bottom red line. Since I don't know what I have done to get here, I don't know whether to eat more or what. The thought of doing that makes me happy and terrified.

Jen

Jen-- If I were you, I wouldn't necessarily eat any extra yet. See what happens over the next few days and if you continue to drop, then slowly add a little more. A couple of years ago I was a tad lower than I wanted to be. That is a distant memory now as I've gained quite a bit since then. As a maintainer you will have ups and downs weight wise. Now I'd love to see 125 on the scale (my low weight was 115 for maybe one day!)....

I agree about having my own business. My dh has always fantasized about us owning a business and I always try to dissuade him because I'm terrified of it.

FWIW, I'm a doctor, and I can tell you that we get next to no training on weight loss, weight maintenance, metabolism as it relates to weight, or exercise. What little we get is disease-oriented, not health-optimization oriented. What we tell you in the office is basically the limit of our knowledge on this matter if we haven't done some additional self-study and training. The exception would be the rare physician who is an M.D.-PhD with research knowledge in this area (they tend to be endocrinologists, by the way). And dieticians, who know a lot about healthy eating, are trained to address medical/health conditions like diabetes, NOT vanity weight issues. Losing 100 pounds when you're morbidly obese, (and still being 50 pounds overweight when you're done) requires a much less stringent approach to eating than getting off the last 10. If you talk to a dietician about wanting to be at a BMI of 19 instead of 22, they'll roll their eyes and send you packing. No, the only group of professionals who "get" it about wanting to be in your best shape possible are some Sports Medicine physicians, and the army of personal trainers out there (some with great education and creds, others with none so do your research carefully).

Oh, wow, that spa day ... well, the microdermabrasion was a bit of a letdown, as it felt as though my skin were being vacuumed, bit by bit. I imagined the ladies who come in to clean the corporate headquarters in CT, their long slow almost meditative strokes over the lobby carpeting as they chat with one another in Spanish, and my own embarrassment at being in their way & delaying their getting their jobs done when they want to empty my cubicle wastebasket. My skin felt well-suctioned but not particularly clean afterward.

But then the massage was another story ... it was epic ... if anyone's in the Syracuse area, PM me and I'll give you the name of the day spa & the full name of the masseuse who works there, Tom, as he is fantastic and deserves to have people lined up for him. Yeah, it's a guy, a gruff-voiced, husky guy with strawberry blond hair, like the guy on the side of the Brawny Paper Towel package. Since my chest muscles were sore from benching, and I asked him to work on that, he came awfully close to, um, what can I say, forbidden zones, but it felt great, like I was being stretched by a trainer as well as massaged. I felt like an Olympic-caliber athlete who had incorporated massages into her training regimen. He was extraordinarily thorough, even had me sit up on the table to work more on my left shoulder blade. I left him a hefty tip, which he deserved.

Will have to visit my mother again, just to book another such massage.

Wow. Just wow.

Saef, that massage sounds lovely.

Michele - you are of course right about not increasing my calories - I got a little excited there for a minute. Please don't take this as any disrespect whatsoever, but at your height, you must have been reaaalllly thin at 115?

saef - I have never had a massage (by a professional, anyway). Your description was very vivid - it made me both a little skeevish and a little jealous at the same time LOL

I feel like I am constantly taking 1 step forward and 2 steps back in the mental part of this journey. I've been doing pretty well at giving myself some freedom from my rigidness lately. And then today was a day that I was "supposed to" run. I packed my lunch and brought all my running clothing. Around 11AM received a call from a woman who is the outreach coordinator for a rehab center that I use that was up here for the day and she asked me to take me to lunch. It was an excellent networking opportunity.

So I said yes and then was filled with anxiety because we were going to a non-chain lcoal bistro and I couldn't find a menu online let alone see calories counts. I went to lunch with her, anyway. I even made the good choice to have a grilled chicken and spinach salad (with dried cranberries, mandarin oranges, pecans and goat cheese) instead of what looked like an EXTREMELY yummy panini which was served with chips.

I got back to the office and decided to head out for a walk. I just returned from a 4 mile power walk. But I am sitting here RACKED with guilt for walking 4 miles instead of running 7. AND - weirdly enough - I feel guilty about the lunch I brought in sitting there uneaten in my mini fridge.

I mean how INSANE is that? I feel like I'll never be "normal".

Jen

Saef, once again you've nailed the description. Having a massage just to feel good is one thing, and having a massage to release and loosen unhappy muscles is quite another. The release, relief, and relaxation are, um, nah. I won't say it.

Jen, congrats on the happy scale reading! Methinks it's like Michele said - when you're on plan and the scale is up, it's best to just stay on plan. Seems like the other side of it would be true as well. We always tell the folks working on losses to give any changes at least 3 weeks to manifest fully; I'd think that would apply here as well. Doesn't mean you can't revel in it a bit!

Chris, I'm glad you've achieved a new level of peace with the business situation. Sometimes "rolling around in it like a dog on a dead thing" can bring about all sorts of transformations.

Nothing new to report here - summer is grinding away and I can see Labor Day on the horizon. Ack!

Jen.... Yes I was thin at that weight but I only saw it on the scale for one day! My happy weight is 118-120 but I haven't been there in months.

I know what you mean about guilt. Dd and I are going to a painting class tonight and are planning on having pizza first. I've never been but I know they are thin slices and they sell by the slice. I went to my planned bikram this morning and was planning on meeting a friend for a hike (5 miles plus). I figured the exercise would offset the pizza (I'm planning on two slices of some veggie type). My friend flaked so now I'm worried that the pizza will spike my weight. Even though I did bikram I'm already feeling guilty!

Dh comes back again from China tomorrow. He's already planning on cooking a yummy dinner tomorrow and I always have trouble with portion control when he cooks.

Just wanted to add to my shopping story (on summer thread). The DB and I went to the library and he decided to borrow Carl Hiaasen's Chomp again. Such a funny book. I'd forgotten quite how hilairious it is. I'm sure you'll know it, Michele! I can't remember whether roadkill's in this one but it certainly is in some of his others. I don't remember seeing that discussed as a food source on 3FC ...

Becky! I didn't know that these existed!

http://www.swimoutlet.com/product_p/46247.htm?color=210

I have shorted out at least 2 iPods probably from my copious sweat, so this is a revelation.

saef, I just read a review of waterproof mp3 players and this one does come out on top consistently. It could be a terrific answer to heavy sweating - a gadget designed to foil ocean water corrosives should be able to handle being drenched in sweat!