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Old 07-06-2013, 07:43 AM   #1
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Hi All -

Ever since registering on 3FC I keep getting stuck in this forum. You all really motivate and inspire me. I feel that learning from people that have successfully lost the weight and kept it off (some of you for years!!! AMAZING) is my biggest motivation.

That is the reason, why I wanted to post this here and get your opinion/help. I am sure some of you have people in your life that just make losing weight difficult.

My MIL lost like 30 lbs and is stick thin now. She is very focused on her weight but eats everything, just VERY little. She picks at her food and eats tiny portions. All this is not the problem. The problem I have is, that weight/food are a very important part in my in laws house. A few examples:

- She mentioned that my friend must have liked her food since she had a second plate (I NEVER pay attention to how much other people eat).
- "Wow person ABC ate a lot, you only had half a chicken breast and me too - but she ate a lot"
- My SIL gained weight and she told me (180 lbs!) that she ballooned up and weighs 155 now (I would take that weight in a heart beat lol). She also mentioned that she had dessert at her house (a brownie AND ice cream on top - DRAMA) and seems to eat more now.
- her daugther was chubby and she commented (behind her back) after a lunch that she was happy, that she aimed for a salad and not a sandwich
- we were watching Dancing with the Stars and she commented on almost all girls that they were "chunky".

So my problem is, that I feel constantly monitored, I can see her checking me out when I come in (did she lose/gain). Whenever I lose weight my in laws mention it right away and congratulate me (which makes me feel uncomfortable - it just doesnīt feel like a compliment, but rather like "thank god you are finally losing weight again").

Every time we meet she mentions if somebody lost weight/gained weight, what people eat (Person ABC is gluten free for example), she comments on peoples portions (i.e. "I gave you this much since you usually only eat that much" or "Whatīs wrong you usually donīt eat that little.").

She also told people, that I am easy since I ate ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. I am so embarrassed when people hear that...

I donīt know how to handle this anymore. It drives me crazy and one of my friends even noticed it. I always have to go out to dinner with them and see her checking my plate when I finish eating. I always only get salad in front of them.

Do you have people like that in your life? How do you handle it? How do you react when the weight is always a topic? Do you eat differently in public?
Do you ever discuss your weight/diet? Would you confront her?

So many questions...
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Old 07-06-2013, 08:10 AM   #2
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On the one hand, I can see why weight would be on your MIL's mind if she's been working hard to lose weight herself. On the other hand, who wants to talk about nothing but dieting and weight?

You could subtly make the point that there's more to people than their weight by drawing attention to their other attributes. For example:

MIL: So-and-so has really gained weight, hasn't she?
You: I suppose. Did you see that gorgeous sweater she knitted?

I don't curtail my eating in public. If anything, I eat more when I'm out wth others, because I enjoy restaurant/catered/party food. When you're with your in-laws, I suggest you focus on enjoying yourself and eating whatever YOU feel is appropriate.

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Old 07-06-2013, 08:48 AM   #3
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She is insecure about her weight so that's why she is constantly picking on other people's weight. The fact that you notice her checking you out might be due to the fact that she is checking if you're gaining or losing. I think she just maybe jealous or she's used to getting all the attention because she lost 30+ pounds and if you lose more then her she's afraid the attention would switch to you. Us ladies are crazy like that. Nevertheless, follow your healthy lifestyle and pay no attention to them Strongs xoxox
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Old 07-06-2013, 09:47 AM   #4
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Thank u guys so much. I really feel she hates fat people or chubby people. I first thought she is just insecure but I think her mind is just screwed up...

Somebody told her the other day that she looks sick and she was so offended.

I just hate the fact that she walks around and tells people how much/what people eat.

I should lose the weight and eat a whole burger and fries plus dessert in front of her LOL. Will be entertaining.
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Old 07-06-2013, 09:54 AM   #5
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Imagine a blue shield around you that won't let her toxic thought pollution come in. Make a choice to not latch on to what she says or does. Be a leader and live/show a new way!
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w1: 11 lbs; w2: 4 lbs; w3: 3.6 lbs; w4: 5 lbs; w5: 5 lbs;w6: 2.4 lbs; w7: 1.4lbs; w8: 6lbs ; w9: 1lb w10: 4.6 lbs w11: 0lbs w12: 5 lbs; w13: 2 lbs w14: 4 lbs ; w15: no w.i.; w16: 11.5 lbs ; w17: 1 lb; w18: 2.5 lbs; w19: 2 lbs; w20: .5; w21: no w.i.; w22: 9 lbs; w23: 3.5 lbs ...

No longer morbidly obese! Total loss now = 108 lbs. With thanks to the Ideal Protein Diet (a form of ketogenic nutrition)!

Low carb life is my liberation!


Last edited by Annik : 07-06-2013 at 09:55 AM.
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Old 07-06-2013, 10:06 AM   #6
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It sounds like she has nothing else going on in her life except thinking about what she's eating, or she defines her own success in comparison to how other people are doing. Neither seem like a happy or healthy way to live. If you don't think you can have a productive conversation with her about this (she would get defensive or it just wouldn't change anything) then I would be tempted to just have fun with it.

If she's commenting about how much someone is eating at a meal I would jump in and say how the burgers (or whatever) must be really good and we should try to eat more than them. Maybe jokingly challenge her to an eating contest. If she's horrified enough by your reactions to how much other people are eating or by how much you plan to eat hopefully she'll stop talking about it in front of you.

Just remember at the end of the day its annoying, but its a sign of her issues and you shouldn't let them become your issues.
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Old 07-06-2013, 10:08 AM   #7
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I would say something like, "The more people monitor my eating, the more it makes me want to eat." But that wouldn't really do the trick, most likely. As far as I can tell, you have two options. One would be to ignore her comments and let them go in one ear and out the other. Eat how you want and don't let her presence alter your consumption in any way. The other option is to have a talk with her. Let her know that when you're around, you'd like her to stop talking about people's weight/size/food consumption, etc. because it makes you incredibly uncomfortable. You can even go as far as letting her know that you enjoy her company and would love to talk about other things but body size is out of the question. If she continues, get up and leave every time she does so until she finally stops.
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Old 07-06-2013, 10:09 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by spetty View Post
It sounds like she has nothing else going on in her life except thinking about what she's eating, or she defines her own success in comparison to how other people are doing. Neither seem like a happy or healthy way to live. If you don't think you can have a productive conversation with her about this (she would get defensive or it just wouldn't change anything) then I would be tempted to just have fun with it.

If she's commenting about how much someone is eating at a meal I would jump in and say how the burgers (or whatever) must be really good and we should try to eat more than them. Maybe jokingly challenge her to an eating contest. If she's horrified enough by your reactions to how much other people are eating or by how much you plan to eat hopefully she'll stop talking about it in front of you.

Just remember at the end of the day its annoying, but its a sign of her issues and you shouldn't let them become your issues.

Well said!
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w1: 11 lbs; w2: 4 lbs; w3: 3.6 lbs; w4: 5 lbs; w5: 5 lbs;w6: 2.4 lbs; w7: 1.4lbs; w8: 6lbs ; w9: 1lb w10: 4.6 lbs w11: 0lbs w12: 5 lbs; w13: 2 lbs w14: 4 lbs ; w15: no w.i.; w16: 11.5 lbs ; w17: 1 lb; w18: 2.5 lbs; w19: 2 lbs; w20: .5; w21: no w.i.; w22: 9 lbs; w23: 3.5 lbs ...

No longer morbidly obese! Total loss now = 108 lbs. With thanks to the Ideal Protein Diet (a form of ketogenic nutrition)!

Low carb life is my liberation!

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Old 07-06-2013, 10:13 AM   #9
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Guys u are awesome!!! Great advice!!!

What do u guys think about that? Next time she mentions how much somebody weighs/eats I say "oh I didn't get the memo - what is the rule again on how much one person is allowed to weigh/eat"? If I say it jokingly maybe she gets it.
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Old 07-08-2013, 10:16 PM   #10
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I don't know--maybe your MIL has always been this way? You may have just noticed it. I came back from Mexico and one night we went out and had a *little* too much to drink. I told people ahead of time that I am a "Cheap drunk" (I don't like to drink--alcohol has never much appealed) and I get drunk easy. Well, after a few drinks, I was damn drunk. They think I'm this way because I lost so much weight. I lost a lot of things when I lost the weight, but the incapacity to handle large quantities of alcohol was not one of those things, as I never had the ability to ever lose it.

That said, it is rude to comment on people's eating habits.
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Old 07-09-2013, 07:29 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Andee3112 View Post
Guys u are awesome!!! Great advice!!!

What do u guys think about that? Next time she mentions how much somebody weighs/eats I say "oh I didn't get the memo - what is the rule again on how much one person is allowed to weigh/eat"? If I say it jokingly maybe she gets it.
I like your NEW take on things the sarcasim may make her get it...some people just don't get it!
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Old 07-20-2013, 02:42 PM   #12
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Memememe yeah she has been like that ever since I know her.

Sorry for not getting back earlier - just got back from vacation haven't met er since starting this topic.
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