3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community  

Go Back   3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community > Maintainers > Living Maintenance

Living Maintenance general maintenance topics and discussions

Time to 'fess up: Having a difficult time (long)

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 05-23-2013, 05:02 PM   #1
Senior Member
 
lin43's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,572

Default Time to 'fess up: Having a difficult time (long)

I feel like such a failure posting this, but I'm really having a hard time---and this after feeling like maintenance was effortless for at least a year. When I first started maintenance (Nov. 2011) I was 140.2. While trying to figure out my maintenance calories, I lost a few pounds. Over the course of 1 1/2 years, I've been a low as 133.5, but my standard weight is somewhere between 135-137, so that's what I consider my maintenance weight. I had weighed myself last month, and I was 138. I weighed myself on Tuesday of this week, and I'm now 140.6.

I have an idea of how this happened: It comes from far too much estimating (underestimating apparently). I've gotten sloppy in weighing and measuring my food. I guess I became a little cocky.

My problem is that what worked for me to lose (calorie counting - 1400-1600 per day) seems really, really difficult to stick to now, especially after having maintained for a year at 2200 per day. The exercise isn't the problem. I actually still love it. The eating is the problem. I feel like just doing low carb for a couple of weeks; I know that would get the 5 lbs off quickly, but I also fear that I'll regain when I start eating normally (and I'm not willing to go low or even reduced carb long term). I've tried various versions of intermittent fasting, and the hunger pangs are not as bad as the ill temper it puts me in (I wonder if this is a blood sugar issue). I think IF would work well if I could just eat breakfast/brunch at 11:00; I would be able to hold out for dinner. But during the summer particularly, my husband (retired) likes to go out for breakfast around 9:00, so if I eat that early, it's really difficult for me to wait to eat again at dinnertime.

I'm not giving up. I've tried to examine why I regained in past attempts and I identified one commonality in all my yo-yo dieting: I chose to ignore the reality that I was regaining (never weighing myself, pretending that little bites licks and tastes didn't matter, etc.). So, at least I've decided that I will be completely honest with myself no matter what. I started with weighing myself. Also, I've been more assiduous about weighing my food. Today, I had some snack mix while driving home (I know--this is part of the problem). A week or two ago, I would have just guessed at the amount I had eaten. This time, I forced myself to weigh what remained in the bag when I got home. I had guessed that I had eaten 2 1/2 servings. What I had really eaten was 4 servings. That kind of guessing really helps to explain my weight gain.

Anyway, I'm not sure why I'm posting all this, but I just wanted to get it out, I suppose. I feel like a phony sometimes posting advice to others as if I have it all together, when I really do not.
__________________
Clothes Sizes (not lbs):
lin43 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-23-2013, 05:32 PM   #2
Senior Member
 
bargoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Davis, Ca
Posts: 23,138

S/C/G: 204/114/120

Height: 5'

Default

lin43 it is good to hear from you. Sorry you are having problems. Maintenance is not easy, in fact I think it is just as hard if not harder than losing. I have had to accept that maintenance is FOREVER . It takes some trial and error to find what will work best for each person. When I reached goal I asked long time maintainers how they did it. Their answer amazed me. They said they keep it off the same way they lost it. I realized they knew something I didn't so I followed their advice. I still count calories, I still plan my menus for the day, every day, I still weigh myself, every day. It is working for me, so I continue, oh, I have occasional treats but I get right back on track. I find this action to be easy compared to what it would be if I regained and had to start wearing extra large clothing again.
__________________
Goal 12/21/2007
bargoo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-23-2013, 08:29 PM   #3
Senior Member
 
ikesgirl80's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 224

S/C/G: 350/180/180 (surgery recovery)

Height: 5'9"

Default

Thank you lin43! I really needed that today! I am so proud of you for catching yourself at just 3-5 pounds over what your maintenance range is. I am attempting to do a weird combo of learning maintenance and losing the last 10 (or 12 or 13 after the past couple days) before my surgery. That is exactly what I am worried about, especially since the stress in the next couple weeks is going to be pretty intense. I am hoping with the support of my friends and family, I can get my sh!t together and do what I WANT and NEED to do in the next couple days!

Chris
__________________
ikesgirl80 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-23-2013, 09:15 PM   #4
Senior Member
 
freelancemomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 2,086

S/C/G: 195/145/145

Height: 5'11"

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by lin43 View Post
I feel like such a failure posting this, but I'm really having a hard time---and this after feeling like maintenance was effortless for at least a year. When I first started maintenance (Nov. 2011) I was 140.2. While trying to figure out my maintenance calories, I lost a few pounds. Over the course of 1 1/2 years, I've been a low as 133.5, but my standard weight is somewhere between 135-137, so that's what I consider my maintenance weight. I had weighed myself last month, and I was 138. I weighed myself on Tuesday of this week, and I'm now 140.6.
Your experience is eerily similar to mine -- perhaps not so surprising considering we're self-identified weight loss "twins." I also reached maintenance (145 lbs) in Nov. 2011. Like you, I lost a few more pounds while figuring out my caloric sweet spot for maintenance, which turns out to be 2,000+. I've been as low as 135 and my usual range last year was 137 to 139.

This past March I went to Texas and took a week off eating "sensibly." I went back on plan after returning, but I haven't quite found my groove. It seems there's always some temptation around the corner, and I've succumbed to several of them. (Example: Tomorrow I'm going to a family dinner at the very posh CN Tower restaurant. My brother's paying for everyone, so it's carte blanche. It's hard for me to picture myself eating sensibly at such an event.) As a result I now weigh about 147 lbs. I would like to go back down to 145 lbs or less (I think 137 was actually too low for my height), but I'm finding it unaccountably difficult to eat 1,500 cals per day (to lose about a pound a week), which used to be easy.

Like you, I've had no problem sticking with the exercise. It's just the #*&@ eating that I still haven't mastered.

Anyway, I'm with you all the way. Perhaps we can cheer each other on.

Freelance
__________________

Last edited by freelancemomma : 05-23-2013 at 09:18 PM.
freelancemomma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-24-2013, 06:38 AM   #5
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 881

S/C/G: 24W/10-12/10-12

Height: 5', 5"

Default

Hi Lin:

Good to hear from you. Can I offer a different perspective?

Do I understand that you are .4 ounces more than when you entered maintenance. I understand you are a few pounds heavier than your lowest weight but I understand you are well within normal range (and regular fluctuations). The good thing is that you caught it early which means you know how to make maintenance work!
__________________


Welcome to my crazy life.....http://theythatweight.blogspot.com/

A City Girl's Guide to Faith, Weight and Sanity
free1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-24-2013, 10:24 AM   #6
Senior Member
 
traveling michele's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 4,310

S/C/G: 178/124/125

Height: 5'5"

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by free1 View Post
Hi Lin:

Good to hear from you. Can I offer a different perspective?

Do I understand that you are .4 ounces more than when you entered maintenance. I understand you are a few pounds heavier than your lowest weight but I understand you are well within normal range (and regular fluctuations). The good thing is that you caught it early which means you know how to make maintenance work!
Very good point here.

Maintenance is a struggle. It isn't easy. Never give up.
__________________




2014 workout goals:
365 total workouts including a minimum of 250 bikram yoga classes

So far:
298/365 workouts
234 bikram yogas
traveling michele is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-24-2013, 11:08 AM   #7
Midsize B%^$#*tch
 
saef's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Atlantis, which is near Manhattan
Posts: 5,474

S/C/G: (H)247/(C)158/(G)142-138

Height: 5'3"

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by lin43 View Post
I feel like a phony sometimes posting advice to others as if I have it all together, when I really do not.
Having a hard time doesn't mean you are a "failure." That language in your post and the shame radiating from your words made me want to hug you. Why so tough on yourself?

Does anyone here have it all together? I think not.

Nobody's advising from a superior position. We are simply supporting one another against our common enemy (which is often ourselves) and serving as sounding boards.

My advice would be, don't always think **further restriction** is the answer: Eliminating carbs, stopping eating, etc. As someone who's been there, I suspect this isn't happening because you're not working it hard enough. What are you gonna do if that works for a while & you get to this place again? What will cut then?
__________________
saef is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-24-2013, 11:40 AM   #8
Claim it ,Achieve it!
 
Roo2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Illinois
Posts: 712

S/C/G: 212/104.2/120

Height: 5'2"

Default

I am a work in progress ...and will always be as long as I am in maintenance.
I have loss the spontaneity and sheer joy of eating unmonitored...soo I decided to give myself a Gift ...Freedom !!!!
At 2am in the morning One night I made the conconcious Choice to Indulge in a bowl of Chocolate Mint Ice Cream ...with No measuring ...I ate it sitting on the sofa watching TV enjoying every bite guilt free than I had a second bowl and enjoyed it with great gusto And No twinges of guilt afterward....then did not eat till late that day but back on program !

What I felt was empowered and I brought the joy of eating back in my life! We all our different people ....I refuse to punish myself or be miserable about food ,my weight....whatever ! I was glad that I was brave enough to eat with abandon and joy again ! It was like winning a prize....the exhilaration I felt after eating that Ice Cream and being able to turn it off was a feeling I can not put into words!
I have accomplished my goal to have have the mind and body working in together not as opposing forces.
Good Luck and be as kind and thoughtful to yourselves as you are to others
Roo2
__________________

Last edited by Roo2 : 05-24-2013 at 11:42 AM.
Roo2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-24-2013, 12:18 PM   #9
Senior Member
 
lin43's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,572

Default

Thank you all for your encouragement! It means a lot to me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by bargoo View Post
It takes some trial and error to find what will work best for each person
Thanks, bargoo. I’m learning this now.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ikesgirl80 View Post
I am so proud of you for catching yourself at just 3-5 pounds over what your maintenance range is
Well, put that way, I feel better! 


Quote:
Originally Posted by freelancemomma View Post
Anyway, I'm with you all the way. Perhaps we can cheer each other on
Absolutely! I have to keep reminding myself that no one said this would be an easy ride all the way.

Quote:
Originally Posted by free1 View Post
Can I offer a different perspective?
Do I understand that you are .4 ounces more than when you entered maintenance. I understand you are a few pounds heavier than your lowest weight but I understand you are well within normal range (and regular fluctuations)
Thank you for pointing that out. It helps me to put it in perspective.

Quote:
Originally Posted by traveling michele View Post
Maintenance is a struggle. It isn't easy. Never give up.

Thank you! I don't intend to (which is a major difference from past attempts where I chose to ignore the problem---aka "give up").


Quote:
Originally Posted by saef View Post
Having a hard time doesn't mean you are a "failure."

That language in your post and the shame radiating from your words made me want to hug you. Why so tough on yourself?

Does anyone here have it all together? I think not.

Nobody's advising from a superior position. We are simply supporting one another against our common enemy (which is often ourselves) and serving as sounding boards.

My advice would be, don't always think **further restriction** is the answer: Eliminating carbs, stopping eating, etc. As someone who's been there, I suspect this isn't happening because you're not working it hard enough. What are you gonna do if that works for a while & you get to this place again? What will cut then?
As usual, Saef, your words of wisdom are appreciated. I know I'm of the "hair shirt" school of weight control, i.e., feeling the need to deprecate myself for daring to veer from eating perfection. I need to work on that.
__________________
Clothes Sizes (not lbs):

Last edited by lin43 : 05-24-2013 at 12:19 PM.
lin43 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-25-2013, 08:25 AM   #10
Senior Member
 
JenMusic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 1,118

S/C/G: HW:200+/Maintaining:<123

Height: 5'1 and a 1/2" (yes the 1/2" matters!)

Default

I'm sorry I wasn't able to reply earlier, as I'm away with family.

There's lots of wisdom in this thread and I agree with what's been said. Including your original post - that's ME in many ways. I also find exercise easier than food and spent some time "rebelling in the wilderness."

One thing that is helping me in my current journey is reframing the mental discussion: I'm trying not to make it a matter of what I'm unwilling to do, but a matter of what I am willing to do. For a short, simple example - I'm unwilling to give up cupcakes, which in my head translates to "Must eat this cupcake immediately, in front of me, right now!!!" Instead, I tell myself I am willing to wait until the cupcake is one of my favorite, home-baked cupcakes from my amateur baker co-worker. I realize that's a mental game I play, but isn't most of weight loss?

Quote:
Originally Posted by saef View Post
Does anyone here have it all together? I think not.

Nobody's advising from a superior position. We are simply supporting one another against our common enemy (which is often ourselves) and serving as sounding boards.
And I love this ^^ from saef. I am often my own worst enemy, but I am so thankful for the mutual support I find here at 3FC!
__________________
JenMusic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-25-2013, 09:43 AM   #11
Year 9 in Maintenance
 
Bright Angel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Central California
Posts: 285

S/C/G: 271/125/115

Height: 5'0"

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by saef View Post
Does anyone here have it all together? I think not.
Nobody's advising from a superior position.
We are simply supporting one another against our common enemy
(which is often ourselves) and serving as sounding boards.
Very True.
__________________

BrightAngel - Dr. Phyllis Collins - DietHobby

Bright Angel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-25-2013, 11:09 AM   #12
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 146

Default

I am having a similar issue. I am coming up on one year of maintenance... and for some reason I seem to be gaining easily and also... not losing. I try to think, maybe I am cheating but I don't feel like I am. It does feel like what used to work for me to lose weight, isn't working anymore?

This winter I went though a very stressful time and I had a few slip ups. Then in April I had a massive terrifying binge. This resulted in a 10 lb gain. But I got back on the wagon and even after a month of that... I haven't lost it. Although I have lost some.

Although it is taking a lot of discipline, I too find it much more brutal to stick to the low calories this time around. I am about 80% on plan while when I was dieting I was 100% and it didn't feel that bad. But now there feels like a little part of me that is always screaming at me... EAT EAT EAT!!!

I also find it hard to keep my life "on hold" .. last year I benefited from a few strange events.. a slow time at work and a warm winter. This year.. not so much. As the weather gets better, my boss stubbornly refuses to cut back on work when he should plowing down a lot of my discipline. These things were temporarily in good shape last year, but not this year.

It is tough.
__________________
*** Emma *** 5'5 220/157/142
Emma4545 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-25-2013, 02:02 PM   #13
Senior Member
 
lin43's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,572

Default

Jen, I completely agree that the mental part of all this is major. Gradually, over the past few years, I've realized that I tend to give up easily (this isn't just connected to weight loss;it applies to other areas of life as well). I am trying to use that knowledge of myself to help me this time around. I love what someone said on another thread about changing the word "can't" to "won't" in our mental monologues. Rather than "I can't give up that chocolate cake" reframe it as "I won't give up that chocolate cake." That small word change makes it much clearer that eating or not eating something is completely within our control (an obvious truth but one that doesn't seem to sink in sometimes).

Emme, I completely understand what you mean. I seems like for a while after I reached maintenance, I was able to splurge quite a bit without gaining. In fact, sometimes, I was sure I was going to see a gain after eating heavily, but I would actually see a loss! I keep hoping this isn't the dreaded "creep" I've heard about where people who have maintained for a while actually start slowly gaining (maybe that happens because our metabolism decreases slightly every year we age?). My hunch about my own gain, though, is that I just wasn't keeping track as well as I used to. I was probably consuming 100-200 calories a day more just from "bites, licks, and tastes." I have cut that out during the last few days, though (ever since I weighed myself), and it feels easier as time goes on.
__________________
Clothes Sizes (not lbs):
lin43 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-25-2013, 04:56 PM   #14
Just Yr Everyday Chick
 
JayEll's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Florida
Posts: 9,963

S/C/G: Lost 50 lbs, regained some

Height: 5'3"

Default

Oh, I've gone through this. Easy the first year, then it gets harder. In my experience, continued long-term efforts at restriction eventually fail. The body adapts as best it can to fewer calories--but it knows when it's being shortchanged. And mentally and emotionally, it is draining. Getting more and more strict is probably not a viable long-term strategy.

Let me just suggest that sooner or later, you may have to make choices about how you want to live your life. The way you want to live may mean weighing more than some idealized number you came up with or managed to get down to once.

Jay
__________________
"My religion is kindness." --His Holiness the Dalai Lama
JayEll is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-25-2013, 07:21 PM   #15
Senior Member
 
lin43's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,572

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by JayEll View Post
Oh, I've gone through this. Easy the first year, then it gets harder. In my experience, continued long-term efforts at restriction eventually fail. The body adapts as best it can to fewer calories--but it knows when it's being shortchanged. And mentally and emotionally, it is draining. Getting more and more strict is probably not a viable long-term strategy.

Let me just suggest that sooner or later, you may have to make choices about how you want to live your life. The way you want to live may mean weighing more than some idealized number you came up with or managed to get down to once.

Jay
Thanks for the perspective, Jay. I, too, have been here before. That's why I'm trying to use that experience (and others' experiences), to help me react differently now than I did then (of course, "then" I just ignored the problem, and regained). I completely agree with the last part of your post about weighing more. I think if I had never been on a diet and just ate "normally," I would probably be slightly overweight (because that's in my genes on both sides), but not "fat" or obese. Unfortunately, all those years of dieting have screwed with my head, so every time I've ever rebounded from a weight loss, the pendulum has swung the other way, and I've gotten uncomfortably (and unhealthily) fat (yes, "fat"---I won't sugarcoat it).

I wish I did have the courage to say, "to heck w/ society!" But I'm not there yet. Having gotten down to a particular size, right now, my goal is to stay that size. I'm sure that one day I'm going to do what someone on another forum suggested: start eating to achieve a comfortable [for me] goal lifestyle, not a goal size or a goal weight. Right now, though, the sacrifices I have to make to stay size 4-6 are not outweighing the benefits. When the balance goes the other way, then I'm sure my way of eating will change (especially since my husband doesn't care whether I gain another 20; he just cares that I care).
__________________
Clothes Sizes (not lbs):
lin43 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply
Posts by members, moderators and admins are not considered medical advice
and no guarantee is made against accuracy.


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
300+ and Ready to Try Again...#919 Hpnotq 300+ Club 36 05-30-2006 01:28 PM
Adventures in hiking Jillegal 100 lb. Club 16 05-04-2004 02:21 PM
Bodybuilding #93 - First week of Bootcamp! 10 Mar 03 MrsJim Weight and Resistance Training 188 03-17-2003 06:44 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:55 AM.






Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.3.2