Quote:
Originally Posted by neurodoc
The fact is, most of us on this thread would rather lose an eye or a job than regain the weight we've worked so hard to lose (and keep off). If being fat didn't disgust us, we wouldn't have been motivated to lose our weight to begin with. We spend our days working hard to prevent regain, and live in fear of the scale (or our skinny jeans) telling us that we've gained even a few pounds. So, how hypocritical would it be if we DIDN'T feel disgust (or pity) at others who are overweight? Pass judgement when others can't manage what we have? Feel real fear when we see someone who's the shape we used to be, knowing how easy it would be to return there?
Well, I'm here waving from the other side of the abyss. I did regain most of my weight loss and am now struggling to get it back. I do not believe that I regained the weight because I didn't care that much. I regained because I never really solved some of my underlying issues and so when I hit a period of extreme stress, after holding it together for more than two years, I ended up reverting back to the behaviors that made me fat in the first place.
And I can tell you right now that I would absolutely NOT rather lose an eye or my job than be fat. I don't like being fat much, but one thing that being normal-sized taught me was to like myself. YUP. I find it very difficult to muster the kind of self-hatred that actually drove me to lose the weight in the first place.
I'm working on losing the weight again, but I don't hate myself anymore. I look at my own fattest pictures with compassion and that allows me to look at everyone else with compassion as well.
Furthermore, I can be fat and do my job. I can be fat and get all dressed up and stand in front of a room and give inspirational speeches and people will line up afterwards to get my signature and all this while I AM STILL FAT. It's kind of like Dorothy and the ruby slippers. I had the power all along: the power to believe that I am good enough the way I am. I did not need to lose 110 lbs to turn into the person I want to be. I already am that person, and even if you look at me funny at the gym, quite frankly, I probably won't notice.
But, I was not born like this. I'm over 50 and I think I wasted a lot of my life judging myself way too hard, and then being hard on others because I thought they were looking at me the way I was looking at them-- judgmentally.
Your awareness that you are doing this and not liking it about yourself is a sure sign that you are not a bad person or evil or cruel or judgmental, but I might guess that you are not able to look at your own fat pictures with compassion and equanimity.
Being fat is unpleasant for many reasons, but bad enough to lose a beloved job or an eye? Absolutely not.