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Having a very tough time...

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Old 02-15-2013, 04:32 PM   #1
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Hey all!

I haven't been posting in chat this week because I am in a very bad place emotionally. Please feel free NOT to keep reading if you don't want to see a total pity party.

DH and I went to visit his niece and her husband over the weekend. I ate like a total PIG all weekend, including what must have been at least 2000 calories worth of trail mix in one sitting. I also did not exercise for 2 days in a row other then walking a few miles one of the days at a leisurely pace around downtown Albany.

I came home prepared to get back on track and have done pretty well all week and still am 2.5 pounds above my "red line" weight. I was really discouraged this morning and then we went to visit a rehab place that we refer to and they greeted us with a HUGE lunch spread. My weakness- free food! - I stuffed myself there, INCLUDING a piece of carrot cake - BTW - I don't even LIKE carrot cake!!

I am in total relapse mode. I am ashamed and discouraged and I feel like a total and complete FRAUD. I've had thoughts creep into my head like - oh well, maybe your weight was too low and 5 pounds higher is okay. To me this is like the alcoholic saying 1 beer ain't so bad.

Part of this I know is complete and total cabin fever. But just today the Judge that I work with and who is trying to lose weight called me his inspiration and I just wanted to cry because I know that it is all bullshit.

Anyway, I guess I've rambled on enough - thanks to everyone who is still reading....

Jen
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Old 02-15-2013, 04:46 PM   #2
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I'm not in maintenance and don't have any advice but just wanted give you hugs.

Your success story was one of the first ones I ever read when I joined 3FC and you are such an inspiration to me.

One bad day doesn't mean you have to give up, it just means you are human!

You are an amazing person and have given so many of us helpful advice. I hope one of us is able to help you now.
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Old 02-15-2013, 04:46 PM   #3
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Jen, we all have times like these. :hugs: The important thing to remember is that you can put it behind you. 2.5 lbs may seem like a big deal now, but in time you will get past it. Focus on taking really good care of yourself. Now is the time for some non-food pampering.
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Old 02-15-2013, 04:50 PM   #4
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Starting Weight: 344

Quote:
2.5 pounds above my "red line" weight
Quote:
did not exercise for 2 days in a row
Imagine reading your post at 344 pounds. Could you even imagine?

I think every. single. maintainer has struggled with/is struggling with being a little higher than "goal weight." Are we all relapsing frauds because we overeat a bit on a weekend away or have a bad day?

As far as exercise goes I know it's addictive and I feel itchy and guilty if I miss a day or two. But trainers and doctors DO recommend occasional breaks, "refeeds," things of that nature - for physical AND mental health.

Show yourself the same kindness and empathy you show others! You deserve it!
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Old 02-15-2013, 05:46 PM   #5
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I'm so sorry you are struggling. Yes, we maintainers all have days/weeks/months that we are experiencing what you are talking about. Heck-- sometimes in one day I go back and forth between being proud of myself and being disgusted with myself. I also went on a trip around when you did-- for 24 hours-- and, yes-- I came back 4 pounds up. Realistically I knew I didn't really gain four pounds... But has it come off? Only two so far... I know it is so very frustrating.

But, listen to what Krampus said. Can you imagine your 344 self reading what you wrote??? You probably would have wanted to smack her-- and thought-- what does she have to complain about?! Right!?!?!?!

Obviously, you can take off the 2.5 extra pounds. Who cares if it takes 2.5 months? (you do, I know). The important thing is to think about WHY you lost weight and how much your life has changed. Don't let the 2.5 become 25 or more.... I know you won't. You are terrifically inspirational. I love reading your blog.

I had a co-worker comment on how awesome I look today. I am not happy with my weight at the moment. I had to step back and not say-- oh-- but I want to be 8 pounds lighter-- she wouldn't have wanted to hear that. She was giving me a true compliment. She meant it, just like the law partner when he said it to you.

Hugs to you.....
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Old 02-15-2013, 06:51 PM   #6
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Be kind to yourself. You have accomplished something amazing and are human! I admire you--even if you are 2.5 lbs above your red line.
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Old 02-15-2013, 06:56 PM   #7
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Jen, Do you think I never have days, weeks like this ? Of course I do, only I pig out on things like soda crackers and butter, lots of butter or my favorite Winter Wheat Bread with butter, lots of butter and honey. Do you think I kick myself around the block for doing it? I sure do. What do I do about it ? I don't beat myself up over it and as soon as I come to my senses I get right back on plan.
I have confidence in you that you will get back on track. Do not be discouraged or ashamed you are human and you will overcome this.
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Old 02-15-2013, 08:22 PM   #8
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Every maintainer has and will go through the same. I think the main difference between those of us who prove the longterm stats wrong and those who are part of those stats are that we don't let that negative inner voice discourage us to the point that we give up. Instead, we keep putting one foot in front of the other. I had an epiphany this time around when I lost weight: I realized all the other times I had yo-yoed, the main reason I regained is that I gave up. At some point when I would relapse, I would get discouraged and throw in the towel and, ultimately, regain everything I had lost.

This time, my attitude is different. At some point in December or so, I posted on the Weight Loss Support forum that maintenance was easier than I thought. I must have jinxed myself because no more than a few weeks later, I seem to be struggling. I know I've gained 2-3 pounds, but I can't seem to get 100% back on track. But you know what? I refuse to give up. I am still calorie counting, exercising, etc. , and I am 95% back on track. Ultimately, I know I will power through this, and you will, too!

Don't panic. Trust yourself. One or even several relapse events does not mean that you will throw away all the habits you've cultivated since you lost.
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Old 02-16-2013, 09:20 AM   #9
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Hi Jen,

I've had a bad eating week too... money worries triggering mild depression followed by self-medication with too much food... Then I feel I should quit the maintenance support group because I gained a few pounds when I said I would lose weight. So I feel like a failure and a phony unworthy of the nice people I've met here on this site. Sound familiar? It's nice to know other actual human beings have these setbacks too. Thanks for your openness.
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Old 02-16-2013, 04:32 PM   #10
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Hi Jen,

I've had a bad eating week too... money worries triggering mild depression followed by self-medication with too much food... Then I feel I should quit the maintenance support group because I gained a few pounds when I said I would lose weight. So I feel like a failure and a phony unworthy of the nice people I've met here on this site. Sound familiar? It's nice to know other actual human beings have these setbacks too. Thanks for your openness.
I've been in the same place for about 2 weeks. And I've never actually hit goal weight again since 2008. But I still am a maintainer - just temporarily derailed. I am getting back on track this long weekend. We go forward, then back. And then forward again. This is for life. So change will be your only constant.

It's frustrating as heck sometimes but dealing with it gets easier over time.

Dagmar
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Old 02-16-2013, 06:02 PM   #11
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Thanks to everyone for the encouraging words and the support. Chris, bargoo and Dagmar - I wouldn't wish this miserable feeling on anyone, but it does mean a lot to know that other people that I admire go through the same thing at times.

This winter has been very hard on me, and I know that boredom and cold contribute to this in me.

It's not the weight as much as it is the mental part of this. I feel like I am obsessed with food right now and I just want to eat and eat and eat.

Jen
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"Have you ever looked fear in the face and said 'I just don't care!'" ~ Pink ~

http://jenhudsonmosher.blogspot.com/

My goal reached thread http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/goal...ncers-say.html
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Old 02-16-2013, 09:09 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by CherryPie99 View Post
It's not the weight as much as it is the mental part of this. I feel like I am obsessed with food right now and I just want to eat and eat and eat.
Get out of my head! This has been me all week. Today is the first day I've shown even a modicum of restraint. I ate to the point of feeling sick yesterday and then ate some more. What is that?? I don't want to be that person anymore, ever.

It helps to know that others are struggling, especially when those others are people who have had long-term success maintaining their weight loss. It shows me that we can choose not to give up, as Lin said.

Spring is (technically) only 32 days away. Hang in there, Jen!
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Old 02-17-2013, 09:25 AM   #13
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Thanks to everyone for the encouraging words and the support. Chris, bargoo and Dagmar - I wouldn't wish this miserable feeling on anyone, but it does mean a lot to know that other people that I admire go through the same thing at times.

This winter has been very hard on me, and I know that boredom and cold contribute to this in me.

It's not the weight as much as it is the mental part of this. I feel like I am obsessed with food right now and I just want to eat and eat and eat.

Jen
Winter is so hard! When I become obsessed with food and just want to eat I try (try is the operative word - I don't always succeed) to do one of 2 things:

1. Take a nap. Sometimes I need to hibernate to get through it.
2. Force myself to go out, usually to meet a friend. I know it seems counter intuitive when we all want to stay inside and avoid the cold. But socializing is super helpful for me.

Spring will come for all of us again.
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Old 02-17-2013, 04:10 PM   #14
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Winter is so hard! When I become obsessed with food and just want to eat I try (try is the operative word - I don't always succeed) to do one of 2 things:

1. Take a nap. Sometimes I need to hibernate to get through it.
2. Force myself to go out, usually to meet a friend. I know it seems counter intuitive when we all want to stay inside and avoid the cold. But socializing is super helpful for me.

Spring will come for all of us again.
I think these are great suggestions. I also wanted to mention for #2, if you can come up with anything active (again, I understand it's hard in the cold) it's especially helpful for me when I'm trying to stay away from the food. e.g. meeting a friend at the dog park, taking a walk with DH, even bowling is focused more on activity than food. That way I try to catch up with friends in a way that's not food-focused. You've already been given great advice, but I also wanted to give you a .
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Old 02-18-2013, 05:45 AM   #15
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I think these are great suggestions. I also wanted to mention for #2, if you can come up with anything active (again, I understand it's hard in the cold) it's especially helpful for me when I'm trying to stay away from the food. e.g. meeting a friend at the dog park, taking a walk with DH, even bowling is focused more on activity than food. That way I try to catch up with friends in a way that's not food-focused. You've already been given great advice, but I also wanted to give you a .
Unfortunately I'm outsidewalking all day in the cold so #2 is an option I really don't want. I do take a nap (or try to) when I get home and it really helps (if I can actually sleep for about 20 minutes).

I wish I could find something non-strenuous to do inside during the evening. I find reading too hard (too tired to concentrate) and TV puts me to sleep. i have no friends or social contacts really so I can't call anyone.

It gets a bit easier in spring but this winter has been a particularly stressful one - physically, mentally, and emotionally. I really hope to find some moments of peace after the house closes and the money is in my bank. Then the crazy old man can't touch me any more. And i won't have 2 houses to supervise. That will lift a big burden off my shoulders.

Right now I'm accepting that I'm gaining weight. It's the lesser evil.

Dagmar
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