Jen, glad to hear you are feeling better and back under redline. So far this week is pretty good. I've resumed overdosing myself with Vitamin D and am excited about above-freezing temperatures.
I am thinking about resetting my redline to 124 but that's scary!
My fondest desire is to eat like normal people. I'd like to eat potatoes and gravy and buttered biscuits and a piece of pie and not even give a thought of what the scale might say. Believe it or not, there are folks like that, but I am not one of them. If I want to maintain I must continue to plan my meals and continue to count calories, every day. I accept that most of the timne, but sometimes I rebel and when I do I pay for it in numbers on the scale.
You know, Bargoo, I drink like a normal person. One glass of wine a day, occasionally two drinks on a special occasion. Many times I have wished I could EAT in the same way, where I naturally just eat what I need, a bit more on special occasions. But it ain't like that. Like the alcoholic who can't drink, I have to deal with my eating fixation just like all of us here. And I too rebel against it sometimes. Oh well. I can totally relate, it's what I have to deal with... and I can't be like those people who don't have to think about eating and just maintain a good weight all their lives!
My fondest desire is to eat like normal people. I'd like to eat potatoes and gravy and buttered biscuits and a piece of pie and not even give a thought of what the scale might say. Believe it or not, there are folks like that, but I am not one of them. If I want to maintain I must continue to plan my meals and continue to count calories, every day. I accept that most of the timne, but sometimes I rebel and when I do I pay for it in numbers on the scale.
This will be me. I will never be able to eat "normal" again.
Of course I guess I created that... I probably wouldn't have such sugar issues/carb issues if I would have eaten more reasonably.
But what came first? The sugar problems which escalated the carb eating, or the too much carb eating that created the sugar problems? What came first? The chicken or the egg? Have I ALWAYS been sensitive to carbs or was it created?
Whatever, I simply know I cannot indulge in more than like ONE cookie day... and probably not even every day. I did that the last two Christmases and the first time it resulted in a 14 pound gain (after 5 weeks of planned off time) and this fall (November through the first days of Jan.) it resulted in a 27 pound gain.
That is a LOT of weight really fast and I didn't even feel like I was going crazy!
I will have to count calories and watch carb levels forever because if they get out of balance, I lose control of rational thoughts on food.
Thanks for bumping this thread, Jen. As always, reading everyone's posts here is very helpful. There's so much information and support here.
I tried very hard to get back on track with my eating this week but I was just ridiculously hungry - stomach aching hungry, not just eating-compulsion hungry. I wasn't eating huge amounts of food but it was maintenance level or slightly higher, just to make the pain go away. Some of my clothes are feeling tight so I'd really like to get back to where I was a couple of months ago - an astonishing 10 pounds lighter. I really got off track.
As so many of you have discovered for yourselves, the strategies that helped me lose weight are still necessary to maintain. I mustn't forget that.
My fondest desire is to eat like normal people. I'd like to eat potatoes and gravy and buttered biscuits and a piece of pie and not even give a thought of what the scale might say. Believe it or not, there are folks like that, but I am not one of them. If I want to maintain I must continue to plan my meals and continue to count calories, every day. I accept that most of the timne, but sometimes I rebel and when I do I pay for it in numbers on the scale.
I'm not so sure that eating like this every day is so "normal". It is this "normal eating" that got us into the position that we found ourselves in and why this country is in the midst of an obesity epidemic. Instead of lamenting the fact that I can no longer eat the way I once did (and managed to get myself up to 250 lbs at one point), I prefer to consider the way I now eat as my new normal. I feel much better physically when I eat this way. I'm not saying that I don't eat poorly sometimes, I certainly do, but now I pay much more attention to the way I'm feeling.
I believe that maybe sometime in my childhood, during a faroff Edenic period, I ate like a normal person.
But then I ate like a fat woman.
And now I feign eating like a healthy, athletic woman who's indifferent to food because she's got more interesting things on her mind. I'm not that woman, but I try to mimic her behaviors. Problem is all the internal uproar that reminds me it's a never-ending effort. Sometimes I worry I'll become exhausted and unable to keep it up.
I'm doing okay today, but still not running at full power.
My weird desire to appear "laid-back" and "nothing is off limits" and "not a dieter" has manifested itself in an interesting way - I know I eat healthier than basically all my friends, but in social environments I end up talking about/eating food far more than everyone else, so their idea of me is "wow, she is an eater."
My behavior itself is "normal" - I eat when I am hungry, mostly healthy food with exceptions for dessert, alcohol and occasions. I go to the gym for what people would consider a "normal" amount of weekly visits. But I am of course vigilant and feel like I have failed if I gain 2 pounds. How is that failure? "Normal" people weigh more in the winter and fluctuate in a range.
I'm sure that as soon as I write this I'll go and eat the entire half gallon of ice cream in my freezer - but I really do think that maybe I have achieved "eating like a normal person."
I believe that maybe sometime in my childhood, during a faroff Edenic period, I ate like a normal person.
But then I ate like a fat woman.
And now I feign eating like a healthy, athletic woman who's indifferent to food because she's got more interesting things on her mind. I'm not that woman, but I try to mimic her behaviors. Problem is all the internal uproar that reminds me it's a never-ending effort. Sometimes I worry I'll become exhausted and unable to keep it up.
I'm doing okay today, but still not running at full power.
Love this post! I would say my "Edenic" period of normal eating was pre-high school. During that time, I was a skinny kid, liked candy and sweets like any other kid, but never obsessed about food. During high school, looking at Glamour magazine and such, I began to get the idea that I needed to be thinner, so I started dieting. Even during that time and in college, though, I wasn't heavy (just a bit curvy---as is my normal shape), and even though I paid more attention to food, I wasn't obsessed. It seems like my obsessiveness with food & dieting worsened throughout the years---almost in sync with society's increasing obsession with dieting.
I love your comment about feigning eating like a normal person. I try to do that, too, but I'm always aware that the way I think about food isn't normal.
I have pondered the whole "normal eating" bit ad nauseum. I was ALWAYS an overweight/obese kid who LOVED eating. I remember eating all the time. Sure, my family didn't do formal desserts very often, but there was always junk in the house and it wasn't really regulated.
In 7th grade my school sold candy bars for a fundraiser. I won an award for being one of the top sellers - of course, I had secretly eaten (and paid for out of my allowance) at least 20-30 of those bars. I remember walking to the stage in front of the school when the awards were announced and wondering if everyone could figure out my shameful secret.
I have no personal concept of what the naturally thin people consider "normal" and don't think I ever can, really. Instead, I eat for health and how and my body (and jeans) feel. Occasionally I get whiny and frustrated about it and occasionally I just suck it up and deal. It is what it is. Sigh.
Jen,
Those childhood memories can remain the sharpest. I took dance classes as a child and was always self-conscious about my size, comparing myself to those with dancer's bodies. Every year at recital time, we had to have costumes sewn. My mom didn't sew so we had to hire a woman to sew mine. I distinctly remember being 5 or 6 and her measuring me. She made all these comments about how large my bum was and how hard it was going to be to make my costume. I was mortified. I know now that I wasn't really overweight at that point-- just larger than the thin kids-- plus I've always had larger thighs, calves, etc.
Oh Michele, I remember childhood dance class as well. I was always self conscious about my size, and in looking back at pictures from those recitals today I was slim and couldn't see it. Just had a little pooch tummy, which I'll never get rid of. BDD beginning...
JenM - i have that same memory with girl scout cookies.
I don't know what normal eating is anymore. I can't say if I'll ever do it again, but I doubt it. I'm not sure I've ever done it up to now, honestly. I've been food obsessed forever, just in different ways.
In 7th grade my school sold candy bars for a fundraiser. I won an award for being one of the top sellers - of course, I had secretly eaten (and paid for out of my allowance) at least 20-30 of those bars. I remember walking to the stage in front of the school when the awards were announced and wondering if everyone could figure out my shameful secret.
Wow, I did this year after year in school... I ate more chocolate bars than I ever sold. I remember the bus rides home after we had gotten our goods, the waiting in agony until I could tear into the box of candy at home before my parents got home from work (the year we sold Reece's peanut butter cups in the huge 4-packs was especially bad). I would eat two or three of them every day. Sometimes I think it's a miracle I survived childhood...
This is somewhat off-topic, but thinking back on it I can't believe we were forced to be junk-pushers at such a young age!
Me, too. My mother was cookie person one year, so she had all the cookies for my troop. She stored them in my closet. They didn't have as many kinds when I was a kid, but the boxes were bigger. Looking back, I do wonder how I paid for them, but I must have.
They didn't have as many kinds when I was a kid, but the boxes were bigger. Looking back, I do wonder how I paid for them, but I must have. 
