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Old 01-23-2013, 11:37 AM   #31
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Jen, you look wonderful! I know you see all the "flaws," but truly you look great. The muscles in your arms are amazing. That's a lot of hard work showing.

Jessica, congrats on scoring such a great find at the thrift store. It takes a while to pick through the stuff, but you can get such good deals if you're willing to put in the time. And since you know you're only going to need the coat through one winter, why pay big bucks in the maternity store?
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Old 01-23-2013, 11:41 AM   #32
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Jen~yesterday I sent the link to your blog to my DD (who has lost about 70 pounds and is interested in becoming a personal trainer). She was amazed at how far you've come. I agree. You really look good! But we all see our own flaws magnified tenfold.
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Old 01-23-2013, 12:08 PM   #33
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Hi all,

More work frustrations here. Anyway blah blah blah. I know I post this type of thing a lot. This is just not sustainable long term. These frustrations are bringing so much negative energy into my life. At the same time, I live in a rural area with very few jobs in my field and my BF does not have a job that is transferable to other areas. I like where I live and I love my BF, which is why I haven't made a change. I feel rather stuck in some ways. Anyway, thanks for listening and I apologize if I post about "work frustrations" a lot.

Jessica, glad you found a coat! My DS made the "mistake" with her second pregnancy of not being pregnant during the same time of year. She couldn't use all of her same maternity clothes, and her second daughter has a lot of hand-me-downs but some aren't seasonally appropriate. Thank goodness for Goodwill and hand-me-downs.

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But this is what I worry about: Will I get to a state where maintaining my appearance crowds out all other interests & hobbies, and can't survive the minor derailments that life throws at us all? How sustainable is this routine of mine? I keep saying, yeah it is, but the truth is, if I get this new job, or if I go back to writing for myself, not just for my job, those things could enrich my life, but it will make it hard to keep up exercising two hours a day & doing all the cooking, recipe research and marketing required to eat as I do. So do I say no, I won't advance in my career, or let the wings of my mind unfurl any further, because I have to use all my energy and time to concentrate on my appearance? That is the hard question that keeps facing me these days.
I can certainly relate to this. Every week day I work 8 hours, I have my exercise time, and I have to sleep. It takes effort to prepare any food, let alone healthy food, on top of that and when I add something else to the mix or I have a 12 hour workday I feel totally thrown off and often fail to meet my health goals on those days. I recognize that I have a short commute, a job that is only an 8 hour days most of the time, the weather around me is pretty conducive to exercising most of the time. I don't have a lot of the obstacles others may have to keep me from a healthy lifestyle and have no idea how people who work 12 hour days or have 2 hour commutes do anything else. (I must add I really have no idea how any mom out there finds time for exercise. Kudos to you!)

Wow Jen, you look great!!! Congrats to you for all your hard work. We are definitely our own worst critics.
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Old 01-23-2013, 12:25 PM   #34
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Jen, thanks for the link, you look great! In the distance shot the scars and stretch marks aren't visible at all. Speaking of stretch marks, I saw something motivational online the other day that was intended for women who have stretch marks from childbearing, but I think could apply to people who have lost a lot of weight too -- you're not a woman with ugly stretch marks, you're a tiger who's earned her stripes!

Sheila, exactly, it seemed ridiculous to spend $100+ for a maternity winter coat that I'm going to wear for 2 months and then never again.

Megan, vent away about your work frustrations.

As far as balancing life opportunities with weight maintenance routine, I think it's important to work on learning to be adaptable. Life goes on, regardless of whether or not you can keep up your routine. Perhaps if you make some small changes as "practice," then when you have a big life change it will be easier to adapt. It's important to remember that while right now you are eating and exercising a particular way to maintain, that routine may not be appropriate in the future and may need to be modified. This could just be because of your body aging, even if you're careful to keep your other life events tightly controlled -- it's not really avoidable. Humans are remarkably adaptable creatures. Take the job, take a chance, and you will be able to find a way to modify your routine so that you can still maintain your weight. It might involve changing your cooking/eating or exercise habits, but it is doable!
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Old 01-23-2013, 07:00 PM   #35
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I have just installed the "cadillac" of dishracks on my counter - 4 parts! (one of which doesn't make sense). My Oxo "good grips" metal steamer is in the cupboard (DH refused to eat thing steamed in the plastic one). And my other ridiculously expensive toile de jouie oven mitt from Williams-Sonoma (a Christmas gift I reqeusted from my now wealthy cousin) arrived in the mail. I am now truly well equipped with awesome kitchen stuff.

And I made a pizza for dinner - vegetarian from scratch. Somehow I feel like I should be preparing beef wellington or something.

Dagmar (thank goodness this day is over)
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Old 01-23-2013, 08:44 PM   #36
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Dagmar, I'd much rather have pizza than beef Wellington. I'm not much of a cook myself but I do love the gadgets. I recently got a mini pie crimper thing that you use to cut the crust, then fill and crimp it. Fun. (And I hear you on the cold! I was glad to be in my overheated office today.)

Jen, let me also say that you look great. I'd love to have those arms. And I'd love to be able to run as much as you do.

Megan, you have my sympathies on your job frustrations. I know how all-consuming that can be, even when you don't want that to happen. I used to get really annoyed with one of the partners at my old firm when he'd say that people should do what they love. For many of us, that's a luxury we can't afford. I'm pretty sure I couldn't make a living baking cookies and making little beaded purses. I'll settle for a job that doesn't make me hate my life.

Speaking of which, my interview this evening went well. The two partners I met with seem very nice and I get the feeling that it's a friendly office. I'm pretty sure they'll offer me a job, so it's just a question of whether they can pay me what I want - which isn't that much, but they're a small firm.

I've been thinking about saef's post, musing on balancing control and sustainability. I've convinced myself that losing 10 or 20 more pounds won't make my stomach flap go away or my breasts any perkier, so why bother? But the truth is that it would make me look and feel better, and that I have to be much more vigilant about reverting back to my old eating habits. They've been creeping back - actually, not so much creeping as stampeding - and I need to stop making excuses about it.
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Old 01-23-2013, 10:18 PM   #37
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Steph I was so sorry to hear of your kitty I have two and I snuggled mine closer tonight.

traveling michele We're getting married on the 29 June, I try hard not to think of it actually unless I'm prepared to focus on it. He's pretty awesome, gave me a good story and asked me to marry him while we were at Edinburgh Castle Scotland.

paperclippy Thanks for the info on the protein. Babies are exciting!

Megan1982 If it makes you feel better about your relaxing weekend we went a week over the holidays doing nothing but puttering around the house (small do to lists but most only took an hour so we could spread them out over a few days). In fact, one day I got ready for work to feel 'normal' and the VIP said "where ya going?" and I said "no where, I just want to feel normal". Although it did feel slightly odd, it felt like we both had the rest we needed during that time.

CherryPie99 You look FAB dahling! Thanks for sharing so much, I really appreciate it!

I'm feeling under the weather, have a sore throat and have purchased nyquil tablets and sugar free halls. Bah!

On a lighter note my VIP recieved the Queen's Diamond Jubliee medal today for all his volunteer work over the last probably 20 years (He's been volunteering for a long time as he's only 39). In typical 'medal' fashion you cannot pin the medal on unless it's been offically delgated by the Queen/Governor General of Canada (lots of rules with medals) so his boss's boss's boss gave him a hand shake and handed it to him. Once it's awarded he can wear it...and put it on himself or have someone help him...so I took it and said "let me do it, I'm a princess!".

I'm pretty proud of him!
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Old 01-23-2013, 10:25 PM   #38
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I'm considering this a major victory, and also, that you had a great time at the restaurant when you'd worried a lot about your evening -- that is a sign of successfully jumping the tracks.

You know, I think I can feel you getting stronger as the days go past, or maybe it's just that you're posting here more, and I have some greater visibility into someone who **already** was strong but underestimated herself.
Thanks for this, Saef. I'm working hard on being strong again. I was proud of myself as well - in the recent past I would have locked down looking at the menu and either found a way to cancel or moved us to a different place with a big salad. Or, eaten badly and beaten myself up over it. I think that the 'controlled eating' I worked on Monday was a victory. I didn't eat all of anything, except the collard greens, didn't eat past the point I was full, and haven't been angry over it at all. I think I'm coming back and getting some confidence in my decisions again. You guys have been a big part of that.
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Old 01-23-2013, 10:54 PM   #39
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Jen - you look fantastic! You have made such progress, it is inspiring to see.

Megan - vent away about work all you want. I'm not in the happiest work place right now, so I am likely to start venting about mine any minute. LOL

Ishbel - congrats to VIP! That is a great recognition for a wonderful thing he's doing.

Steph - I hope that they are able to offer you what you need. Do you have a low limit that would be acceptable if they can't get to what you are asking for? And yes, the chips were AWESOME. I love hot sauce on anything anyway.

Dagmar - I would much prefer your pizza as well. Sounds like you are stocked and ready!

Jessica - great coat find! You can rock the animal print for a few months. All the kids are doing it. LOL

Saef - I have asked myself that same question more than once. Can I keep this up forever? What am I giving up to do this thing? I turned down social events because I had an exercise plan, I didn't join a bookclub I looked at because I had to work out and they might have finger food, etc. I did become obsessive and quite single focused, and the answer for me was that I couldn't sustain it. I crashed pretty hard this summer and am working on coming back with things I can manage again. I've found crock pot meals I can put together in the morning and have dinner waiting after I run. I just ordered a small deep freeze actually, so I can prep lots of meals at the start of the month and freeze them so I can just pull a bag and go on busier days. I'm finding workout routines that are shorter with more impact so I can limit exercise time and still feel good about the workout. I've become somewhat dissatisfied with my career choice lately and have considered going back to school or looking for something different, but my job has flexibility that allows me to control diet and exercise and work from home and exercise on lunch. A new job wouldn't do that, and school would take that time. I've avoided those two things out of fear, but I might not be able to do that anymore. Reading your post actually made me take a hard look at myself as I was thinking of my response to you - I say to you take the job, write for yourself, take the risks. If they are what you want. Like Jessica said, you can adapt to the new situation and still take care of yourself. If you don't do those things out of fear of what might happen you walk closer to closing yourself off completely and giving over to the obsession of maintaining that image. You have to trust yourself to continue to take care of things, so you don't crash. And you can take care of things, you're awesome.

I spent more time with my friend today - we drove down to where we went to college - neither one of has been back since 1995 when he graduated. Everything looked so small. Our residence hall is gone, they razed it and the one next door and built a four building residential complex connected by a central area with offices and meeting rooms. The path to get to our building is still there, and leads to the new one. We stood at the student center and looked down that path and remembered how long it used to seem, how much we complained about that walk. We crossed over to the building, walked through it and across the parking lot and up the hill to the science building. I remember that hill being so steep and such a long walk every day that I changed a major over it. We passed by and continued to the dining hall, which we never went to, again because of the long walk. Kept walking, crossed up past some other buildings and circled back down to where we started. All we could talk about was how we used to fuss so much about that, and drive and park illegally and get tickets, or not do a thing over it when it was so close. I can't believe the perception now compared to then. I'm running a freaking half marathon in three weeks and I couldn't walk what I know now was about 1/4 mile if that much from my residence hall to the student center? I was that lazy, really? Yes. Obviously. And all the buildings looked small. The library we used to think was huge looked small, and kind of sad. And they've changed the mascot, so even the signs didn't look right. It was good to go back and look around and remember things that we loved about it, but I'm not going to picture what I saw today in my memory. I'll still see my residence hall and the huge library and the long path to the science building and my mascot is an indian brave not a bright blue timber wolf.

ETA: I forgot I had on my BodyMedia Fit today - I just checked the pedometer. In the hour and a half roughly that we were walking we went 4012 steps, so roughly 2 miles. And that was a circle of all of the places we never wanted to walk to, and across campus to classroom buildings. A walk to any of those on a regualar day back then would have been significantly shorter. Wow.
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Old 01-23-2013, 11:24 PM   #40
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Take the job, take a chance, and you will be able to find a way to modify your routine so that you can still maintain your weight. It might involve changing your cooking/eating or exercise habits, but it is doable!
Jessica, thanks for this encouragement. I'm still waiting to hear what my manager and her manager have decided. I'm at peace with both interviews and feel I've done the best that I could, that my performance ratings for the past two years speak for themselves. I don't know who's competing with me for the position. They did say they wanted to make a quick decision but that's a comparative term in this corporate world where paperwork goes back & forth.
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Old 01-24-2013, 09:19 AM   #41
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Jessica, you are right that adaptability is very important. I don't think I'm great at it, but I am continually trying to flex my adaptability muscles. I'm a creature of habit, routine, and comfort. I'm not saying that is always a good thing, lol. I keep trying to find a balance.

I think our society dictates that should individuals be offered a promotion, or step up in their workplace, it's the "right" thing to do to take it. I might worry about my healthy habits if offered a promotion with more responsibility, but I don't think I would turn it down. It's easier for me to turn down things that are "just" social occasions to keep my routine. This doesn't make total sense. I know it's important for me to relax and spend time with my friends. It makes me a happier person. I just keep striving for balance here, too. One skipped workout to spend time with friends, even if there might be off-plan food, ok. Two nights in a row, gotta get a workout in there somewhere, and can't overeat two nights in a row. I think I can "handle" about two social occasions a week. Three is pushing it. I hate going out of town for work meetings. Balance, balance, balance.

Saef I've got my for you.

Steph, I'm glad your interview went well. Let us know what happens.

Ishbel, congrats to your VIP! 20 years of service is very impressive. Good for him.

Dagmar, I love my kitchen gadgets, too. My kitchen is well-stocked but I do try to consider everything I bring into it, as I have very little storage space.
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Old 01-24-2013, 09:38 AM   #42
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Speaking of which, my interview this evening went well. The two partners I met with seem very nice and I get the feeling that it's a friendly office. I'm pretty sure they'll offer me a job, so it's just a question of whether they can pay me what I want - which isn't that much, but they're a small firm.
Isn't interviewing fun -- when it's over? I always feel as if I'm going before a dissertation defense committee or some kind of oral exam (and I don't mean by a dentist). But to calm myself, I keep telling myself, "It's just two people having a civil conversation about a job."

I've learned that my experience on the other side of the desk in interviewing candidates over the past year has not helped me see interviews as a routine occurrence. We added four positions within my department, finally hiring the last candidate just a few weeks before the year closed. Each time I interviewed someone, I got a little nervous before doing the interviews, because I felt I was also under scrutiny. But, of course, the internal uproar was nowhere near what I felt when I was the supplicant, hoping to get something that someone else had all the power to confer or withhold.

Good luck to you on getting what you want and at obtaining your price.
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Old 01-24-2013, 09:45 AM   #43
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saef, I hope your interview works out positively for you. I can think of two intereviews that I had that I thought went really bad, in both cases I was offered a job and accepted.
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Old 01-24-2013, 09:46 AM   #44
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Megan, it's true, society says taking a promotion is always the "right" thing to do when it's not really the case. Saef's post made it sound like she wanted the new job and it would be a benefit to her, which is why I suggested she take it (if offered). I think if I were to be offered a step up job, it would depend on the expectations. If they wanted me to work overtime or travel a lot, I wouldn't take it, but if it was more responsibility that was with the same amount of travel and the same hours, I'd definitely take it.

In other news, we got our new dishwasher yesterday! We ran it empty to make sure it didn't leak or anything, and I'm running the first full load right now. The rack is set up very differently from our old one so I'm not entirely sure how to load it. The manual has a "suggested loading pattern," but the shape of my dishes is so different from the ones in the photo that my dishes don't fit in that pattern. This may require some trial and error! It is far, far quieter than our old one though which is very nice.

Shannon, I am so with you on the college campus laziness. I was at my high weight in college, and I often avoided going places because they were "so far away" when really it was like 1/4 mile. I rode my bike everywhere that I thought was "far", and looking back, none of those places were more than a mile away from my dorm. (To be fair, there was one class I biked to because there was no way I could make it from there to my next class on foot without being late, but still.)
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Old 01-24-2013, 09:47 AM   #45
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In fact, one day I got ready for work to feel 'normal' and the VIP said "where ya going?" and I said "no where, I just want to feel normal". Although it did feel slightly odd, it felt like we both had the rest we needed during that time.
After about two days of loose old Gap jeans, no makeup & perfunctory blowouts of my hair, it actually feels good to me to thoroughly "do" my face, put about three products in my hair and slip my feet into a nice pair of shoes. It really brings me back to attention. Also, this is probably weird, but when I am that relaxed and sloppy, I feel "fat" & am convinced I've gained weight, even if I haven't. I think I equate being "thin" with standing at attention and maintaining a certain level of tension in my life. I am really trying to figure out what "feeling fat" really indicates because it's way beyond a scale reading or a number.
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