[Magrat]

Originally Posted by elvislover324

(I will admit, I am shocked to read that Mags is married. I really thought we were trying to help a 19-20 year old. I have to think about this...)

This isn't the first time somebody thought I was very young. Once again I fail to understand why people get that impression. And I am puzzled over your implication that my being married means I don't deserve support.

I'm confused.

[Magrat]

Originally Posted by sontaikle

I was going to post in your other thread, but saw that it was a vent and not a plea for advice. I hope you don't mind me posting some advice here instead, as I fear that you're treading into unhealthy territory. I understand the desperation, but it's not worth jeopardizing your health!

I really think you need to step away from all of this and look at what you have achieved. You've lost over 30lbs! That's huge! I know it's annoying when you have not reached a pre-determined number on the scale, but it's useless to compare yourself to someone else because each and every one of us is different, have different lives, eating and exercise plans, etc. The weight that is ideal for one person may not be for another. So while you may MENTALLY want to go lower, it may not be ideal for your body.

You've been maintaining! That's wonderful! So many people cannot do that and simply gain all of the weight back and then some. You have not, so you're already ahead of the game in that respect.

I'm also going to throw in the following that might help you a bit too:

Rather than try to go lower and lower with your weight, why not try to reshape your body? You said you could maintain at 2000 cals—why not eat that much and throw in some heavy weight training? The scale may freak out at first, but you'll begin to see changes in your body. While the scale may or may not go down, you'll "tone up" for lack of a better term and look as if you lost weight. When women weight train with heavy weights, they often get that toned look that many women chase.

One of the reasons I think I can maintain on over 2000 cals myself is that I do some heavy weight training. It also makes it easy to drop weight if I eat less than 2000 calories for a period of time (I got down to 107 because I didn't make sure I ate enough calories!!)

Weight training also helped me accept my own body and perhaps it can do that for you. It's really tough to feel down about my body when I realize how powerful it is.

Thank you for replying. I actually have a weight set in the basement. My problem is finding the time to actually use it. I know that sounds like an excuse, but really my days are packed full and my exercise has to be squeezed in any way I can.

[elvislover324]

Originally Posted by Magrat

This isn't the first time somebody thought I was very young. Once again I fail to understand why people get that impression. And I am puzzled over your implication that my being married means I don't deserve support.

I'm confused.

I apologize, magrat. I never meant to imply that you don't deserve support. Everyone from 1-100 deserves support. It's just the approach and life experience would be different for a "kid" vs a married grown woman. My first impression from all of the negativity in your posts were that you were very young.

I'm not sure you actually want us to help, it seems the obsessiveness of you comparing everyone's height/weight proportions is more important to you right now.

I wish you strength in getting past this obstacle, seeing the positives would do you a world of difference. We are always here for you to vent but also to celebrate the successes too (like your 30lb weightloss!).

Good luck.

[bargoo]

Originally Posted by Magrat

No I don't consider you a failure. I don't envy your weight but I do envy the fact that you were able to go six pounds beneath your goal weight. You might have found it difficult to stay there but you did get there. And aren't you one of the people who can lose at the standard 1200 calorie level?

I have never heard a standard 1200 calorie level and I have been around awhile. It has been suggested, reccommended that to go below 1200 calories a day may cause a loss in needed nutrition. After getting to goal on most days I eat at my maintenance level of about 1400 calories a day. The fact is that the lower your weight the fewer calories you need to maintain, a very active person could probably eat 1700-1800 and not regain. I am in the moderately active range. I can go above 1400 from time to time and it will not cause a regain but I can only do that once in awhile.

[fitmom]

Originally Posted by Magrat

Fitmom, 130 pounds on you would be like 105 pounds on me when our height difference is accounted for. Would you be happy if you weighed 141 pounds? Or would go be striving to get lower?

I don't go by the scale anymore. If I was 141 lbs and my body fat was 20% or lower, I'd be happy. Body fat is what I measure my progress by now.

FWIW, I'm 41 years old and I've spent a lifetime fighting with my scale -- always seeking the "magic number" and falling miserably short. I had horrible self-esteem and hated myself. Now I can't imagine being anyone BUT me. I'm just sorry I squandered my youth away on something so meaningless as a number on a scale. The scale doesn't define me and I don't care what it says. It doesn't tell the whole story but body fat percentage does.

I was 110 lbs a year and a half ago and 30% body fat. Does that sound healthy to you? I looked terrible, flabby and soft all over. But I'd gotten it into my head that the lower the number on the scale, the better I'd look. Not true. I get more compliments now at almost 130 lbs then I ever did at 110 lbs.

Again, this is my opinion and what worked for me, and I mean no disrespect as I don't know you or what you've been through. I only know that looking the way I do now (and yes, that is me in my avatar), I'm happier than I've been in close to 25 years. That to me is huge.

Nevertheless, I hope you get this sorted out and continue making great progress.

[TripSwitch]

Fitmom brings up some very good points... My weight was in the 120's until well after college... But I never really felt thin, even though when I see pictures of myself from back then I can't believe how skinny I was... And then one day I hit 127 on the scale, which I remember like it was yesterday... and I thought to myself "Oh, boy... I better do something about that..." which lead me to years of hardcore dieting and exercising and a constant cycle of losing and gaining...

The funny thing is I still hold on to that "magic" number of 127 pounds... As if somehow getting back to that weight is going to magically fix everything in my life... But I know that's not true... And I know it's not true because I've already lost a lot of weight and to my surpize... my life still isn't perfect... and trying to get back there is like trying to get into a time machine and go back to a place that doesn't exist anymore... And in reality... Probably never did...