You really don't need to. I balance it out otherwise I'd not be my current size! While I snarf plates of cookies and piles of food at parties once a week...the rest of the week I'm diligently lacing up my sneakers and eating plain Greek yogurt and salads with tuna fish and chicken.

And Krampus, that balance is the way you get right back on track, or a really - you don't call it off as I would. That is the part I love about your outlook on life.

Jay, I need to tell you that I've felt personally criticized and belittled by a lot of your posts in this chat thread over the last few months. I know that we don't really know each other and I have no way of knowing what you, or anyone really, means all the time in an online setting. I get that. I also get that anything I say in an open forum invites commentary and even criticism. I have historically felt safe to express things here or in the 5-10 thread that I might not express anywhere else, but right now I don't. You have given me a lot of good advice over the years, but lately I have felt that you have been very judging of things I and others have said. Maybe it is just you calling it like you see it, maybe you strongly disagree with a lot of things about me right now, maybe it is tough love and said out of concern, maybe you think I'm just screwed up. I I don't know. It seems to me like you have been very self righteous and critical of people you think aren't as stable and, well, right as you are. I've been festering on it for awhile and I need to share it, here in this forum. I hope that I'm wrong and misinterpreting things. I really do.

I'm feeling pretty lost right now, and obviously a little sensitive. I've been posting less and less lately because of it. It might be time for me to step away and come back after the first of the year.

Shannon has bravely said what I've been thinking for awhile Jayell. I was afraid of yet another contemptuous post from you if I tried to express it so I'm glad Shannon said it so precisely.

Sorry if this looks like we're ganging up on you.

Dagmar

Shannon, Dagmar: I can see from looking back how you might feel that way.

However, I can say that I have not meant anything directed toward anyone personally, unless I have put their name on it. Certainly I have not been picking on you personally, Shannon.

Yeah, it's time for me to bow out of here. You folks can continue to reinforce each other without my input, I'm sure.

In a forum such as this where we have only the written word we do not hear tone of voice or see facial expressions which makes a difference in how we come across to each other. I look on these forums as a place where we can agree to disagree with no hard feelings. I wish the best for everybody.

AMEN!!!!!!

I weighed in at 115.4 this morning - towards the low end of my "okay" zone which has alleviated some of my panic about gaining weight. BUT my knee is very twingy and clearly not okay. So I'm still in a panic about what this means long term.

I am going to skip any morning workout and work arms later today. Give the leg a complete rest except for walking when we head in for lunch.

Speaking of lunch - my father died in 1990 when I was 18. He was not that close to his family. Today my mother and I are having lunch with 2 of his brothers and their spouses. I see them rarely. They all know about my weight loss but haven't seen me except for pictures. I am for some reason nervous about meeting with them. It's almost like they are an extension of my Dad - who always made fun of my weight - and if I get their approval, that means that my father would have been proud of me.

DANG - I am just FULL of issues this month, aren't I???!!!

Cherrypie, go and make your relatives (and your dad by extension) proud of you! Don't worry--you've accomplished far too much to worry about it.

So far having a good day today. For whatever reason, the orange cat didn't come in to bother us until after 5 AM. Miracle! Yesterday he started at 3 AM. One doesn't get a good night's sleep while wrangling a cat bent on waking you up.

Golf this afternoon followed by a light dinner stew at the in-laws RV. I think it'll be quite relaxing. Can I break into the 60's in golf this weekend? Wish me luck!

You are an incredible inspiration. Your knee issue is a speed bump and you will find a solution. After 60 years on the planet I finally get it that there are speed bumps in life but there are also many peaks. You have accomplished so much, more than most anyone would think is possible. I use a book peaks and valleys to help me. Big hugs to you and also wishes for a simple solution to your knee. And if isn't simple, you have handled way more, never forget that fact. Thank you for inspiring me!

Shannon, my experience here is that the board works for me when I work the board. That is, when I don't self-censor and when I talk about what I call "the crazy" as freely as I'm able to do, I get some relief. When I just chat, and try to appear amiable or witty, without being upfront with what's really going on with me, it doesn't help me. And jeez, then why bother> Because I can make small talk at the office, in real life, when I head into Connecticut during the week. Here, I can talk about things that I don't feel safe discussing at work, with people whose relationship with me is more formal and professional, and with whom it would be unwise for me to be completely vulnerable and open.

I hope you will speak freely here, Shannon, because I really value hearing from you, as I think our struggles are very similar -- and when I don't hear anything, I may falsely assume a lack of need or simply that you're very busy, or preoccupied with helping your stepson find his way.

As for Jay, I think her helping us -- which is what I think she was trying to do -- met some need of hers, though I never felt that I was able to give her much help back in return, as she did not share as much about her own personal struggles, so there wasn't much insight I could ever offer.

I would hate to think of anyone holding back for fear of how they might be perceived. If that happens, this board isn't doing what it's meant to.

I have to agree, Saef. I don't hold back. I don't care how I'm perceived. But I do dislike being called out because something that I feel I am doing right is not right per someone else's standards. While I understand not everything works for everyone, as long as the person qualifies it and says it doesn't work for them and this is why, I understand and can agree. But when the person simply states that this will not work. period. I just don't get it. And I've been called out several times by JayEll. I usually ignore it, but it still steams me.

That said, I belong to several different chat boards. Two of which I am quite active on. The other one? Wow, there are some interesting people there. Not always supportive. And a bunch of trolls. At least we don't deal with trolls here (and if we do, most people are fast to call out the mods who put an end to it). But there are a small group of long-time members that kind of stick up for one another. This year, after Sandy, one member sent care packages to two members who were without power for over two weeks, etc. Both receiving members wrote in the past two days how wonderful it was to get the packages. It made my so happy that people, who have NEVER met each other would do something for one another.

I appreciate the candor in this group. I feel it is to the benefit of all of us. We can tell each other our shortcomings and can recognize similarities within ourselves. Empathy. It is a nice thing to have.

I generally do hold back when it comes to criticizing other people on this board. I throw all of my own stuff out here but try to be polite and discreet with others. If you all notice whenever I offer even a bit of advice I end my post with my name and this . That means don't take this too seriously - it's layman's advice.

And I am also trying to be politically correct - learned my lesson with the "normal body type" question I asked - though that is hard for me.

Life is a learning process. I enjoy being on this board as I do still learn about what we are all living - maintenance.

Dagmar

I try to keep in mind that there are 159 thousand members in 3fc and 159 thousand opinions and that's all they are ,opinions. Take it or leave it.

I love seeing the variety of ways that our members handle different situations. It seems like we each have some things we wrestle with - lots of it involves food and body image, sure ... but from my vantage point, it looks to me like we all want exactly the same thing: peace and balance, in the middle of a crazy world designed to keep us fat and sick and insecure. It's not easy; we all woke up and took the red pill. "You take the blue pill, the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes." Morpheus in The Matrix. My opinion, and yes, I've been told I need to keep them to myself.

It's great to feel the support of so many people struggling as the human beings we are to maintain our weight. I binged over Thanksgiving but have lost most of the weight gained since then. But I got really discouraged first and needed help regaining perspective here and got it. Nice to know others struggle with discouragement, perfectionism, frustration, culinary boredom, chafing at dietary limits, mild OCD, etc. Thanks for being human with me and I wish us all well these last three weeks of the year!

Chris, all the things you mentioned I have experienced, and sometimes still do.