Most people don't think of themselves as having a "mental illness"--it's such a negative term. But that doesn't mean they don't have one. Not saying that you did, Dagmar... just that self-diagnosis is highly unreliable. Also, there is a difference between major mental illnesses and other types of disorders.

alinnell, there are, anecdotally speaking, two kinds of alcoholics. "Binge drinkers" may have long periods where they don't drink, or appear to drink like a normal person, but then they go off the rails one day and just keep going. Lost Weekend. They often black out while on a binge and come to in a strange city with strange people.

"Maintenance drinkers" or "daily drinkers" usually don't drink the way binge drinkers do--instead, they just keep a little buzz going all day long, as in, from the first thing in the morning, and then increase in the evening. However, the amount they drink does tend to escalate over time.

Often these two types like to point to the other type as being the "real alcoholics."

Jay, I was thinking in terms of alcoholics that literally drink themselves to death (saef was talking about the permanence of suicide and that brought it to mind).

And yeah, the buzz drinkers are one sort of alcoholic. I've known a few in my life. My DH has had a couple bouts of blackouts. He is aware of his problem and we're working on triggers that cause him to binge. Not to say that he shouldn't give it up altogether, but I can't see him taking that plunge. Instead, we discuss things and set limits and so far it's been working great.

I was a really weird waffler - didn't drink at all during the week, ran 6K every morning, worked out with a rowing machine and stationary bike, did yoga, walked the dog for an hour in the evening, etc. Then on Friday night I started drinking and didn't stop until the booze ran out sometime early Sunday morning.

By Saturday night I was usually so boozed up I didn't remember much of what I did. But it was generally hanging out with the dog and binge eating, along with the booze.

I totally marvel at all of this now. How could I have been that person? Amazing how much we CAN change.

Dagmar

Dagmar, it IS amazing, and hopeful, and motivating! That possibility for change is always there.

As the product of two alcoholics, I feel the pull every time I have one drink. Usually, I don't have a second. Some of it's because I'm just too tightly wound to let myself get out of control, and some of it's because the memories of my parents being too far gone to take care of their responsibilities are still very vivid. I have my own convoluted and complicated huge set of rules that bound how I drink, but about once every 10 years I choose to ignore them completely. I have referred to myself as a "latent alcoholic", as I know I could easily go there.

I am a substance abuse counselor and have been amazed at how much the journey to lose weight and recovery from addictions has in common. The big difference is that we need to learn to use our "drug of choice" in moderation whereas the alcoholic and drug addict can "just" quit!

This is shaping up to be a rotten terrible week. I have - out of the blue - developed IT Band Syndrome. I went for a run yesterday and I was in so much pain. I know I need to rest it, but the thought of giving up my main form of calorie burning terrifies me. I don't know what I am going to do!!

Jen

CherryPie99, from what I've seen as just a layperson, it's not all foods that are the "drug of choice," it's certain key trigger foods. Usually sugar and fat and salt in some combination. I don't know too many people who binge eat on plain rye crisp, for example. If they do, it's because something like cream cheese is involved.

And in my layperson's opinion, you MUST NOT RUN with IT band syndrome! You are simply going to have to rest and concentrate on upper body exercise, unless you want to make it worse.

Not to change the subject, but you wanted a report on Straight No Chaser. Wow. Spectacular show. Amazing what 10 voices can do. No real "set" other than some risers to put the guys at different levels from time to time and nice lighting to change things up a bit (oh, and a Christmas tree for the second half). Wonderful show. A lot of the songs we're all used to seeing on YouTube, some Christmas staples, and some new material. "I'm Sexy and I Know It" sung a cappella as part of one new song elicited quite a few laughs with their "wiggle, wiggle, wiggle." Fun show. I do recommend seeing it if you get the chance. After the show, they set chairs and tables up in the lobby so everyone could meet them. We didn't stick around for that as our "chauffeur" Nicky must have been in a hurry to leave and he was one of the first in line for the valet (normally we wait around for 10 minutes for the valet to bring our car up, nope, I think we were the 2nd car!).

Okay, back to our regular programming.

I went to a tea yesterday followed by carol singing, it was more fun even people who can't carry a tune sound great when all are singing in unison.

I'm writing here to take my mind off a big seminar that I'm about to co-present to an online audience, using the video camera installed in the laptop and a phone with a headset and a PowerPoint that all the attendees can view. And twice during the presentation, we have to change seats, remove a headset and turn off the video camera while we make the change. This is a fraught situation, I tell you, and I will be so glad when we've finished.

I'm over beyond the stress phase where food has any attraction, and into the no interest whatsoever in eating phase. I see it as a kind of color-coded zone. Yellow is eating too fast, orange is near-binge, but red zone means I don't give a damn about food and can ignore raging hunger.

Then afterward, the red drops down into orange and yellow successively. Food isn't connected solely with soothing away negative emotions. For me, it's connected with re-setting to a neutral level, to trying to even out an extreme mood swing in either direction, so I can be coming down from a high & use it that way, or getting into fear and unhappiness & use it that way.

Jen, please don't run with IT band syndrome! DH has had several bouts of it and always ends up making it worse because he can't manage to take it easy. Go for some other form of exercise that doesn't irritate your leg (perhaps swimming or biking?) until it gets better, and when you go back to running make sure to ease into it and not try to go too far too fast.

Jen, I've not had this particular injury before, but I've had others that have kept me from exercising, and this is what I can tell you:

Laying off exercise WILL NOT immediately put you back to where you were before you lost weight.

You know that, really, in your rational mind, but fear of becoming fat, relapsing, being sent back to where we once were so unhappy -- that fear is a powerful thing, and it can distort your thinking.

I sometimes think of exercise as something that I engage in almost ritualistically & nearly superstitiously. As I've said before, it's my cross & my garlic to frighten away the scary vampire. Which is my former fat self.

Also, just because you stop, doesn't mean you will never restart again. It's a pause, not a complete relinquishment.

The exercise thread -- and this site -- has a lot of people on it who took time off to heal for one reason or another, and then, once healed, got back into their routines and picked up where they'd left off.

Ask yourself if maybe, like me, you are endowing exercise with a significance even beyond what it actually has in scientific terms: As your daily talisman against regain.

It's part of my own crazy, but I think I am not alone in this.

Jen - slightly different outlook from me on IT Band symdrome - I had it and have just really finished recovering. Yes, rest it and don't do any long runs on it at all. Short runs with a strap might actually help with the healing process. I had success with an IT Band strap on mine - it made the running not hurt anymore and helped me to retrain the knee, mine was caused by some development of bad form. I also stopped wearing heels for a while. High heeled shoes really made it hurt.

On the binge eating topic, I'm not really able to comment on it yet. I'm working on it.

Allison - So glad you liked Straight No Chaser! It sounds like it was an awesome show!

Thanks to everyone else for your input on IT Band Syndrome and exercise. I have never had to deal with an injury before and I'm like MAD at my body for "betraying" me if that makes any sense!

I also live in such black and white thinking - I said today in my blog that even gaining 5 pounds would mark me as a complete FAILURE and would signal DISASTER!

Even yesterday - when I had run 6 miles (stupidly - since I was in agony by 4 miles in) I felt like severely restricting my calories because I know I won't be able to burn the calories I am used to.

I bought a foam roller and have been looking up exercises to stregthen my IT band. Tonight is a "leg night" so I'll focus on these exercises as I will be leaving out squats for a while.

Shannon - when I bought the foam roller I saw the IT Band straps and almost bought one. It's good to know that they help.

Tomorrow will be the real test, because it is a scheduled run day and I won't be running. This overpowering anxiety sucks, it really does!

Jen

I wish that, somehow, I could sit with you through this. Because I understand that anxiety so completely. It comes on under even lesser conditions for me: For instance, letting myself oversleep, missing a scheduled workout, or having to get on my laptop early to catch a Europe-based coworker and missing a scheduled workout. I am restless and yes, anxious, until I can get that workout in. I feel I've done something wrong because I'm not keeping with the regular schedule.

I don't want to be that rigid with my life, because such rigidity is constricting and makes me suffer over something that in reality, is quite a minor thing. Flexible people live happier lives.

So I understand how you'll feel uneasy tomorrow at this disruption in your schedule.

Trust me, you will not inflate up again overnight after a missed workout or two.

Regular people miss workouts. Even people who were once morbidly obese. Why should we be held to a higher standard? Why do we expect so damn much of ourselves?

Thank you so, so much. You don't know how much it means to know both that I have support but also that someone knows what I am feeling.

Sometimes I put so much pressure and self-criticism on myself it's a lonely place. Interestingly enough, when I was morbidly obese, I DIDN'T define myself by my weight. I instead defined myself by my intelligence. At what point I started defining myself by a number on a scale, I don't know!

I agree with you about flexibility and I strive to have that, but sometimes when thrown totally off, that commitment disappears.

I know that I have control issues, so the one good thing is that I have done a ton of reading in the last 2 days about the syndrome. Then I worked my legs - HARD - but with no pain - doing the strengthening and stretching exercises for the band, and afterwards iced it. It feels really good right now. That helps me feel a little more in control and not so powerless. We'll see what I feel like tomorrow after a day without running.

Jen