I wrecked my back squatting with improper form Saturday, but I have knocked off 3 of the 4 lbs of epic Thanksgiving bloat I put on. Tonight is "Friendsgiving" - the LEFTOVERS edition - we'll see about that last 1 lb.
I think I have gone Christmas shopping literally every day since Black Friday. Yesterday my roommate (an art teacher pretending to be a waitress) and I made Christmas cards all day and both went shopping for craft supplies. I'm giddy like a child.
Took 800 mg ibuprofen this morning to attack the back pain but realized I would feel TERRIBLE if I didn't eat with it. So much for intermittent fasting eh!
Well, this definitely doesn't belong in the losing weight thread, so I'm putting it here (though it probably doesn't belong here either).
I think I already mentioned that I tapered myself off of my antidepressant in mid-late October with the hope that part of my decade-long low libido issue was related to my decade-long stay on that SSRI (Lexapro). Well, first I had 2 weeks of an incredibly painful withdrawal process (sudden firestorms of emotionality, complete with tears and all sorts of drama I don't usually experience). Since the 2nd week of November I have stabilized but (1) I have no more libido than I did before, so it definitely wasn't the Lexapro, and (2) I am sooo much more irritable/sarcastic/short-tempered/intolerant without this drug. I'm not depressed but I'm just not a good person. And now I'm really conflicted because, when I went on SSRIs in the early 1990s, it was because I had genuine depression, along with anxiety. Now, I've probably "outgrown" the depression part and so there's really no good medical reason for this medication. Let me make that statement clearer: a doctor would not be justified in prescribing this medication to me now. BUT I'm really disliking who I am without it (the "real me" :>(, and my always critical self-talk has exploded into a veritable cesspool of self-loathing and self-criticism.
So, since I have no real-life friends I can confide this to, I'm asking you all here on this thread - what would you do? Better yet, knowing me from the last few years of on-off posting in this forum, what do you think would be the best choice for me? And, before you ask or suggest it, I DO have a psychiatrist, and I will be talking to him on Friday. But he's a nice guy and a pushover; he'll pretty much do whatever I ask, and he seems to have no strong opinions of his own (at least, not so far) and I doubt he's going to come down hard on one side of this vs. the other.
Well, this definitely doesn't belong in the losing weight thread, so I'm putting it here (though it probably doesn't belong here either).
I think I already mentioned that I tapered myself off of my antidepressant in mid-late October with the hope that part of my decade-long low libido issue was related to my decade-long stay on that SSRI (Lexapro). Well, first I had 2 weeks of an incredibly painful withdrawal process (sudden firestorms of emotionality, complete with tears and all sorts of drama I don't usually experience). Since the 2nd week of November I have stabilized but (1) I have no more libido than I did before, so it definitely wasn't the Lexapro, and (2) I am sooo much more irritable/sarcastic/short-tempered/intolerant without this drug. I'm not depressed but I'm just not a good person. And now I'm really conflicted because, when I went on SSRIs in the early 1990s, it was because I had genuine depression, along with anxiety. Now, I've probably "outgrown" the depression part and so there's really no good medical reason for this medication. Let me make that statement clearer: a doctor would not be justified in prescribing this medication to me now. BUT I'm really disliking who I am without it (the "real me" :>(, and my always critical self-talk has exploded into a veritable cesspool of self-loathing and self-criticism.
So, since I have no real-life friends I can confide this to, I'm asking you all here on this thread - what would you do? Better yet, knowing me from the last few years of on-off posting in this forum, what do you think would be the best choice for me? And, before you ask or suggest it, I DO have a psychiatrist, and I will be talking to him on Friday. But he's a nice guy and a pushover; he'll pretty much do whatever I ask, and he seems to have no strong opinions of his own (at least, not so far) and I doubt he's going to come down hard on one side of this vs. the other.
No answers - I'm not a doctor- but some questions for you Andrea.
You're passed the 6-8 week withdrawal period? Should you wait awhile longer to make sure you have completely withdrawn? Are there any fairly severe side effects with the Lexapro that you want to avoid? And is there another drug that might give you the "smoothening" out it did which might be a better "fit" with your life?
I think seeing your psychiatrist on Friday is a good step.
Andrea, it sounds to me like you are feeling a need to change some things, and IMHO drugs are not the way to do it.
Maybe you need a therapist who isn't a "pushover." Maybe not even a psychiatrist! I'd suggest you look around for a very bright clinical psychologist who will work with you regularly. I say "very bright" because it's clear that you are intelligent, so you may not be willing to work with someone who doesn't match your intelligence. (This is often a downside of high IQ, high achiever, gifted/talented, etc.)
Hi all,
Crud. Three days of way overeating last week. This week, yet another family gathering. Trying to keep control with eating but expectations are low. When I get back on Thursday I will take charge again and get back into my maintenance range. In the meantime, damage control this week. Actually, I used top grossly overeat for five or six days over Thanksgiving. I cut down the number of gross overeating days by half. Progress, I guess, but I'm very discouraged.
Andrea, I don't know you well at all, but I do work in the mental health field so I hope you don't mind a couple of thoughts - you say that you have "outgrown" the depression. What makes you say that? You say that you are irritable and short tempered, and those are classic signs of depression.
You may have experienced depression in the past as overwhelming sadness, but anger and irritability are also signs, they are just more "typical" in men rather then women to show their depression that way.
This could also explain the lack of libido - who feels like "getting busy" when you are irritable?
There is a new SSRI out there - Viibryd - that people are having good luck with that seems to have less sexual and other side effects then traditional SSRI's. Or, have you ever been tried on a non-SSRI like Effexor or Wellbutrin?
Andrea, it sounds to me like if you don't trust your psychiatrist to make good decisions on your behalf, you need a new psychiatrist. That said, I don't know what to tell you about the depression, but I can tell you that my decade-long low libido turned out to be a direct side effect of hormonal birth control. I don't know if you use bc or not but if you do it may be the culprit.
I braved the scale this AM and am up 3 lbs from my pre-Thanksgiving weight. Yesterday, Monday, I went back to a losing eating plan with tons of veggies, no cocktails, back to the gym for the first time in about 3 weeks, and out for a wog with the dog. I have 1.5 weeks to hit the gym before my vacation and my membership runs out, and I've make the hard decision not to renew it, at least for now. I'm really tempted by the black Fri/cyber Mon (except it all goes through Wed this year?) prices on ellipticals. I will come up with more effective ways to work out from home. Since there is no longer any pie in sight, I had a lowfat pumpkin muffin and some tea for dessert last night. I have tangerines and more tea for the rest of the week. And kale. Did I mention the kale? Somehow I am convinced mounds of kale will save me.
Chris, the holidays are so tough with so much indulgent food around. Just tough. I find it impossible to refuse all the food, so getting right back to my healthy eats and keeping exercise up is really key for me. Control what you can, and get ready for the Christmas go-around in a few weeks. Don't give in to the temptation to let your eating habits slip this week bc of the upcoming gathering Thursday! (I say this not as an expert at this, but as someone who tries to follow this advice on such occasions.)
BF's family is so frustrating! Thanksgiving was fine, but bc no one talked about the drama. There will be more drama there in the coming weeks. BF has been fairly open to talking to me about things (he tends to clam up) and seemed ok last night. I'm sure it will be a recurring topic for me in the next few weeks.
Andrea, I don't have experience w depression medications. But like Dagmar suggested, I wonder if you're really over the withdrawal period. Besides talking to your psychiatrist Friday, I would suggest doing some research on your own about how long withdrawal really takes and how long others have said it takes for their libido to return. Online forums perhaps? Talk to your psychiatrist, and if s/he is non-responsive, perhaps it's time to look for a new one. (I'm imagining the stereotypical psychiatrist responding to your every statement with "and how does that make you feel?" which I would find incredibly frustrating.) Maybe a different medication is called for, but I would give it a bit longer for your body to recover and regain its equilibrium.
Krampus, great avatar pic!
Allison, what kind of kitchen set-up will you have for this meal? Do you have an oven/stove readily available or are you bringing in the food from elsewhere?
Andrea, you've already gotten some good advice here, so good that I'm actually going to borrow some of it.
I would also really look at the relationship with the psychiatrist.
I've had a really good therapist in the past, and I've got a nice one now who's just adequate. The difference between the two is that the first one really challenged me, turned me upside down, and offered me a kind of lifeline sometimes, and I couldn't wait for each session. I thought about them for a long time afterward. I didn't just go as a matter of duty and feel I was going round in a circle, without progressing.
I have to remind myself it's a paid-for relationship, not a friendship. I know my current therapist would take it personally if I ended it, seeking out someone better, but really, I'm paying for a service here, and could do better.
Maybe that's your inner dialogue on this issue, too?
This week, I'm going to work on keeping work and diversion separate as possible.
It has occurred to me periodically that one reason my life feels so driven is that I can't tell anymore when I am working and when I am not working. The computer is always on & I am moving back & forth between work & not-work. It has nothing to do with "working hours" anymore. This blurring isn't healthy. For one thing, I never get the satisfactory feeling of work done well & laid aside, and put out of mind till it's taken up again. And I just feel guilty when I am not continuing working, or keep feeling tentative, like, "Yes, I'll pick that up later tonight."
I'm talking about boundaries here.
But that also means renouncing some playtime during working hours, so I need to get off this site for a while.
Andrea-- it sounds like you've gotten some good advice so I'm not sure what I could add, but it does sound like you are still having some depression issues. That being said, my dd went on Lexapro as a teen (with severe depression) and it began her extreme weight gain. Sounds like you didn't have that side effect from it. I personally wouldn't want to live my life constantly miserable which it sounds like you are now. Especially if you are experiencing self-loathing-- for me that would equate to weight gain.
My own weight is still on my mind. I was down a little today but no whoosh yet and I feel like I look 6 months preggo.
Megan-- why are you giving up your gym membership?
Saef-- I understand you about boundaries. They do tend to get blurred-- both at work and at home....
Megan~my kitchen at work consists of a fridge, sink and microwave. Usually I bake everything at home, wrap in towels and then pack in coolers and bring to the office. That usually works well to keep everything hot until I serve it. I also have buffet servers that keep things warm with Sterno, so that's an option as well. We can BBQ if someone brings one in. Ours is too big to lug around and we don't have a propane tank for it.
I'm still thinking about options. I was going to talk to DH about it last night, but totally forgot.
We were supposed to go see Boz Scaggs on Thursday but he's cancelled his tour because of laryngitis. It's rescheduled for late March, but I'm not sure if I want to keep the tickets (this is the second time it's been cancelled).
We've determined that the feral mama cat is alive and well and keeping THREE kittens with her. DH saw the third last night and I confirmed that this morning when I went to feed them. Now he's saying there is a fourth. That's a lot of TNR!
Megan-- why are you giving up your gym membership?
My normal work hours are mon-fri 7:30-4:00, but sometimes require me to work later. The gym is 10 min. from work in the opposite direction of my home, open Mon-fri 7:00-7:30 (but I've been told the early AM employee routinely doesn't open until 7:30). I try to go for an hour right after work, then get home to give the dog some exercise, but am unwilling to leave her locked up day after day for more than 8 hours. It is so hard for me to get there when they're open! Lately 3x per week has been a good week. Over the last three weeks between work, my play, Thanksgiving, plus taking care of my dog I haven't been there once. They used to have weekend hours and cut them all. They used to allow you to suspend your membership if you wouldn't be around but don't now (I went in 2.5 weeks ago and asked if I could do this, when I learned their policy had changed), and they used to give corporate rates which I qualified for which they just eliminated and raised prices.
I have tried to do a lunchtime workout when possible last winter but even though I adjusted my work hours, the boss wasn't a fan. Plus my work doesn't allow lunchtime workouts when I have to go do field work. I used to go in before work sometimes, when they opened at 6:30, but they cut those hours.
I feel like I've been fighting and fighting to keep going to the gym as hours have been cut etc, and it's causing me so much more stress. I worry about my motivation, but I hope starting from scratch at home will help me re-focus and work out more. The idea of not having a gym membership scares the heck out of me bc I'm worried I'll - yup - get fat! But at this point it seems such a waste of $, and I don't have $ to waste.
I live in a rural area and this is the only gym for ~30-35 miles. The next closest one is just too far, takes too much time to get to, and is too expensive to get to in gas.
Did you want all those reasons? This is really an overly emotional decision for me. I can give it a try... and always rejoin in a month or two.
This is really an overly emotional decision for me. I can give it a try... and always rejoin in a month or two.
