I'm finding myself really surprised by some people's reaction to my weight loss. If I were always thin, I don't think they'd have the same reaction. However, since they've seen me lose a bunch of weight, they seem to be more aware of my body and my weight and all that and I feel that they're jealous. They might tell me complements but I can tell that they're not happy to give them out. I'm getting to the point that I wish I could move so that people would just forget about the way I used to look. The worst is when I see people who I haven't seen in a long time. They seem to be in shock and just can't get over it. They don't see how much I suffer with my migraines or how much I struggle with my son with special needs. They think I have this perfect life and then I find myself having to complain a lot so that they'll be less jealous, which is just crazy because I really don't wanna complain.
Am I the only one going through this? It's not a huge deal and I keep reminding myself that I'm so grateful and I've put in such incredibly hard work and I do realize that I could gain it all back at any time (with my food addiction/binge issues)....so anyway, I just wanted to vent about it.
They think I have this perfect life and then I find myself having to complain a lot so that they'll be less jealous, which is just crazy because I really don't wanna complain.
How do you know they are jeolous ? They may be paying you a sincere compliment. If they are actually jeolous that is their problem not yours. I would not complain, be proud of what you have done.
Huge Congrats on a job well done
People respond to what they see, and to (often) the most superficial thing there is to discuss. So you lost a lot of weight and look great and that's what they are going to comment on. Maybe their comments remind you of your old way of being, which you want to forget about, which is understandable as you've given yourself a new life, so to speak.
Don't make up false complaints about your life and don't build up on whatever you have in your life that's negative. Acknowledge the great place you're in, and change the subject. Keep redirecting the conversation to about them, and if they bring it back to you, smile and tell them how great things are. Unless you're with someone very close, there's no benefit to you to hash out your personal problems to 'sightseers'.
Enjoy your well-earned success and stay healthy in body and spirit.
Definitely not. Friends, co-workers, family have all been happy for me or neutral about it, though my sister wants me to not lose anymore,as she has spent her entire life being the skinny sister and now we wear the same size.
I can't say I've felt jealousy from anyone, but I do get a lot of the "I never realize how heavy you were until you lost all that weight again" or "You always had a pretty face, now your body matches" sort of commentary. Which is annoying and amusing all at once.
If you do feel jealousy coming from people, maybe it is simply they know they couldn't have overcome their own food issues or greedy appetites to make such a big change in their own lives? Just be proud of what you've done for you and keep your chin up in the face of any comment, good or bad!
I have so many supportive people in my life, very few are jealous
My mom was jealous for a while (I think), but she seems to have gotten over it. Some of the women at the gym are jealous but I just ignore them. The overwhelming majority of them are very supportive.
Don't let others affect you so adversely. Live your life your way because, as Dr. Seuss so wonderfully put it, those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
My Mom and Dad are happy for me, my brother is indifferent like usual (boys...), and my aunt was happy for me but I'm sure a couple of my cousins are none too pleased. Two in particular have always been kinda snotty with me for no good reason and both of them have recently gained weight. I hardly give them any thought but I imagine they think of me because they're displeased with their own lives. I can't do anything about that! :
I've learned to let others have their feelings. Their feelings don't have to own or effect me. Their feelings, their problem, so I don't even try to guess other people's feelings. I assume the best (even when I have evidence to the contrary).
People are complicated and so are their emotions. I know that I can be genuinely happy for someone (and yet be a little or even a lot jealous). Sometimes I'm successful at hiding the negative emotions, and sometimes I'm not, but either way, it's not their job to change my feelings (and I really don't want them to try to). My feelings are my own burden, and other people's feelings are their burden.
I like people. I don't want to hurt them, but I'm not responsible for their negative emotions (and they're not responsible for mine). I assume the best and ignore the rest. Even if someone is being intentionally negative, I refuse to let it affect my mood because I deserve better. If they're trying to make me feel bad, they win if they accomplish that.
Once when some teenager at the Walmart yelled out something to the effect of Wow, you're really fat," to impress his little group of friends, I laughed and yelled back something like, "Wow, you're a genius, did you figure that out all by yourself or did you have help?"
I almost felt sorry for him when his friends started laughing at him.
That's of course an extreme example, but even with friends and relatives I don't expect people to have simple emotions (because I usually don't). Most of the time, I find myself being at least a little jealous when people in my life have things I wish I had. Sometimes it's less than 5% and I know that I'm the only one that knows I'm a little jealous. When it passes the 50% mark, I know that I'm not always successful in hiding my envy, but I'm trying, and I want the friend to see the happiness (and am hoping that they don't detect the envy).
It's a really good thing that human's can't read minds, because we'd be constantly hurting each other if we did. Sometimes it's hard to be 100% happy for someone when they have what we want (even if they worked really, really, really hard to do it), and it doesn't help to hear how badly the rest of their lives suck (because we don't really want to BE them, we just want some of the stuff they have - and we can be sad for their pain). We don't (usually) want to hurt them for having what we want, we just want what they have (even when we know we could probably get it if we worked hard enough).
In terms of negative emotions though, we tend to see what we expect to see. I'm an optimist. I believe and assume that most people have good intentions. My mother on the other hand, is a pessimist. She believes that most people are selfish and cruel. We both have life experiences that we can use to prove our own point.
Which of us is right? Maybe mom is, but if I'm being delusional, I'm sure happier for it.
You're not responsible for how others feel, so why not assume the best (or at least that people are trying their best)?
I do think though that when it comes to weight loss, we're encouraged to believe (and even relish) the idea that people will be jealous, which I believe is very detrimental and makes weight loss harder than it has to be. It encourages us to believe that we have to do it on our own and that others can't be trusted to help us, and that we need to hide (or flaunt) our progress, that we need to be private about our success, and that we can't trust people to be genuinely happy for our success.
We make weight loss such a stressful, unpleasant and even painful process that it becomes undoable for most folks. Being immensely fat ends up being less painful than losing the weight.
We've got to change that, and I sincerely believe that a vital step is refusing to assume that others are hurt by our success. Even if we're wrong, it pays to believe that most people are genuinely happy for us, and the few who aren't will get over it.
I've looked the same for several years now, so I have to think hard to remember. But as I recall, the reactions that I got to my 107-lb. weight loss weren't uniform. They varied tremendously according to my relationship with the person and even more important, how that person felt about herself, and most particularly how she felt about where she was going in her life and about her body.
Some people didn't see my weight loss as simply a neutral fact, a change in my physical appearance, like someone changing her hair style or color. They used it as a mirror, to look at themselves & conduct a referendum on their lives.
My feeling is that, if what they saw bothered them, it wasn't my doing. It wasn't even personal, not really. They could have made use of nearly anything in the way that they used my weight loss -- I just happened to be the handiest thing nearby that day.
I am not going to act disingenuous about this. Look, I've admired and envied peoples' physical fitness and have used aspects of their appearance as inspiration -- and sometimes as a a self-reproach -- so I understand what's going on.
I have pictured myself and others as standing on an endless staircase, looking up at those whom we envy, and while so engaged, it's so easy to forget others could be looking up at me.
I do think though that when it comes to weight loss, we're encouraged to believe (and even relish) the idea that people will be jealous, which I believe is very detrimental and makes weight loss harder than it has to be. It encourages us to believe that we have to do it on our own and that others can't be trusted to help us, and that we need to hide (or flaunt) our progress, that we need to be private about our success, and that we can't trust people to be genuinely happy for our success.
That' s a good point, and I've seen it used in ads for weight loss products. There's one running in Australia at the moment featuring a photo of the aftermath of a wedding - a floral arch on a cliff top, empty white chairs, and rose petals strewn over the ground, with the caption, "You'll Be Glad you Invited His Ex".
If advertisers can harness women's b!tchy side, we're doing half their work for them.
I feel like if I'm imagining what someone else is "really" thinking about me in their head, it's more than likely something I am thinking about myself on some level.
We aren't psychic. I take people at their word unless they give me a real reason not to. You can't tell what someone is really thinking just by looking a their faces.
I did just move to a different state about 4 months ago - and it's pretty nice to be able to go to the grocery store without the cashier talking about my weight. But it always seemed friendly and genuine to me. The only person who has been negative about my lifestyle change is a friend who thinks I'm boring now that I'm into fitness and healthy cooking instead of drinking and greasy diners. But whatever, people change
I don't think I've experienced any jealousy or envy of the harsh kind. One of my sisters has worked her butt off for several years ---hard core exercising, personal trainer, etc.---and she has gradually lost weight & looks really good. However, she is not at her personal goal and/or at the weight that would be considered "normal" on the WL charts. However, I lost all the weight I wanted to within just six months (if I can get my head into it, weight loss does tend to happen fast for me). At my current size, I am often called "skinny," and people have commented with amazement at how thin I am compared to how I was last year. So, sometimes, my sister will jokingly say, "I hate you!" It's not that she begrudges me weight loss success or doesn't want me to be a size 6; it's just that she resents how easy she perceives my weight loss to be when compared to hers. If I were in her shoes, I would probably feel the same.
Hmmm...well ask yourself this question, were you jealous when someone else lost weight? If you were, then you understand what they're feeling and/or projecting what you felt onto them. If you weren't, then you have to realize that most people aren't jealous of you either.
I think people often feel envious of things that others have (and they do not). So maybe someone is envious of your weight loss, but not necessarily jealous (which connotes they aren't happy for you). And then there's people that are just relieved your thinner.
Try hard not to fret about such things, though. Weight loss is often temporary so I'd rather you focus your energy on enjoying your new & improved self rather than concerning yourself with other people's feelings. When they compliment you, just accept the compliment and remind yourself that you worked hard and do look good. And try very hard to maintain it. There's nothing worse than dealing with people's comments--or lack thereof--when you put it all back on.
Thanks to all of you for taking the time and sharing your very insightful points of view. I'm fascinated! I need to just stop worrying about it all. I absolutely have people who are excited for me and there are those who are simply envious, but I've got one woman who refuses to even acknowledge my existence. As I've lost more weight, she has stopped speaking to me or even looking in my direction. I feel sad about that but at the same time, I know it's not about me but more a reflection of how she feels about herself. I'm going to just assume the best about people and stop worrying about the negative energy that I might be feeling. I definitely admit that some of that energy could just be my own paranoia. I come from a culture where there's fear of the "evil eye," and just recently, after seeing a relative who was not too happy with my loss, I got very sick with the stomach flu. I'm sure it's just a coincidence, but I can't help but succumb to the fear of someone wishing me evil. Crazy, I know!!! Im definitely very grateful to be in this place and I know that it could easily be gone because I've lost and gained the same 50+++ lbs. for many, many years. I'm just grateful I have such a wonderful, supportive place where I can vent and get the opinions of such intelligent people. Thanks all!
when whatever-he-is-today realized i was serious about losing weight, he was all over the map, ranging from bringing home chicken wings and cheesecake and flipping his lid when i refused to eat them to expertly preparing carefully thought-out meals that were delicious, nutritious, and within my limited calorie allowance. he spoke with his boss at the restaurant about my diet and said he noticed that rather a lot of ppl in town are trying to lose weight (the zumba studio is right across the road from them) and now there's a special part of the menu for ppl losing weight. then he had another spazz attack bec i didn't want to eat pizza.
my family? i haven't even told them and i'm careful not to let them see me. my daughters know - they're so cute - but not my mother and not my sisters. their comments would basically be soul-crushing.
his family? soooooooooooooooooooo wonderful. i passed by the webcam while he was chatting with his ex-wife's brother and the guy cut him off with "who's that!? who's that you got there!? no... is that she!???? girl, where the rest of you gone!??" and then his wife shoves her face into the monitor and was soo excited for me. really, genuinely excited for me - it was so nice.
Are people jealous of your weight loss?
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