BIL has terminal cancer and all I wanna do is eat!

fitmom · 09-04-2011, 08:44 PM

Today I received some devastating news that my BIL at age 43 has terminal cancer. My sister is beside herself because she is only 37 yo, married for a decade to the love of her life and has three daughters ages 6, 4 and 3.

My family is still somewhat reeling from my mom's passing four years ago so we just huddled around her and let her cry. I'm still wondering why this would happen so soon after we went through the hellish cancer journey with my mom not too long ago.

Please keep them in your prayers. It's taking every ounce of strength not to drown my sorrows in a pint of ice cream right now. I feel like giving up. I mean, what's the point of doing all this if in the end, you're gonna die a horrible death anyway?!?

I am completely bewildered at the moment. I can't even think straight. Thanks for letting me vent my frustration.

dancerchickchic · 09-04-2011, 08:57 PM

Hang in there.

Its hard to think about yourself when those around you need you. Be the best you can be for the ones you love!!

seabiscuit · 09-04-2011, 10:13 PM

(((((( fitmom ))))))

I'm so sorry for this news. I'm thinking of you. What can you do to take care of yourself and enjoy the time with your BIL?

theox · 09-04-2011, 10:25 PM

I'm sorry about your BIL. That's terrible news, and it's natural to be very upset by it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by fitmom

I mean, what's the point of doing all this if in the end, you're gonna die a horrible death anyway?!?

We can't control the future, only the present. You maximize your quality of life now by trying to stay as healthy as you can. Being as fit as you've become might also mean that you're able to do more to help your sister and her family as they go through this, than you would have been able to otherwise.

traveling michele · 09-04-2011, 11:17 PM

I am so sorry you have received such truly devastating news.
My only advice is to focus on what you have control of, as you can't control what is out of your power. Therefore, your health-- your eating and exercise is something you can control. When I started my weight loss journey, I was dealing with a seriously ill parent (who died during my journey). I felt like I had control over what I put in my mouth and what I did with my exercise-- even when I didn't have control over anything else.

Beyond that-- just be there as much as you can for your sister and her family. Are they local? Do you know how long BIL might have?

BillBlueEyes · 09-05-2011, 06:13 AM

Sending supportive thoughts, fitmom.

Mudpie · 09-05-2011, 07:32 AM

Supportive thoughts here too fitmom

. And you have to take care of yourself so that you can better help your sister and her family.

You have already proven to yourself that you are strong. You can stay strong. 3FC is a good place to vent. Much better to post here than to eat the ice cream (and I speak from long, long experience).

Dagmar

JayEll · 09-05-2011, 07:34 AM

Fitmom, I'm so sorry.

Some of us will die horrible deaths, and some of us will die in our sleep. But all of us are going to die. Please don't let your BIL's illness be an excuse to overeat. It won't make you feel any better in the long run. That said, be sure you get good, nourishing food. Don't let your food become yet another stress at this time.

And if you feel like you just can't go on, see your doctor. Sometimes medication, properly prescribed and taken, can help.

You will get through this, fitmom. I promise.

Jay

bargoo · 09-05-2011, 07:56 AM

So sorry, right now the best thing you can do is to be there for your sister, Help her in any way you can. Praying for you bil and your entire family as you go through this trying time.

Bright Angel · 09-05-2011, 12:03 PM

For me, strong feelings, both good and bad,
always trigger an intense desire to eat.
The stronger the feeling, the more intense my eating desire.

All of us have really bad things and really good thing happen in our lives.

We are human beings so we have feelings in response to those events.

I find it takes an enormous amount of self-discipline
to keep from giving in to the desire to eat and eat and eat.
Sometimes I succeed and other times I fail.
So far, I've maintained my weight-loss by having more success than failure.

EZMONEY · 09-05-2011, 12:07 PM

Prayers for your family as you go through this as so many of us have....it is a very rough road for sure.

silverbirch · 09-05-2011, 04:37 PM

I echo Gary's words.

ncuneo · 09-06-2011, 12:41 AM

(hugs) I'm so sorry for what you're going through.

saef · 09-06-2011, 10:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fitmom

I feel like giving up. I mean, what's the point of doing all this if in the end, you're gonna die a horrible death anyway?!?

Because you need to make the most of the time that you do have on this earth. However long that may be. So just maybe you could be one of those wiry tanned 80-year-old women who can go hiking all afternoon with her grandchildren. (I know you've seen them. Where I live, they tend to play a mean game of tennis.)

Because you want to be around for a while for your own two kids -- you have two boys just starting school again, no? And you want to model healthy habits before them.

Because cancer is random, like a Russian roulette game -- at least it seems that way, in my mind -- and it's possible you may miss it, even as others in your family aren't so fortunate.

And no, I don't understand why some of us are put on extended trials during our lives & face one thing after another. (The Book of Job is supposed to be instructive on this issue.) I was one of them -- and my mother was, even more so. In 2008, within a few days of my father's death of stomach cancer, my mother learned she had breast cancer and had to be irradiated for it. I think life is really like a random hit & run sometimes.

Hang in there, Fitmom. Here's some more of this

We're out here listening. A lot of us have faced this stuff. Vent as much as you need to.

christine123 · 09-06-2011, 05:11 PM

Fitmom - I am so sorry for what you're going through. These things are never easy and not predictable. My mother ran 6 miles a day, did not smoke or drink, and was thin. The woman lived on vegetables and lean chicken. She had a brain tumor that was the size of an orange when we found it and we slowly watched her regress to a child with the maturity of about 5 years old. The woman was incontinent by the time she died. I was 24 when she got sick and changed her diapers, etc. She died when I was 28.

My mom has a cousin who was diagnosed with terminal stomach cancer 25 years ago. The man continues to drink 1/5 vodka a day, maybe more, and smokes 2 packs of cigarettes a day. He's been in remission, cancer-free, for 25 years.

We have experienced 6 deaths in 3 years in my family, including my mother's sister, who was violently murdered by her husband. She was the only relative willing to help my sister and me take care of my mom. The ONLY ONE. She was killed a couple of months before she was able to move in with my mom. We don't know why these things happen.

Like Saef said, cancer is totally like a Russian roulette game. Illness and death are all random, in my opinion. It's just really about how you want to spend whatever years you have on this Earth. It's about setting an example for your precious boys both physically and emotionally so that they look at you and see a strong woman who survives in the face of adversity and extreme pain. It's about controlling the things you can improve and change, such as your eating habits and healthy living. In the face of something so scary and sad such as illness, where you have no control, things like health and exercise can be a place where you can practice gaining some of that back into your life.

Lots and lots of hugs to you. Please vent as much as you need to.