Enough is enough, but how do you say that? - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

Eliana · 02-16-2011, 11:26 AM

I know many dieters have all-or-nothing mentalities and furthermore, many of us are perfectionists as well. I realize lately that my thinking is not healthy. I am very glad to have picked a number to be happy with because I know now that going by size could be dangerous for me.

I fit into a size 4 skirt and with these last five pounds could actually use a 2. Yes, it's the Limited, so we have some Vanity sizing going on. That's where my brain starts to get wonky.

There are 4's, and 2's, and 0's and 00's. If I can fit a 4, I can fit a 2. If I can fit a 2, I can fit a 0. If I can fit a 0, I can fit a 00. And each of those smaller sizes represents someone who has done better at this than me. Ah!! There's the dangerous thinking! It's not about me, it's not about what I've done, it's about what the generic "she" has done. Everything I do, I want to do the best. I want to do it the fastest. I want to do it best. Well, I have definitely not done this the fastest. LOL! But I can achieve greatest loss.

No!! I am going to be happy where I land, at a thankfully very healthy 135. For me, it isn't even about body distortion.

I am happy where I am! Heck, I was thrilled at 160! The reason I didn't stop was because I really wanted to see 100 pounds lost. I think I'm fairly clear headed about where I am. But that perfectionist in me says, ah yes, but you're not the smallest.

Here and around these boards, I don't see much advice to STOP! Sometimes you see it, always worded carefully, always with much trepidation. So I'm just going to plow through this. Sometimes we need to stop but how do you know when that is?

I know I will stop, but I'm not sure I'll want to.

Did any of you feel this way?

Slim CB · 02-16-2011, 11:36 AM

You know when to stop when you are truly happy Eliana. When you are happy with the way you look, with they way your clothes fit, with the way you feel. I know about wanting to get to a certain number but seriously...is it worth it? Will you be able to sustain the weight associated with a size 0? And if unable to sustain such a low weight and a regain occurs taking you to a size 2, does that make you a failure?

I refuse to allow society to dictate to me how I should feel. I am happy where I am right now. Sure I would want to round off my weight loss to 40lbs and get to 158...but then what??? I would have to be working extra hard because the perfectionist mind would not want me to see a 160 on the scale again.

I have seen your pics and I think you look amazing right now...but IMHO I think you should STOP at 135.

Eliana · 02-16-2011, 11:41 AM

Oh, thank you.

I appreciate the compliments, I really do. I'm not fishing for them, I promise. This is why I don't think it's about my view of my own body image. I really was phenomenally happy with what I saw in the mirror 15 pounds ago. This is more about that numbers game. Maybe I'm the only one that plays it. I don't want to play, but I feel compelled to play and it's something I'm going to have to fight.

katy trail · 02-16-2011, 11:43 AM

we have muscular body types, 135 sounds way too low for either of us.

Slim CB · 02-16-2011, 11:47 AM

I know its a numbers game but it's not worth it. Once you are fit and healthy and at a normal BMI (and at a decent BF % if you want to stretch it that far), I don't think anything else matters.

It makes me sad when I see the posts floating around when persons are aiming to lose more and more and yet more just to fit in. I was there for a brief moment myself. Made a thread and everything. But I decided that going lower is just not for me. Sure I see persons here with a similar height and who weigh 20lbs less than I currently do. But I could not care less! I am me, and I love me and I looove how my body looks. Just yesterday at the gym someone told me that I am slim, I don't need to work out anymore. I just smiled at the compliment but inside my heart was bursting with pride.

Remember we do not wear our weight as a stamp on our foreheads......

Eliana · 02-16-2011, 11:58 AM

Ah, Meg, I will, I will! Just 10 more pounds.

I can do 10 more pounds. Part of what's going to keep me honest is the fact that I will purchase a whole new wardrobe at 135 and I am just poor enough to not want to undergrow it!

I think I just needed to hear that others have been in this mental space too and you guys are giving me that. I was this way in high school and wondered if the monster would revisit, but at least this time I recognize it for what it is.

And my BF %, according to the hand held thing I don't trust, is 27.9%, so I'm still good.

Just looking ahead.

Meg · 02-16-2011, 12:01 PM

OK, here's the deal, Eliana -- ten more pounds, down to 135. And that's it! At that point, you go into maintenance mode or else I will use my awesome moderator powers

to make your butt huge again. You didn't know I could do that, did you?

Eliana · 02-16-2011, 12:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meg

OK, here's the deal, Eliana -- ten more pounds, down to 135. And that's it! At that point, you go into maintenance mode or else I will use my awesome moderator powers

to make your butt huge again. You didn't know I could do that, did you?

Deal!

Slim CB · 02-16-2011, 12:04 PM

And we better see a GOAL post from you once you get to 135......and see you declaring that THIS IS IT!!!!!!

Meg · 02-16-2011, 12:05 PM

Oh man, you've got the Maintenance Squad breathing down your neck now!

ncuneo · 02-16-2011, 12:06 PM

Everyday...I'm just trying to learn to love me and my body. Never being thin enough or small enough is what led my mom to years of yo yo dieting and now being at her highest again. I can always be smaller, I can always get my BF lower, I can always work on this body part or that body part, but in the end this is as good as it gets and I just need to stop obsessing and start enjoying the other parts of my life. Fitness needs to just be something I love to do for some me time and eating needs to be something I do to fuel my body and my fitness. I've been saying just 10 more lbs since around 155, and I'm still saying it now and I'll probably go for it, but that's it low 130s - enough is enough.

guamvixen · 02-16-2011, 01:15 PM

Oh Eliana we have the same brain! I kept saying 10 more lbs, only 10 more lbs, and one more size down, just ONE more size down since 135 at a size 6. Then I got pregnant, and somehow, I have absolutely no idea how because I didn't work out at all during my 6 weeks post partum, and during breast feeding I ate enough for two people, I have fallen at 116. I get told I'm too skinny now, I get asked when I'm going to stop, and truth be told, it makes me feel bad. Almost as though people think I have some sort of eating disorder! Take it from me, stop at a sensible weight. I've developed this complex now, people bring me snacks throughout the day at work (we get a lot of vendors bringing food to the office) and I'm just waiting for an intervention. Do I think I'm too skinny? No, I feel happy at my weight. I still look in the mirror and see a "normal" girl. One thing that would stick me when I was at 135 was that people described me as "normal" Not skinny, not thin, not slim, slender, or any of those other adjectives, but NORMAL! What does normal mean to these people?? I guess it was their way of saying healthy. Who knows, but compared to the "too skinny" and being nicknamed "Slim" here at the office, the "Normal" wasn't so bad. I hope all that made sense!

Loving Me · 02-16-2011, 01:17 PM

I could have written your post Eliana lol.
When I started this journey I decided I wanted to weigh 145lbs, my original goal, because it would get me to a JUST healthy BMI. Once I got nearer to that number I actually let myself think more about the dream number that had been in my head the whole time, 137lbs, which would mean I'd lost half my original body weight, was a healthier BMI and taking me into the 9 stone zone we talk about in the UK (which I don't ever remember being as an adult). Clothing size wise to start with I just wanted to wear a size 16, but over time that changed to a 14, then a 12....
Once I got to 137lbs I called it goal, but I dreamed of actually getting to 132lbs and making 137lbs my red line, and size wise once I got to a size 12 I dreamed of a 10...
Thing is I have a LOT of loose skin which means I'm never going to get the naked body that I'd been hoping for. So I'm stuck because I don't know what to do. I'm strength training and working out harder than I ever have, and I know my body is still changing all the time and improving (some of my 12's are baggy now and I'm thinking a 10 may be in my future in some items), but no matter what number or size I get to, I'm not going to get to where I can truly say I'm totally happy with myself.
So why am I so obsessed with the numbers? I really don't know, is it the perfectionist constantly striving for a better mark, like I used to do in tests?
I'm sorry I don't have any advice to offer, but I just wanted you to know I know just how you feel.

JayEll · 02-16-2011, 01:37 PM

I just want to add one thing:

"The Smallest" = Dead
"The Smallest" = Dead
"The Smallest" = Dead

Check it out...

Jay

Tamsin78 · 02-16-2011, 01:48 PM

Hi, I am new on 3Fatchicks (relatively) but I am struggling with weight loss again and there are lots of obsessive-compulsives in my family and perfectionism is part of that recipe! The reason we get obsessed with numbers, sizes, etc. is the same reason that someone fills their home with stacks of magazines or kewpie dolls or or refuses to eat: it's something that WE can control! Plus it gives us a relacement for missing seratonum and we get short-term pleasure from it! During my last success at weight loss I finally figured out that I should trust the tape measure, not the scale and several years back I had to accept that that I have issues and that thinking about how I looked 20 hours a day (for 30 years) wasn't helpful and that once I finally got the 150 pounds that I NOW have to lose off, I would need to have plastic surgery that I can't pay for, so it need to be about my health, so I am trying to just be healthy one day at a time....2 weeks in and exactly 10 pounds less this morning...!