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What happened to the middle ground?

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Old 02-07-2011, 04:49 PM   #1
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Default What happened to the middle ground?

I was getting really good at having just a bite or just a special meal once a week that IMO was worth going off plan. Well something has happened and lately it's either been 100% on or 100% off plan. Fortunately, there's still been rules to it, like off plan days are only to be on F, S or Su, which I recently pulled back to only S or Su, because of some scale creep I feel is going on. At first it was only stuff that was worth it to me, but it's really turning into an all day event and thus I think the slippery slope. I think it's time to pull it back and add a few more *rules* to it to return to that middle ground. I guess it's just all a learning process where we learn what we can handle. I clearly cannot handle a free day, I can't take just a bite or decide what is worth it and what I can live without. I have to have planned specific times to go off plan. Which is fine if that's what I have to do to maintain, but I had kind of hoped to be able to be a little less rigid, but I obviously cannot handle that at this juncture.
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Old 02-07-2011, 05:23 PM   #2
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I understand - I don't do very well with middle ground either - it's pretty much all/nothing, black and white - Drives me crazy - I don't know how to get into that middle ground - I long for moderation.
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Old 02-07-2011, 06:17 PM   #3
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I pretty much stay on plan except for one treat meal one night a week. During that treat meal, I don't go all out, I still stick to my big rules - no more than 2 drinks, limit fried foods, limit cheese (mostly because it makes me feel awful), limit cream based sauces (no fettucini alfredo), SPLIT dessert. As long as I stick to these rules, I can have a very nice night but not break the "calorie bank." It feels like a splurge but it's still very within my lifestyle. Breakfast and lunches are still on plan for the weekend (unless in the off chance my treat meal is a brunch
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Old 02-07-2011, 07:14 PM   #4
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I've been pretty good a staying OP for breakfast and lunch, it's more like from 3pm on is a problem - no rules, no limits. I really just need to return to what I was doing before, I felt really good then. I guess I'm just not exactly sure how to do it without returning to weight loss mode - again that all or nothing mentality. It's needs to be done though, because where does it end...I'll tell you...it ends with a full return to "old habits".

Man I'm so thankful for 3FC, I think watching evenyone go through similar things has kind of prepared me for some of the possible pitfalls allowing me to recognize them before it's too late or earlier than I might have otherwise. I'm recognizing them at a scale creep of 1 lb as opposed to at 5, 10, 15 lbs. Which on one had is wonderful, on the other though it makes me nervous because it just reaffirms what we all know to be true - maintenance is WORK. I like to pretend like it doesn't have to be, and I know just like with weight loss it will get easier, but nevertheless I will have to do this work for the rest of my life. But that's good, life would be boring otherwise right?
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Old 02-08-2011, 07:22 AM   #5
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Hey ncuneo!

I'm thinking that as long as you make some foods a "treat" and other foods "on plan," you're going to have kind of a mental thing going about it. Try to think of food as "just food," and you like some foods better than others.

Try making the days you go out for a meal more like how Glory87 does it--she still has guidelines that she follows. These are not oppressive--they are just good sense.

Jay
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Old 02-08-2011, 09:12 AM   #6
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Oh the good old "all or none" mentality. I'll tell you, it's that characteristic of mine that has made me believe for years that permanent weight loss was not possible for me...UNTIL, I realized that this trait is no different than having brown hair and brown eyes and WANTING blond hair and blue eyes. IMHO it's a physical trait. Something that can be altered at times, but no matter what, it's always going to be there.

I have decided that it's just who I am, and I have begun to learn ways of living with it to make my weight loss permanent. So, I have great on plan days, and some great off plan days. I'm not beating myself up anymore for being who I am. So, okay, I'm all or none. Most days I'll be all, and occasionally I'll be none. It is what it is, and I just don't think all the counseling and self help programs in the world is going to change it.

I can bleach my hair blond, but within a few weeks the dark roots are going to surface. It's not because I'm a bad person, or weak...it's because I was born with brown hair. Just like I was born with this all or none thing I got going. I'm working with it now...with a root touch up.
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Old 02-08-2011, 09:45 AM   #7
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Lori - nicely explained. I've spent way too many years beating myself up over how I should be and finally accepting the character traits I have and using them when I developed my plan.
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Old 02-08-2011, 01:44 PM   #8
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So, I have great on plan days, and some great off plan days. I'm not beating myself up anymore for being who I am. So, okay, I'm all or none. Most days I'll be all, and occasionally I'll be none. It is what it is, and I just don't think all the counseling and self help programs in the world is going to change it.
Holy cow Lori, this stuck such a MAJOR cord with me and is something that I've been thinking for a few weeks now. My binging has been rearing it's ugly head and I've just been thinking...maybe this is just me. Sometimes I overeat...it happens. As long as on the majority of my days, I don't overeat and am on plan, well then all is well. As long as I keep weighing everyday and planning as best I can and am aware, I can handle it. I won't regain 130 lbs overnight.

However, I feel that I need a little more control and there needs to be a few more rules, because it is a bit of a slipperly slope. But finally, not beating myself up over it feels really really good. And kind of takes away the power for binging, and makes food...like Jay said...just food. I think that attitude can lead to better attempts at moderation and more intuitive type eating. It felt good Monday that although I had the first OP Friday in a long time, my Saturday and Sunday were pretty pitiful. But without even thinking, I was OP Monday and the water weight is already almost gone. I'm getting better and better at just accepting ME...
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268 lbs - Journey Begins (January 11, 2006)
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247 lbs - 50 lbs gained pregnancy (August 22, 2008)
195 lbs - baby weight gone (July 7, 2009)
168 lbs - 100 lbs lost (March 26, 2010)
148 lbs - GOAL! 120 lbs lost (July 18, 2010)
138 lbs - 10 lbs under goal (December 29, 2010)
PR 1/2 Marathon - Time 1:59:50 (November 11, 2012)
PR Marathon - Time 4:40:53 (March 18, 2012)
Today 140s & training for my Health
"There is nothing you can't have tomorrow so there is no reason to eat it all today."

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Old 02-08-2011, 02:48 PM   #9
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Quote:
My binging has been rearing it's ugly head and I've just been thinking...maybe this is just me. Sometimes I overeat...it happens. As long as on the majority of my days, I don't overeat and am on plan, well then all is well.
I think this is a very gray area... hard to tell where you're at... Be careful.

Just for interest, when I was 19 months into maintenance, I weighed the same as my goal weight also. I thought I had it figured out for sure. For me, things didn't start to unravel until the two-year point, when "somehow" I had gotten up 8 pounds.

Just saying that sometimes things get slippery when you least expect it.

Jay
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Old 02-08-2011, 03:14 PM   #10
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I think this is a very gray area... hard to tell where you're at... Be careful.
I agree 1000%. This is why, although I intend to accept these things about myself, I feel that there still needs to be "rules". One of those rules is weighing everyday and knowing that the second, such as now I was up to 142 Friday, it's starts to be an upward trend, I need to hone it in. I need to have less off plan meals. I think right now I'm just trying to find that balance that works for me. That balance that maintains my weight. Right now I seem to be either losing or very slowly gaining...and that maybe the balance a few weeks of losing followed by a few weeks of slowly gaining, who knows, I guess I'm just feeling more and more confident in my ability to maintain my weight as I learn these things about myself.

I guess I'm just a little tired of labeling myself a binger and thinking that there is something "wrong" with me because of it. Obviously it's a serious condition, but it doesn't need to be for me...I don't know where I'm going with that, but I guess I should say that I just coming to peace with my food "issues".
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My Journey
268 lbs - Journey Begins (January 11, 2006)
197 lbs - 71 lbs lost (October 15, 2007)
247 lbs - 50 lbs gained pregnancy (August 22, 2008)
195 lbs - baby weight gone (July 7, 2009)
168 lbs - 100 lbs lost (March 26, 2010)
148 lbs - GOAL! 120 lbs lost (July 18, 2010)
138 lbs - 10 lbs under goal (December 29, 2010)
PR 1/2 Marathon - Time 1:59:50 (November 11, 2012)
PR Marathon - Time 4:40:53 (March 18, 2012)
Today 140s & training for my Health
"There is nothing you can't have tomorrow so there is no reason to eat it all today."
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Old 02-08-2011, 05:27 PM   #11
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I guess I'm just a little tired of labeling myself a binger and thinking that there is something "wrong" with me because of it.
I'm with you on that, as you know! It's true--it's not helpful to think of yourself as having something "wrong." It is what it is, and you have to deal with it. That's all! No judgments.

Jay
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Old 02-09-2011, 01:04 AM   #12
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From another perspective: binging is highly connected to isolation, or being alone. So, you could look at the times you are likely to binge and see if you could plan another activity out of the house, with others.
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Old 02-09-2011, 05:11 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by JayEll View Post
I think this is a very gray area... hard to tell where you're at... Be careful.

Just for interest, when I was 19 months into maintenance, I weighed the same as my goal weight also. I thought I had it figured out for sure. For me, things didn't start to unravel until the two-year point, when "somehow" I had gotten up 8 pounds.

Just saying that sometimes things get slippery when you least expect it.

Jay
Thanks for the heads up. I'm willing to fight like **** for that not to happen to me, but I guess time will tell. I'm just basically trying not to over analyze every bite I take anymore. Like you say, it's just food.
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