Yesterday, I had to run to Lowe's to get some sand. I ended up buying three packages at 50 lbs each. I had a hard time getting them into my cart and wanted to ask for assistance, but I got them in the cart by myself. Then, I went to put them in my truck and had an even harder time getting them out of the cart and into the truck. I mean I had a REALLY hard time; they were so freaking heavy! After struggling for 5 minutes, I was on my way to Target. The entire drive I was noticing how the back of my truck seemed weighed down by the three bags of sand. Then, I started dreading having to carry the darn sand to the second floor of my house!
As I pull into Target, I realized that the three bags of sand weighed 150 lbs; the amount of weight I have lost. I sat in the Target parking lot sobbing. I thought of all of the struggling I had getting three separate bags of sand to the truck and realized that I used to carry around the equivalent of all three bags of sand AT THE SAME TIME! It was really painful to think of what I put my body through and how I allowed myself to get that big.
I think that the next time I decide that I can eat a whole pie in one sitting or go on a week long not-so-healthy eating cycle, I will have to run out to Lowe's or the gym or somewhere and pick up 150 lbs to give myself a reality check about where I came from and the place I can never get back to again.
What a great post! Thanks for sharing, I hope you gave yourself a great big hug! You've worked really hard, and it amazes me what we put our bodies through, yet they still forgive us! I need to go do that! I lost 121 lbs, but I can imagine what that must have felt like! Congratulations!
I very much enjoyed your post.
I just don't know how I used to carry 155 more lbs around every day.
Although I knew I was quite fat...morbidly obese in fact,
I never did visualize myself as being as Fat as others must have seen me.
Sometimes I will watch an episode of the Biggest Loser,
and see at the scale, a woman who is much taller than me, weighing around 250 lbs,
and I am shocked to realize that at my 5'0" height,
I must have looked like THAT and EVEN WORSE.
Thank you so much for sharing this story. It must have been amazing to realize that!
This story reminds me of something that I am learning, especially by reading so many posts....that freedom isn't getting to indulge in all the foods you wan to eat all the time and to be a couch potato..... Freedom is eating healthy foods and moving your body and releasing it from being sick and eating foods that kill you! At the same time, there is joy to be found with eating healthy foods...the sweetness of cantaloupe and blueberries.....When I'm struggling to make good choices, I will remember this story.
Last edited by pinkflower; 08-12-2010 at 12:32 PM.
That was such a great post. I can really relate. I often feel detached from what I've achieved. It's difficult to fully comprehend losing such a large amount. It really is amazing when it hits you all of a sudden. For me, my reality check is when I think about that fact that I have a friend that weighs as much as I've lost. Yes, I've lost a full grown woman off myself in under a year.
Height: 5 foot 2 and a half (Don't forget the half lol!)
Quote:
Originally Posted by pinkflower
freedom isn't getting to indulge in all the foods you wan to eat all the time and to be a couch potato..... Freedom is eating healthy foods and moving your body and releasing it from being sick and eating foods that kill you!
Very true! Eating chocolate and drinking fizzy drinks doesn't have the same appeal. Maybe it never did.
I'll remember this story every time I feel down about not meeting my goal yet or only losing 20lbs in eight months.
A lot of us spend time thinking about what we will buy ourselves when we get to goal -- new jeans, a special dress, etc. Maybe one thing we should all buy ourselves is something as heavy as the weight we've lost. Then, when we feel ourselves not wanting to stay on plan, or we notice the pounds start creeping back, we could go pick it up, maybe carry it around for a while. I think I will do that this winter if I am having trouble staying on plan!
Awesome story. Congrats on all your hard work and dedication to be healthy. I had a similar experience last fall with bags of grass seed...lol
I just HAVE to ask this question though. What in the world are you making that you would need 150 pounds of sand on the 2nd floor in your house? (I'm a do-it-yourself kind of gal, so these things interest me. )
Thanks everybody for your thoughts and support. It's funny, when I told my best friend the story, she asked why was I crying out of sadness instead of joy from the fact that I lost the weight and I couldn't answer her. Maybe because I know that I will have to deal with my disordered eating for the rest of my life, maybe because this was a real shocker as to how far I had gotten. I still can't figure it out.
@Lori - I HATE working out AND going to the gym, so I am trying to find ways to get exercise outside of a darn treadmill, elliptical or balance ball! lol Anywho, I bought a heavy bag on a stand and have to fill the stand with sand. I am going to see if I like boxing! I have gloves, a jump rope, a couple of books and a DVD.
An eye-opener about how big I really was
)
