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-   -   After all these years, this is what he asks me... (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/living-maintenance/205748-after-all-these-years-what-he-asks-me.html)

rockinrobin 06-28-2010 07:26 AM

After all these years, this is what he asks me...
Should I go get you some Chinese food or some ice cream?

Okay, reading that now I almost laughed.

Anyway, I was having a particularly stressful day yesterday. Well lots of the days have been stressful as of late, but yesterday in particular was.

As some of you know, DD#1 got married less than a month ago, and we're trying to help her get her apartment together which has been a pain in the neck and simultaneously we're trying to get DD#2's apartment also ready as she is getting married 6 weeks from now. Lots of stuff to be done.

Yesterday we set aside to get the invitations out and finally we did. But it was stressful and TIME consuming. Someone please remind me for DD#3's wedding we send the envelopes OUT to a printer. Whatever money it is, it has got to be worth it.

Oh forgot to mention that DD#3 went off to camp the other day so there was that stress as well. Well with all of this built up stress, and yesterday being the kicker, I was just very - frustrated, annoyed (it was a great beach day and I was indoors ALL day, in fact haven't hit the beach once with all the planning of the wedding and getting these apts set up ) and very tear-y.

It was quite late, dinner was no where in sight and my husband who sees me losing it says to me "Should I go get some Chinese food or some ice cream?" Four years. Four years I've been *doing this* and he wants to know, since I'm out of my mind upset and stressed if I want Chinese food or ice cream...... I just don't get it. And apparently neither does he!

The LAST thing I wanted was Chinese food or ice cream. I just wanted to get out of the house and take a brisk walk...

Now back in the day that IS what I would have wanted, but it's been 4 YEARS. 4 YEARS!!!! How could he even go there? Why would he think this was something that I WOULD want? How many years will have to pass until he *gets* this? And the scary thing is, is he's a pretty darn intelligent man, so that he is NOT getting this is just, I don't know what it is....

candy love 06-28-2010 07:53 AM

No matter how intellengent a man is they still have their *MAN* moments, y'know the 'I have no clue what I'm doing or saying but i'ma do it anyways' moment, at least you stayed strong and didn't give in, god if it was me I'd be on my 10th helping lol, just remind him every now and then that that was the old you and you'll never go back, he'll soon get it :hug:

bargoo 06-28-2010 08:27 AM

This may be a nosy question , but why are you having to set up your DD'S new apartments ? If they are old enough to get married, they are old enough to set up their own apartments. This would eliminate some of the stress. When I was a bride, eons ago, I wanted to do my own thing and didn't want some one else's ideas. Why not let them do it ?

rockinrobin 06-28-2010 08:45 AM


Originally Posted by bargoo (Post 3361122)
This may be a nosy question , but why are you having to set up your DD'S new apartments ? If they are old enough to get married, they are old enough to set up their own apartments. This would eliminate some of the stress. When I was a bride, eons ago, I wanted to do my own thing and didn't want some one else's ideas. Why not let them do it ?

Good question, one I ask myself from time to time. But this is just me, this is what I WANT to do, I want to be there for them.

DD#1 is in training right now for a job she starts in September and the hours are, get this, and I'm not exaggerating - 5 days a week, from 6 o'clock in the morning till 10 o'clock in the evening. And she has some health issues and my husband is a contractor and I've dabbled in decorating, so all these things combined, well I just want to ease some of HER stress. And DD#2's apartment is right around the corner from me (a good thing) and we had her bridal shower here last week (ooh another stress factor) and since we're lucky enough to have the apt so early (we didn't have it for #1), I'd just like things to be nice for them.

I know I add some of this stress to myself, but that is me and this is the way I want it - I suppose (no, I do). I've mentioned many times, my daughters nearing marital age was one of the pushing factors for me to lose the weight for this very reason - the stress and the activity and *just being there for them*.

Although I new they were nearing the age, I didn't realize it would be *this* near and so close to one another!!

paperclippy 06-28-2010 09:55 AM

So what ended up happening? Did you go for a walk? What did you have for dinner? :hug: Good luck dealing with the DD's!

I have to say though (just for a different perspective), even though it has been years for me too, when I am extremely stressed out, the last thing I want to do is cook a healthy dinner or exercise. Luckily those super-stressed moments come so infrequently that if I eat chocolate or junk to deal with the stress, it's okay. So, despite maintaining my weight for nearly 5 years now, it would be perfectly valid for my DH to offer me junk food if I was stressed, and I would take him up on the offer, eat the junk food, and feel better long enough to get things under control so I didn't get into that bad head-place the next day. Then again, my weight maintenance plan allows for me to eat junk food, so it's not really a major step off plan to do it once. Every day would be a different story.

zestfest 06-28-2010 09:55 AM

Aw, it is frustrating he doesn't seem to *get it* - that this is your lifestyle and something you have been doing for so long. But, on the bright side, he really is just trying to help you de-stress and ease your frustration (in an admittedly silly way). He loves you! Can you just explain to him that you don't want food for comfort, but that it would be great if he took a walk with you? Men are not so good at getting indirect hints, haha.

Glory87 06-28-2010 10:20 AM

That's a man for you, they see a problem, they want to FIX IT! He may have had the wrong fix, but give him some love for seeing a problem and wanting to help :)

saef 06-28-2010 10:23 AM

He's a man. He just hasn't noticed what you've been eating for the past four years. Though the time passed, he was oblivious to it, because to him, four years is just a little blip in the longer span of your life together. To you, it's been momentuous, and marks a big life change, like the date of a rebirth. For him, it was just different stuff on your plate, and his mind was elsewhere, on other important Man Things.

rockinrobin 06-28-2010 11:18 AM

Oh no, no, no, he realizes there's been in a change in our home. There would be on way not to. He realizes there's been a change in our home AND a change in ME. He KNOWS this IS my lifestyle now. And trust me - he's lovin' it ;). But no, it can't possibly be *as* momentous for him as it's been for me. No one can understand the scope of what I've gone through, well accept for you guys here at 3FC. It really is something that unless you've experienced it firsthand, you can't really know what it's like.

The truth is, it was getting late and he was getting hungry and that's what we used to do on Sunday nights (very often other nights of the week as well), get a big old pile of Chinese food and chow down and have a big ice cream chaser. Now granted we haven't done that in YEARS, but I know he didn't want me to have to start cooking, so he wanted to go purchase something and we've never done *healthy* take out - I'm always doing the cooking.

So what did we wind up doing? I was going to ask him to go out and pick up sushi, which is what we did for the first time last Sunday night and I really enjoyed it, but I was really too stressed to enjoy eating anything, (who would have EVER thought that?), so I had a yogurt and went to bed. I told him to please go out and get something to eat and he did.

Jessica, my maintenance plan also allows me (or do I allow it?) to eat, ummm, junk - but I really don't choose to do it at times such as this one. It would not be enjoyable for me, it would not ease my stress, just add to it.

time2lose 06-28-2010 11:39 AM

So, what was your answer? :) Is he in the hospital...... on the couch?

catherinef 06-28-2010 11:55 AM

My husband occasionally does bone-headed things like that, and it's inevitably him trying to make life easier on me, when I'm stressed out. It doesn't help, but he means well. I've been reduced to saying, "Honey, you think I'm stressed now? I'll be stressed out for DAYS until all the sodium in that stuff flushes."

prepping 06-28-2010 12:32 PM


I do not doubt whatsoever that you are going through A LOT right now and things are flying your way that are both positive and hair-pulling all at the same time. That's obvious. And this is the simple piece of advice that is the absolutely hardest thing to do: calm down. Take each thing as it comes, deal with it, and move on to the next without feeling overwhelmed. However which way you can find that peace, find it! because I hate to say it but your life might actually depend on it. For your daughter's sake, your hubby's sake, and your own.

Story time. Yesterday (June 27th) was my first anniversary with my hubby. So this time last year was a beautiful time. Everything went off without a hitch. My family was all there and everything was the absolute definition of perfect. :) This wednesday (June 30th) will be an anniversary of sorts as well. My mother had a heart attack and stroke. That's right, 3 days after our wedding when we were on our honeymoon.
I never realized how much stress she had really taken on. She seemed like the normal Super Woman that she always is. Our lives changed from that moment on. She has come a long way and this wednesday is something that we'll be rejoicing. She survived. We survived. Life has not come crashing down as it could have. But trust me there's been enough times that I've run through the preparation times and wished I could have seen something that would have sent off alarm bells in my head. But it happened. So coming from a "dear daughter", calm down. please.......... please. Nothing is as big as losing your health in a fraction of a second. No stress is worth dying over. Don't let it!

And please don't disregard this as obvious either. Women have a way of taking on the world and taking care of everyone else first before looking after themselves. My mother and I are very close and the challenges that we all have gone through in the last year I do not wish on anyone.

So this also goes out to all who have read this. No stress is worth dying over. My mother is not very old (59), she is active and a good weight. And no one was more surprised that it happened than her.

Fat Pants 06-28-2010 02:08 PM

Suggesting food? Yep, seems about right for my DH... :lol: Gotta love him for just wanting to cure things. Except his would have been ice cream, hands down. And I most likely would have taken him up on it!!!

fiberlover 06-28-2010 06:52 PM

LOL - my hubby usually says "Do you need me to hide the cereal?" when I am stressed. He knows me too well :D

EZMONEY 06-28-2010 09:25 PM


Dear sir, with the Empty Nest happening so fast be prepared for more stressful days until all those little "robins" have flown the coop for good....AND....

the big "robin" finds out how nice it is to have alone/quiet time...

(as long as the "robins" still fly back home often...wink)....

forget about trying to "smooth" the big robin's wings....won't work....not the male bird's job....

get a hobby for the next couple of years!

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