Help, no support from family members!

JayEll · 11-07-2009, 07:38 AM

I just wanted to add that sometimes it feels like pushing when in fact it is only a polite offer. I went through this a lot with my roommate. Offering food was considered a social gesture in her family, and it's one she always makes even though I've told her no a zillion times and asked her not to be a "food pusher."

I've found there is no reason to be mean to her about this--I simply repeat my polite no as many times as needed, with a smile, and a disclaimer if it seems necessary (for example, "I'm too full," "I don't want any now," "Thanks but I'm OK," and so on). It helps to treat it as a gesture of caring rather than as an attack... And you know, your aunt is right--it's up to you--it's your choice. I assume they are not literally holding you down and forcing food between your clenched teeth...

Jay

Mudpie · 11-07-2009, 08:16 AM

If you accept the assumption that some people are "food addicts" then it follows that usually addicts like to have other addicts around them to share in their addiction.

You are no longer sharing in the addiction and are probably making all the "food pushers" uncomfortable with your choice to not share in their behaviour.

I have blood sugar issues so have a convenient excuse (notice how no one ever pushes fruit or extra veggies at you - LOL) to refuse all the sugary desserts offered at family functions.

Some helpful advice I got was to take a smaller plate and smush the food around on it. Looks like you're eating a whole lot while not really eating it.

Dagmar

bargoo · 11-07-2009, 10:30 AM

When all else fails just say I'll take it home and eat it later . I once had a friend insist I eat fried chicken, I so didn't want it and finally asked her if I could take it home for later. She was happy to pack me an enormous serving. On the way home I saw a man with a sign that said "need food " I stopped and gave the chicken to him, he was happy and she never knew anything about it. And I didn't feel guilty about throwing out "perfectly good food ".

Lori Bell · 11-09-2009, 09:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fruitlady

Hi FoodObsessed, Thanks, I'm afraid if I start to indulge, even just one time, it could lead to more and more of it and I don't want that. I'm trying to get over a binging problem that my family doesn't know about, I'm binge free now for 6 days, I'm doing the 7 day challenge on 3fc.

Gosh, if you are still having issues with binging, (even with this wonderful food program you are very happy with), maybe your family sees something in you that leads them to believe you need to eat more. I know you said they don't know about your binging, but mothers intuition is pretty strong. Hiding the binge secret messes with your mind, spirit and soul. My hubby can ALWAYS tell when I went overboard, just from my demeanor. I don't even bother to try to hid it anymore, I come clean with my family every time I have a bad day. Thankfully it doesn't happen very often.

Really Good job making it 6 days, how did your weekend go?

fruitlady · 11-09-2009, 10:14 AM

Hi Lori Bell, My weekend was ok, but i did binge on Saturday. I have not binged for two days. I am very happy with the foods I eat, so when i do binge, it is with those foods, not junk food. But it still is not good for you. My family has no clue that even tasting or trying their kind of food could be the start of a binge. My biggest fear is if I start i will not be able to stop and I will gain all the weight back. thanks for your input!

meandmyself · 11-09-2009, 10:30 AM

I feel for you....my family took my new eating habits as a personal assault on theirs. If I didnt want to eat something, they immediately got defensive and spent way too much effort trying to justify eating a biscuit with dinner. I never pushed my agenda or shamed others for eating something I chose not to but they still took it personally every time.

At one point my sister all but black balled me at a holiday dinner. She was cooking and I was vegan...you see where this is going?

She put meat and cheese in EVERYTHING...even dishes that she typically would not have. And then had the audacity to complain that I ate nothing but carrots and drank water at her holiday dinner....

What is that about?! To them my choice to not eat meat automatically labeled them as cannibalistic murders.

But once they realized I was serious and could not be backed into eating their way by witholding veggie choices, they came around and even allowed me to host a VEGAN easter dinner! They ate everything and loved it and now my dishes are always welcome at family dinners.

So I guess the moral of the story is stay true to yourself and refuse to be bullied or manipulated and eventually people change.

Lori Bell · 11-09-2009, 12:14 PM

Awesome advice meandmyself.

Quote:

I feel for you....my family took my new eating habits as a personal assault on theirs. If I didnt want to eat something, they immediately got defensive and spent way too much effort trying to justify eating a biscuit with dinner. I never pushed my agenda or shamed others for eating something I chose not to but they still took it personally every time.

This part really stood out. Thankfully I have supportive family, but friends have been dropping like flies for me. I really try not to comment or say anything about what others eat/drink (I reserve that talk for 3fc...lol), I have even been known to be "bartender" at parties, and always take a couple dishes for potlucks. Something I can eat, and something sinfully delicious for the rest to enjoy, but I almost always get a snide remark...like, "I know you think I'm drinking too much". or "I know this isn't on your diet, but I'll NEVER give it up..." sort of stuff. It is very annoying...I don't give a rats behind what they eat or drink...

Anyway Fruitlady, sorry to thread hog, but I do understand what you are going through, just thought I would throw another possible point of view out there.

MonteCristo · 11-09-2009, 03:09 PM

Have you told them how it makes you feel? If they knew that the way they are behaving makes you so angry that you just want to leave, and causes you to dread any occasion that involves food, they might just back off. They can argue with your choices until the cows come home, but your feelings might get a little more respect.

fruitlady · 11-09-2009, 03:25 PM

Thanks everyone! you chicks are the best, I can relate to every point you guys brought up. I am very sick of the remarks like "so all you eat are vegetables?" ( which is far from true), " can't you eat some cake or candy sometimes?" I just say no, I can't. I never care what they eat, why should they care what i eat? Maybe I should start commenting on how bad the food is that they eat, how it's so bad for your health and tell them how much fat and calories they are eating along with empty calories. Maybe it would get them thinking, maybe not. thanks again chicks!

mandalinn82 · 11-09-2009, 04:05 PM

Quote:

Maybe I should start commenting on how bad the food is that they eat, how it's so bad for your health and tell them how much fat and calories they are eating along with empty calories. Maybe it would get them thinking, maybe not

In my experience, this makes it worse. The problem originates, in my opinion, in people being threatened that you're judging them for not eating healthy foods, and/or that your eating those foods pulls into tighter focus the fact that they don't eat those foods (with, for some, a side of confusion about what your new role in the family dynamic is...I was always the heaviest girl in my family, and when I became the smallest girl in my family, it caused some disturbances). Bringing it up may bring those differences into even tighter focus, exactly what you don't want if you want the comments to stop.