Oh..my....goodness....

Jacque9999 · 05-03-2009, 06:34 AM

Wow Wee!!! I don't even have words except what a jerk!!! I would HAVE to confront her cause it would eat away at me. HOWEVER, you have to remember that you heard that through "the grapevine" so maybe there might have been some miscommunication in the "operator chain".

You kickbutt girlfriend!!!

AnneWonders · 05-03-2009, 09:09 AM

Mindi, sorry to hear about that.

It seems like any of us who've lost a significant amount of weight will have to deal with rumors of having had "the surgery." Personally, I found it so funny I'd spit coffee everywhere, but in my case people were speculating and not telling deliberate lies, which is a whole different ball game. I think it says more about them, than about us.

And for the record, I do not for one moment believe that surgery is the "easy" way out. Just a different way.

Anne

bindersbee · 05-04-2009, 12:32 AM

People will always have an opinion about what you do and if it was the 'right' way whether it's surgery or something else.

We went through years of infertility treatments, disappointment and a serious outlay of cash before we finally conceived our twins. I have had several people act like we 'cheated' so we could get twins. The one dumb enough to say that in front of me was set straight pretty quick. Some women really have been jealous of me having the twins- I guess twins are sort of a status thing to some people. For us it was more of a 'buy one, get one free' kind of deal!

Another friend of mine has gone through some difficult adoption processes and has also had women say she 'got her kids the easy way'. Are you kidding me? There is no route to Motherhood more challenging than the adoption process.

My point is, someone who is jealous of what you have will always find a way to try and make it seem somehow 'less than'. It can be weight or some other area of life. In your case it MAY be due to weight loss jealousy. And here's the other thing- you can't go through a process like you did and come out the other side unchanged. It might not just be about the weight loss. It may be that she's reacting to your increased self-confidence or maybe you are now more extroverted or whatever else may have changed. If she said what she did, it isn't just because of the physical changes you've undergone but the way that it's changed you INSIDE for the better.

teawithsunshine · 05-04-2009, 01:36 AM

Snake, snake, snake....

Hang in there!

~ tea

littletortugalover · 05-06-2009, 04:56 PM

I echo these thoughts, and to say, also, that surgery is no easy way out, either--people can be SO ignorant and selfish!

It is hard with co-workers...I had one ask, out loud in the lobby, if I had become "Anorexic or something." Which so not a nice way to say that I've lost weight. I didn't confront her because I know she doesn't have a rep for being tactful or truthful--so no one listens to her. But I would have said something if she was saying things to others behind my back in a way that really might influence someone.

In private, though. No need to stoop.

MindiV · 05-07-2009, 08:12 AM

littletortugalover...I've got problems with my SISTER making the "anorexic" comments in public. She's much larger and just starting to try to lose weight. We were in a restaurant here a while back and I had a grilled chicken breast that was supposed to be "sprinkled" with cheese. Well, it had about 2 cups of cheese melted on it. I scraped off the cheese and just ate the chicken, and some beans and rice. It was good, so I ate it all. Not long after I ate, I had to use the restroom. When I came back she said (loudly in front of a packed restaurant), "So, did everything come UP ok?" She's done that a lot....we don't go out to eat that often anymore...

Ruthxxx · 05-07-2009, 08:17 AM

The older I get, the less patience I have with this snarky stuff. Just tell them! So what if you lose a "friend"? Your sister needs to be straightened out too.

midwife · 05-07-2009, 08:57 AM

Wow.....

I agree with Ruth....

Thighs Be Gone · 05-07-2009, 09:05 AM

Hey, I wanted to mention something else here. I really believe in NOT STIRRING the fires. If I hear something I don't need to do the "7th grade shimmy" and tell the person who is being discussed. What purpose does it serve? I wouldn't trust the person that told me.

Thighs Be Gone · 05-07-2009, 09:07 AM

Oh, Heavens. As far as "THE SURGERY" goes. A good friend of mine underwent this. My journey has been a nice afternoon at the park compared to what she dealt with and is STILL dealing with.

Lori Bell · 05-09-2009, 11:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thighs Be Gone

Hey, I wanted to mention something else here. I really believe in NOT STIRRING the fires. If I hear something I don't need to do the "7th grade shimmy" and tell the person who is being discussed. What purpose does it serve? I wouldn't trust the person that told me.

That's right Thighs...The old expression, "Don't shoot the messenger" does not always apply in my book. The people who add fuel to the fire drive me nuts. I know sometimes it is absolutely necessary to tell someone the cold hard facts, but anyone with a heart knows the difference.

MindiV · 05-09-2009, 05:48 PM

I kind of appreciate her telling me. I've decided NOT to say anything to the co-worker, but it's let me know what type of person she is. I was sharing a LOT with her, quite open with her really, before. I mean, we work in an office of THREE people, so who else is there to talk to? I thought we were friends, but this has let me know 100% that I can't trust her at all because I don't know what she's doing with what I'm telling her...how she's twisting it and making it into untrue stories to make herself look better, etc. I've learned a lot from this little episode...

Platinum · 05-09-2009, 07:28 PM

Re: "Well, she wouldn't feel as bad as she does if she hadn't had that surgery."

That is an odd statement and one that I think could definitely have had the "operator game" effect happened to it. The lady who told you could have honestly believed she heard that but maybe the other woman said something that meant you would have felt worse if you had had the surgery or something, cuz of side effects and stuff. If it continues to bother you or if she makes other comments about your weight loss, I would definitely say something just bring it up in a noncombative way... to salvage a possible friendship... like "Hey I heard something that I'm not sure what to think of. I was told you had informed others that I had weight loss surgery when I know you know that in fact I haven't." or something... and watch her face. Detecting lie telling is pretty easier in a guilty party. What she may have said and what the other lady told you she said may not have been the same. And neither may at all have been intending cause you harm or drama!

PS. But if she did say that and she was straight out lie-telling, I would definitely drop that Bizzo off your friends list!

littletortugalover · 05-10-2009, 02:25 PM

sometimes, when it comes to gossip, we do jump to conclusions. And I agree that you have to consider the source, too.

I also work in a three person office with someone snarky who I thought, at first, was trustworthy. A good lesson--if she's got gossip about you from someone else, she's probably also gossiped about you herself. Regardless--the lesson is: people can be bitter, and people will talk. Be careful what you say, whom you say it to, and what you believe. Most of all--know that there are very few people whose opinions about you ACTUALLY matter. Sure, it may still sting, but this is what I tell myself when someone says something nasty about me.

Mindi--my sis IS anorexic. We were all overweight. I lost about 60 lbs, kept it off for a year, and then my sis started losing weight. She was over 300 lbs and lost about 100 in a year (I lost 50 in a year, much slower) and then 50 more--she couldn't stop. People started giving her a hard time, telling her to eat, and she made up excuses. I hadn't seen her in a while, but when I did, it was obvious what was going on. When I first lost, my family made their comments about how suddenly I thought I was better than them, etc. But after this happened, idk, the attitude changed. I guess what bugs me the most about people making comments about other people's weight loss journeys is that so often, in their bitterness and ingorance, they trivialize the situation. Neither anorexia nor weight loss surgery are anything to joke about--in fact, they are circumstances in which lives literally hang in the balance. People are like this though--about a ton of different topics. It's part of being human. The only thing I can do is try not to be that way myself, and that is really the only advice I can give to anyone else. I'm glad you decided not to confront her. You have to pick your battles, especially in a he said/she said sitch.