Oh my goodness, I just have so many thoughts jumping around my head and I'm not certain I can be coherent.
First off, I just respect so much how each of us have found our own ways to maintain health. I think health is more than just phyisical health, it's also emotional, mental, relationship, family, community, etc.
Which brings me to another thought. Here on 3FC the focus is so much weight loss and that is mostly what we share. If someone bothered to read through my 3000+ posts he or she might think, "Wow, that midwife sure obsesses. All she writes about is planned food, exercise, maintenance theory, etc." Of course I am so much more than the pieces I share here on 3FC. Weight loss and maintenance seems to be mostly what I talk about here....but how much of my life is that really?
I shop an hour or two for food (I'd have to anyway).
I exercise 6-8 hrs a week.
I spend about 15 minutes a day planning and journaling my food and exercise. So, say that's about 12 hrs a week focusing on health, nutrition, exercise.....and my exercise is good for my mental health too.
I spend about 50-60 hrs a week taking care of women, babies, and families.
I clean my house about 7 hrs a week.
Sleep varies, but I know I sleep about 48-56 hrs a week.
I write books sometimes, read (not often enough), help with homework, fold clothes, watch movies, chauffeur to soccer games, track meets, Girl Scouts, etc. Then there's time with DH, which varies. Oh, and meetings for this and that---likely another 4 hrs or so.
So even if my posts on 3FC make it seem like all I ever do is ponder and plan and exercise for weight maintenance, it's not true. It's a sliver of my life.....but the rewards are bountiful. 15 minutes of planning and packing in the morning ensures I get my protein and veggies in, I have everything I need for my day, and it removes the choice/temptation of hmmm, what did the drug rep bring for lunch, hmmm, they're going out, should I go? Should I run to the gift shop for a snack? All of that time and consideration is eliminated. So I actually save time in my day by planning before.
Exercise is much more for me than weight maintenance. I run with my good friend and we talk about....everything. I get to lift weights with my daughter and that has been so rewarding. She's a junior and won't be here forever and we are able to spend that time together. I taught my 13 yo son and his friend how to do deadlifts yesterday (don't worry, Ilene, it was safe and with no weight on the bar). Now that I can run 3+ miles at a decent pace, DH and I run together and we have uninterrupted time to talk. So exercise has transcended weight maintenance and is a fulfilling part of my life far beyond what the scale says.
I think another thing to touch on is that redefinition of "normal".
On the one hand, I see society's "normal" and that is that most adults in our country are at least overweight if not obese. I don't want to be "normal" if "normal" is typical.
So I think I am looking for a new "normal", which for me is eating really healthy most of the time and exercising in a way that I enjoy and can continue for the long term.
But then we have our environments---and mine is highly obesegenic (I love that word!). The food choices.....EVERYWHERE! Donuts on the unit, cookies from drug reps, cookies from Girl Scouts, potlucks, meetings, birthday dinners....etc. Food is closely integrated to socialization for my life and I can plan (and thus ignore!) for it most of the time, but sometimes I do eat pizza or Chinese or Girl Scout cookies and I then get right back on plan. The scale bops up and the scale bops down.....and that is my reality of this lifestyle called maintenance. At least for now. But it's working for me. I do eat junk sometimes, but I have found that the danger is when I beat myself up, feel that I am a moral failure, etc., that is the danger.....not the temporary increase in calories.
So my new "normal" is 90% healthy stuff, exercise 5-6 days a week (not 7, I do have a rest day), and the 10% that is not healthy....well, oh well. That's part of my life.
Is it constant sunshine and rainbows? Well.....there are days getting up at 4:45 to run totally blows, but then I'm always so glad I did. And there are days I wish I could shove junk food in my mouth with no regards to the consequences. But even with those brief moments, I do not regret losing the weight. I would rather make the choices I need to (even though sometimes those choices are hard, sometimes easy!), than ever go back to being obese. Not even a close decision. I would much rather live the lifestyle I have now than the one I used to have.
I too was influenced by what Meg has shared about maintaining. Your postings have been invaluable to me. I know now that I am not going to regain thirty pounds like I did in '04 after losing 85 in '03!
I do not ever want to go back to sleep apnea, heart palpitations, and pre-diabetes. If that is being fearful maybe I needed to have a wake up call.
I loved what you said about mindfulness. I practice mindfulness meditation now as part of my healing journey. Being human I don't always do it perfectly but I still feel grateful for my healthy living and thinner self now. I have learned that I used to white knuckle life too.
Knowing I have achieved something and realizing I will have to continue to work to keep it is not depressing to me. My mother never lost the weight that dogged her until the end of her life. My father was never supportive of her and she had no resources like 3FC to help her. I feel grateful to the successful people who continue to post and provide invaluable help to the newbie maintainers like me.
Midwife makes a great point, which was actually on my mind while I was out and about these last few hours -
Quote:
Here on 3FC the focus is so much weight loss and that is mostly what we share. If someone bothered to read through my 3000+ posts he or she might think, "Wow, that midwife sure obsesses. All she writes about is planned food, exercise, maintenance theory, etc." Of course I am so much more than the pieces I share here on 3FC. Weight loss and maintenance seems to be mostly what I talk about here....but how much of my life is that really?
Yes, that's what we talk about here - weight - loss/gain/maintenance/loss/gain/maintenance. Weight. Weight. Weight.
The ins and the outs the ups and yes the downs. And everything that pertains to it. You don't hear me talking about my 30 other different things that I have going on any given day. As is the case with all of us here.
Since I don't want to speak about my weight constantly within my home life, I did seek out a place for support for this very reason and 3FC is where I landed.
Last edited by rockinrobin; 03-01-2009 at 11:00 PM.
Reason: major typo
This is a really stimulating thread to read. I hope it's not annoying that I'm hanging round here - but I so want to play in your gang!
I was interested in the analogy of weight and money. Back in January 2006 I had a serious financial melt-down, the worst. So for 3 years now I have logged every income and expenditure. Not down to every item in the shopping basket but I give myself a housekeeping budget and never draw more, have 'pots' for utilties, dogs, health, holidays etc. I am in permanent financial 'maintenance' - and I understand that joy! Constant vigilance means I always have enough for my needs, do not owe a penny.
So if I can do that with money, and it is now absolutely second nature, my aim this time is to do the same with weight maintenance.
Jay, I wasn't targeting your post, more generically stating that sometimes people see fear, or suffering, or deprivation where there is none.
Exactly. Also, the weighing and journaling and exercising that Meg was referring to I think comes from the fact that that reality is so different than the one that is lived by people who are struggling to lose.
Yes, when I was well over 200 pounds, I probably would've looked at the person I've been for the past 5 years (as of March 10th) and thought she was nuts. How could ANYONE be happy doing what I do to keep the weight off? I go to the gym several days a week or I'm our running. I abstain from certain foods I used to eat everyday. I (gasp!) read labels and COUNT things and apply effort to these areas. In those behaviors I too saw deprivations and suffering.
When I finally realized that I wasn't a miserable person by being this way, that a weight had been lifted and I was happy and HEALTHY, I no longer saw it as suffering and deprivation. Others still view my life as one of suffering and deprivation, but that's their problem, not mine
I have made this my habit, my everyday and have found happiness and pride in being someone who takes the time to take care of herself.
5 years later, I still get comments. I was telling my best friend about the Daily Plate and the interval training I was doing and she threw out words like "obsessive" and "I'm concerned".
Well, she is more content drinking a bottle of wine every night, smoking a pack a day and eating fast food everyday (yet she's concerned about me). Her efforts are put elsewhere. Mine are placed on my health and well being.
I really think it's a lack of perspective and understanding for another's point of view. And I think sometimes this thing I've been able to do- lose weight and keep (most of) it off- has brought out some fierce insecurity in others. I would never presume to judge someone else's happiness for the decisions they make that affect their bodies. I've been there. I could never see the point from the other side. Now, I just get it.
To steal Midwife's phrase, it's not all sunshine rainbows.. but there are more now that I've taken on this "obsession"
() than there was before. My question is why people have a hard time just letting that be?
This is a really stimulating thread to read. I hope it's not annoying that I'm hanging round here - but I so want to play in your gang!
Of course not! Anyone who has lost 1 lb and wants to keep it off is a maintainer, everyone is welcome to post! You had an interesting perspective to share
5 years later, I still get comments. I was telling my best friend about the Daily Plate and the interval training I was doing and she threw out words like "obsessive" and "I'm concerned".
I think sometimes this thing I've been able to do- lose weight and keep (most of) it off- has brought out some fierce insecurity in others.
Oh yes, absolutely.
The people that question what I do, the ones that feel that's it is *obsessive*, *abnormal*, *depressing*, *restrictive*, *difficult*, *impossible*, *unenjoyable* or whatever you want to call it - thing is, it makes them wonder and question what they're doing . It makes them uncomfortable with how they're living their lives. It makes them doubt what they're doing.
And sure enough, they're always the ones who are either overweight, or like Junebug's friend - smoke, drink, are in debt - living in upheaval of some sort.
Height: 5 ft 8.5" athlete who can give a punch & certainly take one too! :)
Ok, for me I was never obese, so I think it is FAR easier for ME to maintain my weight than others and for that I apologize. I wish it was a lot easier for everyone, truly I do. For me, I've been maintaining a 25-27 pound loss for going on 2 years now! I eat healthy foods 80% of the time and 20% of the time I still eat sweets, but it's in smaller quantities of course.
I LOVE healthy wholesome foods like fruits, veggies, grains, oatmeal, yogurt, chicken, salmon etc., they are my staples daily. But I also LOVE the forbidden foods too and I incorporate them into each week as well. Stop cringe-ing peeps, but yes truth be told, I'm having my cake and eating it too even in maintenance! HOWEVER, I workout daily for 1 - 1.5 hrs of cardio & weightlifting to maintain my loss. Exercise is the KEY that keeps my pounds at bay. I don't obsess over eating foods or the scale either, I weigh in once a month. I prefer my jeans-o-meter instead, incase your wondering YES my skinny jeans still fit me great so OBVIOUSLY I AM doing SOMETHING right! Some may think oh 2 years ain't diddly squat, but so be it, its my 2 years maintenance and yanno I am DOING IT MY WAY, and low and behold MY WAY WORKS TOO!
I have plenty of so called tools in my toolbox, I guess you can say I use 80% of the tools I have learned in my lifetime, and the other 20% of tools are all shiny and untouched, I CHOOSE not to use every tool in my box. I enjoy eating them both, healthy foods and sweets. Moderation DOES work for ME, sorry it does not work for everybody. I wish it would truly I do.
As you have just read 100% perfectionism isn't happening here in my maintenance and I can still maintain and I AM maintaining on my 80/20 plan. What a coincidence my medical plan is also an 80/20 plan.
The funny thing is, I'm a true perfectionist in almost every aspect of my life, including being a successful businesswoman. However, when it came time for weightloss and maintenance, I knew I wouldn't be a perfectionist in eating day in and day out for the rest of my life, nor did I want to be, so I decided 80% is damn do-able and I rolled with that idea! And it truly works for ME! I do not like to deprive myself of anything that is why I refuse to not eat foods that I enjoy eating, like sweets- dark chocolate, wine, cookies, icecream, peanut m & m's etc. Forbidden forever? Um, I DON'T THINK SO! Its all about moderation though, depriving myself would set me off in a BINGE, but allowing myself ( some) 20% of the time, works great, I'm happier and satisfied and that makes my maintenance a heckuva lot easier! I CAN do moderation WELL, others can not, yes I do realize my maintenance is not a once size fits all plan, but I just wanted to let others know what works for me.
I love the taste of sweets, LOVE them I won't BS you guys! Does that mean my title of maintainer gets taken away, because I go this route? Am I viewed now as a bad example of a maintainer? One that doesn't take maintenance seriously?
Does eating the 20% of sweets make me unhealthier? ...Well maybe somewhat, but I seriously doubt it, perhaps if I ate sweets 80% of the time and healthy food only 20% of the time, then that would probably be a PROBLEM!!!! So I shall continue to do it my way.
By looking at me I am fit as a fiddle, according to my doctors I am in amazing shape for someone my age (pushing 42) & the only pills I take are vitamins. By the way, I have relatives that lived well into their 100's aunts, uncles, grandparents etc. They ate icecream daily, cooked in lard daily, baked sweets weekly and ate them, their activity was playing cards and none of them were overweight! Just goes to show that people who eat JUNK food actually did have longevity!!!!!! Yes my relies truly liked their sweets , so I obviously inhererited this from them and my Dad also. Instead of a sweet tooth, I have 32 sweet tooths in my mouth I am certain! For me, its all about balancing the good with the bad, it's not like I eat 4 crispy creme donuts for breakfast! Heck no I eat extremely healthy everyday, with some days my sweet treats thrown into the mix, this is the lifestyle I am living and I couldn't be happier!
We are all unique individuals, we know what works for us, and this my friends truly works for me. I guess I am considered one of the lucky ones, but I do work at staying fit, I love to workout, I look forward to it, I have been exercising for over 25 years, weightlifting is my new hobby and I LOVE IT!
I am happy to be a member of the few, the proud, the slender club! I shall continue to stick with this lifestyle for the long haul, being it works for me! Well that's my story and I'm sticking to it...... my SWEET SUCCESS, how SWEET it is, LITERALLY!
The people that question what I do, the ones that feel that's it is *obsessive*, *abnormal*, *depressing*, *restrictive*, *difficult*, *impossible*, *unenjoyable* or whatever you want to call it - thing is, it makes them wonder and question what they're doing . It makes them uncomfortable with how they're living their lives. It makes them doubt what they're doing.
That could certainly be true in some cases, but I think that much of the time, they're just confused at the discipline that a maintainer has. I am guessing that they see the lifestyle of losing/maintaining as too much work, and are perplexed as to how someone could enjoy their life if they were constantly "obsessed" or being so "restrictive". I'm guessing that, many times, they're thinking, "I sure wouldn't want to live that way--it's not worth it!".
I'm not a maintainer yet, but i like reading here because you all give me such good insight. Like others, I've lost a little weight before but once I got to a point where I was feeling and looking better, I laxed up because I thought I was "done". Now, thanks to people like you all, I know that there is no "done"....it's a new way of eating and of living, and it will always be this way if I'm to become and stay slim. And I'm OK with that because I already feel so much better!
When I first logged in 3FC I started reading this forum. I felt a bit guilty, sure I shouldn't be looking here but I so wanted to be a member. I'd lost and regained several times and knew that I needed to make this time different. Add me to the people with issues about food. Like Robin I started gaining weight young, at 7, to protect myself. Most of the next 39 years I was overweight or obese. I was bulimic in my 20s and struggled with (and sometimes still struggle with) binge eating disorder, so yeah I have issues with food that haven't disappeared.
What I know is that I have maintained a larger loss for 9 months (wow, I haven't been counting!), longer than I ever have. I feel incredibly healthy and fit. I really believe that the things I read in this forum early on prepared me for this phase of the journey. I knew I'd still be vigilant but I'd feel great. The only thing I didn't expect was how excited I am about having actual muscles! I'm not a regular here but I know I can come here when I'm unsure about something, when I hear something obnoxious, or just to get a reality check. I feel hopeful and healthy and really grateful and I heard that all here first. So I log my food, count my calories, plan my exercise every morning before anything else. I feel great. Why wouldn't I want to make the choices that keep me feeling this way?!
I think a lot of times, it really is just a matter of sympathy rather than empathy. When people feel sorrry for us, or criticize, it's often because our choices would make them miserable. True empathy is much, much harder, because in essence, really stepping into another person's shoes is very difficult.
It's like my husband and I with all our health problems. Friends and aquaintences will express their sympathy for us (sometimes bordering on pity, which I find very uncomfortable), and sometimes it seems that they're sadder about our issues than we are. For us, it's just our "normal." Don't get me wrong, I'm not always cavalier about what's going wrong with our bodies, but sometimes I think we're happier now than when we took our health for granted. And having someone feel sad for you, when you're not sad for yourself, I don't know, it's kind of sweet I guess, but it's also kind of creepy.
I do understand that I can be very difficult to understand in many ways. I'm a pretty weird person (and I suspect there's a lot more of us oddballs out there, than "normal" folks, at least I hope so), so my weight struggles are just one more thing about me that stumps some people, but being weird is ok.
I have found that for myself, it has been easy to get the impression from posts in this forum and elsewhere on 3FC that maintenance has to be some sort of bleak place stretching into the future... This is not the only possible view.
I got to thinking about this and am wondering what your thoughts are - nevermind maintenance, but what about losing? I think if you (or anyone) finds the losing process bleak and dismal, then chances are they very well may find maintenance to be the same.
You've mentioned that you had difficulties sticking with your plan. Just guessing here - too restrictive, too boring, not eating great tasting foods (LC's come to mind)? Like you're just waiting to "go off of it". I apologize if I'm totally off base here . But that would seem unpleasant to me and yup, I wouldn't want to be there forever - stretching into the future.
I think it's VITAL therefore to find something enjoyable to you. That's not all that difficult to stick with. That you CAN do forever, without it seeming like a punishment. And I think once you've found that, well then, why in the world would doing it forever - seem bleak? I've said dozens of times - no reason to go off plan, when on plan is so good. And I meant it. And I'm pretty certain many of the maintainers here feel the same way. We actually ENJOY our plan. Certainly the incredible benefits, but ALSO the plan in and of itself.
I for one loved the whole losing process. LOVED that finally after so many years of having no limits, a food free for all so to speak, that I was THRILLED beyond belief to finally have some boundaries and guidelines to abide by. I LOVED the sense of control that I garnered up. That I could be around food and not feel the need to stuff it down my throat. I loved the fact that just because the food was *there*, that I didn't have to eat it. What a concept! And this is a biggie - I LOVED the foods that I was eating. Who knew? I found fantastic new veggies and ways of preparing them. I found and developed dozens of mouth-watering recipes, using chicken breasts, turkey breast, fish and beans. I became even a better cook then I used to be. Just ask my family & friends! I LOVED the physical activity that I was finally doing. Being a couch potato was a huge source of shame for me. I LOVED the order and semblance that my plan brought. I LOVED the sense that it made. Monitoring my calories. Eating the right amount for ME. Eating incredibly (yet totally) delicious foods in healthy portions. I loved, loved, LOVED it.
And I still do.
I no longer wanted to be a person who didn't care about what she was eating. I wanted to actually be a person who cared about what they eat. I was thrilled to finally be a person who didn't WANT to eat everything in sight. Finally, *I* was a health conscious person. One that I always longed to be. Oh yeah!!!
And I still am.
So it was easy and a pleasure to enter into maintenance. I loved what I was doing to lose the weight, I love what I'm doing to maintain the weight. And then of course there's the fact that maintenance means I am slender and healthy and achieved something pretty darn spectacular .
This is hard to explain. I'll give it a whirl. I know all too well that eating well and exercising is not a moral issue, because I know for certain it's NOT. But I do feel a certain sense of pride in the way that I eat and exercise. I am proud of what I've achieved and proud of my choices. I'll finish up the day having eaten well and exercising and think, "Wow, that was kind of cool, I did it". I don't know, maybe after being so horrbily out of control and leaving my heatlh up in the air, I get a bigger "kick out of it" then others.
Being on plan gives me peace, enjoyment, comfort, pleasure. But yes there are the days that I'm off plan and on those days I'm all uptight and besides myself. Out of sorts. I don't enjoy those days. The second I'm back on plan, I am relieved and the calm returns.
If anyone is still reading this, any newcomers or non-maintainers - my advice to you would be - find a plan that you love. So that it is no hardship to be on. Whether you're losing or maintaining. Love the idea and the fact of the lifestyle you will be taking on, because, believe me, it is FOREVER. I haven't seen one successful longterm maintainer drastically change one thing that they're doing to maintain, as they did to lose.
Last edited by rockinrobin; 03-02-2009 at 06:58 AM.
You've mentioned that you had difficulties sticking with your plan. Just guessing here - too restrictive, too boring (LC's come to mind)? I apologize if I'm totally off base here . That would seem unpleasant to me and yup, I wouldn't want to be there forever - stretching into the future.
No, actually I am happy with my plan and with the foods I choose. And you are off base when it comes to my mental attitude and process.
I've come to find out recently that I have not been eating enough to continue to lose, and this was a surprise to me. I think this is why I was having so much difficulty staying on program--I was pushing too hard in the wrong direction and I was hungry! It's no wonder I was stalled and bouncing. We're not talking huge numbers--I was trying to stay below 1300 average, when I should have been over 1500 average. To lose.
But my difficulty wasn't because I was eating boring foods that I didn't like. It was just plain not enough. Now I eat pretty much the same foods, but more of them. Last night I had two red potatoes with dinner instead of just one, for example. I eat more for breakfast. My snacks are larger.
evilwomaniamshe, thanks for posting! I think you and I are similar.
kaplods, thanks to you also for your insight. I agree--it's creepy when people feel "sorry" for their friends that way--like you've become their poster child or something.
I'm finding this thread very interesting! Thanks to everyone who is posting. I think a successful maintainer is someone who keeps their weight stable over time. How they do it is their own business, and clearly it's different for everyone.
I am not touching this thread with a 10 foot pole 
) than there was before. My question is why people have a hard time just letting that be?
.
