I can't believe I ate....

[rockinrobin]

just ONE, that's right, just one Peanut M & M.

We were invited to a friends house last night. There were 6 couples total. My friend put out quite the spread, as I had aniticipated.

This friend of mine was very overweight, morbidly obese in fact, until it was discovered she was either pre-diabetic or diabetic. I'm not sure which actually. Do know she's on meds and checks her blood levels throughout the day. She actually came to me for help and she was great. Just great. Took lots of my advice and DOES it. Does the planning thing, the whole foods things, the cooking, the calorie counting - fitday, etc... And has lost over 75 lbs.

Anyway, she put out a lot of food, some very healthy - great veggie tray with dips and a coupld of salads with little or no fat in the dressing. Great, I'm in heaven.

Dessert - lots of cakes and cookies, nuts as well as grapes and strawberries. I'm good. More then satisfied.

Here's the thing, I'm planning a BIG party for next Sunday. LOTS of off-plan food. LOTS. And I want to eat at it, anything I want. So knowing that I had this get together with friends last night, I decided ahead of time that I would stay on plan - strictly - so that I can splurge next weekend. I also want to get into my skinny pants (OMG, I can't even believe that *I* have skinny pants ) for next Sunday's party, so I've really been strict the past few weeks, which is been uber-difficult with all the cooking and baking I've been doing.

Avoiding the food last night was SO easy for me, easier then it's been in a looong time. It didn't matter that 2 of my favorite desserts were there - cheese cake and ice cream cake, as I wanted so badly to #1 - eat whatever I wanted next week & #2 - fit into those skinny pants.

Oh she also had out bowls of peanut M & M's. Another one of my absolute favorites. I decided to have one right before I went home. First time I've EVER done that. Also the first time that I felt that I just had to have SOMETHING. So I picked that.

I don't know, it just seems that since I had this specific goal in mind - next week - that all of a sudden I had no problem passing up on all the goodies last night. Just like the year I was losing. I've certainly passed up on TONS of things since I've been maintaining, but I have been finding it more difficult and I have caved on a number of times. The year I was losing I was sooo determinted, that "all those foods" just didn't get to me. And that's how I felt last night & acutally the whole week or 2 prior. It's a place I haven't been in a while. And I really, really LIKED it. I felt great afterwards. Just great. Reminded me once again how I am happiest when I DON'T eat "those foods".

So, I'm just wondering, maybe some of you can relate, it's definitely bothering me - why is it that I *needed* next weeks party to keep me so on track THIS week?

And then I think to myself, hey, maybe that's just good old fashioned planning on my part and maybe it's even a pretty good strategy. But I just wish that I could do this, or could FEEL this way (easier to pass up on temptation) without having a SPECIFIC reason for it. Obviously I want to STAY this weight - forever - so why isn't THAT a good enough reason for me to feel it's easier to pass up on temptation any longer??

I know this was long and rambling and didn't make much sense. If you've read this far, I thank you. If you can relate and had similar feelings, I'd love for you to share it with me. I'm glad I had some place to go to get my convoluted thoughts out.

[Mudpie]

I'm not at the "eating just one" point yet. But I have read in many places that having specific goals - I will lsoe 5 lbs in the next two months - rather than vague ones -I will lose some weight sometime soon - is much more a way to succeed.

That seems to be what you just did.

Dagmar

[JenMusic]

rockinrobin - First let me say, I've read a lot of your posts over my time as a member here, and I really appreciate your story and advice. And now, after having eaten just ONE m&m at a party, it's official: You're my HERO!!

But beyond that, I think you're talking about the difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. As an educator, it's generally accepeted that students will be more motivated by a concrete incentive (grade, gold star, movie party, hand stamp - teachers have TONS of these) than by the achievement of the goal itself. The goal of attaining knowledge is actually less important to most students than whatever incentive they receive for proving they have attained that knowledge.

Sorry for drifting into my "article writing mode." Anyway, I think, in this light, your behavior makes total sense. Your goal of staying at maintenance weight is much less concrete than the immediate and concrete goal of eating whatever you want at the party next weekend, or fitting into your skinny pants (I hope to have a pair of those someday).

I've started working on the principles from the "Complete Beck Diet for Life," and one of the exercises is writing all of my "Advantages" from losing weight on index cards, and reading them every day, if not several times a day. This has been a great thing for me, to keep focused and remember why I am doing this, because otherwise it might be too easy to lose sight of my goals.

[AnneWonders]

Robin, I almost always have some kind of goal to keep me motivated. That is a real, no-kidding, measurable, specific goal and not some vague aspiration (notice I did not use the word "just"--aspirations are important, but not necessarily measurable). Right now it's losing the weight back to maintenance postpartum, but when I'm at maintenance, its usually some kind of race--a long run, cycling century, or triathlon. I've read about other people doing other athletic goals, like so many push ups or pull ups, or squatting so much weight.

Yesterday, I modified my usual eating plan to "save" up calories for a larger dinner out than normal. So yeah, I think specific makes it easier to plan for, since you know exactly what and when will happen.

Congrats on the single M&M! Sounds perfectly yummy. You are virtually glowing (glowing virtually??) with your sense of accomplishment! Enjoy your party in your skinny pants.

Anne

[midwife]

Congrats Robin!!

It seems like sometimes I get in a zone where I want "x" much more than I want "y" and those times it is so easy to make consistent choices that better my health. I don't know the answer but extrinsic vs intrinsic motivations sound good to me.

I participating in the BFLL challenge in the weight training subforum and that has really helped me to stay on point this last week. I think continuing to look for goals is very important to me, but it always has been. I finish one degree, I start on another. I finish my Masters, I start a novel. Perhaps it is because we live in a goal-oriented society?

Congrats on the solitary M&M.

[CountingDown]

you deserve to wear those skinny jeans next weekend! And you will look fantastic!!!!

[rockinrobin]

Jen, I like your explanation about the motivation.

As far as the solo M & M. I've completely turned them down previously and haven't touched even a one, but this time there was a change - I had the one. Not a great big deal, but something's - changing.

I do think that *I* and my feelings keep changing. And I need to be open to it and aware of it.

When I reread my post, it sounds like I'm kind of whining that maintenance is difficult. Which it sometimes is - and then there are other times, like lthe last couple of weeks and last night, when I'm back in that groove and it seems EZ Shmeazy. And HELLLOOOOOOO, I MUCH prefer THOSE times. But no one ever said it was going to be easy ALL the time (or at all). I'm okay with that, because I'm in this whether I find it difficult or not. Just wish I could extend those easy times and be in that "groove", or the zone as Midwife called it, for longer.

Maybe I do need to set myself some goals. Challenge myself a little more. Hmmm.

Thanks folks.

[evilwomaniamshe]

Holy shamoly 1 peanut m & m? Geesh! What color was it? Red or green albeit? Please tell.... Amazing, seriously in my old days I could polish off a 2 lb bag, but now I'm content with a mini bag, but seriously 1 M & M? geesh that means you ate a M only! (you can't even say.... & M being it was only a M!
Yanno Robin, I always picture you with a halo on your head, everytime I read your posts, this one too of course.

Maintenance Schmaintenance, I too think of it as easy breezy a lot of the time. Sometimes though my halo gets crooked, but the majority of days I'm saint Wendalyn!

[BlueToBlue]

Knowing that I have a treat coming up is a frequent strategy that I use to keep myself on plan. It's much easier for me to turn down treats (a brownie, a glass of wine, whatever) if I know I'm going to have them in the future. I'll say to myself, I don't need to drink a glass of wine with dinner tonight because I'm going to a party on Saturday and I know I'll drink wine there. It works even better if the expected treat involves a party or something that I want to look fabulous for. It is amazing how much easier it is for me to stay on plan when I have stuff like this to look forward to. I just become so much more motivated and focused.

There was a article on a similar strategy in Self Magazine. They called it the "I'll have that brownie tomorrow diet."

Lately I've been allowing myself one treat from the farmers' market (usually a home-baked brownie) if I stay on plan during the rest of the week. I know there is a theory that you shouldn't reward yourself with food, but I like the brownies. And it's easier for me to stay out of the chocolate (and we always have some around the house for my SO) if I know I'm going to get a brownie on Saturday.

[rockinrobin]

Wendalyn, oh yeah, those Peanut M & M's are definitely a shoving in the mouth one after the other type food. In the past that would be one of the foods I would actually buy to do just that. And when I've seen them at a party, and I have, I normally completely avoid them. Which is MUCH easier for me. Can't open up that door. The one tastes - makes me want another.

Trust me there is NO halo round this head. NONE. I'm no saint. I've had more then my share of off plan days, which is why there's a need to get back into those skinny pants.

The truth is, I know I must get lower then my previous low. Being 5 feet tall, 5 lbs makes a BIG difference on me. I left my red line too high and have not been making the right choices - consistiently - to get below that previous low. My red line was 5 lbs ABOVE goal and it needs to be 5 lbs BELOW goal. Since I'm so short, even 3 lbs might do it as well. For some reason, I just haven't been willing to do what is necessary to get me there.

Knowing that I have a treat coming up is a frequent strategy that I use to keep myself on plan. It's much easier for me to turn down treats (a brownie, a glass of wine, whatever) if I know I'm going to have them in the future.

That's exactly it. The past couple of weeks this is what I have been telling myself. ESPECIALLY for Saturday evening's get together, where I knew there would be more temptations then during the week and my usual routine. I told myself (I rely heavily on self-talk), over and over again, to forgo tonight's food, that next Sunday there will be plenty for me to have. And I think it worked wonders.

Lately I've been allowing myself one treat from the farmers' market (usually a home-baked brownie) if I stay on plan during the rest of the week. I know there is a theory that you shouldn't reward yourself with food, but I like the brownies. And it's easier for me to stay out of the chocolate (and we always have some around the house for my SO) if I know I'm going to get a brownie on Saturday.

I've actually been thinking of using this strategy. I think this may be something that could work for me. My "splurge" would be one scooop of ice cream from Baskin Robbins. But I'm so afraid to make that change. And then I tell myself if it doesn't "work", what's the big deal, I could always make another change. I just think that I'm afraid of change. And I shouldn't be.

And of course I'm waiting to get BELOW my previous low to implement the above change. And then I think, well why wait, lots of people have lost doing just this. But I hadn't. I just think that I'm afraid of change. And I shouldn't be.

ETA: I think it's just that I was so successful while I was losing and I knew all along that I would have to keep on doing what I was doing forever and I was okay with that. Really. But now I see I have to make some changes and I guess my thinking is "Why fix what ain't broken?". But maybe "it" is in need of some repair/alterration.

I sooo had in my head that it would be the same EXACT journey, the losing and the maintaining, and now I see that it isn't EXACTLY the same - and since I was sooo successful losing, why would I want to change that? But it HAS changed, for whatever reason. And I need to see that. And make the necessary adjustments.

[BlueToBlue]

Originally Posted by rockinrobin

I've actually been thinking of using this strategy. I think this may be something that could work for me. My "splurge" would be one scooop of ice cream from Baskin Robbins. But I'm so afraid to make that change. And then I tell myself if it doesn't "work", what's the big deal, I could always make another change. I just think that I'm afraid of change. And I shouldn't be.

And of course I'm waiting to get BELOW my previous low to implement the above change. And then I think, well why wait, lots of people have lost doing just this. But I hadn't. I just think that I'm afraid of change. And I shouldn't be.

I really struggle with making changes like this as well. I agonize about them for weeks.

In terms of the weekly splurge/reward, when I am trying to lose weight I am loath to go even 100 calories above my limit for the day because I feel like every time I come in above plan slows my progress to my goal. There have been days when I've been starving and wouldn't let myself eat something because it would have put me 100 calories over for the day.

What I finally realized is that 1) 100 calories extra once in a while isn't going to make a bit of difference in the long run, especially since there are plenty of days where I come in 100 calories low and 2) having one brownie a week, even if it is a big brownie with frosting, isn't going to keep me from getting back to my goal weight. I also realized that I'm not in a rush. It's okay if it takes a little longer to get to lose my holiday lbs. And it is a really nice treat to look forward to. And it gives me a little more flexibility--some weeks I have a different treat and forego the brownie. I don't feel like I'm constantly denying myself.

[rockinrobin]

Originally Posted by BlueToBlue

I really struggle with making changes like this as well. I agonize about them for weeks.

In terms of the weekly splurge/reward, when I am trying to lose weight I am loath to go even 100 calories above my limit for the day because I feel like every time I come in above plan slows my progress to my goal. There have been days when I've been starving and wouldn't let myself eat something because it would have put me 100 calories over for the day.

What I finally realized is that 1) 100 calories extra once in a while isn't going to make a bit of difference in the long run, especially since there are plenty of days where I come in 100 calories low and 2) having one brownie a week, even if it is a big brownie with frosting, isn't going to keep me from getting back to my goal weight. I also realized that I'm not in a rush. It's okay if it takes a little longer to get to lose my holiday lbs. And it is a really nice treat to look forward to. And it gives me a little more flexibility--some weeks I have a different treat and forego the brownie. I don't feel like I'm constantly denying myself.

Yes, I've been contemplating this little venture for weeks and weeks now. Probably months and months.

I think I'm ready to give it a go. I know it's all semantics, but I won't be calling it a reward. Just won't work for me. I need to call it a planned splurge. I don't think I ever felt like I was denying myself though. It's not really about depravtion for me. I think it's more like, this WILL keep me on straight and narrow, because I know something "different" and splurge-y will be coming up. We're gonna give it a go. I think I may actually be excited about it. I know, I'm strange.

That scoop of ice cream won't be happening this week though. My splurge, and it's going to be a biggie, will be at Sunday's party. I cooked and baked llike a LUNATIC. It will involve cheesecake (3 different varieties) & almond/marzipan/chocolate dipped horseshoes and peanut butter bon bons. All homemade.

Now that I've finally gotten INTO my skinny pants, come Monday morning, I'll most likely (make that DEFINITELY) need to wear my loosest pair of pants. And I am getting rid of the leftovers, or I'll need to go buy some totally new and LARGER sized ones.

Thanks for your input Barbara, I do appreciate it.

[BlueToBlue]

Originally Posted by rockinrobin

That scoop of ice cream won't be happening this week though. My splurge, and it's going to be a biggie, will be at Sunday's party. I cooked and baked llike a LUNATIC. It will involve cheesecake (3 different varieties) & almond/marzipan/chocolate dipped horseshoes and peanut butter bon bons. All homemade.

Yum! That's sounds so totally worth the calories (except for the marzipan--not my thing). But cheesecake and peanut butter bon bons--I'd definitely forego my brownie for that.

[rockinrobin]

Originally Posted by BlueToBlue

Yum! That's sounds so totally worth the calories (except for the marzipan--not my thing). But cheesecake and peanut butter bon bons--I'd definitely forego my brownie for that.

Funny, since I had this party in mind and have been super strict, I'm now the closest to my low that I've been in months. Just 2 lbs away, in fact. Haha on me. So now of course I'm wondering if I should have that splurge at all come Sunday. Because if I don't, I would be that much closer to getting LOWER then I've been, which is what I'm aiming for.

Why oh why do I do this to myself?????

Nah, I'm having that cheesecake, I am, I am, I am. AND the other stuff too, maybe .

[BlueToBlue]

Originally Posted by rockinrobin

Funny, since I had this party in mind and have been super strict, I'm now the closest to my low that I've been in months. Just 2 lbs away, in fact. Haha on me. So now of course I'm wondering if I should have that splurge at all come Sunday. Because if I don't, I would be that much closer to getting LOWER then I've been, which is what I'm aiming for.

Why oh why do I do this to myself?????

Nah, I'm having that cheesecake, I am, I am, I am. AND the other stuff too, maybe .

Life's too short. Have the cheesecake! But maybe you should plan another party again in a few months since it's been so helpful in terms of keeping you on track.