[NoVaVTFan]

Hi everyone - I've been a bit of a lurker around the maintenance forum the past few months. I'm not quite at maintenance, have about 5 more pounds I want to lose (these last 10 pounds have been 10 times harder to lose than the first 47 I lost in about 7 months - been trying to lose these last 10 pounds since January and I'm only half way there!)

Anywho, as you can see from the thread topic, I am struggling with giving away all of the clothes that don't fit me anymore. Between me and my fiancee (we have both been losing weight since April 2007) I have about 12-14 garbage bags of clothes that don't fit us anymore. For me, these sizes range for pants from 18 to 10/8, and for shirts from XL to M. For my fiancee, it's not as much clothing, but it's still a lot. I have been stuffing these bags in the storage space below our basement steps in the hope of donating them to goodwill. Some of it is nice stuff too. I am having such a hard time taking the clothes to goodwill and letting go of them. Not because I want to ever wear them again, or because they were pieces of clothing that I just loved and could never let go of - I think it is because I hear my mother's voice in my head every time I think about putting them in the car and taking them to goodwill - my mother over the past year that I've been losing weight, every time she sees me (which is about 2-3 times a year) she says I look great, but I shouldn't give away my "big" clothes because it is most likely that I will gain the weight back. Maybe not all of it, but most certainly some of it. She says this because she has made attempts at losing weight before, and will lose 60-80 pounds, then puts some or all of it back on. I have also gone through stages of losing and gaining 15-20 pounds, but this time was different. I put on a large amount of weight very quickly and didn't even realize how much bigger I was, and this was the first time in my life that my attempts to lose weight were in a healthy way - eating right and exercising, instead of just the 2 month crash diet/exercise I used to do in high school and college. I don't intend on ever putting the weight back on (even though every day is a constant struggle to eat well and get my exercise in), and I really want to get rid of these clothes, but it's so hard to when I hear my mother's voice in my head.

I've read many times on here that people say keeping big clothes is like an incentive to put the weight back on since you already have the bigger clothes laying around. I don't want to have this incentive because I don't need any reason to put the weight back on, yet I keeping putting the trip to goodwill off. This is one of the biggest struggles I've had so far with weightloss (seems a little silly to me). Why cant I just let go?

[Meg]

A lot of us have struggled with exactly the same issue, so you're not alone.

I think that big clothes are our safety net, and giving them away means we're out on the maintenance tightrope with nothing to catch us if we fall. It takes away the option of failure, which can be both empowering and really scary.

The messages that you give to yourself now are key to maintenance success. Positive self-talk! Don't let that internal dialogue with the mom voice drag you down! Yes, keeping the weight off IS possible ... just look around at 3FC. Yes, it's hard and it takes constant vigilance, but you already knew that, right?

How about substituting some new messages when you hear that negative mom voice in your head? One thing that I say to myself all the time is: "There's only one person who can make me fat again, and that's ME. And I'm not going to do it. I am in total control of my weight and I can choose to be fat or I can choose to be fit." Tell yourself that "this time is different", just like you posted, and whatever happened to you or your mom in the past has nothing at all to do with your future.

No one sits on our chests and forces food into our mouths. We choose what we eat, when we eat, and how much we eat. We are always in total control, even when we wish we could say we're "out of control". You control your destiny, not your mom, your old clothes, or your history. Just become your mom couldn't maintain her weight losses doesn't mean that you can't! Hey, she didn't have the benefit of the 3FC Maintainers Forum!

How about this for an idea? Just take one or two bags to Goodwill, so it's not a huge, drastic loss all at once. Do it gradually, and see how you feel. You may be surprised and feel liberated from the past!

But the bottom line is that you CAN keep the weight off, whether or not those bags of clothes are in the house or not. Don't let them play head games with you! You've come way too far to let some too-big clothes derail you now!!

And be sure to stick around!

[shrinkinglizzy]

Wow, it seems pretty clear WHY you're having this problem -- having a mom who tells you that you're going to gain it back is pretty powerful! BUT, from what you've described, you have been losing your weight nice a slow, and it seems to me that you're on your way to a very healthy life.
Meg has great advice (of course!), and I don't have much to add, except for !

[bargoo]

I agree with Meg 100% . Do not listen to negative advice from anyone. Give the clothes away, someone needs them but it is not you.

[Glory87]

Are there any consignment stores around?

I consigned a lot of my nicer, larger sized clothes, I think I made about 100.00 (in all). Which, I immediately spent on cute clothes that fit

It was hard, but I did get rid of them all (some I gave to Good Will) and I haven't missed them a bit!

[rockinrobin]

I don't intend on ever putting the weight back on (even though every day is a constant struggle to eat well and get my exercise in), and I really want to get rid of these clothes, but it's so hard to when I hear my mother's voice in my head

I really think a MAJOR part of keeping the weight off is actually BELIEVING that it IS possible, despite that constant struggle that we all have. It's a fine line of course between being too confident and cocky and letting our guard down. But I truly think we've got to give it our all, our full support to believing that it can be done. Because, well, it CAN be done!!!

So therefore I got rid of my clothing right away. I packed it up and give it to charity. As I got smaller and was in the midst of constant size changes, I had some practically brand new clothing to give away. I gave those pieces to friends.

You will never, ever need those clothes again. Right? You're not turning back. You know what needs to be done and you're willing to do it.
Give them to somebody who does need them. They are useless to you. Totally and completely useless.

[MileHighMama]

I agree with what everyone else has said here. Get rid of your too big stuff. Consign the nicer stuff and spend the money on new, smaller things. I really struggled with this issue too because it killed me to give away perfectly good clothing, some that was recently purchased with nice labels. I think my first 3FC post was about this very subject. Everyone told me to get rid of my fat clothes. I ended up getting rid of a lot but I did keep a few things in boxes and bags, which I eventually did part with after I spent a few months thinking about why I wanted to hold onto them and whether this really was a change of life for me, or not. I've been a yoyo dieter my whole life. You know, what your mom says doesn't matter. It's within you, and it's about you. Don't even discuss it with her, and if you do, be confident about where you are in this journey and where you are going. She can think and say what she wants. The best part of getting rid of your old clothes is that it opens up closet space so you can gradually find out what your new style is and fill your life with clothes that you love. I had about 10 things in my closet at one point. My hubby kept saying how I didn't have any clothes, which was so cool and helped keep me from feeling guilty about buying new ones.

Pam

[KateB]

I am getting rid of my clothes ASAP as I loose the weight. Something I have never done before. The ironic thing is, about 4 months before I started this journey I told myself I was kidding myself if I thought I would EVER get in to my smaller clothes that I had gotten too big for, and I got rid of most of them. In a strange twisted way I think that is part of the reason for my success this time around...self acceptance. It was not so much that I accecpted the size I was at...but I accecpted ME, and everything else seems to be falling into place.

If you can't do it all at once, I would say get rid of the two biggest sizes, give it some time, then get rid of another size.

I will say this...having extra room in your closet feels almost as good as having extra room in your jeans!!

[midwife]

First, you ARE already a maintainer. So stick around and post often. Maintaining is more than about hitting a magical scale weight. It is about keeping to behaviors that keep lost weight LOST.

Second, you have already gotten some great advice. I'm sorry that your mom regained. Most people do. That is reality and I'm sure that she is just trying to protect you or prepare you for her reality. But her reality does not have to be your reality.

You really are the ONLY person in control of your weight. How you choose to eat, how you choose to move, that is what shapes your body.

Weight is baggage--both metaphorically and literally. As we shed our baggage, we change. I believe we accept that we do have control in our lives.

When you are ready, I believe that you will part with those clothes. Ask yourself:

Do I really need these?
Do I even want these?
I love this skirt, but do I WANT to ever wear a size 16 again?

Goodwill is a great place and might be meaningful to you because it is easy to access and really does do some good work. But if you are interested in other causes---family violence, homelessness, drug addiction recovery---you might even seek out a charity that really speaks to you. It might help you to visualize your favorites going to help a woman who is leaving a violent relationship.

Anyway, let us know when you do it. Cause I have faith that you will.

[KLK]

I lost 75lbs 4 years ago and although I was trapped at a plateau and was maintaining rather than losing for those years, I managed to keep from returning to my old weight. ... and I STILL have my size 24/26's in my closet, in big tupperware bins. But this summer, as I'm getting married and I need to make space, I'm getting rid of it ALL.

[NoVaVTFan]

First I want to say a huge THANK YOU for everyone replies. This has been something that I've been struggling with since last summer as I went down in clothes sizes, and getting others points of view on it helps me see things clearly.

Second, I love everything all of you have said. Everything rings so true. I think in the back of my little brain I knew all of the things you have all said - don't let my mom get to me negatively, only I can control what weight I am, and if I focus hard enough then I won't ever put the weight back on or need these clothes - and sometimes I think hearing it from other people is what I need when it comes to the struggle with weight loss.

I think I will take the step and get these clothes to Goodwill ASAP. I really can't see a need for them any time in my future that I can tell, and I do think it will be a good cleansing experience to give them to people who can wear them and get use out of them. I find it a little amusing that I even have some clothes that still had the tag on them - I bought them when I was gaining weight, couldn't fit into them, and never put them on as I lost weight.

As far as my mom goes, she has become somewhat of a bitter person, and sometimes has nothing good, positive, or optimistic to say to me. I think her trying to tell me not to be so certain that I'll keep the weight off is just the way she is now - a sour, bitter person. I definitely love my mom, but I do try not to let her negativity get to me.

Thanks for the advice everyone! Once again, the chicks here on 3FC have made my day better!

[KLK]

Also, just remember: You can always just buy new clothes, whether you lose weight, gain weight or stay the same as you are now.

[Circebee]

One further idea- if there are one or two super-special items with sentimental value, maybe a good seamtress could "reconstruct" them into new, flattering pieces that will look great on your fabulous new bod! Kind of like linking your past sucess in losing weight to your future success as a long term slim-ie.

[rockinrobin]

I forgot to mention that I didn't give away all of my clothing. I did save a couple of skirts and a jacket. I wanted to have something to remind myself of just how far I've come - and remind myself how I never, ever want to go back there.

It really pains me to see those articles of clothing. I could easily fit more then 2 of me in there now. But as much as it pains me, I never want to be without them. They are precious to me. Again - that reminder of where I never want to go. A reminder that the struggle of eating well and exercising is waaaaay better then the struggle of having to wear those clothes.

[NoVaVTFan]

Well I have a little update on my struggle to give away my old clothes. This weekend I finally found a little bit of time to go through all of the bags that I've stuffed in to the storage in our basement and spare bedroom. I probably didn't really need to go through the bags before giving them to Goodwill, but part of me wanted to make sure I hadn't accidentally thrown something into the bags that fit me and I wanted to keep, and another part of me has a slight obsession with being organized and I wanted to divide up the clothes in categories like pants, shirts, etc and put them into separate bags. Another curious part of me wanted to see what I would be parting with - I have crammed so many clothes into bags over the past year that I was curious to look back on them.

I have to say, separating all of the clothes and seeing just how many clothes we are giving away was a little shocking. There is a total of 14 stuffed trash bags in my fiancee's truck to take to goodwill tomorrow. That's a lot of clothes - I'm estimating about $4000-$5000 worth of clothes. The funny thing, I don't feel sad parting with any of it. The absolutely most shocking thing was getting out some size 18 pants. This was the biggest size I got to, and I tried them on to see what they looked like. It was just amazing to see how much room there is from where my stomach is now to the waist of the pants. I think another good thing about going through the clothes and looking at how big they are on me now is it made me realize just how in denial I was about how much weight I gained and the size I got to. When I got to be that size 18 around January 2007, I don't think I ever stopped for a minute to think about how much I weighed. I never had pictures taken, never weighed myself, and must have seen something really different in the mirror than I actually was. Going through the clothes to give them away was a good way to affirm with myself that I don't want to ever be that size again.

I feel a little lighter all over knowing that these clothes won't be in my house anymore and I don't really have a choice to keep the weight off unless I want to buy bigger clothes which I most certainly don't want to do. I feel a little silly for dreading this for so long because it really wasn't as hard as I thought it would be and it was actually a little empowering to know I did something good for myself by getting the weight off.

I did keep one pair of size 18 pants and an XL button down shirt to remind me of where I was. I also am going to take some "big pants" pictures to post up in on the forum.

Thanks so much for everyone's encouraging words!