I am jumping in here with both feet tonight, proclaiming myself a MAINTAINER. Some of you know me, I have been here at 3FC a long time. On July 22nd evening I weighed myself because I felt awfully heavy...I weighed in at 205 with clothes, I had never been over 200 (when I weighed) before. The next morning I weighed myself and I was 201...WAKE UP CALL! That very day I started eating better and exercising! Since then, I have lost 9 pounds, with a first goal of 7 more to lose. I even had my own PITY PARTY in Weight Loss Support, some of you joined me...THANK-YOU! Anyway...HERE I AM and if you don't kick me out, like the last thread I joined tried to do,...well, I'll stay and MAINTAIN!
I had some minor gum surgery and bone grafting on an area of my mouth today. Doing very good so far, the doctor just called to check up on me ~ didn't think they still did that! Impressed! I went to work afterwards, came home and walked our golden retrievers with my wife then headed off to Target after dinner to get a small fridge for my wife's classroom. My mutts decided to reward us by eating the remote for the DVD player...so cute....HA! NOT!
SUSANB ~Yep, I am in your neighborhood and any more smart remarks from you and I will burn ALL my Barry Gibb vinyls! in protest! Here is a recipe out of Redbook Angie and I are going to try, I have one using mangos but can't seem to find it...my daughter was always getting it out to make the salsa, think it got lost.
Tomato-and-Nectarine Salsa
Coarsley chop 1 large tomato and 1 large nectarine. Add 1/2 cup chopped sweet onion and 1 Tbsp "each" chopped fresh cilantro, olive oil and fresh lime juice, and 1 tsp minced jalapeno (Angie and I would leave this out). Serve as a dip with tortilla chips or over grilled fish.
MEG and ROBIN ~All this school talk reminds me of home. Angie is a 6th grade teacher, my son and daughter in law teach high school government and history, they just earned tenure at a very nice new high school, it looks like a college! My daughter started her 2nd year of work on her Masters today and teaches NAVY S.E.A.L.S. and pilots about their muscles! My step-daughter started her 2nd year of college in New York today and knucklehead nephew (I am his guardian) made it to his 2nd week of his high school senior year So far he has only been kicked out of 1 class!
ANNE ~Thanks for the welcome! My niece just started her 2nd year at UofA today. She lives across from the school in a condo my BIL bought.
MEGAN ~ the chicken recipe looks great! I am NOT one to give advice on drinking too much ALLISON can vouch for that
ENNAY ~You deserved to eat good last week-end! Awesome run/s! My BIL and SIL did the bike hood to coast one year about 10 years ago.
MARS and WATER RAT ~Interesting week-ends!
ALLISON ~Cal State San Marcos, near me, is a very nice school and getting bigger every day, close to San Diego and closer to you in the desert...just in case CSUF doesn't work out. My son did very well there...but that was in getting a degree for teaching.
SWEET AMOR ~First impression...you seem very mature!
TARA ~Nothing wrong with being a little strange! Just ask me!!.... don't tell Angie she says I am more than a little ca---ra----zy!!!
HIKER CHICK ~Angie and I took the year off of vegetable gardening this year...spent more $$$ at the market but less water! Angie kept her roses up as usual.
LILYBELLE ~We REALLY need to sit and talk! I know how hard step kids can be on a second marraige from my step-daughter, although I will say, my issue with my step-daughter are totally dis-respect to me, her mom and pretty much everyone...it got so bad this summer her mom told her to take all of her stuff and move everything to her dads...she pretty much lived there anyway....a loooong and complicated story...that's why we need to sit down and "share" war stories!
I know the main issue is with your husband and the gambling right now, maybe it is because of some of the other issues. Obviously I can't say...I have had addictions...smoking...kicked that 10 years ago....drank too much for a coupke of years...kicked that for 18 years then started outof the blue about 5 years ago...had too many the past 2 years...but getting that under control. Never had a gambling problem, but I do know guys that do.
Without much that I know my only advice would be to stand firm...but not too demanding....I mean don't make him change things that he is not capable of at this time, without help...make the stand that he gets the help though! I know they have, as I am sure you have already researched it, Gamblers Anyomous, etc. If he refuses, well, you know what you have to do.
Wish we could "knock heads" together! Adding your family to my prayer list!
WELL GALS ~ Angie is calling me to bed...no! Not for that you must not have read my Menopause thread a few weeks ago....nah...she wants to chat about the day.
Step away from the vinyls you ... you ... harumph! I'll have you know, we went to a dance on Saturday and the floor was dead. My friend and I requested the BeeGees and started dancing ... the floor filled up and stayed that way.
I'm telling you gals, this thread will never be the same!
Well, Gary! I've not seen you around too much, but I don't read a lot of threads. (I did read all about your daughter's wedding though!)
Lily - My heart goes out to you. I haven't got a lot of advice, but am sending you a huge You are one of the most compassionate giving people I "know" and totally don't deserve this. I do hope you can work things out to a conclusion that's satisfying for everyone. I'll keep you in my prayers.
I'm very tired tonight, maybe getting a cold, so I'm off to read for awhile and then go to bed.
This sounds terrible. I think the problem with addiction, more than the behavior itself, is the way that it leads to lying and the ways that lying undermines trust. And trust really is one of the most important things in relationships. Only you can know whether a man who would sell your engagement rings for gambling money is worth staying with. I don't know that I could countenance that kind of behavior, but I've never been in a similar situation and so I can't really say. I do think that counseling is a good place to start. But only you can make the important decisions.
(Incidentally, I think the important question here is, 'could I ever really come to trust this man again?')
Lily, that sounds like an awfull thing to be dealing with! big to you and your children! I think it comes down to taking some time to let it all 'sink in' and then asking yourself what Baffled said: Can i come to trust him again? I realise that that is easier said then done especially with your kids, home and insurance as part of the picture, so again
Gary: Another rooster among the chicks (there's another one, but i can't think of his name right now) welcome!
Question to everyone: How did you decide on a goal weight? Was it a weight that you were when you were a slim adult? Maybe to be in the 'healthy weight class' BMI-wise? Or just a ballpark weight and figured it out when you were closer to it?
I'm asking because when i started out i thought i had to lose about 10 or 15 pounds, after the first 10 i knew i had to lose 10 more and now after 23 i don't really know anymore. I know i'm about a pound away from a 'healthy weight' according to BMI, BUT my scale says i've got about 32% fat so that's not good. To make matters even more complicated: I've got very broad shoulders for my height and my breasts haven't gotten any smaller since i started loosing. (I'm a cup E) I did lose 2, almost 3 pantsizes (no complaints there )
Because i'm not happy with my midsection (lovehandles and a bit of a belly) i want to loze more, just not sure how much more. To make matters even MORE complicated i'm allso trying to figure out 'the balance': What am i willing to do/ give up to get to (and stay at) a certain weight.
Well that turned out to be long! Hope anyone can help me along with some of these questions!
Gary, welcome to maintainers. I'm fairly new here myself. This is a great place to be, wonderful, warm and knowledgable people.
Lily, I just don't know what to say to you. My heart goes out to you. You don't deserve this. I hope counseling will help your DH and more importantly YOU.
TaraD. I very often eat the same thing day after day, for months at a time. I basically have the same lunch 6 X a week. It works for me. Breakfast had been the same for months on end, til I recently had to give up cereal (went back to the darn box too many times) and switched to yogurt.
Mars, as far as picking a goal weight. I set it at 135, which was the lowest weight I recall as an adult. I hit it, immediately went down to 132 and have recently decided to see how 125 looks and feels. I am quite happy though with my size and "look" at the 132, but the dopey weight snob in me wants to be in the 120's. A goal weight is not set in stone and can be changed. I think it's best to see how you look and feel as you go along and like you've said, just what it takes to REMAIN at that certain point. And have you considered trying to work on toning up your problem areas? This might prove helpful to you in getting that "look" that you are after.
Well, my DH and daughter just pulled out of here, car all loaded up. And I do mean ALL. Man, she's got a lot of stuff. Yesterday was hard getting all the last minute things together and packing her up. Why oh why do these things have to be so stressful? I can't believe she's gone - again. My other daughter really liked her first day in college. That's a great relief.
I've been doing so well again with my food. I feel like I'm really building confidence now. I now know that if I do stray, that I CAN get back on track and strongly at that. When I was in the losing portion I was so darn determined, that I never really went off plan. Even during holidays, birthdays and social gatherings. So these off plan summer weekends was a totally new experience for me. I gotta tell you though, I did enjoy eating as much as I did. Some of that off plan stuff tastes darn good. And I can't say for sure it won't happen again. In fact I know it WILL. But again, I am building confidence and I know that I can indeed get right back on track. Of course I don't want to get too much confidence and then feel that I can stray more often. Gosh, there's so much head stuff to all this.
Lily, I'm so sorry. I know you'll find the strength you need to get through this somehow. My thoughts are with you.
Mars, I think goal is a 4-letter word (it is, see!). Your body isn't where you want it to reasonably be, reasonably being a key word there. I'd say work on your body composition, take off some more body fat, lift some weights. And then the scale will be what it will be. I'm not sold on the utility of BMI as a measure of health for any one individual, although I think it has some merit as a measure in population studies.
Ennay, I'm having trouble sleeping now! I think I had too much caffeine yesterday, so I'm going to work on that today. It is such a vicious cycle though, too tired to function, more coffee, to wired to sleep! If only I didn't need to make a living. OTOH, work is less taxing than watching even my one child, so perhaps I'll shut up now.
Rockin Robbin, Wndranne; thanx for the input, i know a goal isn't set in stone, but at the moment i'm just doing mini-goals and i'm somehow in need for a 'real' goal, dunno why . I'm figurering that since my scale is pretty consistant at the bodyfatpercentage it's giving (leaving out the high's and lows from dehydration or wet feet etc.) it's problably reasonably accurate. (it started out at 40% ) I went without a scale for years so i've no idea what my weight was for the past years. I do know that i have one pair of jeans that's about 8 years old, it's starting to fit again but still gives my a BIG muffintop, that's all the comparisation i have at the moment.
I think i'd like to be somewhere around 25% BF, which for all i know is a healthy place to be, not very slim/ skinny but that's not my goal. I figure that would mean a goal around 130/ 135, depending on gaining muscle-mass.
About the toning up: yup i knew that's one that i have to start sooner rather then later. I've been putting it off because of crazy schedules (sp.?) and the whole fixing up the house/ moving thing. I'm not really out of shape but stopped any type of sport at 18 so i'm not really looking forward to starting again. I'm thinking of joining a gym for the machines and maybe a pilatesclass.
Speaking of sleep ... I'm not very good at it either. Not overwelmingly so ... just enough to be annoying. And it's always in my head.
Last night (we were short staffed anyway) then the folks just kept coming. BTW falls with fractures are very stylish this fall ... everybody's doing it. I drove home talking to myself about all that I had done inadequately or coulda tried to finish or done better. Half an ativan and shortly after 3am ... I finally crawled into bed and really didn't slip off to sleep to quickly even then.
But I didn't really mean to post to complain. I wanted to talk to Mars ... Anne is right, goal is a dirty word. We feel compelled to think of something on the way down ... even if we have no idea what we'll look or feel like, no idea what our body mass composition will be ...
A good goal is like a good plan FLEXIBLE. There is no end to this so why should our goals be final?
as for me ... I used about a zillion online and magazine calculators to come up with 130 and was just too soft and bulky there. 125 was my next try and lo and behold ... hanging belly flab! So, I'll try a few more pounds but I'm going to see how that goes. But I do have a life outside cardio and eating, I did have three babies, I am ... um ... more mature. But I can try it and see how it goes. I can always gain some back ... baby, I know how to do that!
Thanks everyone for the support. As some of you mentioned, I'm definitely afraid that even with lots of counseling for us both that I will never regain any trust. This has been a gradual build-up throughout our 10 yrs. of marriage, it didn't happen overnight. This has been the very first time (when caught with the deception) that I have told him it's couseling or divorce. He had previously refused counseling but is more than willing to go now that he knows I'm serious.
I wish so badly that I could go back to work and then I wouldn't have the added worry of the financial problems. With my daughter facing surgery and son facing deployment, this is just more than I can handle. He carries the family insurance, so I can't do anything immediately that would keep Lacy from being able to have her stomach fixed.
Aside from all this,, I'm worried about Shelbey (my 15 yr. old SD that moved in with us back in May). She is loving being here, going to a new school and working her little job and making new friends. I hate the thought that this may totally disrupt her whole life again.
I really thank everyone for being here for me. I don't have anyone else to turn to. My own family just says "kick his butt out" without regard to any of the other decisions I'm facing. My friends are all his friends too and I can't really say anything to them.
Since my son wants me to forgive and forget and keep him here, it might be easier to face the prospect of splitting up while Shane is deployed. I think my son just doesn't want me and Lacy to be alone.
I've had much more energy yesterday & today. I had a theater meeting last night after cramming in exactly a 36-minute workout at the gym (once again I wish my gym didn't close so early - but it's almost cool enough to work out outside again), and we are gearing up for our fall/winter show. I'm excited to start a new project - the summer has been wearing on me a bit, and I need something new going on. BF and I had good QT last night, too.
Anne, LOL, getting on a bad no sleep/caffeine/can't sleep cycle is tough. Hope you get evened out soon.
Robin, glad to hear you are feeling confident and back on track. Maintaining is really almost all mental for me. I know how to keep the weight off, I just need the mental discipline to do it.
Mars, when I was still about 30 lbs. over my goal, I just sort of picked a number where I thought "that sounds good". As I got down to 135, I think I might have actually been too skinny/not eating enough, but I didn't stay there for too long anyway. My first year of maintaining I was at 140, and the last year I've been creeping up. I like life at 140 - I felt very fit and trim and healthy, and I could stay there with discipline but also could enjoy an occasional treat. But like Anne says, numbers and "goals" don't work for some people. If you use weight as a 'tool' to stay where you feel healthy and fit, IMHO, that's fine, but getting on the scale every day or week can be to hard for some mentally/emotionally, and can cause a lot of head games - I can totally see where Anne is coming from. For me, weighing myself weekly lets me kind of track my progress and helps me be honest about my eating a workout habits. And you can definitely shift your 'goal weight' around. Just my 2 cents.
Susan, I like bruschetta with tomatoes too - raw tomatoes, garlic, onions, herbs, olive oil and maybe a few other things (? don't have a recipe memorized), and served over whole wheat toast rounds or pita chips or something like that. I think you can stew and freeze tomatoes pretty easily for later use, too, if you've got lots of extras.
Hi Gary! Why does Susan keep saying "there goes the neighborhood" now that you're here?
Tara, I don't see a problem with "not being able to control" eating Cream of Wheat for breakfast every day. If you were not able to control eating a large pizza for dinner every day, that's a problem! Enjoy your grape nuts.
Sweet Amor, sounds like you're doing great! Keep up the good work!
hikerchick, soometimes it's hard to believe gardening can be a lot of work! I can't wait to start my fall garden in a few weeks. It's still too hot here right now. Home grown fresh lettuce is such a treat.
Lily, I am so sorry to hear about your troubles. I can't offer any words of advice, but my thoughts are with you and I know you are a strong woman with sound judgement. We are always here to support you.
Well first off ... he is funny and you know how serious we can be here and he's always optimistic ... can men be perky? Logical, well grounded advice ... yeesh!
On a more serious note ... he doesn't like hockey or the BeeGees! I'm not sure he should be allowed to roam the streets.
ps Lily ... I don't mean to ignore you ... I just don't know what to say
Mmm, coffee's done. I'm going to have to enjoy this, because I'm cutting myself off from caffeine at noon. I suppose I will survive, but I'll try not to post grouchy if I get time to come back tonight.
Dogs are walked, I'm off to work, swim and then sit it with DD for the night.
Lilly~(((((((hugs))))))) You are going through a lot right now. Living with someone with an addiction (any addiction) is extremely stressful. Counseling will help you mentally so that you don't suffer physically. I really don't know what to offer you, but have you looked to see if there are any gamblers anonymous groups in your area (not only for him, but also for you--kind of like al anon, for family members of alcoholics). Best of luck to you and your family.
Megan~Wow, what can I say about Gary? Hmmm, better for you to find out yourself--go read just about anything in General Chatter and you'll soon find out!
Gary~Welcome. Really, I mean it! We'll have lots of recipes to swap (although I have to admit, I still haven't tried your lasagna--it's just too hot to heat up the oven). I'll have DD check out San Marcos. Her search led to Fullerton because it offered music and computers as she really wants to do something in computers, but she's spent her entire high school time in music, so we're hoping for a music scholarship. I suggested a double major so if she gets a music scholarship, she can still pursue what she wants to do.
Tara~I don't think you're weird at all for eating the same things over and over. It's kind of like what I do with clothes! I wear the same 4 or 6 outfits over and over until the seasons change and then I pick out 5 or 6 others to rotate!
Anne~good luck without caffeine this afternoon, and I hope you get some sleep. I've never been one to drink coffee after breakfast (well, not after the mid morning coffee break anyway). Once in a while I'll have a cup after dinner if we're out and having dessert, but that ALWAYS messes up my sleep!
As for me, I attempted D3W5 of C25K and didn't make it. I was supposed to run 20 minutes, but instead ran 6, walked 2, ran 2, walked 1 and then ran 12-13. I think I'll re-do D2 on Thursday and attempt D3 on Saturday (when I have a little more time--I'm thinking this much running will take me farther and I'd rather run farther in daylight). Was there an eclipse last night? The moon looked different this morning during my run.
I'm holding at 143. Been POP since Sunday morning. Hoping to see 142 tomorrow or Thursday.
Mars~I picked my first goal of 135, and then changed to 133 so I could have a 2 pound cushion. I've been down as far as 128 a few years ago and felt too skinny. I still have 10 pounds to get to goal, and the way my tummy, butt and thighs are still rather jiggly, I'm sure 10 pounds off will be right for me. But, I may get there and change my mind (as robin did).
robin~DD #2 off to college? Is it empty nest for you, or do you have a 3rd? I can't remember. I'll be sending my DD off next year. She's so excited! She's already reading graduation requirements and trying to figure out how many classes she can skip due to her AP scores. She wants to get as much of the general ed stuff out of the way (preferably by testing) so she can jump right into the things she WANTS to do!
kick me out, like the last thread I joined tried to do,...well, I'll stay and MAINTAIN! 
daughter in law 
So far he has only been kicked out of 1 class!
don't tell Angie 
Gary! I've not seen you around too much, but I don't read a lot of threads. (I did read all about your daughter's wedding though!) 
You are one of the most compassionate giving people I "know" and totally don't deserve this. I do hope you can work things out to a conclusion that's satisfying for everyone. I'll keep you in my prayers. 
) welcome! 
I've been putting it off because of crazy schedules (sp.?) and the whole fixing up the house/ moving thing. I'm not really out of shape but stopped any type of sport at 18 so i'm not really looking forward to starting again. I'm thinking of joining a gym for the machines and maybe a pilatesclass.
My first year of maintaining I was at 140, and the last year I've been creeping up. I like life at 140 - I felt very fit and trim and healthy, and I could stay there with discipline but also could enjoy an occasional treat. But like Anne says, numbers and "goals" don't work for some people. If you use weight as a 'tool' to stay where you feel healthy and fit, IMHO, that's fine, but getting on the scale every day or week can be to hard for some mentally/emotionally, and can cause a lot of head games - I can totally see where Anne is coming from. For me, weighing myself weekly lets me kind of track my progress and helps me be honest about my eating a workout habits. And you can definitely shift your 'goal weight' around. Just my 2 cents. 
and he's always optimistic ... can men be perky? 
Logical, well grounded advice ... yeesh!
I'm not sure he should be allowed to roam the streets. 
I suppose I will survive, but I'll try not to post grouchy if I get time to come back tonight.
