Self talk is an important part of weight loss maintenance, especially when we struggle. One technique I've found useful in the past when things got rough is taken from cognitive behavior therapy. Basically you write down all the irrational or destructive thoughts you have in a day (week, month, whatever) on one column of a sheet of paper, to get it all out in the open, and then on the other column, you right down a rational, positive response to each negative thought. There is something special about writing it down and looking at it that makes the negative thoughts seem silly and less powerful, and the positive ones seem more true. Then the next time one of your negative mental comments comes up, you have a ready (and true) response for it, and boom, you're on the way to positive, happy thoughts. Anyway, it isn't a magical instant thing that makes all the self-criticism go away, but it does help.
Anyway, I'm posting some selections from my list this week, because (1) it is a helpful technique if you don't know about it, and (2) if anybody has any other common thoughts or responses to add to the list, I'd love some new material to work with. Since columns are tough here, I'm just going to do the response in italics.
Negative thought: Response
That 100 calorie (cookie, chips, etc) will not hurt: It is true that a 100 calorie treat once in a while isn't the end of the world, but this has now become a pattern and 100 extra calories 3 times a day is 30 lbs a year. I just don't need that.
I am dying for something salty: Get a V8, which is relatively healthy and low cal, and skip the chips
I want it NOW: Fifteen minutes isn't long, and it won't kill me and I can wait that long. After that I can go crazy, but maybe I'll find something to do in the meantime.
I'm feeling (hurt,fragile,tired) and I deserve this (donut, cookie, fettucini alfredo, etc): I deserve to feel good about myself and for that I need a reasonable amount of healthy food and exercise.
I'm going to have to eat 1000 calories tomorrow to make up for this: That is setting myself up for failure. While a slight restriction might be in order, something that drastic will just make it worse.
I love this, thank you so much. I am SO about the positive self-talk right now (forever! it's what I DO! ) I'm going to print your list out if you don't mind - it's good to keep ourselves in check and really know what and why we are doing things.
I'm in therapy right now and I go through similar exercises for all other things in my life.
Thank you for posting. I've been having a hard time getting myself back on the wagon. I think I need to write out a list of my rationalizations for staying above goal, I'm sure they'll look flimsy on paper. Getting them out of my head will help too.
Anne, thanks for the great idea. I have been struggling with maintaining for a while now. Some days I am super-dedicated to eating healthy and exercising and others days it's just not the priority that it should be. I worked too hard to lose control now. I'm gonna make me a list, because it seems there are too many days lately that I can find an excuse to eat off my plan or not exercise. I definitely feel like I'm on a slippery slope right now. I seem to fluctuate up and down by 5 or 6 lbs. and it scares me to death. I really didn't have this big of fluctuation while losing the weight. I know that I've been letting stress get to me and using it as an excuse to go off my normal routine. My list:
1. a treat meal today won't matter-----well yes it will if I continue to let it happen very often.
2. I'm sore and don't feel like exercising----even a little exercise is better than none and if it hurts too much I can stop.
3. extra food for me when packing DD and DH's lunch----this is something I definitely need to stop doing, she is almost 15 and he is 43 and both are perfectly capable of packing their own lunch. Reminder to self to talk to them about this being a trigger for me.
4. a few spoons of food from the pan after dinner won't hurt----these are calories too and should be avoided or added into my Fitday which would be over my calorie limit.
5. comfort foods for winter time----spring is almost here and it's time again for the crisp cooolness of refreshing salads and leave that chili, stew, chicken and dumplins and heavy casseroles alone.
6. a dessert baked for extra company in the house is necessary----No, it's really not. They didn't ask for it and I'm just giving myself an excuse to eat sweets.
7. I've had a rough day and I deserve a little treat----this is my worst excuse of all times. Extra food should never be used as treat to soothe or calm myself just because I've had a stressful day. This is the type of excuse that most of us could use on most any day and we'd soon see ourselves ballooning right back up to our former selves.
Ah, yes, the self-talk. Seems like I talk to myself more than anyone else.
It works, by the way, just as Wndranne said. When I lived alone, I used to talk to myself out loud (I wouldn't recommend it unless you explain it to your loved ones first). In the morning, I would make my plan for the day and the entire week (in the shower), and then every evening (again, in the shower) I would review how I had done. Saying things out loud brought clarity and a definitiveness to the issues that merely thinking about them did not. Try it!
I was reading a website earlier this week related to career changes, and there was a little exercise developed by Byron Katie that I thought was great. Yes, I know that these types of exercises seem hokey and silly sometimes, but I need every tool I can find. Here is an example of how to do it:
Make a statement about your weight problem that you believe is true.
Example: I was always fat and I will always be fat, so there is no point in trying anymore. (this was one of my favorite self-fulfilling prophesies in my days of obesity.)
Then ask yourself:
1. Is it true?
Sample answer: yes, it is true. I have always been fat and there is no way for me to change now, because I am XX years old or because I have failed XX times in the past, etc.
2. Do you absolutely know that it's true?
Sample answer: well, I know that I was fat in the past and I am fat now. But do I absolutely know that I will always be fat in the future? Maybe not. I am just predicting it based on the past. But no, I guess I do not absolutely know that it is true.
3. How do you react when you think that thought?
Sample answer: I feel helpless and hopeless. I feel weak and afraid. I feel like there is nothing in the world that I can do to change my life. I feel afraid to try because I know that I will fail and the disappointment will be more than I can stand.
4. Who would you be without the thought? (that is, how would you live differently if you didn't believe that thought? Imagine life without it.)
Sample answer: if I didn't have that thought, then I could believe that every day, I had a new opportunity be healthy and fit. I could believe that each day allowed me to do good for myself and the people I love. I would know that my own behavior, my own efforts, can and will have an effect -- a cumulative effect -- that can alter whatever path I am on today and alter my own reality.
Mumbo-jumbo, maybe, but this stuff helped me a lot.
Update on my maintenance issues: I am still hanging on by a fingernail to my roomiest size 8s, refusing to buy 10s though I need them, but in the middle of a great exercise renaissance. Working on pilates, yoga, lifting weights and getting ready to gear up for my 2nd marathon. Step 4 tells me that I will be back at my goal weight (that's about 22 pounds from here) by the end of the summer!
Self talk and getting back on track
) I'm going to print your list out if you don't mind - it's good to keep ourselves in check and really know what and why we are doing things.
