Lighten Up! Feeling a little stressed out over your diet? This forum is for you! Laugh a little, relax, and take a load off!

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Old 05-05-2006, 07:56 PM   #1  
I'M A YOGA WIDOWER!
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Default Things I Have Learned About Texas

My friend, from Texas, sent me this and I thought it was funny!


Things I have learned about Texas:



Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with all four feet in the air.



There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Texas.



There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Texas, plus a few no one has ever seen before.



Raccoons will test your melon crop and let you know when they are ripe.



If it grows, it will stick you. If it crawls, it will bite you!



Nothing will kill a mesquite tree.



There are valid reasons some people put razor wire around their house.



A tractor is NOT an all terrain vehicle. They do get stuck.



The wind blows at 90 mph from Oct 2 till June 25; then it stops totally until October 2.



"Onced" and "twiced" are words.



"Coldbeer" is one word.



People actually grow and eat okra.



Green grass DOES burn.



When you live in the country you don't have to buy a dog. City people drop them off at your front gate in the middle of the night.



The sound of coyotes howling at night only sounds good for the first few weeks.



When a buzzard sits on the fence and stares at you, it's time to see a doctor.



"Fix-in-to" is one word.



There ain't no such thing as "lunch". There is only dinner and then

there's supper.



"Sweetened ice tea" is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you are two years old.



"Backwards and forwards" means I know everything about you.



"Jeet?" is actually a phrase meaning, "did you eat?"



You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.



You measure distance in minutes.



You can switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.



Stores don't have bags, they have sacks.



You see a car with the engine running in the Wal-mart parking lot with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.



All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit or a

vegetable.



You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both

unlocked.



You carry jumper cables for your own car.



You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" are.



You only have four spices in your kitchen: Salt, Pepper, Catsup, and Tabasco.



You think everyone from north of Dallas has an accent.



Sexy underwear is a tee shirt and boxer shorts.



The local papers covers national and international news on one page but requires six pages to cover Friday night high school football.



The first day of deer season is a national holiday.



You know which leaves make good toilet paper.



You find 100 degrees a "tad" warm.



All four seasons are: Almost summer, summer, still summer and Christmas.



You know whether another Texan is from East, West, North, or South Texas as soon as he opens his mouth.



Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past-time known as "goin' Wal-Martin" or "off to Wally-world."



You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili

weather.



A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop....It's a Coke

regardless of brand or flavor.



Texans understand these jokes.
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Old 05-05-2006, 09:46 PM   #2  
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SO true too. I lived there most of my life and I'm still trying to get use to life elsewhere. When I'm ordering a drink at a restaurant out in these parts, I have to keep reminding myself not to say "Coke" and expect her to say "What kind?" so that I can tell her "Diet Dr. Pepper." Here, they will take my word as gospel and run off before I can say "Hey! How're you going to know what Coke to get, I didn't tell you yet!"

I have pictures of me drinking iced tea out of my grandmothers glass when I was pobably younger than two. I still drink it 99% of the time over anything else. And I said "Fixinto" "Jeet yet?" "utacould" (as in used to be able to) and all those other things. Everyone I meet knows where I'm from!

Snipe hunting is great for getting the kids out of your hair so you can have your coldbeer in peace like you ustacould.

I can also attest to mesquite trees. I had one nearly peel my skin off as I was trying to help clear some land for someone. I finally said this, this tree stays. It's a monument to my hard work, seeing as how it just ate my skin.

Ain't Texas fun.
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Old 05-06-2006, 12:52 AM   #3  
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That's too funny. I live in OKlahoma and understood every one of these. Esp. true about people dropping dogs off at your house.
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Old 05-06-2006, 11:42 PM   #4  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by madscientist
SO true too. I lived there most of my life and I'm still trying to get use to life elsewhere. When I'm ordering a drink at a restaurant out in these parts, I have to keep reminding myself not to say "Coke" and expect her to say "What kind?" so that I can tell her "Diet Dr. Pepper." Here, they will take my word as gospel and run off before I can say "Hey! How're you going to know what Coke to get, I didn't tell you yet!"

I have pictures of me drinking iced tea out of my grandmothers glass when I was pobably younger than two. I still drink it 99% of the time over anything else. And I said "Fixinto" "Jeet yet?" "utacould" (as in used to be able to) and all those other things. Everyone I meet knows where I'm from!

Snipe hunting is great for getting the kids out of your hair so you can have your coldbeer in peace like you ustacould.

I can also attest to mesquite trees. I had one nearly peel my skin off as I was trying to help clear some land for someone. I finally said this, this tree stays. It's a monument to my hard work, seeing as how it just ate my skin.

Ain't Texas fun.
I know! I was born and raised in Houston, now live in KC, but it took me forever to not say "coke" when I ordered a drink, because I would really get "coke" when I really wanted like a diet coke or something else...Not many people know that one! lol
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