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Lighten Up! Feeling a little stressed out over your diet? This forum is for you! Laugh a little, relax, and take a load off!

Disclaimer: I love Bill Clinton (not a political post!!)

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Old 07-12-2005, 06:50 PM   #1
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Default Disclaimer: I love Bill Clinton (not a political post!!)

Heaven

Crowded in Heaven
It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change
the admittance policy.

The new law was that in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a
really bummer day on the day that you died. The policy would go
into effect at noon the next day.

So, the next day at 12:01 the first person came to the gates of
Heaven. The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy,
promptly asked the man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how
your day was going when you died."

"No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th-floor
apartment on my lunch hour and caught my
wife having an affair. But her lover was nowhere in sight. I
immediately began searching for him. My wife
was half naked and yelling at me. As I searched the entire apartment.
Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the
balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his
fingertips! The nerve of that guy!

Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he
fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees
and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die. This ticked me off even
more. In a rage, I went back inside to get the first thing I could
get my hands on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought
of was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony,
and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him!
The excitement of the moment was so great, that I had a heart attack
and died almost instantly."The Angel sat back and thought a moment.
Technically, the guy did have a bad day. It was a crime of passion.
So, the Angel announced, "OK sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of
Heaven," and let him in.

A few seconds later the next guy came up. To the Angel's surprise,
it was Donald Trump. "Mr. Trump, before I can let you in, I need to
hear about what your day was like when you died."

Trump said, "No problem. But you're not going to believe this. I was
on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises.
I had been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to
relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and
accidentally fell over the side!Luckily, I was able to catch myself
by the fingertips on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this
crazyman comes running out of his apartment, starts cussing, and
stomps on my fingers. Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and
bushes at the bottom, which broke my fall, so I didn't die right away.
As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move and in
excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator of all things off
the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me, killing me
instantly."

The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as Trump finishes his story.
"I could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself. "Very well,"
the Angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he
lets Trump enter. A few seconds later, Bill Clinton comes up to the gate.
The Angel is almost too shocked to speak. Thoughts of assassination
and war pour through the Angel's head.

Finally he says "Mr. ... President, please tell me what it was like
the day you died."

Clinton says, "OK, picture this. I'm naked inside a refrigerator

"Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt,
and dance like no one is watching!"
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Old 07-12-2005, 07:34 PM   #2
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Hahahaha i like that one...
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(lost some before that but hadn't dared to weigh myself to see what my starting weight was!)
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