If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic.
Simply pour a jug of boiling water down your throat
and presto! The blockage is instantly removed.
Helpful Hint #2
Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing
vegetables by getting someone else to hold them
while you chop away
Helpful Hint #3
Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms. Just buy
an ordinary one and slip a handful of frozen peas
inside it before you put it on.
Helpful Hint #4
Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish
bowl makes the fishes' eyes bulge and causes them
to swim in an amusing manner.
Helpful Hint #5
An empty aluminum cigar tube filled with angry wasps
makes a wonderful inexpensive vibrator.
Helpful Hint #6
Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the
toilet seat by simply peeing in the sink.
Helpful Hint #7
High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself
and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in
your veins.
Helpful Hint #8
A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock
will prevent you from rolling over and going back to
sleep.
LOL oh gosh those are very funny