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The best divorce letter ever

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Old 03-17-2010, 04:56 AM   #1
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Default The best divorce letter ever

Dear wife,

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been ****. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps.

You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband
P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia
together!
Have a great life!

---

Dear Ex-Husband,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping. Too bad that doesn't work.

I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a right tit!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And when
you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.

About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the 49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed 50 from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million pounds, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.

Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a penny from me. So take care.

Signed,
Your EX-Wife, Rich As ****, Freeeee!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem for you!

Last edited by CurlyWurly : 03-17-2010 at 04:57 AM.
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Old 03-17-2010, 08:02 AM   #2
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Awesome!
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Old 03-17-2010, 04:16 PM   #3
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Awesome!
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Old 03-17-2010, 11:30 PM   #4
I was born this way hey!
 
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HAHAH!!!! That's one good burn!!
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"I'm beautiful in my way. 'Cause God makes no mistakes. I'm on the right track, baby. I was Born This Way"~Lady Gaga <3
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Old 03-19-2010, 04:38 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CurlyWurly View Post

Signed,
Your EX-Wife, Rich As ****, Freeeee!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem for you!
HAHAAA! That's great!
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Old 04-03-2010, 01:24 PM   #6
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Hilarious!!!!
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Old 04-04-2010, 12:51 PM   #7
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Very good ...............lol
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Old 04-04-2010, 12:59 PM   #8
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Too funny!
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Old 05-06-2010, 06:25 AM   #9
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Love it.
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Old 05-06-2010, 03:20 PM   #10
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Hahaha!!!
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Old 05-06-2010, 11:49 PM   #11
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Oh wow. Lol.
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Old 05-10-2010, 08:36 PM   #12
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OMG!! Awseome! Too funny! lol
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Old 05-14-2010, 05:13 AM   #13
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I just had to share this one with... everyone in the office! Good one! Got us all laughing
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Old 05-18-2010, 10:54 PM   #14
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That one was so funny!
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Old 05-18-2010, 11:33 PM   #15
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Genius!
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