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Church Bulletins

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Old 08-02-2009, 08:33 PM   #1
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Default Church Bulletins

Howdy all! I got this in my inbox and thought I'd share.

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services (Summer, 2008 Release).

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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
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Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict..
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say '****' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: 'Break Forth Into Joy.'
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is ****?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan: Last Sunday: ''I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours'
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Old 08-02-2009, 08:36 PM   #2
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OK...Im finally sold on religion.THIS is my kind of church!!!LOL!
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Old 08-02-2009, 08:37 PM   #3
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Old 08-02-2009, 08:37 PM   #4
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thanks for the giggle
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Old 08-02-2009, 08:42 PM   #5
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You're welcome!
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Old 08-02-2009, 09:41 PM   #6
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So funny
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Old 08-04-2009, 02:03 AM   #7
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Default TOOOOOOOOO Funny

Oh gosh those were hysterical Thanks for sharing.
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Old 08-08-2009, 04:31 PM   #8
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De nada!
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Old 08-08-2009, 07:02 PM   #9
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These are hilarious! Thank you for sharing!
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Old 08-08-2009, 07:31 PM   #10
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...made me laugh again.hee hee.
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Old 08-11-2009, 02:33 AM   #11
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Glad to make ya smile or even giggle.
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Old 08-23-2009, 04:13 PM   #12
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I'm going to cut and paste these.
They made me laugh and laugh!
Do you happen to remember where you found them?
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Old 08-23-2009, 04:29 PM   #13
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Someone sent them to me via e-mail. Glad you liked them.
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Old 09-11-2009, 11:50 PM   #14
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OMG thank you for posting this.I really needed a good laugh tonight
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Old 09-12-2009, 12:10 AM   #15
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You're welcome.
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