Church Bulletins
Howdy all! :) I got this in my inbox and thought I'd share. ;)
Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services (Summer, 2008 Release). ---------------------------------------------------------- The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. ---------------------------------------------------------- The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.' ---------------------------------------------------------- Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King. ---------------------------------------------------------- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. ---------------------------------------------------------- The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.. ---------------------------------------------------------- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say '****' to someone who doesn't care much about you. --------------------------------------------------------- Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. --------------------------------------------------------- Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. ---- ---- -------------------------------------------------- For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. -------------------- -------------------------------------- Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. ---------------------------------------------------------- The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: 'Break Forth Into Joy.' --------------------------------------------------------- Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. --------------------------------------------------------- A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. ------------------------------ ----- --------------- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is ****?' Come early and listen to our choir practice. --------------------------------------------------------- Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. --------------------------------------------------------- Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. --------------------------------------------------------- Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. --------------------------------------------------------- The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. ------ ------------------------------------------- Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow. ----------------------------------------------- The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. ---------------------------------------------------------- This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. --------------------------------------------------------- Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done. --------------------------- --------- ------------------- --- The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. -------------------------------- ------------ Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. --------------------------------------------------------- The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. ---------------------------------------------------------- Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. ---------------------------------------------------------- The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan: Last Sunday: ''I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours' |
OK...Im finally sold on religion.THIS is my kind of church!!!LOL!
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:lol:
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thanks for the giggle
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You're welcome! ;)
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So funny :)
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TOOOOOOOOO Funny
Oh gosh those were hysterical Thanks for sharing.
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De nada! ;)
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These are hilarious! Thank you for sharing! :)
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...made me laugh again.hee hee.
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:lol: Glad to make ya smile or even giggle. ;)
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I'm going to cut and paste these.
They made me laugh and laugh! Do you happen to remember where you found them? |
Someone sent them to me via e-mail. Glad you liked them. :)
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OMG thank you for posting this.I really needed a good laugh tonight:)
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You're welcome. ;)
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