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Jasper & the unbaked yeast rolls

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Old 09-26-2008, 07:01 AM   #1
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Talking Jasper & the unbaked yeast rolls

We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in the summer of 2001 from the fox terrier rescue program. For those of you, who are unfamiliar with this type of adoption, imagine taking in a 10-year-old child about whom you know nothing and committing to doing your best to be a good parent.

Like a child, the dog came with his own idiosyncrasies. He will only sleep on the bed, on top of the covers, nuzzled as close to my face as he can get without actually performing a French kiss on me.

Lest you think this is a bad case of 'no discipline,' I should tell you that Perry and I tried every means to break him of this habit including locking him in a separate bedroom for several nights. The new door cost over $200. But I digress...

Five weeks ago we began remodeling our house. Although the cost of the project is downright obnoxious, it was 20 years overdue AND it got me out of cooking Thanksgiving for family, extended family, and a lot of friends that I like more than family most of the time.

I was assigned the task of preparing 124 of my famous yeast dinner rolls for the two Thanksgiving feasts we did attend. I am still cursing the electrician for getting the new oven hooked up so quickly. It was the only appliance in the whole darn house that worked, thus the assignment. I made the decision to cook the rolls on Wed evening to reheat Thurs am. Since the kitchen was freshly painted, you can imagine the odor. Not wanting the rolls to smell like Sherwin Williams #586, I put the rolls on baking sheets and set them in the living room to rise hours.

Perry and I decided to go out to eat, returning in about an hour. The rolls were ready to go in the oven. It was 8:30 PM. When I went to the living room to retrieve the pans, much to my shock one whole pan of 12 rolls was empty. I called out to Jasper and my worst nightmare became a reality. He literally wobbled over to me. He looked like a combination of the Pillsbury dough boy and the Michelin Tire man wrapped up in fur. He groaned when he walked. I swear even his cheeks were bloated. I ran to the phone and called our vet. After a few seconds of uproarious laughter, he told me the dog would probably be OK, however, I needed to give him Pepto Bismol every 2 hours for the rest of the night. God only knows why I thought a dog would like Pepto Bismol any more than my kids did when they were sick. Suffice it to say that by the time we went to bed the dog was black, white and pink. He was so bloated we had to lift him onto the bed for the night.

We arose at 7:30 and as we always do first thing; put the dog out to relieve himself. Well, the dog was as drunk as a sailor on his first leave. He was running into walls, falling flat on his butt, and most of the time when he was walking his front half was going one direction and the other half was either dragging the grass or headed 90 degrees in another direction.

He couldn't lift his leg to pee, so he would just walk and pee at the same time. When he ran down the small incline in our backyard, he couldn't stop himself and nearly ended up running into the fence. His pupils were dilated and he was as dizzy as a loon. I endured another few seconds of laughter from the vet (second call within 12 hours) before he explained that the yeast had fermented in his belly and that he was indeed drunk. He assured me that, not unlike most binges we humans go through, it would wear off after about 4 or 5 hours and to keep giving him Pepto Bismol.

Afraid to leave him by himself in the house, Perry and I loaded him up and took him with us to my sister's house for the first Thanksgiving meal of the day. My sister lives outside of Muskogee on a ranch, (10 to 15 minute drive). Rolls firmly secured in the trunk (124 less 12) and drunk dog leaning from the back seat onto the console of the car between Perry and I, we took off.

Now I know you probably don't believe that dogs burp, but believe me when I say that after eating a tray of risen unbaked yeast rolls, DOGS WILL BURP. These burps were pure Old Charter. They would have matched or beat any smell in a drunk tank at the police station. But that's not the worst of it.

Now he was beginning to fart and they smelled like baked rolls. God strike me dead if I am not telling the truth! We endured this for the entire trip to Karen's, thankful she didn't live any further away than she did. Once Jasper was firmly placed in my sister's garage with the door locked, we finally sat down to enjoy our first Thanksgiving meal of the day. The dog was the topic of conversation all morning long and everyone made trips to the garage to witness my drunken dog, each returning with a tale of Jasper's latest endeavor to walk without running into something.

Of course, as the old adage goes, 'what goes in, must come out' and Jasper was no exception. Granted, if it had been me that had eaten 12 risen, unbaked yeast rolls, you might as well have put a concrete block up my behind, but alas a dog's digestive system is quite different from yours or mine. I discovered this was a mixed blessing when we prepared to leave Karen's house. Having discovered his 'packages' on the garage floor, we loaded him up in the car so we could hose down the floor. This was another naive decision on our part. The blast of water from the hose hit the poop on the floor and the poop on the floor withstood the blast from the hose. It was like Portland cement beginning to set up and cure. We finally tried to remove it with a shovel. I (obviously no one else was going to offer their services) had to get on my hands and knees with a coarse brush to get the remnants off of the floor. And as if this wasn't degrading enough, the darn dog in his drunken state had walked through the poop and left paw prints all over the garage floor that had to be brushed, too.

Well, by this time the dog was sobering up nicely so we took him home and dropped him off before we left for our second Thanksgiving dinner at Perry's sister's house. I am happy to report that as of today (Monday) the dog is back to normal both in size and temperament. He has had a bath and is no longer tricolor. None the worse for wear ... I presume.

I am also happy to report that just this evening I found 2 risen unbaked yeast rolls hidden inside my closet door. It appears he must have come to his senses after eating 10 of them but decided hiding 2 of them for later would not be a bad idea. Now, I'm doing research on the computer as to: 'How to clean unbaked dough from the carpet.'

Now you have a good day, you hear!!!
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Old 09-26-2008, 09:23 AM   #2
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This was the funniest thing I've read in AGES!!! Thanks so much for the laugh this morning!
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Old 09-26-2008, 12:04 PM   #3
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I roared all thru this, so funny. I have a rescue dog , too, and yes, he sleeps with me. I have never caught him drunk, tho!
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Old 09-26-2008, 12:14 PM   #4
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OMG-I have tears in my eyes this was so funny!
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Old 09-30-2008, 10:03 AM   #5
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oh my...your poor dog! lol
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Old 09-30-2008, 11:28 AM   #6
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I'm really lucky that no one shares my office with me...I just laughed for several minutes...I'm sorry for all that you had to do...but that was hysterical (especially the vets reaction)
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Old 10-03-2008, 07:03 PM   #7
2 wheels is plenty :D
 
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I'm in tears. Gotta love dogs.

It also reminds me of the time my dog ate 2 bags of Mars bars. Packaging and all. He even went out to the back yard later to make sure he hadn't missed any..Even tho he looked like he didn't feel so good.

I was madly looking online to see how much chocolate is dangerous to a dog...luky for me Mars bars are mostly coconut. He was fine, but the output from the rear was quite a trip for the next few days.
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Old 10-06-2008, 04:38 PM   #8
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Oh my god what a great story! My dog-overindulgence story is not quite so funny, but about equally gross: years ago I used to make my dog stay in the mudroom when I left her home by herself, and one evening we came home to find the dog throwing up something horrible looking--white and gelatinous. It was too late to call the vet, so I just kept watching her and trying to figure out what the problem was. Finally I happened across the lid to the electric french fry cooker on the floor in the mudroom -- then I found the cooker, which was empty. THEN I remembered I had put it away full of crisco! EWWW She must have eaten at least 2 cups of crisco!

By the way, I don't use that thing anymore...

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Old 10-20-2008, 06:16 PM   #9
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ohhh..LOL
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Old 10-20-2008, 06:32 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiwonk View Post
By the way, I don't use that thing anymore...

Ummm....yeah....prolly better that way...

Hey Shopaholic1204 - did you ever get the carpet cleaned? Sorry for the threadjack.
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Old 10-20-2008, 06:33 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chick_in_the_hat View Post
Ummm....yeah....prolly better that way...

Hey Shopaholic1204 - did you ever get the carpet cleaned? Sorry for the threadjack.
umm..huh?
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Old 10-20-2008, 06:37 PM   #12
2 wheels is plenty :D
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shopaholic1204 View Post
Now, I'm doing research on the computer as to: 'How to clean unbaked dough from the carpet.'
and threadjack refers to me starting this turning into a "disgusting dog stories" thread...well...Jasper still wins for "hilarious story".
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Old 10-20-2008, 09:05 PM   #13
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Reminds me of my friend's dog Hunter.

He was a black lab... and LOVED food.

Well my girlfriend and I were having a sleep over, we bought some snacks (including those spicy hot rods that come in a bag). Well we decided to head out swimming, when we came back, we saw the bag was torn open and every single hot rod was gone. (The empty bag was hidden in her closet)

We blamed it on her little brother LOL

Well at dinnertime, we sat down at the table, and her dog, groaned and started pawing at the door. Let's just say he didn't "make it" in time to get outside, and had to STAY outside for the night

Silly pup. If it's food and left alone without their human's supervision - then apparently it's "fair game".
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Old 10-21-2008, 04:27 PM   #14
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:d I Just Got In Some Activity Points From Laughing So Much. Thanks I Needed That.
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Old 11-06-2008, 01:11 AM   #15
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I came home from class one day and my dog had ripped into a box a mac and cheese. I kept some of my food in my room to avoid roommates eating it all, anyhow I could not for the life of me find the cheese packet thats inside. So I cleaned up all the noodles and took the dog out, his bright yellow poo solved the mystery. He swallowed the entire packet whole!
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