The Childbirth Dump - This is a dump that is simply too big to go through the aperture provided by nature for the purpose. You sit there, thinking over your dilemma. First it hurts, and it isn't going to get any better. You wonder if you'll ever see your loved ones again. You imagine the newspaper headlines screaming "Man dies trying to hatch monster loaf". You realize you'll have to resolve the crisis before you can leave the bathroom. Basically there are only three things you can do:
1. Scream
2. Call an Obstetrician
3. Hope like **** have enough Vaseline to get you through it
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THE MOST FATTENING THING YOU CAN PUT IN AN APPLE PIE IS A SPOON.
The Machine Gun Dump - You're just sitting there in a state of sublime peace when all of a sudden you emit a group of noisy gassy bursts that break the silence like machine gun fire. The guy in the next stall hits the floor like a combat veteran cradling his umbrella like an M16...damn commies.
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THE MOST FATTENING THING YOU CAN PUT IN AN APPLE PIE IS A SPOON.
that was one of the greatest things ever, and like some of you, i can TOTALLY relate to many of them 
Two pounds to onederland; can I make it in a week...this little guy says yes!
Too funny!
