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You want children?

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Old 01-13-2008, 11:36 PM   #1
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Talking You want children?

Are You Ready for Children?

Mess Test: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flowerbed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

Toy Test: Obtain a 55-gallon box of Lego's. (If Lego's are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream. (This could wake a child at night.)

Grocery Store Test: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

Dressing Test: Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.

Feeding Test: Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

Night Test: Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 - 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

Physical Test (Women): Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans.

Physical Test (Men): Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

Final Assignment: Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.
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Old 01-13-2008, 11:45 PM   #2
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too funny
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Old 01-14-2008, 01:17 AM   #3
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I think all couples that have decided they are ready for children. Should take someones children for a month. You don't know what it is like to have children, until they live in your house 24/7 and you have to deal with them lol.
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Old 01-14-2008, 02:03 AM   #4
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You forgot the Noise Test! Or maybe it's just my kids that bring new meaning to the word "decibel"?

That is a really funny list!

Kara
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Old 01-14-2008, 05:26 PM   #5
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First of all children usually only come one at a time and when you first look into the face of that BEAUTIFUL baby you are hooked. The rest is just part of the plan.
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Old 01-14-2008, 06:58 PM   #6
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for the record ladies, I have 2 living children and yes they are worth it (sometimes) LOLOLOL j/k
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Old 01-15-2008, 04:29 AM   #7
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ahh thats not even half the fun kids get up to you fogot get and incontent old pet and have them stay for a few days ... your carpet will never be the same.. lol.. then the bag of rocks in the bath trick... lmao...

Nah kids are grea my tow are 7 year old boy and 3 year old girl they are great... but the mess..... i have taught them to "tidy up" but its still not tidy.. i gave up my tiday hous just after my son was born lol.
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