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Summary Of The Year 2007 On My Computer

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Old 01-09-2008, 12:38 PM   #1
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Default Summary Of The Year 2007 On My Computer

SUMMARY OF MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St.Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers get answered ONLY if I make a wish within five minutes and forward your email to seventeen of my friends within the hour. And if I don't, a fate worse than death will happen to me. (I'm pinching myself to make sure that I'm alive).

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the micro wave because it causes cancer.
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face ... disfiguring me for life.I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a cologne sample and rob me. I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica,Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt. I no longer take long trips. And, thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.


I can no longer drive my car because I'm confused about which gasoline companies I'm supposed to boycott on which days.If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's barber...

Have a wonderful day....Oh, by the way.....A South American scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
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Old 01-10-2008, 03:11 PM   #2
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Funny...(what's really funny is that I was resting my head on my hand while reading it....hmmm I hope that study's true )
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Old 01-10-2008, 07:21 PM   #3
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What, you haven't yet gotten the jackpot from the Super Euro Lottery (or was it the $7 million in gold Idi Amin's widow was trying to get out of Sierra Leone)?
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Old 01-20-2008, 04:26 PM   #4
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Ha Ha that made me laugh! Thanks for the giggle!
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Old 01-20-2008, 05:29 PM   #5
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Old 01-27-2008, 09:56 PM   #6
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Lol... Aww... how we all love those fowarding messages!
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Sept. Weightloss Challange:

SW:177.6
CW:173.2
GW:165

Sept. Exercise Challange: 603/500 minutes- MET 9/22

Seeing Myself in the Mirror is Scary! Halloween Challenge!

SW: 172.6
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Old 02-06-2008, 07:18 PM   #7
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hehehe and my hand was on the mouse the whole time. Now I know what's wrong with me! LOL
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