1.If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2.If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.
3.When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do.
4.Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
5.If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
6.Movie related foods (Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.
7.Cookie pieces contain no fat-- the process of breaking causes fat leakage.
8.Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae.
9.Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white chocolate. NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.
10.Foods that are frozen have no calories because calories are units of heat. Examples are ice cream, frozen pies, and Popsicles.
11. Foods eaten while watching a major event on television do not count. Major events include: Superbowl, Hockey Finals, Indy 500, Jerry Springer show.
12. Powerbars and other type energy bars make you thinner. In all my years of exercising (at least three times a year) I have only seen thin people eating energy bars. Ergo (therefore) they must make you thin.
13. Snickers is the same as an energy bar (see #12)
14. Tasting other people's food does not add to your calorie count.
15. Containers of food that list the number of servings as greater one are lying. Every container includes one serving. Half gallon of ice cream, box of cereal, bottle of soda, bag of chips are all one serving.
16. Splitting an appetizer or dessert is the equivalent of licking a knife or spoon. You're barely having any, and you KNOW your dining companion ate way more than half!
When I was in high school, I worked in a bakery. My boss, the baker, was an older German-Polish guy, who had been given most of his recipes by family or by the previous owner before his retirement. They were OLD recipes... so my boss' joke was that his food didn't have calories because the recipes were around before calories were invented.
Proven ways to cheat on your diet!
