Beck Diet For Life/Solution – December 2009 – Support, Discussion, Buddy/Coach

[gardenerjoy]

Just a quick check in!

WI: -0.1kg , Exercise: +65, 715/1300 minutes for December, Food: op, Read my Advantages and Responses: no

[BillBlueEyes]

Diet Coaches/Buddies - Walked everywhere I went yesterday - CREDIT moi - since the cars were snowed in. Spent at least four hours of spontaneous exercise shoveling out from under; CREDIT moi again. It does bring out the neighbors to chat like no other time, which makes it fun.

Had a can of sardines for lunch. With all that shoveling my body seemed to call for protein (or perhaps Omega-3's). Was the less expensive kind that comes 3 to a can packed the long way, single layer. My favorite, and the most expensive, are cross-packed in two layers. I experiment with different brands/styles for variety even though I eat them only a few times a year. As kids, eating sardines meant mixing them with mayonnaise like tuna-fish salad. Haven't tried that since childhood since it no longer appeals to me. I like the taste of fish.


FutureFitChick - LOL that spontaneous exercise was chasing a house full of four year old boys; your scale should reflect that, as might your muscles. So much energy at that age. Pondered your thought about being self-conscious eating FREE samples as an over-weight and couldn't remember any large people taking samples; then I had the odd realization that my favorite supermarket, with the area's lowest prices, has large people and NO (as in NEVER) samples while Whole Foods and Trader Joe's seems to never have large people shopping there. Hadn't noticed that before; it seem odd. Wonder if it's really so or whether my memory is tilted because the supermarket has narrow aisles where it's not possible to ignore size.

Margaret (Nuxmaga) - Had to goggle "Nanaimo bars" but then remembered I've heard of them before; glad they're not in my life since they look like an easy-to-overeat treat. Can understand having fond childhood memories of them. Kudos for restraining yourself from nibbling the broken pieces - that would be difficult for me.

Joy (gardenerjoy) - Waving back; see that you remain on track with your exercise goal for the month.

Shepherdess - Congratulations for having so much self-confidence that you're not dreading your MIL's arrival to a less-than-pristine house. And congratulations to her for being so laid-back. Great phrase, "Pepto-Bismol pink" - it sure conveys the notion to me, LOL. Sending DH to the store certainly avoids the FREE samples; interesting that that solution doesn't appeal to me - I might want to ponder why.

CeeJay - Kudos for "just moving ahead" - that's clearly the way forward albeit hard to remember when life doesn't feel rosy. I remember one Christmas when I was uber busy at work and just couldn't get into it; DW got a stack of IOU's but was a good sport about it. And Kudos for continuing to make plans.

Readers -

day 13
Overcome Cravings

Anti-Craving Strategies - Mindset Techniques
You can take a number of steps to respond to your next craving. The first five steps help you prepare your mindset, and you should use the following every time you have a craving:
. . .
2. Stand firm. - Tell yourself that you're absolutely not going to eat the food that you're craving. Remind yourself that you absolutely don't want to strengthen your giving-in muscle and weaken your resistance muscle. Ask yourself whether giving in to this craving will be worth the momentary pleasure you'll get from eating. Think about how giving in can undermine your confidence.
. . .

The Beck Diet Solution, pg 130.

[Shepherdess]

DH gave me a bit of a break yesterday. He picked his mom up from the airport and I sent him with a shopping list so I could stay home and try to get some things in order and get a start on holiday cooking. Plus it gave dh and his mom some time together. It’s great having my MIL here. It feels like old times. When dh and I first moved in together, she was our closest family. We spent a lot of time together and she and I became quite close so it’s great to be around her again. She’s also being a huge help to me today and running some errands for me. I’d be feeling guilty, but it also gives her the freedom to do some things that she wanted to do without being on my schedule. I’m so relieved because I will actually have some time to get some work done today. Having a bit of relief has made sticking to my plan so much easier and I was even able to squeeze in a quick weight workout last night.

Ceejay, well you may be having ups and downs, but it sounds like the general trend is up, so congrats for that. I don’t think you are whining; you’re just expressing what many of us are feeling. I was already getting nervous about the upcoming holidays when I started Beck at the beginning of October. I am cutting myself a bit of slack. I was planning on starting the next phase of the program last week, but I decided to wait until after the holidays. Right now I’m just going to focus on maintaining the skills I have developed and wait to add anything new until after Christmas.

FutureFitChick, good job handling the birthday party. It sounds like it was a good strategy and you got some good exercise as a bonus. Good luck getting everything done, with both school and Christmas. I always find that eating becomes more difficult when things get a bit hectic, so I’m sending you supportive thoughts.

Nuxmaga, yay for leaving some chocolate chip pancakes on your plate again! Sounds like you’re making this a habit. And yay for less nibbling while baking. Yikes for the foot of snow, but kudos for getting so many steps in spite of bad weather.

Gardenerjoy, kudos for getting your meeting your exercise goal (and then some for the day).

BillBE, great job using bad weather to get some exercise, and for having a good time while doing it! Yay for omega 3s. Dh and MIL were reminiscing last night about trail food—sardines are one of those easy things to pack and eat on the back of a horse while on the trail.

[bennyhannahmama]

Coaches/Buddies: Really struggling with binging and even purging yesterday Not sure what's going on, but I know I don't like it. I really hope tomorrow is a better day. For now, I'm going to sleep.

[midlifecrisis57]

I am really looking forward to visiting this site! What a joy and satisfaction of a hunger to connect and experience compassion and intelligence! Thank you thank you thank you! It is also satisfying not only Beck Day 6 Coaching, but also Beck Day 8: Scheduling time and energy for this lifestyle change! It takes me about 3 hours to do this process of reading, responding, and writing, so I'm afraid it won't be a daily exercise but certainly I will aim for twice a week!

Gardenerjoy: Thank you for responding about grief, loss, and emotional content coming up for us, and being able to share 'each issue' as it arises here in this forum. It is so nice to be able to find resonance in others during this journey, which always feels like uncharted territory (I don't know what will happen next if I don't eat, I do know what will happen if I do eat). I am sensing that if we put the work into this program, we will get emotional intelligence back, unlike most diet programs that just address will-power.

FuturefitChick: Thanks for your compassion about my move. Actually, I love my new city, and I am thrilled to be leaving suburban blah for urban vitality. And my new home cuts the drive to Canada from 6 hours to 2; is only 2 hours from a Great Lake, and 45 minutes from mountains and their winter sports. So much is to be compensating, and even gained from the move. The loss is in friends and clients and a position at a great institution. I'm sure I'll replace those too, over time, but the particular losses are still heartache to bear at this time.

BlueEyes: Thanks for your mentoring with the Kubler-Ross mention. I am interested in the guilt stage right now, it's deeper than I thought at first, for me, and I haven't been able to bring it up yet. But for the first time, its the stage that seems to be calling my name! Oh boy, this is going to be a bumpy ride, facing guilt. How much do we add to our unspoken guilts with overeating--the hoarding, the 'stealing' or taking more than our share, the hanging around after the party to eat. Oh, the embarrassment on recalling the craziness. Oh, the yearning of grief for not living life to the fullest when we were living it!

Shepardess: Thanks for responding AND for the enjoyment you give with the craft you put into your writing. I loved the "pepto-bismol pink", I know exactly what you mean! I have taken your suggestion about preceding meals with a bit of checking-in with feelings! In fact, I am now scheduling a 15-minute worry session, writing down all my worries as they come up, before my 5 pm Beck inventory of days/advantages card. I am finding it easier to identify a worry rumination outside the 15-minute window and tell it to go away until next session (I'll probably forget it by then!) and look forward to the 'cleansing' of the session. I also find that its easier to be around new people in safe environments when I can ignore/postpone internal voices of worry.

Ceejay: Thank you for responding! That cognitive therapy connection is from father to daughter, right? Aaron T Beck is the "Father of Cognitivie THerapy" and Judith is his daughter and fellow therapist (I would cite University of Penn and Beck Institute websites, but I'm not yet authorized to do that). This is all relatively new therapy, and it is kind of neat to be here among early-adopters outside the institutional setting, and using the concepts to do the most intimate of self-training: how we nuture ourselves. Amazing.

Nuxmaga: Thank you for responding! I agree with your metaphor that feelings unexperienced "get stuck"--exactly--in my gut! I have long been suspicious that I may have often overeaten to try to jump start my digestion system, to get past a sense of constipation. But the truth of it may be that when feelings are stuck in the gut, overeating just compounds the stress, and does nothing to aid the desired/imagined/hoped for motility! I also love that you celebrate Dec 26 with a friend sharing a meal. I was thinking of getting a haircut, but I like the social/nuturing idea. Perhaps I'll do both!

TIll next time, probably after the (dysfunctional family of origin and/or inlaws?) holiday, Remember to Eat in Serenity with your Beckstar Family in Spirit! Best!

[midlifecrisis57]

Bennyhaha: I hear you loud and clearly. I expect you would be going through a mountain range of highs and lows with the recent changes in your life reported here in this support group since I've joined! I have experienced excessive distress and exhaustion lately too, and I have tremendous compassion for you. I have also resorted to old strategies for relief of stress--many times--strategies with side effects that outweigh their benefits. Be gentle and self-forgiving at this time, and get extra help to sort through your feelings if you have any sense of being overwhelmed. Kudos to you for rallying the energy to fess up on line--with such simplicity and directness. Hang in there--check in often and share your feelings and hungers here instead of stuffing them or denying them, and tell us what Beck suggestions help guide you through this difficult stage of your journey because that is a lexicon we can share with you. Namaste.

[BillBlueEyes]

Diet Coaches/Buddies - Dinner was a bit make-shift last night because DW missed her planned trip to get fish. She was bent because she had no green veggies until she "found" a fresh head of broccoli in the crisper. Sigh. Seems so funny that we have my veggies, which I buy in vast quantities for my lunches, and her veggies, which she buys for our dinners. Raiding each others veggies is now part of our relationship, LOL. Whoda' thunk that marriage would reduce to veggie wars.

Gym as planned, CREDIT moi. The crowd is thinning out for the holidays already - kinda nice. It's our reward for living with the January deluge twelve months ago. A party tonight with loads of good foods and the opportunity to eat all night. Gotta make a plan: one plate, mostly veggies, one small dessert (my standard indulgence for extravagant circumstances).


Kim (bennyhannamama) - Sending supporting thoughts for your struggles. Sleep is such a good way to relax.

Shepherdess - Yay for having a MIL that you're close to. And Yay for having a DH who picks up some of the load. Kudos for a quick weight work out even though a bit overwhelmed with stuff to do. Was a bit startled at the thought of sardines as "trail food" since backpacking out a smelly empty sardine can is rather unappealing - until I got to the word horse and realized that I never think of riding on a trail. The White Mountains of New Hampshire are so different from the vastness of Wyoming.

midlifecrisis57 - Interesting to be reminded that over eating begets guilt and, of course, guilt then begets more guilt. I had forgotten the feelings of taking more than my share. Kudos for thinking clearly about scheduling time for this thread.

Readers -

day 13
Overcome Cravings

Anti-Craving Strategies - Mindset Techniques
You can take a number of steps to respond to your next craving. The first five steps help you prepare your mindset, and you should use the following every time you have a craving:
. . .
3. Don't give yourself a choice. - The emotionally painful part about a craving is the struggle you feel. Once you tell yourself with conviction, NO CHOICE, and do something else, the craving will diminish. (You'll read more about this on Day 16 on pages 149-152.) It won't go away, though, if you waver and say to yourself, This is so intense, I don't know if I can stand it! Of course, you can stand it! It might be uncomfortable, but nothing is going to happen if you withstand it. In fact, in a few moments, you're going to be so proud of yourself!
. . .

The Beck Diet Solution, pg 130.

[Shepherdess]

I made a batch of my molasses cookies yesterday and managed not to eat one until after dinner when I planned to have one. That is all of the holiday treats I am making this year. Usually I make my famous caramels and fudge and at least one kind of cookie (usually more). I told dh I was skipping the candy, but would make his favorite cookies. He said he would miss caramels, but seemed happy. This tells me that my holiday candy extravaganza is more about me than about all of the people I am trying to please. The molasses cookies are a good choice to make because they are complicated and time-consuming, which I enjoy for some very odd reason. I am sure that no one is missing my usual sugar-shock gift bags either.

I also got a start on some holiday cooking, just doing some prep work for my contribution to Christmas dinner. I even managed to get in a bit of yoga and did the exercises I skipped yesterday. So yay for getting some exercise.

We are headed to Jackson this AM with dh’s family. I have had a bit of anxiety about this, which is more about me than it is about them. I always get runaway anxiety when spending a lot of time with family, either dh’s or mine. I am giving myself a few escape ideas when I am feeling stress—taking a walk, finding a quiet corner to do some yoga, finding a quiet place to read, etc. So I am offline until after Christmas. Hope everyone has a good and successful Beck Christmas.

Bennyhannamamma, so sorry about the binging and purging struggle. Dieting has another level of complication when you add eating disorder behavior. Is it added stress that is triggering the behavior? Feelings of guilt can also be a trigger? Hope the rest helps and I’m sending supportive thoughts.

Midlifecrisis57, I’m so glad you are finding this cite helpful. I am still new to this, but this support group is one of the biggest differences between all of my last solo efforts. When I check in, I am forced to think through the behavior, and there are a lot of good problem-solvers here. Plus, it just helps sometimes to know you’re not alone.

BillBE, LOL about the veggie wars. I guess that is healthier, both emotionally and physically than, than a lot of other marriage wars. Kudos on getting to the gym this time of year. Yay for thinning holiday crowds. It’s kind of nice to have things quiet. Good luck on yet another holiday party, but I’m sure you’ll be successful.

[maryblu]

As usual, I'm *down with Bill. Shepherdess, I can't imagine that sardines are trail food easy to eat on the back of a horse. Of course, I wouldn't have eaten *anything on the back of my horse; mellow though he was, he was mellow for an *Arabian. Was never *that confident that anyone on the trail *really knew the Heimlich Maneuver.

Faced the scale today. Had an opportunity to do so last week and passed. Don't know what turned the tide today after a big salad bar lunch at Ruby Tuesday's..great salad bar, btw...I cannot believe I am only paying a 2 # penalty for the stoopid behavior of late, but the scale said 134. The problem is, 2 #s of fat is 2 #s of fat, especially since I know exactly where they are..I can see them in my face and feel them in nasty spots on my body. I am grateful for getting through this slip so easily, but am committed to getting down below 130 and *staying there. So, stay tuned, Beckies; this is serious. More dancing! And, unfortunately, I will be having the opportunity to do some of BillBE's exercise of last weekend..we have about a foot of snow forecast for Christmas. If I am stuck here with all the family Christmas food I have prepped, so be it. We will consume it when we can all get together. No one is coming from that far away, and Saturday the 26th is another day.

[AnneWonders]

Almost have it back together. Eating and exercise are decent, but not perfect given the amount of seasonal foods and illnesses around. Should be back in a day or two.

Anne

[Nuxmaga]

Hi All,
A quick check-in. Yesterday someone ran a red light in the glare of the sun and plowed into the back of my husband's car. His car is a Honda Fit and the other driver was in a Ford Explorer going 50 mph so I am very grateful that dh was not injured. He's ok, but the car is a mess, and the insurance process is stressful. I reverted to old coping strategies(which generally suck), and ate sweet stuff until I felt kind of sick. Today, I stayed under my goal though, so credit for that. I am still waiting for my test results, and that is adding another layer of stress.

To those going offline for Christmas, have a joyous holiday!

[gardenerjoy]

Two days of planning and shopping and cooking for a Christmas meal with my brother. I wouldn't have thought it would take so much effort now that we're down to a family of three. But I guess it makes sense -- it's really not that much different to cook for three as six, the biggest our family ever got. Also, I've always had other people contributing a dessert here or a salad there. This time it's mainly me with the help of DH.

I insisted that we have a Christmas meal together even though it's not a particularly festive season. We have always managed at least a small holiday observance every year and I don't want to lose the habit or tradition.

We're going with a Mexican theme -- veggies and dip for an appetizer, chicken enchiladas, a spicy slaw, home-made refritos, rice, and fruit salad for dessert. We're also playing with some alcohol, a fancy tequila with a traditional sangrita chaser with the appetizer and Dos Equis Amber with the main course. The supper is tomorrow night. I think I'll skip my snacks tomorrow so I can be a little more free and easy with supper -- but still focusing on the vegetables and going with small servings of everything else.

WI: -0.3kg , Exercise: +55, 835/1300 minutes for December, Food: op, Read my Advantages and Responses: no

BillBlueEyes: I'm glad you have discovered you like fish, not so much mayonnaise. Having lived in the midwest most of my life, my idea of good fish is channel cat deep-fried by firemen under a street tent and served on white bread slathered with mayo. But, I'm learning. I haven't gone so far as to get myself to eat a sardine, but I'm pretty good about eating salmon.

Shepherdess: Yay, for the molasses cookies and eating them on plan, while foregoing all the other Christmas baking. Hope you have a wonderful trip and find some time for yourself. Walking is my favorite activity while on a visit -- either alone or with others. I find walking is an easier way to spend time with others than sitting around.

bennyhannahmama: sending lots of hugs and warm wishes. This is a tough time of year for someone who has had a lot of tough experiences like you. Be patient with yourself. And, breathe!

midlifecrisis57: love your idea that working this program will give us more emotional intelligence! And, I think you're right about that. I'm starting to think about how I can apply what I've been learning to other intractable situations in my life.

maryblu: looking forward to hearing your dance adventures. Good attitude for snow on Christmas.

wndranne: glad things are coming together.

Nuxmaga: hugs during this stressful time. Kudos for staying under your goal today.

[BillBlueEyes]

Diet Coaches/Buddies - Did well at the party last night - or at least good enough - CREDIT moi. Stuck to one plate, mostly vegetables, even though I was sitting with some young men who made it back for thirds, LOL. My one small dessert was actually one small dessert plate, carefully constructed from parts of stuff. Found that when I broke a cookie to take part of it, the remainder was quickly grabbed by someone else who only wanted a part; hostesses should note this. I even split a you-hafta-try-this muffin among five of us so we each got a bite. I wouldn't lose weight doing this every night but I'll be satisfied if this is my behavior for all parties for the rest of my life - and that's my plan.

For exercise I finished off the snow shoveling, CREDIT moi. And walked to a favorite butcher to get the pork tenderloin for Christmas Eve dinner. It's so much fun walking with a noble goal.


maryblu - Yay for being committed to dancing yourself back to your desired size. Ouch for your impending snow storm - maybe you can invent a dance routine with your snow shovel, LOL.

And, by the by, can you kindly explain the pecking order of Minnesoda football? You wouldn't believe the stuff that's showing up in East Coast newspapers. "Chilly?" Always suspected that an independent streak was a requirement to live out your way, but it seems to have been adopted by an immigrant pretty quickly, LOL.


Anne (wndranne) - "Decent" is a victory in trying times. Hope the illnesses hold off for you to create a Santa experience for your brood.

Margaret (Nuxmaga) - Ouch for your DH being rear ended; those big SUV's are frightening when in a smaller car. Kudos for getting out of your old coping strategies to your new ones. Sending supportive thoughts while waiting for test results.

Joy (gardenerjoy) - A Christmas experience with your brother seems like exactly the thing to do, and the Mexican theme sounds fun. I have had that fried cat fish on white bread; glad it's not readily available around here because the very thought has me drooling.

Shepherdess - Have a great trip to Jackson (for which you've already left). Good show with the molasses cookies in lieu of the candy extravaganza.

Readers -

day 13
Overcome Cravings

Anti-Craving Strategies - Mindset Techniques
You can take a number of steps to respond to your next craving. The first five steps help you prepare your mindset, and you should use the following every time you have a craving:
. . .
4. Imagine the aftermath of giving in. Go ahead and think about eating the food you're craving. Imagine it in your mouth. How many seconds does it take to eat it? How many seconds do you feel pleasure? Now visualize the rest of the picture - the part of the experience you usually don't think about until it's too late. Picture yourself feeling weak and out of control. See yourself feeling upset, giving up, continuing to eat more and more, feeling worse and worse. Do you start to feel heavier in your body or more heavy-hearted? As you become more upset in the image, remind yourself how many times you've given in before, how you promised yourself you wouldn't do it again, and how hopeless you felt.

Now that you've seen the entire picture, which seems better, eating or not eating?
. . .

The Beck Diet Solution, pg 130.

[maryblu]

Re: the "Pecking Order" question on the Vikings, BillBE, all I can say is, we need a stronger rooster. Am thinking of the cartoon with the old rooster and the young one.

I am waiting for the spin to start..that somehow this p*ss*** contest, and I don't mean *passing is related to the need for a new stadium, that somehow a new stadium will resolve the situation. I can't stand it!

[Nuxmaga]

Hello All,
Got my test results, all normal! Yay! That is such a relief. Dh has a rental car, and his poor car was towed to the shop so at least things are underway, and now he has Christmas break. I had lunch with my retired volunteer friend, and though I caved on the french fries and the dressing, I did leave half the bun of my sandwich which is highly unusual for me, credit. This lovely lady brought me two boxes of chocolate inside a reuseable grocery bag emblazoned with "Eat Right" and a picture of Bugs Bunny with a carrot. I suspect the irony of this juxtaposition was lost on her. . .I considered tossing the Whitman's since they aren't really worth the calories to me, but chickened out. The other was a kind I like--ate 3 and only 3, so credit for that. Tomorrow is our traditional Christmas eve dinner--dh makes shrimp and garlic pizza with homemade crust. Then after Church we are invited to a friend's house--that's where the challenge will be, since she always has lots of snacks out. Sticking to one plate would be a good strategy--musn't let the spiked eggnog cloud my judgement. . .