Starting to see the scale inch down again - yay! OP again yesterday and strength workout done for today. Lots of practising done yesterday also, though it never seems like enough somehow, Oh Well.
I have been reading quite a bit online about a concept called Nonviolent Communication. It's about non-coercive ways to get needs met, and looking at people you communicate with (in my case, children!) as human beings who have needs rather than as inferiors/dependents that you want to behave in a certain way. Has anyone had any experience with this? I really think it may make my relationship with my DD easier ... she is very spirited and loves to argue!
kuhljeanie - Hang in there my friend. I'm not an intuitive mystic, but I do think that these times when loads of crap are dumped upon us can be used for learning and transformation ... not that it's easy or fun ... but you will come out the other end. I've been reading a lot of Eckhart Tolle lately ... don't know if that would help you but it might be worth a try.
Robin - I don't blame you one bit for cutting down PC time - it can really interfere with real life. Cool about the website - looking forward to hearing how it goes!
Kim (bennyhannahmama) - Great job avoiding the stress eating on a stressful day!!
Kim in NH - Great job with the bike ride!! Also kudos for the successful experiment with dark chocolate.
ChinaMaine - Glad you had a great weekend. Enjoy your piano lesson!
onebyone - Congrats on the netbook! Fun times. Hope your CE enrollment is large enough! Hope the cleanout of your mom's place isn't too stressful
gardenerjoy - Ouch, I hate going to the grocery store hungry. chewing gum = brilliant idea.
Bill - I think many times the difference between muffins & cupcakes is more one of perception than of reality, LOL. Great job sticking to fruit!
OK time to get DD to school. I didn't yell at her! credit, LOL.
Coaches/Buddies: One thing that I definitely lost track of when I wasn't officially "following" BDS was my licks, tastes and nibbles. It's amazing how many times in the past couple of days (since getting myself back on track), I have caught myself about to take a spoonful of this or that and then stopped because I remembered that I am not doing that anymore and I need to track exactly what I'm putting in my mouth. I bet most of my weight gain over the past few months has been due to those licks, tastes and nibbles! So this has been a huge eye-opener for me.
Yesterday was an extremely difficult day for me emotionally and stress-wise. Just a hectic day at work, then realized it was exactly a year from the day my brother had his surgery (which ultimately led to his death five days later) and it finally hit me that he's really gone. It was good to shed some much needed tears, but still tough.
Went to a meet-the-teacher event for my daughter's 3rd grade class and realized that she's the only child in the class (I think) that has divorced parents. There was a sheet the teacher had typed up with all the kids names and phone numbers and my daughter hand-wrote in on all the sheets her name for a 2nd time with her dad's phone number-- I almost burst out crying right then and there Then more crap from my ex after the school function. I was about ready to explode and I really wanted a cigarette but that is NOT an option, so... I went for a run!!! It's so nice that exercise is once again my go-to habit for when I'm stressed. I didn't realize that using the smoking to calm me actually eliminated my desire to exercise, it's really nice to have it back.
So, that was kind of my day in a nut-shell, thanks for listening to me vent!
So far today:
Weigh in
Checked in here
Read advantages deck
Gave myself credit
Hopefully I'll time for some personals later!
Last edited by bennyhannahmama; 09-10-2009 at 10:03 AM.
Reason: Wrote the wrong day of the week!
so yesterday, i stopped by the cincinnati house to get something out of the basement. recall that this is the basement i dropped $2500 for waterproofing (the last dollars i had in in my equity LOC, to spend, period). imagine my surprise when i discovered it was covered in several inches of rainwater. i called the guy who did the work (he’ll fix it as soon as he can get to it), called my agent, and then learned that some couple had scheduled a third showing for yesterday afternoon and it was too late to cancel so they wouldn’t have to see a lake in the basement of a house they were thinking of buying (i use the past tense on purpose.) this was when i finally lost it. whatever i’m being punished for, i’m sorry. i try to be a good mom and wife, and a good friend, and i pay my taxes and eat my veggies and try to keep the house reasonably clean. i work hard at my job even though i’m reasonably sure they’ll drop me as soon as they determine that it’ll be too hard to get me on a billable assignment again. i had even saved a bunch of money for retirement like i was supposed to. good thing i did…i may need it to pay my mortgage before long.
all i want to do is be able to go somewhere i can cry without calling too much attention to myself, but i’m sitting in a cube farm on the corner where everyone walks past me when they go to the cafeteria. no one here knows i miscarried – can’t even imagine how that would affect my future prospects here.
the one thing keeping me from saying that it couldn’t get any worse, is that i know that it could. DH and el nino are both healthy, and DH still has a job. the car is working. i can’t think of much else right now but those are good things, right?
maybe eckhardt tolle has some ideas for me…
thanks guys, again. i’m glad i have you all!!! i hate whining and sounding like i sound. my keeping things in perspective and looking on the bright side muscle is completely fatigued. i'm tired of all this. and oh yeah, i'm up 4 lbs. don't have the heart to change my sig.
Last edited by kuhljeanie; 09-10-2009 at 09:58 AM.
It was my first full day back to work. Work was uneventful, except that my new project seems to be quite disorganized. I’ve scheduled several meetings with my PM to discuss timeline and what my role/activities will be over the next month or so. He’s accepted the meeting several times, but never showed up. I sit on the phone for 10 – 15 minutes in the vain hope he’ll ever show up and tell me what he expects from me. Grrrr…
Food has been great today. I’m on plan for calories, etc. When I had my yearly physical yesterday, my doc told me about a new bakery in the area that is entirely gluten free. I went and skipped the fresh baked goods – just calories I don’t need. But I haven’t had ravioli since I was diagnosed with celiac and she sold a cheese ravioli. I bought 2 bags and we had one tonight. DH made a delicious marinara to go over the ravioli. It was a real treat to have ravioli again. She usually has spinach ravioli too, so I’ll get that next time!
Exercise was good too. I did the upper body workout for the second time this week, with no tiredness at all. I’m only using 3 lb weights for now. (I had been using 5 lbs weights in the 15 minute workout.) Next week I’ll add in the elliptical 4 times a week and see how that goes. Hopefully I’ll be back to my old routine in the very near future.
WI-down .9 lbs. Made a plan, read my cards. Food – op, Exercise – op (47m).
My piano lesson was fun today too. I was learning to play lead sheets (like a guitarist would) - playing the same tune with 'regular' chords and broken ones. Really interesting. and for my next lesson I'm learning a cool Spanish tune. It's a nice way to take my mind off of crazy project-land...
Icky tummy day today -- very unusual for me. I ate off plan and cautiously.
That proved to be a little bit of problem late in the day when I was feeling better. I had a reasonable snack because I was hungry, but had to leave the kitchen in order not to just keep eating -- it's much easier when I'm following a plan. If it weren't obvious before, days when I don't feel quite my perky self are the hardest to stay in control of my eating.
As a low energy project, I turned my Advantage and Response Cards into scrapbook pages. Index cards seem kind of fiddly to me, so I'm going to see if a notebook to flip through in the morning works better.
Credit for doing yoga on a sick day to continue my exercise habit.
WI: +0.05kgs, Exercise: +30, 456/1200 minutes for September, Food: off plan
BillBlueEyes: good job with fruit instead of cupcake/muffins.
onebyone: oh, you hadn't mentioned the jacuzzi! That sounds great for after a day of sorting and moving stuff. I had the major responsibility of emptying my mother's house after she died. It is emotional! I don't know if you'll have this option, but there were certain things that were really hard to deal with at that time, so I just boxed them up. I still have some of those boxes 4 years later! I'm finding that when I go into those boxes now, they are much easier to deal with than expected. Time heals and all that.
eusebius: yay for op and strength training! I'm glad you are working on ways to deal positively with your spirited daughter. Spirited girls are great! But I never had to parent one and I can see that it would be very trying at times.
bennyhannahmama: hugs as you work through the anniversary issues. Good for you for making exercise your go-to habit. That will work!
kuhljeanie: I don't think it's called whining when it's about a whole lot of crappy stuff coming at you at one time. Plus, if there's any place you should feel free to whine, it's here. Hugs and warm thoughts.
ChinaMaine: yay for on plan food and getting back in the swing of your exercise. I'm doing 10 minutes of arms once a week with 1 pound weights! I'm such a wimp. But they're cute! and pink!
Buddies/Coaches; Did well with food today. Did a new 30min boot camp type DVD which was challenging for me…I don’t think I am pushing myself hard enough so this one was good for that.
Spent some time today helping my son’s 4th grade teacher set up math activities. She was so appreciative I offered to go in more regularly to help over the school year. It was a nice break in my day and got me out of the kitchen for the afternoon. Our tiny little elementary school will likely close if the population keeps dropping. It went from 5 classes (K-5) to 3 multi-age classes (K/1,2/3, 3/4) in two years.
Kuhljeanie; I don’t know what I would do if everything crashed down on me at once – I probably wouldn’t see any bright side either. I wish I had some encouraging words for you, I hope talking/writing about it helps. Seems unfair to not have a kindred soul at work – hope that you have a better evening at home.
Bennyhannahmama; I agree those little mouthfuls add up and are not part of mindful or sit down eating – great that you’re able to catch that each time. I have to work on that too. Sorry you had a few sad moments yesterday. It sounds like your daughter is a confident little girl if she wrote in the “missing “ info. I can see how that might hit you though.
Eusebius; great that the scale is moving down for you. I am not familiar with that behavior concept, but if it looks like it might work for you than it might be worth a try. Interesting how kids respond to different techniques...or none at all. My oldest was very difficult from age 2-5, got kicked out of preschool on day 2 (yeah we laugh about it now, but I cried for days back then!!) I read a lot of parenting books but we basically fumbled our way through…and with some special ed help and time to grow and learn he did fine. (He is straight A’s now and has a great attitude and outlook) Kids are such little bundles of mystery – by the time you figure a behavior out they shed it and move on to something else.
BillBlueEyes; Love the “food pusher” image. Interesting blurred line between cupcakes and muffins. Glad the fruit guy simplified the moment for you!!
Gardenerjoy; Hope the stomach thing is just one day, and yeah the low energy snack drive is a tough one to fight.
ChinaMaine; Great for the new bakery find! How frustrating for someone to think your time is okay to be wasted waiting…
Hi All,
A quick check in. Tracked food, credit. Walked 4500+ steps, credit. Did not take bad cookies at work picnic today, yay. Strange eating day with a lot of stress, and eating junk. I'm thinking eating in the car, though technically sitting down, isn't what Beck has in mind. I was eating in the car this morning, and usually it's a sign that I am feeling anxious, and wolfing down snacky things. Sigh.
Well, off to bed.
Diet Coaches/Buddies - At work the few uneaten homemade muffins showed up at a follow up meeting. Ignoring them was easy; I just thought of them as kindergarten cupcakes, LOL. CREDIT moi.
Worked late but made it to the gym anyway; CREDIT moi. I like my time slot at the gym; the same people are there and the same equipment is available. I hadn't realized before that we were working out as a group since we exchange not a word.
Jean (kuhljeanie) - Ouch that it continues to fell like it's stacking up. Wish I could lend you my spare sump pump for the Cincinnati house. We can still get water in our basement when the ground is frozen and a huge rain comes. We've just arranged for a quick exit to prevent the several inches that would love to live there.
Kudos for reminding yourself that you've got your DH and El Nino in your life. As well as your brains, high energy, and can do attitude. Sending you supportive thoughts while it feels that you're digging from so deep.
onebyone - Keen insight, "I've had emotions. I'll live." Reminds me of Beck's Hunger is not an emergency. Hope the cleanup of your mother's house went well and was rewarded with a swim.
Robin (RobinW) - Kudos for avoiding unplanned food and Kudos for checking in.
Anne (wndranne) - Waving toward the whirlwind of busy. Hope you can find time for yourself.
ChinaMaine - Yay for a doctor who prescribes a new bakery instead of a tongue wagging to avoid food. Neat that you've found good ravioli and can avoid the sweets. Looking forward to hearing when you decide to bring the piano to the new dock to play Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata over the lake.
Margaret (Nuxmaga) - I think you're right that eating in the car isn't like sitting down. Wonder why Beck didn't stress that in her book. Kudos for avoiding the bad cookies at work.
Erika (eusebius) - Yay for a spirited daughter; Ouch for an argumentative one. Neat idea to pursue Nonviolent Communication. I've found NVC useful in my life for helping me step out of the intensity of a conversation to hear what the other person is saying - including what's behind the words. It works wonders when two people are trying to do it together, but is helpful alone. Great idea for dealing with the emotions triggered by your DD.
Kim (bennyhannamama) - Sending supportive thoughts for feeling the loss of your brother and for feeling the impact of your divorce on your DD. Yay for a kid with the fortitude to write in her dad's phone number on every sheet - that's a kid who knows how to deal with life.
Kudos for working the licks, tastes, and nibbles. When I do that the calories don't bother me as much as the attitude that I'm always grubbing for food. It's still hard for me not to lick the spoon I use to serve my lunch to take to work.
Joy (gardenerjoy) - Ouch for the icky tummy but Double Ouch that it threw you off plan. Good reminder for me that my routine is part of staying the course. Kudos for getting your Advantage Response Cards into the scrapbook format that's more natural for you. (Mine are a page in the Excel spreadsheet where I track my scale readings.)
Kim (Kim in NH) - Yay for helping out with your DS's math class - that sounds fun to me since I think of ten year olds as pretty neat kids. Kudos for pushing yourself with the exercise.
Readers -
Quote:
Get Ready: Lay the Groundwork
The time you put into getting ready will help you to: . . .
• Solve problems that have caused you to go off diets in the past. . . .
Quick flyby this morning, to all my Coaches!!
I ate too much last night - a mini-binge triggered by exhaustion. I got through the whole day without yelling at DD which was awesome, and NVC really works, but it threw me for a loop and I got hooked by feeling exhausted. Oh Well ... I definitely see what happened and can learn from it.
kuhljeanie - more please know that endless empathy and supportive thoughts are coming from this group!! Bloody sewage systems. I hope everything lets up for you soon. I wish I could send you all a prepaid vacation to Hawaii or something.
I'll be in and out this weekend - really looking forward to a Shambhala training workshop in Toronto starting tonight and going all day Saturday. Have a great day!
cheers
Erika
Coaches/Buddies: It's amazing how being back on track for just a few days has changed how I feel about myself. My stomach has deflated significantly , the scale continues to drop (I'm not going to report my change until I've seen the same # for a couple of days) and I feel in control of my life again. I felt all the hard work (physically, emotionally, mentally) that I had done over almost the past year was slipping right through my fingers- that was scary! I reverted back to how I had felt for the years and years before. But now, I remember what it felt like to feel good about myself, in control and comfortable with my body- this is how I want to live!
I'm off to NY today, will be starting the 9.5 hour drive when my daughter gets out of school at 3pm. Hope to check in over the weekend.
Of course, all the families and friends effected by 9-11 will be in my thoughts today; especially my friend Jodie who lost her husband Brian that day.
RobinW: Good to see another familiar name here and now a face to go with the name! Hope all is well in Buffalo
Kim in NH: Your bike ride and stopping to read the book sound wonderful! Eating mindfully is definitely one that I struggle with, but boy does it make a difference. Hey, you get full credit on the chocolate, you chose to only take 1/3 with you, you easily could have taken the whole bar!
gardnerjoy: Oh totally been there on going for shopping hungry, that is TOUGH! Glad you had the gum in your mouth and that's a great reminder to me how helpful that is. It's so much more difficult to just unconsciously pop food into your mouth when you've got gum in there, you need to stop and think about it! Gum has also been my friend with quitting smoking. Hey, BillBlueEyes I'm thinking gum would be a big help for Sam's Club or Costco samples
BillBlueEyes: Wow, what a victory for you, fruit vs. muffins (or cupcakes)! Perhaps you should make sure to bring fruit to every meeting just in case someone else doesn't pull through
Okay, I need to stop there for now, hopefully some more personals later while I'm taking a break from packing for NY
Buddies/Coaches;
Slipped a bit last night with an unplanned granola bar (a healthy one, but it was not on my agenda and boosted my calories over), then after my planned evening snack of hummus and crackers I had some Chex mix (not on plan, ever) It was just a single serving, but still unplanned. So, even though I am not at the 'Oh well' page in the book, that is what I am thinking. I know that there is a reason why she has you wait 2 weeks to start dieting and I don't have all the skills in place...even when I do there will be those days otherwise I wouldn't need to be here
Did very well today with food. Skipped breakfast (really wasn't hungry - not something I do often, but was aware that I might be thinking of the day before) Had an early lunch of soup, then for dinner the crew had roast beef sandwiches and I had a veggie sandwich with homemade pesto and corn on the cob. No exercise today.
Well, I'm making this quick tonight...hope everyone had a great day.
I'm off to the market in the morning to sell my wares. I do believe this is my last market day spent with my buddy. I've made some decisions and I've decided not to rely on him for transportation so that means I am going to different markets. I am letting him go *sigh*
Credit for one step on the scale and a weight of 272.8 good for having not one but TWO pizza dinners yesterday. Egad. One at my mother's place during moving things up and out from the basement into the dumpster, and then DH brought home dinner for us: pizza and wings. I scarfed it down. Today was a stress-release trip to the casino with my mom and my sister where we lost $ miserably and predictably and enjoyed buffet fare. All I thought when looking athe buffet food was "Oh that's fat with salt and goop-starch I guess-with some more salt and some fat on it". That Ending Overeating book is seeping into my food outlook inspite of myself. Wow. I was fine with one plate of "food" (let's put it that way ) and with one plate of three desserts. Not so great with that but compared to other times, and given the stress of the day (another cleanup day focusing on the kitchen this time with my mother's constant negative chatter about being "thrown away" and wanting my brother to "make her wings so she can fly away" - I want some too.) I am not down on myself at all. I got home too late for the swimming yesterday and today. I think my plans for mself are on hold for the next week too. My sister is extending her stay to get the house completely done and thats about another week but that's all it is. EVERYONE is worn out in everyway that counts. We need this OVER. From my point of view the worst of it is my mother is there as we sort and throw out her things. To me this is torturous. My brother says that's just me, others may feel comforted to see where it's going, that it is being looked after etc. perhaps. I feel like we could spoare my mother this part of it. Have her choose what she wants, move her into her place (we have the keys) and let's get her settled while my sister is here. I have no support though so it ain't happening, instead she will mill about and fret and go over and over the sore points constantly, pacing from room to room in a nervous manner all day long.
Oh Well. It is what it is. I am just physically tired and surprinsingly emotionally detached. I never fall apart until after it's all over so my day with that will come - again. I've already had a bit of that. It's all just really heavy.
The tummy thing seemed to be the 24-hour variety -- much improved now and back on plan. Thanks for the healing thoughts, everyone!
WI: -0.35kgs, Exercise: +42, 498/1200 minutes for September, Food: op
Read my Advantages and Responses: yes
Kim in NH: Glad you found a DVD that challenged you and a good activity at the school. Good job on recognizing last night's slip us and with getting back on plan.
RobinW: good job on both making a food plan and following it.
Nuxmaga: Yay for the walking and rejected cookies. I had to make a "no eating in the car" rule to rid myself of my worst junk eating episodes.
BillBlueEyes: yay for reframing muffins to cupcakes, making them easy to resist. I like the idea of putting the advantages and responses on my weight loss Excel sheet. I definitely look at that every day. I may do that, too. Can't have that stuff in too many places.
eusebius: sorry that exhaustion threw you off but good for you for recognizing what happened. Glad that NVC is working with your daughter.
bennyhannahmama: Sounds like you've had a real insight about how to feel good about yourself. Thanks for sharing it. Very helpful to me.
onebyone: Having your mother there sounds torturous to me, too. Your attitude seems healthy: "Oh Well. It is what it is." Sorry you haven't made it to the pool yet. Sending you warm and comforting energies for this difficult time.
kuhljeanie: warm and comforting energies going your way, too.
Diet Coaches/Buddies - Drat! At dinner I had the opportunity to stop eating and leave some rice on my plate, but I didn't. Oh Well. DW served me the same size plate as she was having but I realized that I was satisfied before I was finished. As a stretch, CREDIT moi for at least recognizing the situation. Seems that my finish-your-plate neurons are wired tight.
Went out for a walk despite the threatening rain; CREDIT moi. When I first started I never missed a walk - I own rain gear - but I've gotten a bit lazy of late so I'm pleased to have confronted that one. The increasing threat kept me hustling enough to work up a sweat despite the chill. The rain came about a minute after reaching home.
onebyone - Congrats for making your business decision to switch markets rather than remain hostage to an uncertain ride. For me, failure to make decisions has been more damaging than making wrong ones.
Clearing your mother's stuff while she's there does seem like it's harder on her than necessary. I like your idea of getting her settled in a new place with a few cherished items and not having to see the old stuff disposed. Sending supportive thoughts for another week of this. You're being a good daughter.
Erika (eusebius) - Kudos for using NVC stuff to avoid confrontation with your DD; I know the theory that when she finds it isn't getting a rise out of you she'll stop, but that's a theory that my own kids didn't seem to know about, LOL. Have a relaxing Shambhala weekend.
Kim (bennyhannamama) - Yay for feeling comfortable in your body; good feeling, that. Hope your long drive to NY went OK. Thanks for the tip to use that gum idea on Costco samples. Think I'll try that next time since I haven't been able (or willing) to concur them otherwise.
Joy (gardenerjoy) - Yay for a tummy thing ending in 24 hours. I've got such a thing about swine flu that I being to worry with a sneeze, LOL.
Kim (Kim in NH) - Yep, "those days" seem to occur; Kudos for keeping it to a bounded set of events and not as the beginning of a fall. That idea also come later in the book from where you're reading but you've got it already. Kudos for substituting the veggie sandwich for the roast beef.
Readers -
Quote:
Get Ready: Lay the Groundwork
The time you put into getting ready will help you to: . . .
• Feel more confident about your ability to follow your diet consistently, even when the going gets tough. . . .
Hang in there my friend. I'm not an intuitive mystic, but I do think that these times when loads of crap are dumped upon us can be used for learning and transformation ... not that it's easy or fun ... but you will come out the other end. I've been reading a lot of Eckhart Tolle lately ... don't know if that would help you but it might be worth a try.
Glad you had a great weekend. Enjoy your piano lesson! 
Then more crap from my ex after the school function. I was about ready to explode and I really wanted a cigarette but that is NOT an option, so... I went for a run!!! It's so nice that exercise is once again my go-to habit for when I'm stressed. I didn't realize that using the smoking to calm me actually eliminated my desire to exercise, it's really nice to have it back. 
WI-down .9 lbs. Made a plan, read my cards. Food – op, Exercise – op (47m). 
Friday
, the scale continues to drop (I'm not going to report my change until I've seen the same # for a couple of days) and I feel in control of my life again. I felt all the hard work (physically, emotionally, mentally) that I had done over almost the past year was slipping right through my fingers- that was scary! I reverted back to how I had felt for the years and years before. But now, I remember what it felt like to feel good about myself, in control and comfortable with my body- this is how I want to live! 
) and with one plate of three desserts. Not so great with that but compared to other times, and given the stress of the day (another cleanup day focusing on the kitchen this time with my mother's constant negative chatter about being "thrown away" and wanting my brother to "make her wings so she can fly away" - I want some too.) I am not down on myself at all. I got home too late for the swimming yesterday and today. I think my plans for mself are on hold for the next week too. My sister is extending her stay to get the house completely done and thats about another week but that's all it is. EVERYONE is worn out in everyway that counts. We need this OVER. From my point of view the worst of it is my mother is there as we sort and throw out her things. To me this is torturous. My brother says that's just me, others may feel comforted to see where it's going, that it is being looked after etc. perhaps. I feel like we could spoare my mother this part of it. Have her choose what she wants, move her into her place (we have the keys) and let's get her settled while my sister is here. I have no support though so it ain't happening, instead she will mill about and fret and go over and over the sore points constantly, pacing from room to room in a nervous manner all day long. 