Hey Everone. Not much new to report here. Just checking in. It's Thursday and it's payday so it's a good day for me!!
My eating has been pretty much off plan but I'm really trying to watch portion sizes and times when I feel most munchie and hungry and adapt to that. We'll see how that shows up on the scales. I'm making a real effort to only weigh every couple of weeks and so far so good. Hopefully I can make it to Monday for my next wi.
I'll try to get back later to do personals and chat a little more. Until then - have a great day everyone.
Work has been so busy! And FH has been busy with work, we have had like NO time together. Then on top of all that I am having a lot of concerns about my future step son and being the step parent I can't exactly just take control and do what I think should be done! Seeing as many of you are kick *** moms maybe you have some advice?
First off, he is a good kid, he would give any other kid the shirt off his back and just wants to be everyone's friend. problem is, they don't all feel the same way about him...he is bigger than them all (5'5 at 10 years old) and quite awkward. He gets bullied some and of course his Dad's solution is "you're bigger, hit them back" but he's just NOT that kind of kid. On top of that I think his Mom and Stepdad are pretty big on yelling to punish rather than taking the time to actually talk to him. Actually FH is a bit of a yeller too when frustrated, but I rarely yell.
Anyway, he has been having complete meltdowns when someone gets upset with him, crying uncontrollably, saying that his life is horrible and no one wants him around, he wishes he had never been born. Now I know lots of kids say these things when upset at times but it still breaks my heart. It seems to me that when he gets upset he does not know how to express his emotions appropriately, and even if he tries, I'm not sure anyone really listens to him. It's not really my place to tell his parents how to parent but on the other hand I really think he should see a counsellor...someone who can help him learn how to cope with these frustrating situations...I've spent a lot of time talking to him about it but I'm not a professional by any means. Am I being overly paranoid? Does this all sound normal? I cringe when FH yells at him, but then again I grew up with very passive parents who never yelled so maybe it's not that bad? I can just seeing this being an issue when Fh and I have kids and differ on our parenting styles.
Anyway, I probably should have started a new thread for this but whatever lol. It just started coming out.
Kristin- I think you have reason to be concerned. Everyones parenting styles are different but it is important for you to recoginze your FH's syle early on. One thing you need to consider is his age and size he is more than likely showing early signs of puberty. When all those emotions hit even boys become emotional. Right now he is still alittle boy who is trapped in a mans body. It is normal for him to have issues with fitting in, and probably not knowing how to handle his size. Talking to him is the best thing you can do. I would absolutely talk to his Dad and try to encourage him to talk to his son (without yelling) about changes that are happening in his life. When you are a step-parent it is hard to assert yourself appropriately in his life as he has 2 active parents already participating in his upbringing. Let him know you are there for him, I am sure there are counselors at school he can also confide it. Violence is never the answer and encouraging him to hit back is not the best advice, but I do understand your hesitation in discussing this with his Dad as you don't want to overstep. Things are different when they are your own. I try not to yell, however I do yell some and the older the louder you have to talk to get your point across whether it is out of anger or for emphasis. Let him know you are there for him and love him and that no matter what he can confide in you and that may make a huge difference in his life.
Bullies will always be there and issues with acceptance only get worse in high school. Knowing someone other than a parent is around is always a positive. Try to explain to him that not everyone will always like him and that is ok. People are different and no matter what we do we can not just all get along.
Giving the shirt off your back-- a wonderful quality just watch for everyone taking advantage of him. As sad as the reality is nice guys usually finish last especially at 10.
Thanks for the advice I feel better now as Fh and the ex had a good talk today and are planning ways to help...even therapy if that's what he needs...we'll start with his family doctor and go from there.
He knows he can talk to me. he usually tells me more than his parents after all...maybe he's sucking me into his pity party I'm not sure...but I think it's important for kids to know you will listen, no matter what...often they won't say much when you ask how their day was, how school is, but just asking let's them know you care right?
Anyway, I do feel better we are going to do whatever we can to help him
Kristin, Every kid needs someone who just is in their corner and is there for them. You can be that person. Unconditional love is a powerful thing. Being a bigger boy does bring out the bullies. My nephew is now 18 and 6 foot 6 or there abouts and large framed. So he had to learn how to deal. Boys naturally jostle for position. So a kid has to stand up for himself. Big guys if they show any sign of violence at all are going to be more harshly punished than a smaller guy. If a smaller guy pushes a bigger guy and the bigger guy pushes back, 99 times out of 100, that bigger guy is going to be the one sent to the principles office and told how could you do that, you are so much bigger.
Kristin.......I only have a second......but even if he is just sucking you into his pity party......loving him and spending time with him, and letting him know he has value and worth to you is the best thing for him right now. Kids usually let us know what they need.........if we take the time to listen to them And.......being a step parent is not easy.......but I have been on both sides of it, and from what I have experienced......it is always best to trust your instincts. It is when you start second guessing yourself that it becomes complicated. Trust yourself.......your DF does.....otherwise he wouldn't let you help with his son. Like Barbara said.."....unconditional love is a powerful thing."
XOXO
Kristin- I think you have reason to be concerned. Everyones parenting styles are different but it is important for you to recoginze your FH's syle early on. One thing you need to consider is his age and size he is more than likely showing early signs of puberty. When all those emotions hit even boys become emotional. Right now he is still alittle boy who is trapped in a mans body. It is normal for him to have issues with fitting in, and probably not knowing how to handle his size. Talking to him is the best thing you can do. I would absolutely talk to his Dad and try to encourage him to talk to his son (without yelling) about changes that are happening in his life. When you are a step-parent it is hard to assert yourself appropriately in his life as he has 2 active parents already participating in his upbringing. Let him know you are there for him, I am sure there are counselors at school he can also confide it. Violence is never the answer and encouraging him to hit back is not the best advice, but I do understand your hesitation in discussing this with his Dad as you don't want to overstep. Things are different when they are your own. I try not to yell, however I do yell some and the older the louder you have to talk to get your point across whether it is out of anger or for emphasis. Let him know you are there for him and love him and that no matter what he can confide in you and that may make a huge difference in his life.
Bullies will always be there and issues with acceptance only get worse in high school. Knowing someone other than a parent is around is always a positive. Try to explain to him that not everyone will always like him and that is ok. People are different and no matter what we do we can not just all get along.
Giving the shirt off your back-- a wonderful quality just watch for everyone taking advantage of him. As sad as the reality is nice guys usually finish last especially at 10.
Good luck!!!!
Yeah, what she said! Good advice Amy. As usual, you rock!
I only wanted to add that it is totally appropriate for you to let FH know how much you care about his son, and that you are worried about him.
morning all...well i got my workout in and that makes 5 day this week. (which was and is my goal, to workout 5 days a week) so i'm doing well with that.
the scale isn't moving, but it's ok, because my clothes are fitting quite well and starting to see definition and toning a bit in my arms and legs. my tummy is still gloppy and squishy (from having 3 babies) but my abs muscles are back and there, just hidden under the stretch mark ridden skin.
anyways, i have lots of errands to run today, so i'm off. i'll be back later to check in on everyone. hope everyone has a good day and weekend.
Thanks for all your advice everyone! FH and I had a great talk last night about it all. He let me know how happy he is that I go far and beyond what he would expect a step parent to do and he's happy about it. Now that he's seeing these issues with his son, he's even realizing that he himself has unresolved issues from his childhood (which was not good to say the least). So he's happy we are going to help his son and he's considering getting some counselling for himself even. We even talked to the mother and have her agreement that even if the best thing for him is to live with us from now on she won't stand in the way. So it's good...for the first time I feel like all 4 of us are on the same page about what we need to do for him
On the WL front, was down a little today...still need to pull some bigger numbers. Will be a tough week with a bachelorette party tonight, then gone away for work from Sunday till Wednesday
Jillian- great job on the exercise..sorry about the news
Kristin- I am so happy you all were able to talk and work some things out. I hope that makes you feel better about the situation with your stepson as well as your future with FH.
Oh no, no, no, no, no...........is this what has been weighing so heavy on your heart, Jillian? I am soooo sorry to hear this news. When did you get this news? My cousin's husband is going too......and she is just dreading it. People forget that this war involves real people.......we won't forget, girl......and we will help hold you up until he returns safely
XOXO
Oh no, no, no, no, no...........is this what has been weighing so heavy on your heart, Jillian? I am soooo sorry to hear this news. When did you get this news? My cousin's husband is going too......and she is just dreading it. People forget that this war involves real people.......we won't forget, girl......and we will help hold you up until he returns safely
XOXO
I feel better now as Fh and the ex had a good talk today and are planning ways to help...even therapy if that's what he needs...we'll start with his family doctor and go from there.
When did you get this news? My cousin's husband is going too......and she is just dreading it. People forget that this war involves real people.......we won't forget, girl......and we will help hold you up until he returns safely 