well I am recovered, mostly, from the art in the park I put on with my friend this past Saturday. As new show organizers for this 4th year of this particular show we tried really really hard to make serious improvements to the show and I think we succeeded. i say "think" as I spent the majority of my day at a 12' x 5' mural painting project ( see artformiles.org) and jumping for the small containers of paint before they spilled everytime there was a wind gust. It was the best thing for me to be doing as I was positively obsessed with every dark cloud in the sky. At set up time we were in a major downpour that lasted two hours, complete with thunder and lightning BUT we set up our metal framed tent (I know-lightning doesn't equal safety under a metal framed tent but there you have it) and my partner in this venture set out to bring back our FREE fair trade coffee with all the fixin's donated by the local coffeehouse and as the artists arrived with stunned and worried looks there we were, kvetching beneath the canopy, coffee in hand letting them know it's just rain, do what you feel is safe for your work, the show doesn't start yet so we're not calling it off and then i saw 3 intrepid artists start to set up in the downpour. As the rain let up a bit a few more set up then more. Then the sun came out and everyone clapped. I didn't sell a thing but I was bu-sy. Seems it was a good show to have done. Maybe next year I'll do it*oh the irony*.
So ALL my big obligations are now DONE. Last week we got the KISS concert in, got the place cleaned for the SIL, saw GreenDay the night before the art show... all done. And I had an interview posted about me on the net today to put the icing on the cake. The grad show ends this Saturday and *I* have managed to squeeze in a very short visit to Nova Scotia to visit the Folk Art festival, a one day only event, a week from this coming Sunday from 12-4. 1500 km there and back. I will have a ball! SO GLAD we are going away for a bit.
So all is good but my weight is still a big issue. it's now settled at 269-273. Whoa. I am all big round tummy. No exercise. No real attempt to track food lately. No nothing except eating pizza and wings and whatever is fast. Tonight I cooked so it's a start back. Tomorrow is movie day and I am going to pursue the swimming and the gym yet again. I have my full life back.
to everyone, old and new. Nice to be back here... and a BIG welcome back to kuhljeanie... this is for you:
Diet Coaches/Buddies - Faced two big eating events yesterday. Was stellar for the first; CREDIT moi. Got a little carried away with dried cherries and roasted pecans at the second but stuck to the sparkling water even though the spirits were flowing. Oh Well. Saw some friends I hadn't seen in 30 years; was awash in old memories that came back as we talked, including a trip to Bimini in 1969 - the hang out place of Adam Clayton Powell. Not that's a loooong time ago.
Jean (kuhljeanie) - What a delightful end to "feels like it's been forever." Congrats for having a new client and back into the rat race, plus BIG Congrats for having the Cincinnati house on the market - that must be some BIG relief.
Good luck with getting your "happy habits and behaviors back in place in a sustainable way." Feels like posting here is getting that off to a good start.
onebyone - Congrats on being "recovered." Your Art in the Park festival sounds like a gas; congrats for keeping the faith even while the downpour was in progress. I love the image of you calmly sitting having coffee without showing your own stress at the weather.
And congrats for working in your upcoming trip to Nova Scotia. Can't wait to hear how that goes, especially since it's likely to further increase your recovery.
Robin (RobinW) - Sending supportive thoughts for when it's not easy. At least you can take solace that Buffalo doesn't know from 115 degrees Fahrenheit.
Anne (wndranne) - Yay for getting that 'ole Anne spirit back. Neat distinction between an enjoyable splurge that satisfies versus the unenjoyable ongoing overeating that simply packs on the pounds. And Kudos for getting some perspective from your trainer on reducing stress.
Yikes for "115 Fahrenheit in the shade." Makes me shudder. And then monsoon rain with lightning and thunder. Takes a hardy soul to live in the desert.
ChinaMaine - That walk on the beach ending with lobster does, indeed, sound like the ideal Maine day. And all that while staying within calories (even if "off plan.") You certainly know how to prepare for your upcoming hard days of work.
Margaret (Nuxmaga) - Kudos for going out for a little walk when that was all the time left. Neat to pre-measure your snacks to avoid eating the rest of the container.
Erika (eusebius) - Yay for Day 8: Create Time and Energy. Great place to be when feeling overwhelmed. (Even though it probably won't help, feel free to think of Beck's 6 week program as only 42 days, LOL.)
And Kudos for choosing a five pound goal - that's kicking in a good Beck strategy to get the cosmos back to right sized.
Readers -
Quote:
the solution at a glance
• Eating is not automatic. You can learn to take control. . . .
I'm off to my 3 day review meeting. I have plans in mind for eating at an off-site. As usual, being celiac helps (no thanks, I'll skip the pizza/donuts/cookies). But isn't an answer to all challenges. 'No choice' is my mantra...
I'm down .75 lbs from Sunday. Was op all the way yesterday. I'll try to stop by tomorrow night. (We go out for drinks & dinner with the client tonight. )
Welcome home, Kuhljeanie. Great to see you and glad for your update.
Given all the over-achievers (I mean that in the best possible way: smart, talented, driven women..plus one such man :-)) We should write a book about how we can achieve/do anything in our lives except control our weight. We could each write our own story and just do a book of essays. It is a story of our generation; I see it *all the time.
Having gotten back to where I ended my wt. loss journey 4 yrs. ago (exactly; I got down to 138 and held there a cuppla months before floating up to 143 and maintaining that for a cuppla years) gives me great pleasure. It is just a #, but I will take pleasure in it for now. Not a maintainer yet, as I want to get below my goal wt. and have that be my red line. It is going to require another mind set when I get there. I still marvel at BillBE and some of the most successful maintainers that they exercise their resistance muscle *almost all of the time, and get great satisfaction from it.
I wonder if we could all capture the feeling of what gives us the most satisfaction in our lives...a great run, successful triathalon competition, perfectly performed piano piece, satisfied client, great art show....if we could capture that and feel the same satisfaction with exercising our resistance muscle, for realizing we becoming healthier, more immune to the beckoning call of fat, sodium, and sugar..if we could put that satisfaction front and center..because this issue will be with us always..
Weather is cool, but lovely. Still lush green with lots of rainfall. My flowers love it, the herbs, too; the veggies, not so much. I will take it without guilt. Winter is coming.
Day 1 of WW was a success - kept on plan with eating. That is really my only goal for this week. I have a great deal of trouble accepting the voices inside that scream, "What do you mean, your only goal? shouldn't you clean the whole house, relandscape the backyard, weed the garden (again), sort through your daughter's clothes, learn all your fall recital repertoire, train for another half-marathon, and start a strength-training program? Oh and what about those program notes? And your poor neglected daughter?" As a result of depression, pretty much all of those things tend to go out the window, i gain 20 pounds and my house looks like the before picture in an extreme home makeover TV show. I remember Charlie Brown talking about taking a class in "remedial living" ... sometimes I feel like I need that.
OH WELL. At least I stayed on plan. Credit moi.
Anne, you are doing terrifically well. I want to have that feeling of dancing around like a crazy woman. That sounds amazing.
ChinaMaine - What a beautiful Sunday you had. Amazing that you stayed w/in calories and did exercise even with the special occasion. Congrats on the .75!!
Jean! Great to see you back! Glad to hear some positive changes are happening for you.
Robin - nope it ain't easy LOL!! Keep it goin'!
Nuxmaga - great work keeping those habits going.
onebyone - welcome back!! Exciting stuff happening on the art front. How terrific that you'll get to go to NS ... I just love it there. What a great feeling to have your life back!
Bill - Great job on your eating events!! 42 days, yeah, that's better ROFL!!
maryblu - re achieving anything we want to in our lives - hahahaha. see above Seriously, you have an excellent point. The satisfaction is what we are going for ... how ironic that it is right here in front of our noses!
Off to have a shower and try to figure out which of the 20 things listed above I should work on. Or just watch some more of Season 2 of LOST. LOL!!
Brief check in. I guess I'm not yet at the point where I can update daily as I'd like. Everything has been dragging recently... weightloss efforts, launching my website, making hip progress...
I've been holding steady at just under 220, which is outstanding, all things considered. I sure appreciate being able to use Mom's pool when I'm there. This week was an especially long shift, since one of Mom's friends is out of town this week. In order to cover for her I was "on the clock" from last thursday morning til this morning. I'll be going back again this thursday through Saturday.
Mom's been up and down. She's had back problems, in part because she hasn't been able to keep up with her exercises. More recently her pain and sleeping meds have been making her feel queezy and last night she was running a fever. She's at the hospital for her regularly scheduled post-transplant clinic right now. I should have some news this afternoon.
Regarding my hip after WEEKS of trying to get Golden Cross to make use of the x-rays I got at Parker, the Dr. finally just told me she "didn't have time" to try using the disc Parkeer'd given me and "prefered I just got new x-rays ad the hospital." Grr! I was angry, and in a great deal of pain. In tears on the x-ray table, and I've been depressed since.
At least today there should be something done! I expect her to go over the x-rays and say "here's a referral to the orthopedic surgeon, call this number."
My bills are over $1k now, and I don't even have a diagnosis.
At least the health reform website I built is officially launched today (even though my laptop is kaput). If anyone would like a link, please PM me your email addy.
Weight - steady
pain - average
depression - high
beck - out the window *sigh*
Hi Everyone
I have been OP for food and exercise and am happy with myself.I am joining a Slimming World group and will do GL as my backup.
AS I said in an earlier post I am grateful to everyone who posts (especially Bill) because it I realize it takes so much committment and and time. I am positive that there are a lot of people reading the posts who will never post themselves but are hooked on everybodies stories and are inspired by the normality of the stories and how the struggle crosses all divides (and countries).
I shall continue to read the book and try and integrate what I'm learning.
It's a beautiful afternoon here.Really lifts your spirits when the rain ends but as Maryblu says----it does make everything green and lush.
I just got the Beck book yesterday and am just starting out. I think I am going to try SuperFoods/whole foods, with Weight Watchers as my backup. I like the book so far.
I think I'm going to re-start my workbook tomorrow. I need to start back somehow and that sounds like a good place to begin. This time I will take as long as it takes to really "get it".
I still didn't see much improvement in my behaviour. I think I have thoroughly disconnected from how big I am and since my body pain is mostly gone now I feel like the "crisis" has passed...yet I know unless I get this weight off I am not getting better at all. I need it gone.
I also cannot even begin to picture myself smaller. I can't visualize it. Let me visualize dancing fish and moose relaxing in a chair, I can do that, but see myself smaller? I can't. I did come across a photo of me when I lose a lot of weight on that injection/starvation thing I did about 5 years ago. When I look at the picture I think "Oh that's what I can look like" but right on the heels of that I hear my ehad say "only if you starve and so that insane diet again--and I don't think I have another diet in me... therefore I won't be that size."
I guess I just don't believe it so how do I get around that? Any advice?
Onebyone, just read your post. You don't have to believe it. You just have to work the Beck steps. Fake it til ya make it. Just start in. Do it. Do it in order. Don't diet til you've done the pre-work. It is the most mechanical, scripted step-by-step methodology. Just do it. Don't think about whether you believe it or not. You don't have to believe it is true to do ARCs...you can list all the advantages without believing it. You can do it all step by step.
Diet Coaches/Buddies - Had a reward luncheon for which I ordered a Portuguese fisherman's platter (not fried) and ignored table rolls as well as the suggestions to have appetizers, sides, and desserts; CREDIT moi. Ignoring the table rolls without it being a major event is a great feeling, as if this could become a habit, LOL.
maryblu - Drooling at the thought of your ripe raspberries. How do your preserve the extras?
Love your notion that we "capture the feeling of what gives us the most satisfaction in our lives" and attach that to flexing our resistance muscle. It would be nice to allow myself the same satisfaction that I get from a good set of pushups.
Did ya notice that Nutrition Action Health Letter gave its cover and four pages to David Kessler and The End of Overeating. It's fun to have a book I believe in so strongly recommended by a newsletter that I believe in. I like Kessler's strategy to link negative images to the junk foods that we wish to avoid. Maybe I could think of FREE food as germy, LOL.
onebyone - I second Maryblu's advice; "Fake it til ya make it." One foot in front of the other. Reduce the unbounded list of oughta's and should's until you can feel safe in your plans for the day. Get out that bicycle and do five minutes of riding; you don't have to do a tri-athlon to get the benefit of moving. Give yourself credit for all the walking you do each day.
Yay that your body pain is gone, even if that loses one of your motivators.
Sending you supportive thoughts for a finite list of activites for today.
Tera (twilit tera) - Kudos for maintaining your weight when so much stuff is stacked up in your life. And Kudos for continuing to be a supportive caregiver to your mom as she recovers. You're wise to be aware that you have to schedule some time away from your caregiver role; too much can just suck you down.
Wishing you well with your frustrations dealing with the medical establishment.
ChinaMaine - Go Thee Forth with NO CHOICE"as your mantra." Sending supportive thoughts as you're having drinks and dinner with the client. Hope the review is going well.
Erika (eusebius) - Sign me up for Charlie Brown's course in "remedial living," LOL. Ouch that you're feeling the whole list of things you should be doing. Kudos for ignoring that and succeeding in your Day 1 of WW. It's kinda remarkable that the brain can stack of a list of "oughta's" and "should's" to divert us from doing a simple single thing.
Une (irishune) - Kudos for joining a Slimming World group (not remembering what that means, exactly).
Thanks for the kind words to all of us for our posting. Yep, I agree, reading the posts here is a major contribution to my own remembering that I need to stay focused and continue putting out the energy to keep my maintenance on track.
FutureFitChick - Superfoods/whole foods and Weight Watchers are both great choices. You can find support groups for both here on 3FC if you just look around a bit.
Readers -
Quote:
the solution at a glance . . .
• Many situations trigger thoughts about eating, but there are techniques that you can learn to avoid or minimize these triggers. . . .
Yesterday I drove down and checked into my hotel. I replayed my mantra ‘No Choice’ all day, and did pretty well. I ordered a shrimp ceasar salad at the hotel to eat before the meeting. I used less than half the dressing on the side. Credit moi! My Account Manager got me a container of almonds to snack on during the afternoon, I had a typical serving. Credit! The hard part was the group dinner. They ordered lots of plates of meats, cheeses, breads with tapanade, etc. Luckily being gluten free made it impossible to eat from most plates. But one plate was cheese only, and I grabbed 3 small pieces of cheese from that one. I orderd a green salad, trout with a delicious side of chick peas, eggplant and mushrooms. My downfall was the trout because I forgot to mention to go light on the fat. It tasted pretty greasy, so I logged 1.5 tablespoons of oil. Well, everyone raved about one particular white wine, and I asked for half a glass just to taste. (Saying ‘no choice’ didn’t even occur to me in the moment. Oh well…) The good news is that I logged just 50 calories over my goal. So, all in all, Credit!
WI-down .75 lbs (mentioned this yesterday). Read my cards, made a plan (in terms of a calorie goal). Food – op (almost), Exercise – op (my usual plus 7 mins on the elliptical – no fatigue after!!!!).
one by one I agree with maryblu that ‘fake it til you make it’ is a great option for you. Take it slow, read the workbook, go through the book again and concentrate on making the skills a daily habit. And once you can practice the skills daily pretty well, then move onto dieting. Counting calories, (or WW points, etc), and sometimes take your mind off the fact that the core of the Beck program is all about changing how you think throughout every day, and how you behave every day. So, concentrate on the core of Beck’s program first and then move onto counting calories, or whatever diet plan you choose to follow.
That said, it is hard to do all this when you don’t believe it. But you may just need to walk the walk, before you can believe it’ll work… You can do it!
Tera Wow – you are dealing with a lot. I’m sorry about the pain and depression especially. I can’t imagine the stress having such an experience dealing with your doc, lack of diagnosis, and high medical bills, is causing you. Credit for moving forward getting a diagnosis, when I know the medical community can make it so hard. You are being a good daughter and I assume once your Mom can be on her own more, your pain will begin to subside. Or at least I hope so. Keep on plugging, one foot in front of the other. We all wish the best for you.
CREDIT for maintaining your weight around 220 in spite of all you are dealing with. Don’t you think some of that is water, and once you are back in your routine, with less pain and more exercise, it’ll start of fall off? That’s my guess anyway.
I think of you every day and hope for the best for both you and your Mom. Thank you for posting.
I'll try to do more personals when I can, but these are 13 hour days, so it's tough to squeeze it in. I am reading all the posts and give everyone a big hurray!
BillBlueEyes, thanks so much for the welcome! That really picked me up this morning!
I found out about Beck when I came across a 3FC user (a man whose name I don't remember) that had something in his signature about Beck. I found this group by searching for Beck in 3FC and started reading about the CBT approach and thought it really fit what I needed.
I am reading day 3 this morning, as well as the SuperfoodsRx book I just got (and sometime I need to get to work as well!!!).
Thanks again and I look forward to getting to know all of you better. Have a great day!
...and we're back
And I had an interview posted about me on the net today to put the icing on the cake. The grad show ends this Saturday and *I* have managed to squeeze in a very short visit to Nova Scotia to visit the Folk Art festival, a one day only event, a week from this coming Sunday from 12-4. 1500 km there and back. I will have a ball! SO GLAD we are going away for a bit.
to everyone, old and new. Nice to be back here... and a BIG welcome back to kuhljeanie... this is for you: 
Tuesday
'No choice' is my mantra...
)
Seriously, you have an excellent point. The satisfaction is what we are going for ... how ironic that it is right here in front of our noses!
Good Evening
WI-down .75 lbs (mentioned this yesterday). Read my cards, made a plan (in terms of a calorie goal). Food – op (almost), Exercise – op (my usual plus 7 mins on the elliptical – no fatigue after!!!!). 