onebyone I'm glad you asked that question, diet "work" is taking less time than it did initially. I'm being impatient again. You really have a knack for "big picture" thinking. 1 lb gone. on bus service returning smoothly.
robin You have made so many changes to your attitudes about food, becoming aware of your habits and altering them, making food choices you never thought you could. Be proud! You have been an inspiration. I daresay there's not a successful dieter in the world who got it right forever the first time, those "trial runs" are a necessary part of the life change we are making, which is bigger than any one event. You already seem to have so much insight into what's going on emotionally, I suspect after you talk it over with DH you'll have dismissed what you already know to be errors in thinking. I wish I had a spreadsheet to share but other than charts from the book, all I use is a monthly weight graph with my starting weight a yellow line all the way across. It keeps me focused on what I have accomplished overall, not what today's random number happens to be.
kuhljeanie About the blues. I had hair loss after about a year of going vegetarian; I became much more attentive to my protein and vitamin intake, and it went away. I find the recommended protein requirements vary from source to source, and obviously stress hormones are another factor. If you can manage to focus on eating as healthily as possible, you might feel better physically and also emotionally for taking care of yourself.
Tera Thanks for: "My life will neither begin, nor end, at this event. No matter where I'm at when it comes, I need to work on long-term health." There's another response card that needs making. Credit increasing the time in your shoes and staying OP!
anne sinus infection - good thinking on the importance of nutrition. There's been a lot in the news recently about needing to get our vitamins from food, supplements can't replace the real thing. I'm sure you're right, once the meal planning becomes more routine, it won't suck up so much time. My gym schedule is going to settle down to a more manageable level at some point too.
lisamarie Credit for sticking with it! I hate the walk - jog interval training too. You'll be back running in no time!
chinamaine Wow - a 90-year-old taking care of a 93-year old: those are some good genes! Mucho Credit keeping your weight stable while traveling, can't ask for more than that! tummy aches from exercise not overeating!
I really needed to hear "What’s the worst that can happen [if I don’t do X]?" If I really think about that, most of the anxiety is drama queen theatrics. Another good point, I never put health on my to do list, much less give it any priority. I'm feeling much better recognizing I can control my overreactions and exaggerations, all I have to do is SEE them. Luckily I have you guys to help!
bill Give yourself a break, I don't imagine anyone would not work out harder with a trainer; that's probably part of their definition! Can't fight Webster's. Imaging the newscasters trying to say Banananella!
ChinaMaine -- If you don't mind my asking, what kind of work do you do at home? I'm desperate for something I can do at home part-time so I won't have to go back to teaching next year. I love teaching, but I don't love the idea of Henry in full-time daycare.
Bill -- Yep, Henry's a noisy drinker too! It's cute. I just started giving him a little mushy rice cereal on a spoon and he's loving it. It's so cute to see him eat in a different way, but I do love nursing (HATED it at first, because it hurt, but I quickly got over that, thank goodness). How old are your kids?
kuhljeanie -- Good job on just going 400 calories over. Imagine if you'd gone through a drivethru or something -- it could've been much worse!
RobinW -- Hang in there. Good job on the treadmill walk, and yay for a good bottle of wine! I miss wine!
davidette -- Hi!
I ended up going over my calories yesterday and getting about 2300, because I ate a bunch of M&Ms -- eek! I should do a Cheat Sheet thingie for that, but I don't see it happening right now (I'm about to take the baby for a walk and then I need to start thinking about cooking dinner, laundry, etc). I'm ok with 2300...honestly, anything between 2000 and 2500 is fine right now, and if my weight loss is incredibly slow that's ok. But I'm not ok with giving in to a big bunch of M&Ms when I wasn't really hungry. NOT good.
I found an old Biggest Loser workout DVD I bought a few years ago and never used much, and it has short workouts of about 10-15 minutes each. I'm thinking maybe I can squeeze in one or two of those at least three or four times a week, and then do my running on the weekend when my husband is home and can watch the baby. 10 minutes is certainly better than nothing. As Beck says in CBDL, five minutes of exercise is better than zero minutes.
Lisa Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible. -- St. Francis of Assisi
A good day! Beck – WI-down 1 lb. Woohoo! Made some specific craving cards to place on top of my most insistent craving-objects. I’m allowing myself a little of these treats, but I always want MORE! Once I’ve reached what I’ve planned for, I want to force myself to read the cravings RC. Credit moi for a plan – and please cross your fingers for me! Food / Exercise – on plan. Although I did have to scramble and say NO CHOICE to make myself do the last 10 minutes. Credit!
Bill – Kudos for the exercise – and for having a trainer if that makes you work harder! I too believe there is a banana conspiracy afoot. Let’s see what happens this weekend.
Jeanie Oh man – I don’t know if this helps, but I have a certain hunger that’s qualitatively different than regular-garden-variety-hunger. It makes me so woozy I have to take a nap unless I get some protein – pronto! I get it when I go too long between meals, especially if I’ve been off-plan. I call it ‘hitting the wall’. If that’s the kind of thing you mean, perhaps it makes sense to have high protein snacks stashed for *only* when you ‘hit the wall’. I use nuts or string cheese, but beef/ostrich jerky would work as well. I don’t know if this is in accordance with the Beck plan, but (IMHO) it’s better than eating 400 calories of chocolate cake, even if it is unfrosted. I hope your stress dies down and credit for bringing it to the group…
twilit tera Credit for keeping at stretching and op food in spite of your pain!
Robin - Here’s another EXTRA credit for doing the treadmill and for staying op until dinner. I’m glad you are feeling better today!
davidette – Credit for the insight on the priority of your health – and glad my amateur CBT help was of assistance! Yes my hubbie has a great gene-pool (that was my mother in law I was describing). But my Mom is still working at 72, so I have some good genes to build on too.
Lisa Credit for having such positive and flexible attitude on the pace of your weight loss. And ditto for finding the biggest loser dvd; sounds like a good solution to your particular challenges. Re your question on my job… I don’t mind at all. I’m a software designer for a company in Boston; most of my co-workers are in CA or Montreal.
I've been faithfully tracking my calories credit moi and so far so good since my mega calorie day two or three days ago. It feels good to have a plan and to be on plan. I am completely and absolutely enjoying my mornings at home. Man. So nice. In fact this morning I was here and it was 10am and I thought "Is it Saturday today?" and realized that I associate being at home with the weekend now. Silly girl! Then I got my stuff together and went out to catch the bus. So great. And the buses aren't too packed. And the bus drivers and I have been exchanging huge smiles. I am so happy to be on a bus I can't help it, I just beam. I am so much happier being able to come and go.
LisaMarie71 I really like the 5min is better than 0 min when it comes to exercise too. I've also read in a few places this week that 3 sessions of 10min of exercise is better than one of 30min. So your DVD maybe be better than you think!
davidette I live by asking msyelf "what's the worst that will happen". really I do. It totally helps me prioritize my life. And a BIG credit to you for realizing you are not at the mercy of your emotions... and for me, learning this meant that emotional turmoil does not equal eating food to get calm. It's an important thing to do, to learn how to disconnect from that. Big credit to you for this as I said!
RobinW I recall you saying that February is the worst month for you and indeed it seems to be that way. I am like that in January so take it from me, it'll pass, day by day it passes. I have given in and used food to get me back even again. it's not the est but hey, it has worked for me in the past and the DIFFERENCE is that we both know that there are more and better ways to deal with things AND continuing to use food fro emotional comfort eventually backfires bigtime. So a big credit to you for stopping and for moving forward. We do what we can and you are doing well. For the record, your feelings about your March event could have been written by me, substitute March with June and event with my graduation and I am there with you sista! And the thing to remember about these events is no one is thinking about you and your body or your body fat as much as you think they are or as much as you yourself do. I help myself detach from this sabotaging negative thinking by reminding myself that "what you think of me is none of my business", mentally imagining myself putting my hands in my pocket and walking away. Of what good is it to think these things? What's the purpose? Sabotage. Forget about it. As an old therapist once said "anything worth fighting fights back" eh voila! Weight problems do your worst... the coaches are ready to deal
twilit tera Credit for all the on plan activities! yay!
kuhljeanie I had hairloss that was due to a lack of fat/oils in my diet. I needed to take fish oil and eventually the hair came back. It was growing just breaking off at the scalp *snap* brittle because of a lack of oil.
I wouldn't doubt that you are stressed, more than you are allowing yourself to feel. You have many things that you need to keep together. BREATHE. and again. BREATHE. You know you are fortunate. There are many good things in your life and many more good things to come! Bucketsful. Oodles and oodles.
And if you didn't feel a little out of sorts THAT would be odd. You are normal and human and processing the many changes that have happened. It's okay.
Credit to you, lots of them, for moving forward. You're doing better than you know. Really. Just keep posting.
BillBlueEyes Credit to you for doing those lovely lunges your body loves you for doing. A strong core will carry you happily to age 90 and above. Credit to you for doing them and the thoracic extensions. <--- do they look like that?
ChinaMaine Credit to you for having a successful trip foodwise and for having a good time too! I have a real soft spot for active, fun, engaged, and smart old people. I hope to be one too... Thanks for telling us about them
Coaches/Buddies No sinus infection after all, but I still feel sort of rough. I did manage to go to work today. I'd like to say I was on plan, but I didn't make a plan last night, but today wasn't bad, considering. I don't remember if the lack of planning was an oversight, or an "I don't care." Plan is made for tomorrow. I haven't read my RCs in several days. The coffee pot thing backfired and the box I keep them in somehow got moved into th enormous pile of junk that lives on our kitchen island. Ooops. Back to the bedside table, where at least I get them once a day. I'm planning to read them tonight during Biggest Loser commercials.
I got packages from Amazon. I don't remember what I ordered. It's been a while since I did this, and it is always like a nice present. Exactly what I want.
Lisa Just read and check in and do what you can. No worries about personals. I think Bill is the only one of us who's completely consistent about it. I personally hate walking my running paths. It is SOOO slow. I think you are doing great. Dunno if you caught it, but things spiraled into chaos pretty quickly this weekend.
I think your attitude on the DVD is great! It took a lot of time for me to get over the attitude that if I wasn't running 10K, it wasn't worth it.
Tera Tired at "only" 8. Bwaa-ha-ha-ha. I'm tired at "only" six!
Did you step on the scale?
ChinaMarie Ah, I'd love to be 90 that way! That is certainly worth an advantage card.
Ohhh, jacknifes. Ouch!
Congrats on the pound after the travel! That is a fantastic result and I know you worked hard for that. Do a Memory Card for that!
Bill I'm afraid to look up thoracic extension. Is that hard with a banana in your belly??
Wouldn't you also beat yourself up if you didn't work harder with a trainer, because then you'd be paying for something you didn't need? Which is better?
Jean You have so much going on, no wonder you are stressed. Two things come to my mind as important issues that will make it easier to handle all the rest. Take a hard look at your nutrition. You need to be eating enough to cover your BMR and your running. That's at least an additional 100 quality calories per mile. I found that to be not negotiable in my own training. Also try to problem solve the sleep. Life with small children has taught me in no uncertain terms just how much sleep affects EVERYTHING. I'd suggest medical help on that if you need it; Ambien works very well for me. And a therapist sounds like a great idea, but if that isn't in the cards right now you can use CT techniques on just about anything in life, and you are already familiar with these from J Beck. This is a decent reference for applying the technique for depression-type issues.
In case I didn't say it strongly enough . Please do what you can to take care of yourself. Major life changes are very tough.
RobinW It is only a matter of time before you'll be talking me down from some emotional catastrophe. This is why we're here for each other. If it was easy, we'd just do it on our own, and this group is smart enough to know it isn't easy.
Big honkin' credit for the quick rebound!!
davidette The more I see about supplements, the more they seem a pale comparison to their food origins. I take fish oil these days, since we don't each much fish around here due to DH's strong taste aversions, and a certified store brand multi just to round out the basics, but that's about it.
How is the planning going?
onebyone I'm so glad you got all that time back. Now you can step back and take some credit for all that work you did to keep you going during the strike!
Have a good one!
Long enough have you dream'd contemptible dreams,
Now I wash the gum from your eyes,
You must habit yourself to the dazzle of the light and of every moment of your life.
I've missed this group! I was writing down my food and graphing my weight but I've been eating more and more. And yesterday I binged--I bought an Entenmann's coffee cake and ate-oh, I guess about half of it. And some "diet" ice cream, and probably some other stuff. I'm sort of afraid to get on the scale. It's been a difficult time. My boyfriend has pancreatic cancer, and he's been doing well for awhile after having a Whipple surgery on 2/26/08. In the last few days, though, we've found out that there is evidence on the CAT scan that cancer has returned. He's going to start chemo this week. It has all been very, very stressful. We've been living together for about a year since all this started happening. Now I'm going to weigh myself. 158.6--I didn't gain anything, it's a pound down from yesterday. (I've noticed sometimes overeating doesn't show up right away.) Thanks for listening. I'm going to have an early breakfast, and go back and read a couple of pages of everyone's posts to try to catch up a little bit. I hope everyone is well, and I'm going to try to go back to reading my cards, my to-do list, planning my food, getting back on track, and ease off on the emotional eating.--Lily
Diet Coaches/Buddies - Managed to concoct a wimpy reason to include Whole Foods on my walk. There are other stores; I know why I go there. CREDIT moi for the walk. Oh Well for snarfing the samples of cheese. At least I counted them as my afternoon snack and didn't have my beloved pita bread with hummus. I guess for that, CREDIT moi.
Jean (kuhljeanie) - Yep, "it just all felt like too much," you've got a lot on your plate right now, even before bonus events like dental surgery and a run to ER for el nino. Kudos for recognizing that so that you can prioritize your responses. You need enough sleep. You need enough food to avoid hunger. Those first so that you are available for some recharge time with el nino and DH. My read is that you are legitimately in a difficult spot right now and even the world's best Type-A pilot knows that there's a time to ignore all the other nice airports around and just focus on a smooth landing in the Hudson river.
Sending warm supportive thoughts for you to find your path here.
Robin (RobinW) - Big Kudos for honestly facing the emotional impact of your event so that you can work your strategies to come up for air. It's good to hear a more positive tone today. But, I suspect, per onebyone's neat phrase, "anything worth fighting fights back" that you'll be facing this for the next six weeks. So it's good to know that working your strategies works for you.
onebyone - Yay for your first bus ride, smiles and all. Kudos for having a plan for on-plan. Sounds like persist in victory to me, since I'm still thinking about your neat books. How long does your show remain on display?
Yep, you've captured thoracic extensions with the dancing carrot; that will be forever etched in my brain as I do them at the gym. Gonna be hard to explain the eat sh*t grin on my face to my trainer, LOL.
Anne (wndranne) - Ouch for still feeling kind of rough. Kudos for having a plan for tomorrow - back in your groove.
And do I identify with "the enormous pile of junk that lives on our kitchen island." I'm the sole responsible person for the enormous stack on our kitchen table. Sometimes I get it cleared and can then keep it cleared daily. However, if I leave the smallest kernel, just one sheet to be filed later, it then grows itself like bacteria in a petri dish. If you find a solution for that one let me know.
LOL at "banana in your belly?" Can't let go of the image of my trainer looking at me and asking, "Is that a banana in your belly or are you just glad to see me?"
Tera (twilit tera) - Kudos for three hours in your new shoes. It does seem smart that you put this first so that you can get to the exercises that you need as part of your plan.
And thanks for the term, "the Hawthorne effect." Just having a name will help me to be less hard on myself for hawthorning about at the gym. Good luck with your soup concoctions. Soup is the favorite of the Volumetrics crowd.
ChinaMaine - Yep, Kudos for using No Choice for the last ten minutes of exercise. And Kudos again for giving yourself credit for it.
But keep it down about the banana conspiracy; some folks think that Scully and Mulder are nuts, rather than patriots saving the rest of us.
davidette - Neat step to be seeing, per "I can control my overreactions and exaggerations, all I have to do is SEE them." Methinks you've put your finger on the first step of all Beck's strategies.
LOL at "newscasters trying to say Banananella." Remind me when I get to be God and rename all the diseases and conditions for my own pleasure to name at least one for my amusement at hearing the newscasters stumble with it.
LisaMarie71 - I join the crowd who likes your "five minutes of exercise is better than zero minutes." Good stuff for a nursing mom for whom a full five minutes is a big deal. Smiling here at the thought of Henry loving his "mushy rice cereal." Reminds me to make myself oatmeal for breakfast.
My adult kids are 30 (DS) and 26 (DD). DS just dropped by, ever so briefly for some reason, but managed to take a spoon and dip himself a wallop of peanut butter to eat straight from the jar. I love it; he seems to like holding on to being a kid in this house, LOL. At least he wasn't so noisy.
"what to do . . .
To give yourself credit, do the following:
3. Write the word credit on a sticky note. Place it on the fridge, on your computer, or in your appointment book or PDA to remind yourself to look for times that you deserve credit.
..." The Complete Beck Diet for Life, pg 68
New Journey: 10 years
In maintenance phase: 8 years and 6 months
Following Dr. Judith Beck via 3FC's Beck Diet Solution Forum: 8 years
Last edited by BillBlueEyes : 02-12-2009 at 07:06 AM.
Reason: Spello: grove => groove
Sending my best supportive thoughts for the success of your boyfriends chemo and upcoming surgery.
Kudos for setting your priorities to take care of yourself even when facing such tough medical stuff. Yep, reading your response cards, making your to-do lists, and planning are key strategies for keeping on track. All of which are admittedly difficult when under serious stress. But if you can do it, all of which will contribute to your positive feelings about yourself so that you have more energy for the stuff you're facing.
Please keep posting so that we can be supportive.
New Journey: 10 years
In maintenance phase: 8 years and 6 months
Following Dr. Judith Beck via 3FC's Beck Diet Solution Forum: 8 years
lisamarie I'd put the M&Ms and such in a paper bag and staple it shut, anything to slow you down so your higher brain has time to kick in and stop you next time! Or as ChinaMaine mentioned, put craving specific cards on top of the package! "Must read before opening" Credit tracking the calories and not being tempted to continue off plan eating!
Kudos on continuing to experiment with what works for you (and the baby) for exercise! One thought that pushed me to the gym when my kids were growing up was that I wanted them to see exercise as an essential of life; i.e., be a good role model. Seeing it as a benefit for your child can be a huge motivator, not that you seem to need motivation! Of course I also drug them to the library constantly and books on paper are outmoded for their generation. But at least they listen to books on their IPOD!
chinamaine another lb! Good idea with the cards on top of the treat. I've been working on learning to eat my favorite foods in moderation by using my bonus calories for cookies before bed, and I read my RC right before. I'm absolutely thrilled that for the first time ever I've been able to keep cookies around and not eat the whole bag at once. I even upped the ante to bying some chocolate bars yesterday to portion out. As my children (who had to hide all their sweets) will testify, I've never been able to have chocolate around. I'll keep my for both of us!
onebyone happy bus drivers! Just when we all need a lift from the winter blues!
anne Amazon "gifts" - bet they are books! I'm feeling better about the planning in that I'm more determined than ever to put this first, to everyone's input. I feel like there is a sneaky character in my brain trying very hard to manipulate me into slacking off and sliding back into my old ways. I would say it's the "reptile brain" but he's too devious for that! We just knocked that jerk out, (until he comes up with a new plan, anyway).
lilyyoung to hear about your boyfriend. You need to take care of yourself and eat properly more than ever now, stress is so hard on you mentally and physically. Even more important than the effect it has on the scale is the additional stress you put on your body to cope with poor nutrition. Credit for taking the time to refocus on yourself and recognize the futility of emotional eating!
bill Hey, it was Whole Foods, not Burger King! And you walked there! Not to mention I'm sure you savored every bite of the cheeses. Can't use "this is not even real food" at Whole Foods, but what happened to "samples are a way to bring back all the viral benefit of having a kid in nursery school?" That RC got me past a few sample stations, as I pictured the viruses crawling over the food
My exercise buddy group is meeting for lunch Friday to regroup and reassess our commitments. Now that we've had a few weeks, I think we can motivate each other and still have individual plans. Unfortunately the luncheon is being seen as a celebration of our successes and to reward ourselves with food. One girl is even making her famous super-sweet super-rich chocolate cake (last time I ate so much of it I had a sugar migraine for 2 days)! But I've been planning for a week now; I'm bringing a few of my favorites (tortilla soup and focaccia) and I'm going to try the low calorie chocolate chip recipe one of you kind people sent me last time I had a luncheon. I've put the recipes in my Diet Organizer program and figured out what to allow for taste testing the day before and also exactly what I will eat at the luncheon. And I've already told them not to be hurt when I don't have cake, so I really have to follow through now! I feel good about this challenge because I have a certain amount of confidence I can do it! It's an opportunity to be absolutely elated with myself. First step is to get through the cooking day.
Hi! I'm around, I promise. I have a houseguest right now, and haven't been able to get online much. It's been good to see her, she's a good friend, but it does make things a little more hectic, you know?
On the bright side - credit for going on a hike yesterday with my friend!! A hike? I was always the girl whose idea of fun with friends was eating an entire pizza while watching a DVD. So that's exciting.
Sorry I don't have time for personals or even to catch up on all that's happened in the thread since I last made it here, but I hope you're all doing well!
for being able to wear my shoes for 6 hours! Oh, well not tracking anything, but...
eating well in spite of it.
Ok, so I forgot to track stuff, but fortunately I didn't realize I was forgetting to track stuff and ate strictly by the book (with the exception of writing it down)
Exercise at the gym went well. I stretched some, then walked for 5 minutes - it was all I could manage. Then comes another big . I climbed out of the pool to soak in the hot tub until DH B was ready to go. After a while I realized that I might be able to get some more exercise in by floating and getting my arms moving. So I went back to the pool and tried it - it worked! So I got another 5 minutes!
I did get on the scale this morning and guess what! I have a sucky scale! It's an old fashioned spring scale and the more I lean forward the heavier I get. By standing on different points and leaning in different amounts, I measured a 5 pound difference! So no more reading my own weight on that scale. If I'm on our own scale, B will have to read it for me. I'm just about finished with my response on The Time Machine. I'll post it somewhere later for those of you who are curious.
Lily: Hello. I'm not sure whether we've "met" yet. I'm sorry life is so rough right now. No wonder you need soothing! What sort of things besides food do you find soothing so you don't deny yourself the care that you need?
Bill: I'm curious now what lame excuse it was that you concocted for your visit to Whole Foods. Yes, my strategy is at least in part volumetrics, although as I saw in a Readers Digest article, there are fewer and fewer differences between diet plans, as each gets revised and acknowledgeds the benefits of other plans. :chuckle:
Jen: for your hike!! Have fun with your friend!
Last edited by twilit tera : 02-11-2009 at 12:12 PM.
Hubby is off for a dr's appt. this morning. He just finished his long list of tests and has to go for his follow up results (and scolding) this morning. He's been doing pretty good at keeping his sugar intake down. But he really needs to work on popcorn/butter issue!! I had him down to only 3 nights a week instead of his 7 night a week habit! What's so bad about popcorn? The amount!!! and the 3/4 stick of butter that goes on it! But he's been adding extra days Hopefully the dr will straighten him out a bit.
Bill~ Thank you stating "the next six weeks" I read that and did the mental head slap thing! Ive got 6 weeks yet!! Im behaving as if it's next week. (Im gonna be a basket case 5 weeks from now)
Kudos for switching up your afternoon snack!!
onebyone~ You are so right!! What others think of me is none of my business. I have such a hard time with this one. Growing up it was drilled into my head (even as an adult my father reminds me) That absolutely nobody is better than me. In the same sense, I am absolutely no better than anyone else. Im me, and be proud of who I am. Ok....this is great when dealing with so many different people. But this is also where I dont give myself credit some of the things Ive done. I am so NOT good at tooting my own horn.
Anything worth fighting for, fights back!....Im fighting it, and it's fighting back. But I am going to win this one, and when I do I'll toot my own horn. Thanks onebyone
Anne~ what was in the packages?!?!?! Inquiring minds want to know!
ChinaMaine~ I didnt even think to give myself credit for staying op until dinner (another mental head slap) Thank you for reminding me. Happy dancing bananas for your 1lb loss yah!!
Tera~ Thankyou! I also took your quote from yesterday and printed it out and stuck it to my computer. Sometimes rereading these things help bring us back from the brink of food catastrophe!
Lily~ Im so sorry to hear about your bf. He has lots of healing thoughts and positive light heading his way.
LisaMarie~ good job getting in some exercise! Yup, 5 min is better than no minutes.
Thanks again everyone....we have an awesome group here!!
Im op today, and I will not worry about any other day than the one I am in! Walked to work, planned lunch and breakfast....crap and as Im typing this I realized I forgot to take something out of the freezer! No matter it will be chicken either thawed because I'll run home and take it out or stop at the market and get thawed stuff
Work is piling up and my email is buzzing me for attention.
just wanted to shout out and say THANK YOU! for the support and the ideas. fish oil is definitely on the shopping list. i've checked my food logs and everything seems mostly in order - averaging around 55 g. of fat a day, 150 g of protein, and around 1800 calories, but running seems to be taking it out of me. i've already eaten 1300 today and i'm HUNGRY.
will also do what i can to get some rest. it's challenging for sure, and the lack of sleep is both a cause and a symptom, but one thing i know for sure is that everything changes. it's hard to keep myself from playing down what i'm going through because so many others are going through worse (my own DH included) it seems like i'm just feeling sorry for myself. it's too bad that you can't reason your way out of a spat of depression, huh?
will keep on keeping on. i'm planning on an easy treadmill night with some DVD yoga...hoping it'll keep me from sliding too far mood-wise.
I just ate some grapes I was craving some real wholesome food and glad I had it at hand. credit moi. I am within calorie target range for the day so credit moi for that too.
A couple of things happened since I last wrote here. My former ceramic room boss, penelope, emailed that she may have two more classes for me to teach: adult "stretch'n'sketch" (1/2 hour of yoga + 1 1/2 hrs of drawing...eeps! I don;t have to teach the yoga just the drawing... eeps again!) Thursdays 7:30 to 9:30 and Fridays 9:30 to noon. This on top of the previously (months ago) mentioned Saturday morning stretch'n'sketch and sculpture to kids.
I have never taught. Well I filled in once for Penelope for a ceramic class and I was a guest lecturer in university once.
Penelope obviously thinks I can do it.
I want to do it cause it pays really well AND I become a teacher with the City of Ottawa. Good stuff for portable skills anywhere I go... plus for future plans re: getting an MFA complete with TA-ship. So. I go see her tomorrow and we discuss things. I am to bring a blank cancelled cheque. Exciting and scary.
AND as I was on break from my class this morning Pamela, an older, dignified, South African-accented teacher stopped me in the hall. I know her because I have done her a few favours with regards to firing clay for her community center class. I continued the "special" agreement she had with Penelope with regrds to this and she pays me with wine or food or plants. Anyway I've never taken a class from her. So she sees me and she says "Oh! Your show! (my books in the student gallery)It's fantastic! What a terrific use of space you did in there! And your work. you worked very hard didn't you?!" "Yes. But I loved it.""Oh! What a feeling of joy there is in that little room. Congratulations. CONGRATULATIONS! I just want to hug you...can I hug you?""Yes." So she hugs me and i hug her back and she says. "Oh there is so much more to you than I thought."
As I said to RobinW yesterday and here I will take my advice "What she thinks of me is none of my business," expecially what she thought of me before my exhibit. This, I do not want to know, well I do, but I really don't.
I continue to get very kind remarks from the teachers there and from students. It's been an unexpected reaction. Very nice.
Anyway just wanted to check in. I have a big day tomorrow so I am going now to veg out and watch Lost and then go to bed. I'm trying not to think about the teaching stuff but it's kind of freaking me out... is okay. Thank goodness it's not today. Phew. I have plenty of time to get ready for it.