Quickie: RobinW, yes you can take credit for that. And you can use the half you ate as a learning experience.
Trip out went OK. Car seat got stuck in X-ray machine for a while, holding up the family line for many minutes. DS had diarrhea on the plane and the guy next to me was trying to sleep. Oh Well, he chose his seat. Things are going well here. I'm tired, but functioning. I got to run today, 3/4 mile intervals, and while I have no plan since I have no idea what is happening next, I'm eating like I "should" and things are going OK.
Gotta run. Will try to check in at least one more time from the road, and will get back to personals next Wed or Thurs.
Everyone have a good OP weekend.
Long enough have you dream'd contemptible dreams,
Now I wash the gum from your eyes,
You must habit yourself to the dazzle of the light and of every moment of your life.
Whopper of a headache I haven’t had a headache like this for years (well not without some able assistance from too much booze, anyway!) -- and I was definitely op last night on all fronts!
Beck – WI-down 1 lb. – another new low – so now it definitely will go up for a few days… LOL, but this isn’t a bad problem to have!
Food - op / Exercise – Got 27 minutes done. I’ll do another 18 if I can squeeze it in before the company arrives for the weekend. Had a really busy day at work and I let myself believe I couldn’t take a 20 minute break to exercise. Totally bogus thinking!! What’s the worst that could have happened?? GRRRR – I know better than this… .
It is warm and rainy today so they’ve already closed the tobogganing for the day tomorrow!! I was SO looking forward to it. We’ll see what the company wants to do now – guess it’s time to try out our flexibility… I probably won’t post tomorrow – it’s always crazy when my bro is here with his family. I will if I can – otherwise, talk to you all Sunday night!
Bill On the fast walk instead of no walk – now that is Beckian thinking! Credit for saving some leftovers and then remembering to eat them!
davidette Bravo on the scale acceptance! And have fun at pool and cycle classes…
Tera – Credit for being op! Good thinking on the scale issue (and credit mom!) Yes I can take credit for a good hubbie – I picked him didn’t I? But really he is great…
Robin Credit for op food and positive attitude about the scale! Crossing my fingers the exercise gets done! About the snow – you are in N Buffalo so you don’t get as much as my Mom – in the snow belt. It snows almost every day there. But still 45 minutes to Ellicottville, so a hike to go skiing. On the half a bag – you can take credit since you stopped yourself from eating it all and then got back on track. Woohoo!
Anne - LOL on the xray machine. Glad you are there now – and have a great week!
Here I am, Friday night. I'm not sure when I last posted. It feels like years ago. I am getting really tired of posting being off the wagon. Really tired. Meanwhile I am eating and eating and my weight is rising. It rises fast. I could list all the stuff that's going on, my to do list, but I feel like there are others on here with lists more demanding and they can do this thing, plan their food, exercise, stick with it long enough to let go of the pounds. I can't seem to find the energy to regroup. I guess it's not a big thing I need to do. But a small thing.
You know what's really getting to me? On top of all the assignments that are coming due in April, the stress of dealing with graduation which we all have to do ourselves, the stress of discovering, through a niece, that my family isn't in touch with me on purpose, the preparation of getting ready to move into some teaching which I've never done, and the reality that I have to do the work to make an art career happen, and it ain't easy to get anything done, well, on top of this, the ceramic teachers are placing a lot of demands on me too. I almost quit this week and they weren't disguising their feelings of wishing their ceramic tech was a more dedicated ceramicist (I as you may know, have many interests not just ceramics) I had to make a special trip to spend some face time with the real jumpy perfectionistic ceramic teacher and I think I made it better but now I have a big to-do list to satisfy her. So this morning I went to the school to turn the kiln on. Did that and headed out to get down to the police station to get a records check for the city so I can be cleared to work with children teaching art. Done. I had to run a half a block to catch the bus and I was breathless in a way I have never been breathless before. It was like up high in my chest. I can't really describe it but it really scared me. I went back to the school got the other kiln unloaded and went to my locker to get my stuff so I could work on it at home. I just wanted to run away and hide. When I came home I went to bed and slept 5 hours. FIVE hours. i hate sleeping during the day so this is odd. I didn't even know I was tired. I think I must be very disconnected from my body. When I eat like this I know I am. And then every once in a while I wake up and realize how much damage I am doing to myself with the types of foods I am eating and the weight that's coming back on. It's like I say one thing and do the other.
And underneath all this I keep thinking of all the pictures that will be taken at graduation. And we have an opportunity to attend a formal event at the Governor-General's residence; a celebration of the arts. Each year 3 graduating students from our school are invited to attend this formal occasion with established artists from across the country. All of us want to go and we'll be chosen by drawing our names from a hat. Last year no one wanted to go. I can't believe that. Anyway these events, including finding out we've been invited to show our work in two other city galleries as a group too, well, lots of openings, lots of people/press to meet and I want to put my best face forward and all I can think is "I am so fat. I look old and fat and tired." I can't imagine looking decent with a nice dress or anything. Nothing. I feel like nothing looks good, nothing will ever look good and I'll spend the evening trying to ignore feeling like that, feeling self conscious, especially wiht the young, thin and sexy classmates. Thye just look all bright and fresh. I remember when it was effortless for me too. Seems like yesterday and it seems like a hundred years ago. Life is really too short. And once my brain does this loop I think to myself "but you have 4 months! You can do a lot in four months!" And then I think "how?"
Well there you have it Beckies. How can I find a no-brainer program to follow that I can just do? I think I need to pre-cook my meals and just take them from the freezer ready to go. kuhljeanie I may just be getting that foodsaver thingy tomorrow. I don't want graduation at the end of June to arrive with me knowing I gave up. That makes me want to cry. This is really hard, but what isn't... really.
Thanks for being so successful folks. It helps to read you guys doing well and moving forward. I did that before. I can do it again.
Bedtime is blown tonight, so I wanted at least to do my second post today. Tax refund arrived so we get to go chair shoppin' tomorrow!
Robin: for making a plan for your appointment with the chocolate peoples! This must be your "three chip" announcement - now you have to stick to it because you know we're watching!
also for getting right back on track after the toffee!
Anne: I'm pleasantly surprised that you posted already, even on your trip! Interesting your idea of an "okay" trip is... carseat stuck and an incontinent child? I guess you're good at counting blessings.
ChinaMaine: for staying on plan and niceness on the scale! And when you put it that way, credit for hubby makes more than a little sense. Enjoy the family time!
Jen: for resisting girl scout cookies - yes it is that time again!
onebyone: I simply can't imagine doing what I'm doing with your schedule! I was pretty much forced to reduce all my activities other than dealing with my health when my joints took their revenge for years of neglect.
Obviously the stress is getting to you. Maybe instead of dwelling on the weight, you should start with managing your stress level? Then, once that is under better control, work in additional health habits that will further reduce your stress AND make you feel better in your skin. Take it one habit at a time and remember this is about your health and your life - not your looks.
Diet Coaches/Buddies - Had another opportunity to skip gym. I was dead tired and had to go out in about an hour. But I went anyway. CREDIT moi. Attended an exhibit opening with a reception. So, had a snack at home before leaving. CREDIT moi. Ate rationally from a table that had lots of fruit and veggie nibbles. CREDIT moi. And, rather than sneaking out as soon as I could, I visited with a bunch of people I knew and enjoyed myself.
onebyone - Ouch and Double Ouch. Sending hugs and sending supportive thoughts. So many transitions at once. Of course it's hard to focus.
Good that you got your negative thoughts out in the open so you can see them. You're not "old, fat, and tired." You're onebyone! You're you. And you're moving forward, tacking back and forth like a ship sailing into the wind, but going forward. Your family's own distresses, your ceramic lab director distresses are just winds. You'll tack back and forth but will find your path to sail forward.
Methinks there might be payoff in thinking small right now. Find one action you can do this weekend that moves you forward. Do it. Savor it. Get back in touch with all the things that you are that can do one action. Projections into the future, like dresses in four months, are Sabotaging Thoughts that derail. You know that and, having exposed them to yourself, you can use the strategies to take single small steps this weekend.
Will be sending additional supportive thoughts throughout the day so that when the negative thinking tries to raise up, my thoughts will be there to whack them.
Robin (RobinW) - Yep, I agree, Kudos for stopping at half a bag of toffee and Big Kudos for not being derailed for the day. My hats off to you for being able to do business with a chocolate company at all. I'd probably keep making up reasons to go to their place of business "for customer diplomacy," LOL.
Anne (wndranne) - Yay for the trip going OK. Kudos for getting in a run. I presume that visiting the grandparents means that you can take some minutes to yourself at times during this stay. Thanks for posting; Good luck.
Tera (twilit tera) - Yay for getting enough sleep. Yay for the IRS returning your money to you. Yay for the thought of a new chair. Some 25 years ago we bought a Lazy Boy for DW to nurse DD; it's still our favorite chair and, on occasion, we race to get it.
davidette - Kudos for chuckling at the scale; yep, it's just one measure at one moment. Like the phrase, "unhealthy foods ... permanently unappealing."
ChinaMaine - Ouch for the headache. Yay for continuing to lose. And Big Ouch for raining on the snow that was to be your playground today. Hope you figure out a way to get visiting children out of the house on a rainy day.
Jen (JenMusic) - Kudos for the OP day. Ouch for Girl Scout Cookies appearing. My DD dropped by with a bag of them last night, "Look what they were selling at the subway station!" I know, I know. No I didn't want a bag. No I didn't want a sleeve. No I didn't want to even look at one Thin Mint seductive work of the devil. She left with the unopened bag, very happy with not having to share. She's toned, thin as a bean, and attentive to what she eats. She'll have a rational number over time and give away or leave the rest.
"what to do ... 6. Make exercise as easy and enjoyable as possible. Keep an extra pair of sneakers in the trunk of your car. Change into your gym clothes before you leave work. Pack your gym bag again as soon as you empty it. Ask a friend to walk with you or listen to music or books on CD. Invest in a small TV to put in front of a treadmill or exercise bike." The Complete Beck Diet for Life, pg 70
New Journey: 10 years
In maintenance phase: 8 years and 6 months
Following Dr. Judith Beck via 3FC's Beck Diet Solution Forum: 8 years
Last edited by BillBlueEyes : 02-28-2009 at 12:32 PM.
robin In my humble opinion, stopping at half the bag of toffee and getting back OP is even harder than resisting completely, so
Anne Kudos on the good work; running, eating right
ChinaMaine Another new low! Hope you've got your next mini reward picked out because you are going to be needing it soon! Enjoy your company.
JenMusic GIRL SCOUT cookies!??! That's a challenge. If you are ready, you could preplan 2 as an evening snack, reminding yourself you can have 2 more tomorrow and they are much more enjoyable that way. The rest of the day I'd keep them in a brown paper bag stapled shut with an applicable response card taped on top.
onebyone We've missed you, sorry to hear the stress is wearing you down. Maybe focusing on being grateful for the things that are right in your life, savoring all the accomplishments you've made so far, would help. It usually helps me to think "baby steps, one at a time" when I'm overwhelmed. Can you come up with 3 or 4 alternatives you enjoy for each meal that are easy to fix and healthy? This would reduce the need to make food decisions and eating healthy would improve your mental outlook. Keep posting, sending
tera tax refund = long awaited chair. That's the good thing about having to wait, it's appreciated so much more.
Bill not skipping the gym! reception behavior; textbook Beck! AND you rejected Thin Mints!
Packed my swim stuff yesterday, drove to the gym, and realized I left it all at home. Subconscious desire to skip out? Couldn't work out at all since I went in jeans. With one thing and another this has been a very poor workout week and I'm feeling all puffy and bloated. I'm going to step class today and looking forward to sweating all those toxins out.
DS came home late last night; to everyone's advice, I feel very prepared for the week's temptations. If you guys can turn down Thin Mints and toffee I can limit myself to 1 slice of pizza!
Let's just start by saying we are in a deep freeze here. Our temperature is -21C (-6F) and with the windchill it's -31C (-24F). I know it's winter cold because I can feel the cool air radiating from the patio door. Just a small still current of cold air. Yesterday we went from 7C to -18 C! We had a flash freeze at 4pm with temperatures going from 7C to well below zero in 15 minutes! Crazy. I was lucky. I was out only during the warm rainy bits of the day. I am so glad I was too.
So DH and I are supposed to take advantage of the last day of free bus service today. Everything goes back to regular rates tomorrow so we figured let's go check out the new restaurant up the street (not walking distance but a very short bus ride away) and get some groceries while we are at it. I hope to buy my sealer with a gift card we got last year for Wal Mart. So, credit moi as I am planning ahead for my week, and I realized I do have an ongoing credit for eliminating fake sugar from my life. I think it contributes to these infrequent yet very painful headaches I experience so I dropped it. But I think I picked up too many sugar things to replace it! Time to re-adjust again.
I do have a 10 week workout plan and foodplan. I am deciding whether I want to follow it or not. 10 weeks would bring me up to May. So after I send this off to yous guys I am going to review this plan and see if I can commit to it for the 10 weeks. I do well with fixed time periods and deadlines and such so this may be the thing for me for now.
twilit tera Hi! Enjoy chair shopping! that's fun And you are totally right about managing the stress. It's so obvious that is the thing right now to do. Make a list. Put out the fires if that's all I can do. Realize I can only do so much and not feel bad for taking Saturdays off. It just all snuck up on me this week. I think it was the combo of ceramic teacher run-ins and looming new job. New additional things just tipped me over the edge. Thanks for helping me right myself.
BillBlueEyes Okay I'll whack the sabotaging thoughts with this and the ones that escape me you get them with this Yeah, small is the way to go. I feel like I only have a little space but it doesn't matter. Little is good enough. Plus I started with knowing I woke up OP so I am already on the wagon. Amazing. Thanks.
Davidette Thanks for the great suggestions. I am going to follow it. I have bucketloads of great things to be grateful for and many great things on the horizon. I just have to freak out every once in a while it seems.
I'm going to do exactly what you mentioned:
Can you come up with 3 or 4 alternatives you enjoy for each meal that are easy to fix and healthy? This would reduce the need to make food decisions and eating healthy would improve your mental outlook
71% OP (3FCx2, OP Food, OP Supplements, AntiInflammatories (AI), Pool) Oh, Well. In at 11:30. Computer use til 12:30. (7.5 hours of sleep)
WI - 2 pounds down
I little explanation on the weigh in... that 6 pounds before was a misreading. In fact, all my readings since starting again at the beginning of the month have been wonky.
Speaking of the daily weigh in - it's making an immediate difference in my attitude toward food! Friday is "dessert night" - B's idea. I think he likes dessert and wants to share the pleasure with me. Or maybe he worries that I deprive myself too much if I don't plan one treat a week.
Anyway, last night it was Haagen Daas ice cream bars - which was nice because they're indulgent, but not too big and a controled portion size. Nonetheless, I wasn't all that hungry when they came out. The thought of eating a whole bar right after dinner triggered the thought of stepping on the scale this morning. Was I going to be happy or disappointed with the number? That very morning, I'd had an unpleasant discovery - I hadn't lost nearly the weight I thought I had.
Finally I decided I'd have the ice cream - but I'd eat about half the bar and give the rest to B. (He says he can burn it - since he's strength training now, I'll trust him on that.)
So after weighing in this morning and doing a quick recalculation, including the 2 pounds down today, I'm about 6 pounds down altogether since the beginning of the month, which is about 2 pounds lost per week - exactly the pace I'm aiming for.
I'll finish here, then we'll head out and buy me a chair! Then to Mom's for laundry and a nice visit.
I anticipate no problems staying OP today.
Bill: for getting to the gym when you could have dodged. Your self-discipline inspires me! for your social snacking strategies! I'm glad you got to have fun with friends.
Davidette: I hope you're having a wonderful time with your son! I bet if you tell him what you're doing he'll be very supportive and impressed at your resolve.
onebyone: You know, we just had a cold front move in from the north ourselves - but nothing like yours! Still, it makes me wonder whether it's the air coming in from the north in YOUR area, pushing the air further south towards OURS. We are all interconnected. Everything touches everything else.
My aunt is another one who seems to be supersensitive to artificial sweetners. It's gotta be sugar or stevia for her. She loves stevia - it's not quite the same sweet as sugar, but it satisfies her sweet-tooth just fine.
Good luck choosing a plan you can stick with. What about finding the parts of the plan that you know you *can* committ to and ditching the rest. Try to avoid the "all or nothing" mentality that trips so many of us up. (I was terrible with that sort of thinking for years - it's no wonder I couldn't keep up my efforts!)
Good luck working through your stressers. We all are rooting for you. (to be honest, I envy you - artist was top of my list of preferred careers, but I didn't think I could take the insecurity. I just lack your guts.)
It's freezing here, but it's the last flippin' day of February!! : And I have my windows open Need to blow the winter out of my house!! (just the upstairs windows)
Yesterday we went from 7C to -18 C! We had a flash freeze at 4pm with temperatures going from 7C to well below zero in 15 minutes! Crazy.
That was just wild yesterday!! One minute it was pouring rain, the suddenly everything froze up and it started to snow
You are also sounding alot like me ...
all I can think is "I am so fat. I look old and fat and tired." I can't imagine looking decent with a nice dress or anything. Nothing. I feel like nothing looks good, nothing will ever look good and I'll spend the evening trying to ignore feeling like that, feeling self conscious, especially wiht the young, thin and sexy classmates
So you asked "how?" .....one day at a time. It's still 4 months away. When I was worried about our March event, Bill broke it down into weeks....now Ive broken it down to days. I still have 24 days to work my program and look the best Ive looked in literally years. You have 4 months...thats approx 120 days to work your plan and be very proud of yourself! One Hundrend and twenty days!! Take each day one at a time. Drop me an email if you want to vent....it's kinda scary how much you and I both stress over the same kind of things
In regards to your family...don't let it bother you. You are a wonderful person, and if they cannot handle your success, that really isnt your problem. It's theirs. Jealous family/relatives can be a very hard thing to deal with. I have one cousin that makes comments every chance he gets to cut me down. Its all done in a back handed way kwim? I mentioned his last comment about my first marriage and mentioned it to another cousin. She's the one who said....why on earth after all these years is he still jealous of you? I suppose I feel sorry for him. I certainly dont waste any thoughts about him. You shouldnt either when it comes to your family
Tera~ Yah for 71% op!!
JenMusic~ Yah for ignorning the girl scout cookies!!!!! Big Kudos!! Those little suckers talk to me Never eat food that talks to you
davidette~ how did it go....did you manage with only one slice of pizza? I have a really hard time when it comes to pizza...I love the stuff!!
Anne~ sounds like you had a bit of an eventful trip I had to laugh tho at the car seat getting stuck & the diarrhea. Because if I had been sitting next or close to you, I would have felt all your pain Glad you all made it safe, have a wonderful visit! Kudos for making good eating choices too!!
Bill~ Kudos for getting to the gym even when you were tired. I have a suggestion tho....if you went to the gym when you were tired, and didnt feel invigorated when you finished, then you did too much. Just a thought, something I was told by my trainer. Sometimes its ok to let your body rest.
Doing business with the chocolate shop....she's one of our vendors for our event. She's also going to be bringing 100 chocolate samples to the shop next week for us to put in the tote bags She said they would all be shrink wrapped. Good thing!! I purposely do not attend the same networking group as her because she always brings samples
Well, my coffee break is over....time to get back to my house cleaning
checking in because i need to keep doing this consistently - i'm starting to feel ye olde accountability slide. i haven't been OP but that's not really the point, as of yet. kwim? maybe not - i'm not sure i do.
down another freaky pound this week. that's 2.5 - more than i lost in the last two months. i'll happily take it and assume i was due for a whoosh.
still not working out - i'm just exhausted most of the time. went to the doc yesterday but he thinks i've got a case of garden-variety depression. i honestly don't know, but i'm not willing to stop breastfeeding to take an SSRI just to find out if his theory is correct. he's doing a bunch of bloodwork (and some other less appetizing tests) to rule out a host of other things. my plan is to work the anti-depression angle without the medication (for now), and see if i can make any headway (assuming he's right - he's got an amazing trackrecord as a diagnostician and he's my uncle and knows me well, so i'm more than willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.) i'm kicking myself for forgetting to mention to him when he prescribed the meds that i'm still breastfeeding, since el nino is getting into toddler territory it's sort of unusual.
onebyone, GIANT HUG TO YOU! when you get in a slump (like we ALL do), by the time i'm done writing a response you've already started picking yourself up. you've done it before, you're doing it again, i don't even know why you're thinking you'd let yourself down for good. ain't gonna happen ever, and we all know it. at your core you're too well aware of how amazing you are to push yourself off that metaphorical cliff. a couple of weeks here and there? yeah, well, been there, done that. still doing it. but they're just blips compared to where you've been and where you're going. that's all i'm going to say about THAT. so, foodsaver. YES YES YES!!! get on the freezerbag train, girl! i came up with a total winner breakfast sandwich that i'm still patting myself on the back for. will post the recipe on my blog ASAP.
crap - wanted to write personals to everyone, and i just heard el nino start up from his nap. sounds cranky - gotta go!
DH and I went out this morning and I spent the Walmart gift card we'd been saving for a year and two months on a foodsaver. Yay! I am now happily cooking a variety of stuff from the freezer to try the thing out. DH is mildly amused but not convinced. But he is happy to see me using it and just asked me if this meant I'd be brining my lunch to school from now on. I've been skipping lunch and/or skipping breakfast, trying to squeeze everything in or just flaking out and savouring not doing a thing, (all or nothing for me doesn't apply just to food ). Anyway I am thrilled to know there is food ready to go for me. I have two meals done. It's not ideal food but it's portion controlled, I know what's in it and it's ready for me when I am too tired to think. Wow. This will work. I've now cooked a couple of palm-sized steaks, 2 porkchops, and 4 turkey burgers are done. I have a combination of brown rice and barley in pot also cooking and I'll add a half cup of rice/barley to the cooked meat in the sealer bag and vacuum it shut. It will let me focus on the fresh green things. I'll focus on that for my meals... but I have lots of frozen veggies already so they can be used too. It's all good. I LOVE appliances. Love 'em. Hmmm. Seems I have a lot to learn. It's melting the bags now so I have to let it cool down. Okay. Whatever it wants.
kuhljeanie Now that I have a sealer I can try some of your recipes. yay! Thanks for the support... for the unexpected weightloss...
I hope you can get some energy up. A bit of exercise helps us all feel better but if you're too tired to start it's all just a vicious cycle. I hope you are getting some spring weather. i think that's a lot of what we all need!
RobinW mmmhmmm. We do have many of the same issues for sure. Thanks to you for reminding me I have 120+ days ahead of me before graduation. That is a significant amount of time for sure. Next time I will email you before I pick up the fork.
twilit tera I am trying to do as you suggest and drop the all or nothing. It's just never a good strategy unless you are really into stressing out. Then it works like a charm. I've dusted off a weight routine and an eyeing the workout bench that's in the corner of the basement. DH used to use it when I met him. I just need to take a new tack with this whole getting fit business. I'll just keep trying until something sticks. Thanks again.
At Mom's house. Feeling pretty good, even though I'm in some pain - it's been a long day. But I have my chair, which should speed my recovery up a bunch!
extra credit! I countered a desire for dessert after having Red Hot and Blue for dinner with the relatives. I've noticed that my aunt and uncle are "eating" buddies. I just subconsciously expect dessert around them.
I recognized the desire and chose to pour myself a lime fizzie (lime and seltzer). I felt much better after.
At the moment, I'm getting angry, and trying to avoid an argument with my Uncle who is suffering from alzheimers and knows he knows more than Drs. Beck and Blackburn. *sigh*
Jean: let me know how things go with fighting depression, if that's what it is. I'll be very interested to know what non-pharaceutical methods you try.
onebyone: for the foodsaver! for jumping right in with it!