Here I am again. I'm getting very frustrated with my sporadic posting. I've made excuses to myself about why I'm not posting here, but they are really just that, excuses. I've spent plenty of time on the computer over the past few weeks, there's no good reason why I haven't posted. I think it's really just a very subtle self-sabotage. I've been fooling myself into thinking that I'm doing okay without trying to carefully follow the Beck principles (including checking in with my coaches/buddies), because I'm continuing to lose weight. How silly of me! I know better than to think that success can be measured by the #s on the scale (I'm just used to having to think about it in reverse terms: if the # hasn't moved down, it doesn't mean I'm not doing okay). What should have really tipped me off was the other night when I binged and then subsequently purged I have struggled with bulimia in the past, but this was the first incident like this in a long time. I'm trying to accept it as a wake up call.
I've kind of just been struggling in life as I try to find complete contentment and happiness with myself before I start trying to complicate things by adding someone else into my life. The struggle comes though in not wanting to shut people out of my life completely and enjoying the company of men Ugh!
I am also feeling very overwhelmed by the prospect of moving forward with my divorce, only because of (or mostly because of) the financial ramifications of that. I need to fill out paperwork for the mediator about our financials and I also need to get myself on a budget (which I've never done before). I'm finding all of this overwhelming in addition to my constant feeling of lack of control and organization in my home with meal planning, laundry, cleaning and paperwork.
So there you have it. That's where I am right now. None of these are reasons for me not to post here though. I think as people are starting to notice my weight loss (several co-workers said something last week), I'm starting to get scared... scared of success. Over the past several years, that fear has set in much sooner, so I thought I was escaping it this time. Nope, I don't think so, I just think it's gotten sneakier!
So by posting here right now, I am saying "screw you" to the fear and pushing through it! I deserve to be happy, I deserve to feel good about my body, I deserve to go out and meet new people.
While I typed this and ate my morning snack, I partially paid attention to my food (insert 1/2 a dancing broccoli!)
I woke up and did a 48 minute "mountain climb" workout on my elliptical
I posted here!
In order to keep posting from being too overwhelming, I am allowing myself to start personals with today's posts. So here I go...
Bill
I love your loss use of, "Oh well.", I think it's such a great example and one I need to learn from. I think 1 cookie when you usually have such difficulty is HUGE, congratulations for that.
Davidette
Good luck with your return to the gym and the lunch afterward. Sounds like you've got a great game-plan in place (meeeting friends at classes).
Lost ANOTHER meaningful, stunningly brilliant post last night. *sigh. I shudder to think about the lost opportunity.
Thankfully, we have lots of collective wisdom on this thread, and it is growing daily. Welcome, Kay. As for learning from us, it is such a two way proposition. The "new blood" on here has been delightful.
wndranne, wow.......a new coping mechanism for me, and I really think it is ingenious. Since my strategy is to eat less of what I want, but exactly what I want, and ONLY what I want, those restaurant disappointments really throw me. Not to mention tick me off! Two harmless but high power dill pickles to just snap your tastebuds is brilliant! Thanks for the tip.
davidette, thanks for recalling the wisdom, "Nothing tastes as good as baggy pants". I missed that originally. Sounds like a BillBE truism. My question, though is how to cook them. Merely boiling wouldn't do, I suspect. Perhaps some pesto.....
I made Spinach Pesto for the first time...it will certainly get me through until my own Basil season. I deem it a wonder food and apply liberally. I like it so much you could put it on a horse biscuit and I'd eat it. For those of you who don't know what a horse biscuit is, it is the same as "road apple". Think Amish country.
As for the leftover food dilemma and not being willing to discard, I am not sure what possesses me to put it in the fridge until it molds beyond recognition, but I have a new incentive not to overcrowd the refrigerator. Turns out the fridge needs good air flow to run most efficiently. Saving that stuff costs money. Who knew?
Hoping that our Beckies to the west are staying dry, and our Beckies to the east are just plain staying on their feet. We have another Blizzard Watch starting tonight. We just keep pushing the snow further down the banks, but it is getting neck deep on a tall giraffe.
Groundhog Day is only 3 weeks away...wow. Hang on, Beckies.
Good afternoon, everyone! Another dismal rainy day here.
bennyhannahmama. Everyone has fear of the unknown. Just take it one day at a time and you'll get through the divorce. You are doing wonderful getting your exercise in and following your food plan.
BBE A round of appaluse for you to stop at one cookie. I can't keep them in the house because I can't stop at one. I keep a big container in the fridge and put leftover veggies in there. At the end of the week, I make soup. I also can't stand to waste food but I can only eat so much with adverse effects so sometimes it gets pitched.
angelmomma210 Glad you are doing better. I hope the medications works well for you.
Im op and doing good. Got chicken cooked for the week, and a pot of cream of celery soup done and in the fridge.
Kudos for me for not eating the sugary crumbs that fell off the tops of the muffins I made for dh "whew" ....and kudos for not picking to good bits that stuck to the pan
day 7 week 2 of 8 weeks - preparing for the 1st week back at school
Evening Becksters
I made it to the end of my 2nd week. Credit moi for two weeks.
I had a tough "carb up" day yesterday. I get two of those a week where the last two meals are to be primarily carbohydrates and I equated carb with fat... as in I take "carb up" to mean it's okay to have deep fried foods, my all time favorites, and I this isn't what we are supposed to be doing. Hmmm. So I messed up one meal, though I didn't overeat (credit here) so that was mixed. I'll get this worked out sooner rather than later. Credit moi for realizing I need to adjust my thinking!
I got back on track today, credit moi, and won't even go near the scale or the measuring tape until Wednesday morning. I need to be reasonable, credit moi, giving my body time to get rid of the extra water retained from carb up day.
I made salmon muffins from a recipe thread for this week's lunches, so that's good, and I have already packed my lunchbox for tomorrow. I'm determined to give myself every opportunity to succeed.
And I remembered that I own something that may motivate me visually. I have a pair of black suede Levi's button up front fly jeans that I got when I lost 99lbs about 7 years ago. They fit for like one day. I may get them drycleaned and have them sitting out waiting for me to wear again.
Boy would I love to wear those.
I did succeed *every day* this week to get my 15minutes of exercise in and a few days way more than the 15. I think I will continue with the noontime walks while I am at the school this week.
And on another exercise note, the local Taoist Society has moved into the abandoned Swiss Chalet building up and around the corner from me! I didn't even know this until we drove by it in the morning on the way into the school last week. It's about 4 blocks further than where I usally walk around here. I have wanted to learn tai chi for ages, (ever since I saw the old Asian men and women in Toronto, out in the park behind the hotel where I was staying for a craft show, outside doing the slow tai chi movements in the early morning sun), and this group teaches it! They have a student rate: $60 for 4 months, (it takes 3 months to learn the 108 movements they say on their website), and the next beginner class is Feb 3rd. It's two hours a week, Tues and Thurs nights from 7-8. Since I never did join the gym downtown, (I still wish I could have but given the bus strike it's really a good thing I didn't as I wouldn't have been able to get there)I am thrilled to be able to join up for Tai Chi in my neighborhood. So I called and left a message about wanting to be in their beginneer class and left my name and #. Yay and a Big Credit Moi for taking a chance on something new. And something physical.
I heard back from the community garden people too and the meeting is on the 14th this week so that's exciting as well. I would love to bring community gardening to this neighbourhood if I can. the problem, again, is making sure I can get home from the meeting on Wed night. I'll bring $40 with me for cab fare just in case I need to take a cab. It's at least $25 to get me home from downtown where the meeting will be. I'll already be downtown for school so that part's easy. Credit Moi for stepping outside my comfort zone to check this out.
School starts tomorrow. My last semester. I'm not sure I am ready but I have no choice. I was feeling very blue today and some of that has passed. DH and I walked over to the mall to get me a flower. This time of year I need bright flowers--they help me get rid of the winter blues. I have a hard time in January so I guess it's just as well I'll get busy with school.
And so for those of you who may also feel the winter blues, I'll share my flowers with you.
See ya tomorrow!
PS. sorry for the lack of personals again... will get back to that tomorrow I promise.
Coaches/Buddies I just took a look at my numbers and I've lost 3.5 pounds this year, yep 11 days (the 11 days feel like about 100 with all the sicknesses around here). Huzzah! There is NO WAY I'm changing my food plan with those kind of results, Phase 2 or no Phase 2.
Got tired of my mouth watering when Bill talks about his lentils, so I made myself a huge pot of soup today. Now portioned out in 240 calorie servings and chilling in the freezer for lunches and the occasional snack. Don't know why or how but lentil soup has turned into a serious comfort food for me.
I got my ears (re)pierced yesterday afternoon. One had grown completely shut sometime in the whole pregnant/nursing/pregnant/nursing cycle. I have to stay out of the pool for 4 weeks, but I suppose I can live with that. DD and I had a nice girls' day out at the mall today. I'm pleased to say she behaved very well, and my stress levels were under control.
Kay Welcome! I hope this becomes a comfortable place for you to come chat.
Susan Glad you got your brace off and can get back to Curves. Big whoop for your weight loss.
Chris Really glad to hear you are doing better.
Bill I think a cookie is usually a reasonable substitution for a muffin, but sorry to hear that you had to tweak your plan. I hear you on the whole container thing. I'm convinced that ice cream is only sold in single serving containers.
davidette Tell us how your gym experience went! Do you feel renewed?
Kim I'm trying to be mindful this time around of building momentum and good habits while I'm doing well, so that they will be there for me when I get discouraged, and that time will come. This was a big point in CBDL; don't remember about BDS. Sorry that you feel overwhelmed by your divorce, but hope you let some people into your life before you get complete contentment and happiness. Maybe just good enough, eh?
maryblu I guess I'm afraid of anything that would dress up a horse biscuit, LOL! Kudos are due to RobinW on the pancake house thing. I'm a carb fiend and can't think of much better than pancakes. Looking forward to Groundhog Day.
RobinW You are a nice, nice person to make muffins for your DH when you're abstaining right now. I just am not that strong. My strength lies in keeping that stuff out of the house!!
onebyone Congrats on your 15 minutes, and doubly so on getting back on track after the carb up meal. Smiling at your flower, and good luck on that last semester. Let us know how the Tai Chi goes.
HI there Becksters,
I love reading the posts... love the dill pickle idea so much and want the recipe for salmon muffins if it isn't too much trouble. I continue to Wiifit and run around with dd. I also went to a party last night with no kids there-how fun is that? Can you tell that I don't get out much? It was a 50th bday party for a friend-wonderful venue, live music and food catered by Buco de Bepo YUM! I took little portions of what looked good and only ate what I REALLY loved. I didn't have a plan other than that and wasn't stuffed and enjoyed myself. I took today off from exercise and will get up and wiifit again tomorrow morning.
onebyone-LOVE those gerber daisies! What a nice idea to bring some color and nature in when it is soooo blah outside. I get the blues bigtime this time of year as well. I am so impressed with your going out of your comfort zone with the tai chi and with the community garden!
Thought I would be doing personals but will have to get to that another time..Until tomorrow
Diet Coaches/Buddies - Went to a Birthday Party for a one year old. Was actually fun to be surrounded by some ten kids of about that age: some walking, some loudly pre-verbal, some pre-social, some heart breakingly adorable. Was also fun to know that I was leaving without taking any with me, LOL. As planned, I had tea and cake. CREDIT moi. Grateful to the hostess for serving small squares of carrot cake without ice cream - as if being health conscious was a socially acceptable way of life.
Made pinto beans for this week's lunches. That's new for me. Think I still haven't added enough salt. I'm stingy adding salt to recipes, but beans require a bit to bring out their flavor. Pinto beans surprise me that they have such a nice flavor they don't need strong seasoning. Mine are just onion, green bell pepper, salt, and pepper.
maryblu - Ouch for approaching blizzard on top of what you've had. Good exercise that snow shoveling; those are the same muscles you'll be using for turning soil in a few months. Gotta get ready, LOL.
Yep, pesto is the proper sauce for "baggy pants," LOL. Another thread just speculated whether pesto would be OK on spaghetti squash, which I am now moved to try. How do you make spinach pesto? Is the spinach blanched or used raw as is basil. And still use pine nuts? I'm interested in trying it since we tend to run out of our frozen basil pesto before the new crop of basil arrives.
Ouch for you lost posts. Thanks for the reminder to always hit CNTL-A, CNTL-C before each [Preview Post] or [Submit Reply]. This stores a copy of my post on the clipboard so I can get it back, since I also have them disappear from time to time and am grateful for the easy recovery.
Heidi (landlady6) - Kudos for getting yourself out to an adult-only party; yep, you deserve adult time.
onebyone - Kudos to your DH for walking you to the mall for a flower, and thanks for sharing it with us. Your Tai Chi sounds like fun - neat that you're willing to try something new.
Neat demo of how to immediately recover after one meal instead of falling off the wagon.
Robin (RobinW) - WOW, BIG Kudos for not eating crumbs as well as the good bits stuck to the pan. I'm just not there yet. My childhood brain kicks in when a crumb or pan bit becomes available. Like the sound of your lunches all prepared, including, if my memory serves me, "high protein" cream of celery soup, though I can't remember where the protein comes from.
Anne (wndranne) - Congrats on the 3.5 pound loss this year - that's a roaring start on 2009. May you continue the path.
Now you got me drooling for your vat of lentil soup, I do love it also. And thanks for understanding the draw to the whole bag of cookies with you neat, "hear you on the whole container thing. I'm convinced that ice cream is only sold in single serving containers." Yep, it's not just the pints.
Susan (QuilterInVA) - Ouch for "Another dismal rainy day." But those of us digging out of the snow while wearing multiple layers against serious cold have to work a bit to sound sympathetic, LOL.
Neat idea to accumulate leftover veggies for a soup.
Kim (bennyhannahmama) - Of course you feel overwhelmed moving forward with your divorce, it's an overwhelming life experience. But you are moving yourself forward one step at a time. The social steps you've been taking are worthy of serious congratulations. It makes sense to me that they take your breath away a bit.
I think you're smart to take your response to overeating as a wake up call. One of the big things we lose when we lose our soul-buddy life partner is that pillow talk reassurance that our mis-steps are just that - mis-steps. And we can say Oh Well and move on. Just like a quarterback who throws a missed pass, it isn't the end of the game. Sending you supportive thoughts for you to continue to remain in contact with your strong self as you plow forward on your current path.
davidette - Kudos that you're going to meet with friends to plan exercise classes to take together. That's a good strategy and fun.
Readers -
". . . You will rehearse the ideas in your Response Cards over and over again to prepare yourself for challenging situations. . . . " The Complete Beck Diet for Life, pg 20.
HI there Becksters,
I love reading the posts... love the dill pickle idea so much and want the recipe for salmon muffins if it isn't too much trouble.
Here's what I made. ...
TUNA OR SALMON MUFFINS
Three 6 ounce cans tuna or salmon, well-drained
3 eggs
1 stalk celery, chopped fine
1/2 medium green pepper, chopped fine, 2 1/4 ounces
3 tablespoons onion, chopped fine, 2 ounces
1/4 teaspoon Old Bay seasoning
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
6 ounces cheddar cheese, shredded
Mix all ingredients and spoon into 12 well-greased muffin cups. Bake at 350º for 30 minutes until puffed, set and lightly browned around the edges.
Makes 12 servings
Per Serving: 109 Calories; 8g Fat; 12g Protein; 1g Carbohydrate; trace Dietary Fiber; 1g Net Carb
NOTE: I lined the muffin tin with paper baking cups. bad idea. the egg stuck to the paper. O well. Live and learn. these were okay but kind of bland. I was surprised at that. They'll do the trick to keep me full for the week but I need something different for next week's lunches. Any ideas? low to no carb is what I am looking for. ..gotta run! Will be back after school...
1 large can pink salmon (yucky stuff removed)
1 cup lowfat or ff cottage cheese (no you cant taste it in the recipe)
2 eggs
couple good shakes of parmesean cheese.
pepper to taste....I dont add salt because there is enough in everything else.
Form into loose balls and place in frying pan with melted tbsp butter. Flatten with your spatula and cook each side for about 6 min. Ive broiled these too, but I like the crunchy bits from frying them in butter
Bill~ it was really really hard!!!!!! As soon as those crispy sugary bits fell off, my mouth started to water! I managed to ignore them until I got everything out of the pan, then scooped them up really quick and tossed them in the sink....doused them with water. Same with the pan, got it in the sink and wet as quickly as possible What willpower cannot accomplish, water will
I love the carrot cake idea for a birthday cake, and the thought that healthy eating is a way of life.
My daughter went to a b-day party this weekend, and instead of candy in the pinata there was packets of tissue, purell, lip gloss, girly glitter, bandaides, etc etc! I thought that was such a cool idea!
The cream of celery soup has eggs in it for the protein....Ive even managed to get the fat content down quite a bit more too. The whole pot is only 769 calories, making it 154 calories per bowl (5 per pot) Ive subbed some whole eggs for whites, and ff cream cheese.
Anne~ I didnt think it was brave until I had to deal with the sugar toppings Muffins have never been a temptation for me....now if it were cookies, that would be a whole other issue.
Congratulations on the 3.5lbs gone!!!! What fun with your daughter. Me and mine love mother/daughter days!!
onebyone~ oooooOH those suede pants sound soooo nice!! A very nice incentive I think Im sure your hubby does too
Im not sure how your carb up days work, I couldnt do it....the carbs would make me crazy. But anyway I was thinking...could you carb up on things like oatmeal, brown rice, whole wheat pasta and sweet potatoes?
Good for you staying off the scale until wednesday!!
maryblu~ Ive taken to posting half way thru a post, then going back and editing in the rest for that very reason. It can be so frustrating!
davidette~ Kudos for getting to the gym!! How did you like it?
Bennyhm~ for getting thru your divorce. It stinks! I dont know about you, but when I finally signed the final papers, and got the actual letter in the mail saying I was divorced I felt so free and alive!! Dont be afraid of succeeding.....you will do it! You will look wonderful, you will feel wonderful, and you will have your new life. Look forward to all the good things It does get better, I promise
.....things for me have been going pretty good. Im down another 2lbs this week and Im thrilled with that. I can feel stuff getting bigger!!! I am also trying very very hard not to set unreasonable goals, and put a prospective weight with an upcoming event. I know that this only sets me up for dissappointment. So the best thing for me is to keep on keeping on and take it just one day at a time.
Ive been getting my exercise in, Ive even worked my way up to 25 min on the treadmill instead of my planned 15min.
Thanks so much! Love the colorful flashing message - gives me a warm fuzzy :-) I honestly don't know how I stumbled across the Beck Diet Solution, but I made my ARC yesterday and just sent myself appointments to read it. Now I'm on day 2. Even though there are 6 weeks prep before I start "dieting" (hate that word), how can it not help to make me more aware of what I'm doing during those 6 weeks? Seems like weight loss is inevitable during that time just because I'm more conscious of what I'm eathing...
Ah. My K9's :-) They are my children. I have a Black Lab (Bear), a Red-Tri Australian Shepherd (Lena) and 3 Border Collies - Tess, Tess's daughter Jackie and Tess's son Petie. I used to compete in agility with Bear, Lena and Tess. I was having a little chat with Lena the other day because she tends to put on weight easily just like I do and I was telling her that when the snow finally goes away in June :-) she and I need to get out in the back yard with some jumps and tunnels so we can both run. I am SO out of shape it's terrible. I'm going to have to rebuild my stamina for running with the dogs in agility from the beginning. Ouch.
Hey all. Well it is monday and no snow or rain. Yeah. The sun should be coming out here this pm. That will be nice.
Not much happening here. Hope to do some yarn spinning tonight and also some taekwondo. Have not done tkd is a while and plan on getting back into it today. We will see what happens. Time is short so have a good day.
Okay, yesterday was an improvement. I posted here (I know I already gave myself credit for that yesterday, but what the heck!)
I also finished reading the first chapter of the new book
I ate slowly and consciously for some of my meals
I had some licks and tastes that I shouldn't have had. I think I've forgotten how to even identify the "voices", so I need to work on that. I can't counter them with a response if I'm not even aware of them in the first place.
Last night I went to the gym for the Wellness Challenge meeting... 119 people signed up! I am so excited... I think this will be so helpful.
I think I remembered to give myself credit once or twice yesterday
But I know this is an area I really need to work on.
I finally read my ARC 2 times yesterday! Although I have been reading them once per day for the most part, I can't remember the last time I read them twice in one day.
So overall, yesterday was a marked improvement and I'm giving myself credit for that right now!
Maryblu Ugh, I hate lost posts! However, let's hope that we are still benefiting from typing out our feelings, even if they disappear into cyberspace
Quilter
Thanks for your words of encouragement, they really mean a lot to me!
Robin
Kudos to you for not eating the muffin tops, crumbs, etc. and kudos to you for giving yourself kudos i'm working on the second part so am impressed when i see others do it successfully!
onebyone
Congrats for your 2 weeks back in (remember how hopeless you were just a short while ago... look how you've turned that around!!)
I sure hope you have those pants listed on your ARC... I think getting them cleaned and sitting out for you to wear (you WILL wear them again!) is a fantastic idea. I personally might specifically make response cards to any sabotaging thoughts that tell you that you might not wear them.
Oh and that's such great news about the Tai Chi class... see, everything happens for a reason... if you had joined the gym you would not be in a good situation right now. I can't wait to hear about the classes and I think you should be giving yourself major credit for taking the chance and doing these classes... I bet it will have a very positive effect on your life!
Oh and finally, thanks for sharing your flowers, they are beautiful and did make me feel good just looking at them!
Anne
As far as comfort foods go, I think lentil soup is a pretty fantastic one to have in your arsenal...lol! You're making me want some now too, I might just have to make some this week. Kudos to you for portioning it out, definitely makes life easier. Congratulations on the weight loss and I don't blame you for not wanting to change things up (especially if you are satisfied)-- if it ain't broke, don't fix it!
landlady
I too have 2 little ones and know how exciting it is to be an adult only atmosphere Congrats on handling the food situation so well... sounds like you did fantastic! (I love Buco de Bepo... or however, that's spelled!) Oh and I'm glad you keep mentioning the Wii Fit, hopefully I will remember to spend more time on mine (I received it as a Chanukah gift right around the same time I got my gym membership, so it's a tough choice between gym and Wii fit!)
Bill
Just a huge smile on my face as I read about your experience at the one-year-old birthday part and your pleasure with it, including the not taking any of them home...lol! Spoken like a true future grandfather
Nice job on the tea and cake as planned (and I love to hear that you planned to have the cake... that's what I would do in a similar situation...shows that your plan is reasonable and for life.)
Thanks for the control-A, control-C pointer-- I don't typically do that and will now try to remember to.
Your kind and wise words in regards to the drama that is my life these days, mean SO much to me. Thank you.
Robin
Quote:
What willpower cannot accomplish, water will
I LOVE this line! It's so true
When you get a chance, do you care to share the soup recipe?
Congrats on all your success with exercising, eating well, etc.
Thanks, it's always good to hear from people who have BTDT (been there done that) in terms of the divorce. We haven't even filed yet, so there's still a long road ahead of us. I am glad that there is movement on the road though!
Kay
Another wecome! I think you probably will find that you lose weight in being more aware of your thoughts, eating, etc. Congratulations on making your ARC-- shows you are committed to doing this and taking care of yourself!
I forgot how wonderful it feels to reply with "personals"... it really helps with feeling more connected to the group. I did go 20 minutes over on my lunch hour though, so I better get back to work now!
I have struggled with bulimia in the past, but this was the first incident like this in a long time. I'm trying to accept it as a wake up call. 
Ugh! 
You are doing wonderful getting your exercise in and following your food plan.
Im op and doing good. Got chicken cooked for the week, and a pot of cream of celery soup done and in the fridge.
day 7 week 2 of 8 weeks - preparing for the 1st week back at school
I managed to ignore them until I got everything out of the pan, then scooped them up really quick and tossed them in the sink....doused them with water. Same with the pan, got it in the sink and wet as quickly as possible 
